How To Last Longer In Bed – 25 Methods That Can Help

image of lots of different premature ejaculation treatments I've triedIn the 4 years since I started this website, I’ve tried a wide range of techniques and products that are designed to help men last longer during sex. The photo above is just a sample of some of the options I’ve personally tested!

But as well as pills, sprays, condoms and other products, there are many natural techniques you can try. Some are quite simple, and you just need to remember to give them a go; others require a bit of practice to see the best results.

In my experience, the best thing to do is be open-minded and try different things until you find something that works for you. So even if breathing exercises sounds a bit esoteric to you, give it a go at least once.

In this article, I’ll run through some of the methods I think can make a difference, however small. Hopefully you’ll find enough ideas here to help you improve your sense of control and confidence in bed.

How Long do you usually last during sex?

     

    1. The start and stop method

    The start and stop method is a classic technique, and one I practiced a lot, as I found it made a big difference to my ejaculation control over time.

    What’s great about it is that it’s relatively simple to do. Basically, you set yourself a time target such as 10 or 20 minutes. Then either during masturbation or sex with a willing partner, you stop and rest every time you feel yourself getting too aroused until that time is up.

    If you usually finish within a minute or two, 10 to 20 minutes might mean a lot of stopping and starting, which is fine. But stick with it, and in a few weeks you should find you need less rests.

    2. Try a delay spray

    image of several delay sprays used to assess the pros and consUsing a delay spray is a great way to reduce the stimulation you feel, and can add many minutes to your lasting time.

    I used one when I first started trying to deal with the problem, had great results with it and importantly found it was a good confidence booster.

    The best thing is probably that it’s an instant fix, if physical sensitivity is your main difficulty during sex. The downside is that it’s not a cure, and you’ll need to use it each time you have sex.

    Take a look at my review of the best delay sprays if you’re interested in this option.

    3. Choose the right sex positions

    Some sex positions could help you last longer, while others are much harder to withstand the physical sensitivity and pleasure.

    Good positions are those that promote slower, shallower movements. They also tend to be ones where you don’t need to put in as much physical effort.

    Do more:

    • The cowgirl – you lying down with her sitting on top.
    • The reverse cowgirl – her on top facing away from you.
    • spoons – her lying on the side and you behind her.
    • Side by side facing each other – both of you lying on the bed, with legs intertwined.
    • Sitting on the bed or in a chair – with her on top, you can relax more.

    Do less:

    • The missionary position.
    • Any position from behind (apart from spoons).
    • Most standing positions.

    4. Switch positions if you get too aroused

    Changing sex position when your arousal is spiraling out of control is a great way to last longer in bed. Guys in the porn industry do this trick all the time – think how many times the camera angle changes!

    Another great trick is to completely withdraw and turn your attention to your partner with your hand, tongue, sex toy or anything else that she enjoys and gives you some time to cool down.

    5. Masturbate before having sex

    If you masturbate an hour or two beforehand, you might find you last longer when you have sex. This is a classic trick and one which in my experience usually helps.

    I’ve heard that this works especially well for younger men, so if you’re off on a date, don’t forget to take a moment to yourself before leaving the house.

    6. Go for a second round

    It’s very common for men to have less control the first time they have sex – especially after a gap of a day or more. Women understand this, so don’t worry if it’s all over quickly the first time.

    Just be willing to continue the action with manual or oral stimulation, and when you’re ready for more, there’s a good chance you’ll last much longer.

    7. Try the 7 and 9 technique

    In their article about this topic, a sexologist interviewed by mensfitness.com suggests an interesting technique called the 7 and 9 method.

    All you need to do is follow a stable pattern of 7 fast in/out strokes, followed by 9 slow in/out strokes. My partner is a particular fan of this technique, finding the rhythm enjoyable and exciting.

    8. Don’t stop just because you had an orgasm

    image of a woman lying on a bedI’ve already mentioned this, but it’s such an important point, I’m going to give it its own section!

    Sex should only end when both of you want it to end – not simply when you ejaculate. So if she’s still up for more, use your hands, give her oral sex or whatever she enjoys.

    You might even recover in time for the second round while she’s getting even more aroused, increasing the chance you’ll be able to share a mutual climax if you can get the timing just right.

    9. Have regular sex to get used to the intensity

    Whether you’ve recently become sexually active, or have been for years, if you have sex regularly you should find you have better control.

    I know from experience that when I have sex every day (and preferably more than once a day) my control is much, much better than when I only see my partner once or twice a week.

    Obviously, it’s not always possible to arrange for sex to happen more regularly. But it’s an idea worth mentioning to your partner if they are up for helping you deal with the problem.

    10. Keep calm and breathe

    hand written note saying "just breathe"If you find yourself breathing too fast and shallow, or making more noise than usual when breathing, it could be a sign you’re getting closer to the point of no return.

    Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for 4 seconds. HOLD for 4 seconds. Then breathe OUT for 4 seconds.

    If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.

    11. Relax your body

    One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and ass especially, then try to relax instead.

    If you lie on your back with your partner on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.

    12. Relax your mind

    Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so.

    So try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feeling calm and that everything is just fine.

    Alternatively, work on your general level of stress and anxiety in life. If you’re under a lot of stress at the moment, then doing meditation, yoga or relaxation exercises daily could make a big difference.

    If that all sounds a little too esoteric for you, just remember the breathing. That can help with both bodily and mental relaxation.

    13. Wear a condom

    photo of my durex mutual climax condomsUnprotected sex feels amazing, but can unfortunately feel just a bit too good sometimes. So adding a condom can really help knock the sensitivity down a level and give you a fighting chance of coping with the intense stimulation.

    And if you want, you can try an extra thick condom for even more desensitizing, or even a benzocaine condom which will add a little extra numbing.

    14. Use plenty of lubricant

    The more lubricated your partner is, the less stimulation and pressure you’ll feel, and so the longer you’ll last. It’s a good reason to spend plenty of time on great foreplay, and if you need to, have a bottle of quality lubricant to hand.

    15. Focus on the whole body

    You’ve probably heard the classic advice of thinking about something boring or unpleasant. In my opinion, this doesn’t really work though, neither is it enjoyable to do.

    Instead, try to focus on all the different sensations in your body, and your partner’s too. Don’t allow your mind to get stuck thinking only about the sensation in your genitals. Think how every part of your body feels from your toes to your fingers.

    Enjoy the complete experience.

    16. Relax and do nothing

    As I said before, relaxation is key. So much so, that relaxing to the point of doing absolutely nothing can help you last longer. If you’re on your back you can try to totally relax and let her take control for a minute or two.

    Alternatively, both of you can simply lie still together with you inside and have a tantric moment. This gives you a chance to focus on your breathing and lower your arousal level, as well as connect on a more profound level.

    17. Vary your speed and depth of thrusting

    If you go at it hammer and tongs, you’ll ejaculate sooner – it’s as simple as that. But women also like variation, so you can sometimes thrust slowly, sometimes pause deep inside her, sometimes do very shallow thrusts and tease her at the entrance.

    Personally, I’ve found that it helps to mix two things. Sometimes I’ll stay deep inside, and then only move in and out a little, so the depth is maintained.

    And then I’ll almost totally withdraw, only moving my penis head in and out very slowly. I might then do 5 or 6 very slow shallow thrusts, followed by a very slow and deep thrust.

    I find I can keep control this way, and my partner loves the anticipation of the next deep thrust.

    18. Refocus yourself physically

    This isn’t my personal favorite, but I know some guys say it helps a lot. Any small repetitive action with your body can help shift your attention from your groin. For example, gently curling the toes on one foot repeatedly.

    19. Don’t start off hard and fast

    At the beginning of any sexual experience the pleasure is immense, especially if you’ve suffered some sex starvation recently. So take it easy to start. Get used to the warmth and pleasure and then build up slowly.

    If you can get through the first couple of minutes without too much stimulation, you should last longer than if you tear off her clothes and treat her like the world’s ending in the next 5 minutes.

    20. Count an action

    This is a variation on the classic distraction technique, and is much better than thinking about paint drying. Try counting your thrusts or your breath, or anything else which is easy and rhythmic to focus on. Not my personal favorite, but again, some men do say this technique helps.

    21. Spend longer on foreplay, with a focus on your partner

    woman having an orgasmThis is one of the most important tips I can give you, stemming from the basic concept that men get aroused much faster than women.

    The longer you spend on good foreplay (giving her as much pleasure as you can think of) the better, for 2 reasons.

    First, it takes the pressure off you, especially if you give her an orgasm first. Second, it raises her arousal to be closer to yours, so you may not even need to last so long when you do eventually have sex.

