Last updated on: March 9, 2017
If you need help with how long you last for during sex then you’re in the right place. I personally suffered from premature ejaculation for many years, so I know only too well how frustrating and embarrassing it can be.
I tried many different ways to tackle it over the years, and eventually managed to get the problem under control. And in this article I’m going to share with you the key points I’ve learned over the years.
The way I see it, there are essentially 3 safe and effective ways to deal with premature ejaculation if it’s a problem for you at the moment:
- Practice exercises to develop ejaculation control naturally.
- Use a desensitizing product in the short-term if you’d like to.
- Increase your partner’s arousal levels and/or satisfy them first.
In my experience, what works best is to explore all 3 options. They can all help individually, but I think the best results come from combining them.
Take a look at the infographic below to see an outline of the 3 approaches and how they interact. I’ll then explain in more detail how each can help you.
1. Natural techniques to last longer
The first path is all about getting to know how your body and mind work when aroused, and then learning to control them. It consists of 4 main ideas:
- If you understand the cause of a problem, it’s easier to deal with it.
- If you learn to recognize your arousal levels, you’ll be able to control them.
- There are effective techniques you can practice to gain that control.
- Some adjustments to the way you have sex can help immediately.
Taking the time to fully understand how your body works, and then practicing natural techniques to develop control is the most effective way to last longer – in the long run.
It can take a few weeks at least to really see the best results, but those results will be better than any temporary fix. And often, just a few tweaks to the way you make love can help enormously.
My personal journey to overcome premature ejaculation involved a lot of research and exercises. And although I sometimes still struggle with it, I last much longer than ever before. And when I get the techniques I practiced right, I can easily last more than long enough to satisfy my partner.
I read several different guides, something I don’t recommend you do as one is enough. But I do recommend reading one to get a full picture of all the processes involved in ejaculation control, and importantly a progressive training program.
2. Short-term desensitizing products
The second path is about giving both your sexual stamina and confidence an immediate boost. It’s especially useful if you currently have a partner.
If you’re single, then I’d probably focus on the first and third paths. However, if you and your partner are both feeling frustrated by your love life, desensitizing can make an immediate difference.
Here are the main reasons a desensitizing product can help:
- The natural techniques can take time, so a delay product can give you an immediate confidence boost.
- You can sometimes have a break from the techniques and enjoy normal, longer sex.
- If you don’t have the motivation to practice the techniques, this is the next best option to use on an ongoing basis.
There are lots of different desensitizing options available, but in my experience the ones which work best are usually the delay sprays. Condoms numb you too much, creams are too messy and pills just don’t work well enough to warrant the side effects. It’s as simple as that, the way I see it.
3. Increase your partner’s arousal level
There’s usually a big difference in how long it takes a man or a woman to become aroused. And the size of that arousal gap can be even wider when it comes to reaching orgasm.
So the concept of path 3 is to reverse the problem of premature ejaculation. Instead of trying your best to last as long as your partner, you reduce how long they last for. It’s a simple, yet genius, idea in my opinion.
To do this you need to first understand how to turn your partner on better. And from there, what can you do to ensure she’s as aroused as possible when you have sex?
In surveys, women often say the following are missing from their love lives:
- Manual and oral sex
- Creativity and excitement
So it’s useful to take a moment for some honest reflection, and ask yourself how much effort you currently put into foreplay and your partner’s pleasure.
If you spend time learning what makes your partner tick sexually, and then spend plenty of time warming her up, it will reduce the likelihood that you’d need a marathon session just to satisfy her during penetrative sex. She’ll also love you for all the extra attention.
The best thing is to ask your partner what she likes, but it’s also good to surprise her.
So you might like to check out the article about giving a woman oral sex that I asked my friend Karen to write, as well as her article about satisfying a woman in bed. They are honest, detailed and will give you a good insight into what women might want.
Stick with it
It’s never easy to admit you have a problem, especially a sensitive one like premature ejaculation. It’s made even harder by the expectations heaped on us guys by porn, popular culture or that friend who loves bragging about how many times he did it last night.
With an effective training program, quality products and the right mindset though, you should see good results and develop the kind of stamina you’d like to have.
So stick with it, don’t give up if you don’t see a huge difference from day one. It took me a few weeks to really see a big change, but it was worth the wait. And now a couple of years later, I have much better control thanks to this method.
Just to recap, here’s where to go next: