Have you recently discovered that you’re not lasting long enough during sex to rock your partner’s world?
Perhaps you’ve only just started having sex and are struggling to control your overexcited body. Or maybe you had a happy sex life, but for some reason the curtains have suddenly closed on your previously stellar performance?
In recent weeks I’ve had a few emails and comments from guys who are going through an unpleasant time of self-doubt and desperately trying to fix things as quickly as possible.
Hopefully in this article you’ll get an idea of just how concerned you should be about your situation, and also what to do about it.
Everyone is different
There isn’t one standard recognized treatment for premature ejaculation that works for everyone. There are in fact many different approaches to dealing with it, and it differs from one guy to the next.
If things aren’t going to plan in bed, you need to first take a careful look at your exact circumstances. Your short lasting time could be caused by a complex mix of factors. But equally, it might be something as simple as using a condom or not.
So you can sometimes save yourself a lot of trouble by examining your own individual circumstances. And even if you do rule out other influences, it’s still good to carefully consider your options for dealing with the problem.
It’s great that you’ve realized and accepted that you have an issue with your lasting time. This is the most important and difficult step to take. However, it’s important to research your options rather than relying on just one technique or product. And you may not even need to go down that road at all.
Guys who’ve just started having sex
Ok, so you’ve just recently put in your debut performance and it was over pretty quickly. This is quite normal though – it takes some time to get used to the pleasure and physical stimulation of sex. Not many guys last that long in the early days.
If you ejaculate within seconds every single time then you can probably assume there’s a problem. But if you last a few minutes, sometimes more and sometimes less, then it will probably get better naturally in time.
Don’t panic, keep practicing, and over the next few weeks things will probably improve. Some simple tips that might help are:
- Wear a condom.
- Avoid the missionary position and doggy style.
- Go for a second or third round.
- Empty the tank on your own an hour or two before you’re with your partner.
If you do only last seconds, or don’t even make it to penetration, skip to the last section in this article. Otherwise, just remember than you’re in the same boat as many normal, overexcited men. So don’t waste your time for now on kegels or desensitizing products.
Go back to enjoying yourself, try to relax and come back here if things don’t improve in a few weeks.
For guys whose sexual endurance has suddenly dropped
This is where things get trickier and most of the emails I’ve had have been from guys in this position. The reason it’s complicated is that there are many reasons this could have happened to you.
The first thing to note is that you shouldn’t start panicking straight away. Take a deep breath and have a think first of all if anything else in your life has changed. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you with a new partner? This could lead to over-excitement initially.
- Are you using a new product, e.g. condom, lube or sex toy?
- Are you engaging in experimental or new sex techniques?
- Has there been a change to how much foreplay, manual or oral you have?
- Are you having sex less often than before?
- Do you have no time to masturbate, so having sex with a full tank?
- Has there been a change to your alcohol intake, medication or recreational drugs?
- Is there more stress or anxiety in your life?
- Have you stopped or started exercising?
- Do you have a health condition you didn’t previously have?
To my knowledge, all of the above can have an impact on your sexual stamina. Especially if more than one apply. So for example you might struggle to cope if you have a new partner who loves giving you oral, you don’t wear a condom and she’s getting you into some wild, kinky sex.
My advice is to have a think first about your circumstances before going mad on kegels etc. Some things will just require getting used to, like my example above. Others might mean you need to take some action or make some changes. It’s up to you to use your common sense.
If you can’t find an explanations which you can do something about, or at least accept, then it might be time to take some action.
Things you can do
The point of this article is to encourage you to think carefully about possible causes before rushing into finding treatment. If any of the points in the list above apply to you, then you can experiment by taking sensible action or just giving yourself time to get used to anything new.
But if you are at the point where you just know that you suffer from premature ejaculation, I do suggest working on the problem as soon as you can.
I highly recommend practicing natural techniques, which is the only way to deal with premature ejaculation permanently. You can learn all about those in a good premature ejaculation guide.
If you need something to help you out immediately, you could try out a desensitizing spray. Have a look at my review of the best delay sprays for more about these.
And if you’re really not sure what options might suit you best, it might be helpful to read my article about choosing the right premature ejaculation treatment.