    22. Talk to your partner about it

    If you talk openly about having problems with your sexual stamina, it will take the pressure off you. You can then work together and many of the techniques in this article will be easier to implement.

    23. Explore tantric sex

    Tantra has a lot to say about the way people have sex, and how there are other ways to go about it. It’s well worth looking into as one of the core teachings is about slowing everything down.

    One idea you can try now is to spend time massaging your partner before you get to more sexual foreplay. She’ll love you for it, and again it’ll make her more likely to want sex more often if she’s currently avoiding it due to your quick finishing.

    24. Kegels and reverse kegels

    Kegels are potentially very useful for ejaculation control, but it’s important to understand how and when to do them correctly (read my article about kegel exercises for full instructions.)

    The idea is to develop your pelvic floor muscles through exercises you can do in your own time. The muscles used are identified by stopping yourself mid flow when peeing. That same squeeze/contraction is something you can then do to stop yourself from ejaculating just before it happens.

    But you can also learn to keep the same muscles relaxed during sex up until that point of ejaculation. By actively relaxing that pelvic area, either through general relaxation or reverse kegels, you might find you last longer.

    25. Consider talking to your doctor

    I’ve left this until last because I know many men don’t feel comfortable about sexual problems with their doctor. However, your doctor can give you qualified advice, based on your personal medical history.

    There are several possible physical causes, as well as psychological and behavioral. So if this is a severe problem for you, it’s worth considering – even if it sounds like an embarrassing or awkward idea.

    A doctor can also explain the pharmacological options you may have heard about, such as topical anesthetics, SSRIs, dapoxetine or even tramadol.

    And they can recommend or refer you to a counselor or sex therapist if they feel there might be a psychological or behavioral cause.

    Final Word

    The key point to take away is to keep an open mind and be willing to try different things, but move on if they don’t work.

    My view is that the best approach is to hit the problem from every possible angle. The more techniques you put into practice, the better a chance you’ll have of improving your sexual stamina.

    More ideas

    If you’re interested in these kind of techniques, you might like to take a look at one of my recommended premature ejaculation books, where you’ll find a structured program of techniques to help you develop ejaculation control.

    And you might also find it helpful to read my complete overview of different treatment options for premature ejaculation.

    83 Comments

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    • I usually last 25 minutes or so tops on a good day but I noticed in threesomes you bust much quicker, any ideas on that?

    • Great article, thanks ethan! I only last a minute or two usually and it’s causing me problems with my gf. I’ll try some of these ideas that I haven’t before.

      • Hi Dave
        Thanks for the compliment, and you’re very welcome. I hope you have success with the techniques!
        Ethan

    • I get off quick and it was never a problem until i stopped taking Paxil after being on it for 10 years. Ever since i get off too quick and its frustrating. I always give my wife oral sex though and she gets off. Also sometimes we both get off together quick. But yes id like to last longer. Sometimes its way too quick and pisses her off

      • Hi Roger
        Thanks for sharing your experience of Paxil – it’s interesting to hear from you, as medication like that is known to help with PE for some guys. I guess now you need to try other things to see if you can get the same effect. Hopefully the ideas in this article will help you get there.
        Ethan

    • had this problem of ejaculating 1 or 2 min, and after reading the article i have learn important technique and hoping it will help me last longer

      • Hi Symoh
        I’m happy to hear you liked the article. Hopefully you’ll see a difference if you try these techniques.
        Ethan

    • WTF 10-20 min! LOLOLOL holy fuck why the fuck you all bust so fast
      i know how to control my load
      i can last all night
      my current GF climaxed 3 times she was so wet that i had zero grip
      i do this thing the pussy starts to latch on my dick i can feel her grip while pulling it out
      its fucking amazing
      but honestly i can last for over 2 hours i want to try and last for 5 hours and my current gf is like fuck yea! her and my ex’s are saying the very same shit its fucking amazing!

    • Great article! I’m going to try these techniques out with my partner as soon as possible and hope we have much better sex.

    • Awesome article and tips. I’ve tried one or two before, but am hopefully these techniques will help me last longer now.

