It’s the million dollar question if you have difficulty with your sexual stamina: what’s the easiest and best way to improve it?
In the 4 years since starting this website, I’ve thought a lot about the different approaches to tackling premature ejaculation (PE). I’ve also read a lot of PE research and personally tried many products along the way.
Since there’s no universally recommended treatment by the medical profession, finding the right treatment isn’t always so straightforward; the reality is that there’s probably a bit of luck involved.
If you visit a doctor (something not many men do), and they can’t identify a treatable medical cause for your PE, they are likely to suggest different self-help options as well as pharmaceutical treatment and/or counselling.
And within those self-help options, there are two main approaches:
- Exercises and techniques to develop ejaculation control in the long-term.
- Short-term and instant solutions like delay sprays, creams, pills and condoms etc.
In this article I’m going to compare those two approaches. So if you’re not keen on visiting a doctor or taking medication, hopefully the article will help you work out which you might like to try.
A matter of perspective
My personal opinion is that trying to fix a problem is better than constantly fighting the symptoms.
To use an analogy – if you had bad headaches every day, you wouldn’t just take pain killers every day and forget about it; you’d try to work out what’s causing the headaches and stop them from happening.
In a similar way, delay products can work well as a short-term solution. But they are unlikely to cure you, so you’ll always be dependent on them unless you learn to control your arousal levels.
I personally feel that developing self-control naturally is the best option. However, desensitizing products can also sometimes play a valuable role in the short-term.
I just think it’s a mistake to solely rely on them, and not at least try to fix the problem outright.
Why desensitizing isn’t a long-term solution
For the sake of simplicity let’s imagine you have a relatively straightforward case of PE. You usually last just a minute or two and are pretty unhappy with your sex life. And it’s of course affecting your current relationship and confidence sexually.
So do you try a delay spray which could have an immediate positive effect? Or do you take the time to properly tackle what could be a deeper problem than simply physical sensitivity?
There isn’t necessarily an easy answer to that question, especially if you’re feeling frustrated and embarrassed. It’s understandable that you want a simple solution which allows you to have a normal sex life. That’s what options like delay sprays or pills offer you.
But as much as they can be very effective, there are some important points to consider:
- You’ll have to use it every time you have sex – it’s not a cure.
- If you have an active sex life, the cost will add up over the years. Some of the best delay sprays are quite expensive – anything from $2 to $5 every time you have sex. Even at just $3 per time, if you have sex on average 3 times per week, that’s around $500 a year.
- There’s a chance it will reduce your pleasure, erection strength or ability to maintain an erection. Many guys will be fine and tolerate those issues as a minor inconvenience, but others will find it bothersome.
- There’s a slightly passion killing process you have to go through: apply the spray, gel or cream; rub it in; wait 5 to 15 minutes for it to work; and finally wash it off to ensure it doesn’t transfer to your partner.
When desensitizing can be helpful
Despite those potential issues, desensitizing sprays, gels, creams and condoms can be helpful for some guys and in some situations.
If you need help right now because your sex life is suffering because of your PE, this is an option that can provide immediate results.
They can provide a big confidence boost if you suddenly go from lasting 1 or 2 minutes to 5 or longer. And that can then help inspire you to continue working on the problem.
And if you decide to try the long-term behavioral techniques, it can take time for those to pay off. So the short-term option can function as a stand-by for those nights when you really want to forget about the more complex techniques and just have some great sex.
A more lasting solution
In some ways I think this section could be summed up in one simple line: with natural techniques you have the possibility to completely stop premature ejaculation.
Yet many guys are still drawn more towards temporary options. I’m not sure whether it’s because they aren’t aware that natural techniques can work so well, because they’re put off by the idea of having to put some effort in, or because the pharmaceutical companies are better at marketing. Who knows.
I’ll admit that my personal journey of tackling premature ejaculation has taken some time, for various reasons. I’ve tried many different options over the years, but I can happily say that I’m now very confident about my arousal and ejaculation control.
And what gave me that confidence is the self-control I’ve learned naturally, not desensitizing products.
Take control of your own body and mind
For many guys, understanding how their body and mind work during sex is the key to beating premature ejaculation.
The natural techniques teach you how to recognize what happens when you get sexually excited, and exactly what stages your body and mind go through in response to stimulation.
And when you understand the processes involved, you can start to take conscious control of them, both physically and mentally.
The 4 main areas of natural techniques
I’ve come to learn that the natural route can be divided into 4 main topics:
- Specific techniques you can practice alone to build your sexual stamina.
- Techniques to recognize and lower your arousal levels during sex.
- Changes in the way you have sex to help reduce stimulation.
- A shift in attitude to focus on your partner and other ways to pleasure them.
The first 2 points in some ways blur into one, as many techniques can be practiced in isolation or together. And the more you learn about them, the more you develop a holistic approach and put the pieces of the jigsaw together.
For example, you can combine breathing and relaxation techniques, kegels, reverse kegels, the stop-start method or edging, and arousal level identification and reversal.
They each have a place during solo practice and during sex. Initially you’ll work on one at a time, but eventually find that they all have a time and a place, often in unison.
The third point is basically a range of practical tips. It covers anything from choice of sex positions to special breathing techniques to choice of accessories like condoms or lubricant.
The fourth is in some ways the most complex to learn, and depends on your partner as much as you. But it’s not something to overlook. Learning what works best for your partner is something I think everyone should make the effot to do.
Onward and upwards: developing sexual mastery
The good thing about natural behavioral techniques is that they open a doorway into improving your sex life in other ways.
The self-control and body awareness you learn can lead to more enjoyable sex, both for you and your partner. Sex which you can fully enjoy, rather than being slightly numb or struggling to keep a strong erection.
A few months back I had my first multiple orgasm. It was an amazing experience, and something which if you’d asked me about a couple of years ago I’d have said would be impossible – for me at least.
And it happened because I was experimenting with techniques to last longer, even though I didn’t really need to at the time.
Maybe as the creator of a website about PE I’ve studied and experimented with these techniques more than most guys would.
But I do believe it’s possible to follow the same path, learn the same techniques and have the same kind of success I’ve had. If, of course, you’re willing to put the effort in.
To be totally honest, when I first started learning natural techniques I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed when I practiced the exercises. Now I see it as an interesting and useful process of self-development.
Conclusion and where to start
So my answer to the million dollar question is twofold: the easiest way to deal with PE is with a desensitizing product or medication. But the best way is to take the long-term approach and learn to control your arousal and ejaculation naturally.
Just to be clear, I think there are times when desensitizing products could be helpful:
- If your current relationship is suffering because of your sex life.
- If you need a confidence boost.
- If you’re doing the natural exercises, but once in a while just want to have longer sex.
- If you had no success with the behavioral techniques.
- If your doctor recommends it.
To get you started, I recommend taking a look at my delay spray reviews if that’s what most interests you. And if you’re keen on trying natural techniques, there are some useful ejaculation control guides that you might like to check out.
Have you tried desensitizing sprays or natural techniques? Which approach do you prefer? Please leave a comment below with your thoughts. And if you have any questions about the ideas in this article I’ll be happy to try and help.