      • Hi Henry
        Thanks, glad you like it. If you put as many as possible into practice, I’m sure you’ll see some improvement.
        Ethan

    • have been making use of the technique of masturbating b4 sex buh it failed me last month, me and my new gurlfrnd wanted to have sex so we started romancing each other, so in the process she started giving me blow job, and I just cum immediately……..and we couldn’t have sex again…..I don’t kW if its bcos she gave me blow job or bcos I din eat before having the sex ….bruh pls help me out

      • Hi Valentine
        Perhaps the answer in that moment would have been to then give her oral sex in return. That gives you time to stop stressing about your quick ejaculation, pleasure her and perhaps recover again to be able to have sex another time. It might also be that you just didn’t have any more libido in you if you masturbated just before sex. Perhaps you needed a little longer to recover after your second ejaculation. And yes, I’ve also noticed that if I’m hungry, it can affect my erection quality, so make sure you’re not hungry next time. There are also many tips in this article for you to try, so if you put them into use next time, hopefully you’ll last longer.
        Ethan

    • Wow, thanks for so many great ideas!! I have a serious problem with sex and usually come in less than a minute or two if it’s a good day. I hope your tips help me! There are many here which I know I don’t do now, so you’ve really given me some hope here! Thanks

      • Hi David
        Great to hear the article was useful. If you put all of these tips into practice, it should make a big difference. It can take some time and effort to remember to do all of them, and to be able to do them naturally. But stick with it, and you should see results pretty quickly.
        All the best
        Ethan

    • You have succeded in exhausting all possible ways of treating this problem..thanks man…i believe it gonna b okay

      • Hi there
        I did my best to provide a good list of techniques! I’m sure if you put them into practice, you’ll improve your sexual stamina.
        Ethan

    • Thanks for sharing all of these ideas for free, and for all the other helpful articles you’ve written. I’ve read several of your articles now, and am really impressed with the quality and the fact that you try to help guys out so much in the comments. Keep up the good work man!

      • Hi Mark
        Thank you for your kind words – it’s always encouraging to hear that my readers appreciate the site and the help I try to provide in the comments:-)
        Ethan

    • Wow this is just what I was looking for! My bf often ejaculate in a min or two and it’s very frustrating when he does. We’ve tried some techniques before to get him going longer, but there are some hear we haven’t seen before, so thanks very much!

      • Hi Mary
        Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you found the article useful, and I hope you and your bf have some success with the techniques!
        Ethan

    • Hi there,
      Thanks for the article. I appreciate that it isn’t a sales spiel masked as an advice piece.
      My question is about penis extenders. I have thought about wearing one thinking it m might reduce the sensitivity or even if I do ejaculate early, we can still have sex. But I don’t know if you need to be hard when wearing them.
      Sorry if it is a stupid question, but an y help would be appreciated.
      Cheers

      • Hi Andrew
        I’m glad you liked the article! I don’t think penis extenders will have any effect on your lasting time. As far as I know, they are designed for just size and curvature issues, and have no effect on stamina at all. I’d try the other ideas in the article instead!
        Ethan

    • Great article thank you. I have a question: you mention the start and stop method isn’t helpful for guys that barely ever get to penetration. That’s my issue and it’s insanely embarrassing. Do you have tips for guys like me?

      • Hi George
        To be honest, I think you can still try the technique if you want to, but you’ll have to adapt it. So when having foreplay, manual or oral sex with your partner, you’d use it to try and control your arousal and not ejaculate. For example, if your partner just strokes and caresses you, if you feel yourself getting too aroused, you can stop before ejaculation. Then after 30 seconds, ask them to continue. Then build from there to manual and oral, and eventually penetrative sex.
        Ethan

    • Hi Ethan. Thanks for d article.

      wanna start practicing d start n stop techniques in the morning and night everyday for 3 months.

      Now my question is do I av to allow myself cum after repeating d step several times. Like I said, I wanna b doing it everyday. will releasing every morning n night for 3 months not have anoda effect on me??m

      • Hi Alex
        You’re welcome – I’m glad it was helpful! You can come every time you practice the technique if you like, after repeating the steps a few times. There’s no problem with repeating this.
        Ethan

    • I find this article quite interesting, natural and real. Just want to know what to do for my hubby to like the doggy, he always get muscle cramps, he loves the halter neck the most ( Missionary position with both legs on his neck)

      • Hi there
        Thanks – I’m glad you enjoyed the article! I guess you just have to tell him how much you like it yourself. Hopefully he’ll do it for your sake. There are different ways, so perhaps try different positions using the bed, sofa, chair, whatever it might be to find one he is comfortable in and doesn’t get cramps.
        Ethan

    • Damn! Man,you are a [email protected] The article is so natural and flows.