It’s the million dollar question if you have difficulty with your sexual stamina: what’s the best way to improve it?
In the 4 years since starting this website, I’ve thought a lot about the different approaches to tackling premature ejaculation. And of course, I’ve tried hard to work out which is the best since there’s no universally recommended treatment by the medical profession.
The way I see it is that there are two main approaches, and within each there are many different options:
- Exercises and techniques to develop lasting arousal and ejaculation control.
- Short-term and instant solutions like delay sprays, creams, pills and condoms etc.
My personal opinion is that it’s better to try and permanently fix a problem rather than constantly fire-fight the symptoms.
To use an analogy – if you had daily headaches, you wouldn’t just take pain killers every day and forget about it; you’d try and work out what’s causing the headaches and deal with them.
In a similar way, delay products can help a lot as a short-term solution. But they won’t cure you, and you’ll always be dependent on them unless you learn to control your level of sexual excitement.
As you’ll see in this article, I feel that developing self-control naturally is the best option. However, there’s also a place for desensitizing products in the short-term. I just think it’s a mistake to only use them and not bother trying to fix the problem outright.
Why desensitizing isn’t a long-term solution
For the sake of simplicity let’s imagine you have a relatively straight-forward case of premature ejaculation. You usually last just a minute or two and are pretty unhappy with your sex life. And it’s of course affecting your current relationship or confidence with women.
So do you try a delay spray which could have an immediate positive effect? Or do you take the time to properly tackle what’s likely a deeper problem than simply physical sensitivity?
There isn’t necessarily an easy answer to that question, especially if you’re feeling frustrated and embarrassed. It’s understandable that you want a simple solution which allows you to have a normal sex life. That’s what options like delay sprays or pills offer you.
Problems presented by desensitizing options
So what’s the problem then? Well, if this is the only approach you consider, there are some potential problems you’ll face:
- You’ll have to use one every time you have sex. It will never cure you.
- If you have an active sex life, it’s going to get costly over the years. Some of the best delay sprays are quite expensive – think anything from $2 to $5 every time you have sex. Even at just $3 per time, if you have sex on average 3 times per week, that’s around $500 a year. And that’s a very low estimate.
- There’s a chance it will reduce your pleasure, your erection strength, or your ability to maintain an erection. Most desensitizing products which are applied to the surface of the penis contain anesthetics like Lidocaine or Benzocaine. Simply put, what they’ll do to your penis is a lottery.
- There’s a slightly passion-killing process you have to go through: apply the spray, gel or cream; rub it in; wait for it to work (between 5 and 60 minutes depending on the brand); and finally wash it off to ensure it doesn’t transfer to your partner. This is fine if you talk openly with your partner about it. But with a new partner, it’s somewhat awkward.
- If you choose to take anti-depressants (sometimes prescribed by doctors) then there are other possible unpleasant side effects to deal with. In my opinion, taking anti-depressants is one of the worst possible options because of the long list of potential side effects.
Not all bad, just not for permanent use
It’s important to understand that I don’t think delay products are a bad thing; I just think it’s better no to rely on them forever.
As an accompaniment to natural techniques I think it can be very helpful to use them from time to time. And when you first start out learning the techniques they provide a great confidence boost. Just remember that they aren’t a life-long solution or cure.
A more lasting solution
In some ways I think this section could be summed up in one simple line: with natural techniques you have the possibility to completely stop premature ejaculation.
Yet many guys are still drawn to temporary options. I’m not sure whether it’s because they aren’t aware that natural techniques can work so well, because they’re put off by the idea of having to put some effort in, or because the companies which produce the pharmaceutical options are better at marketing. Who knows.
I’ll admit that my personal journey of tackling premature ejaculation has taken some time, for various reasons. I’ve tried many different options over the years, but I can happily say that I’m now very confident about my arousal and ejaculation control.
What gave me that confidence is the self-control I’ve learned naturally, not desensitizing products.
Take control of your own body and mind
The single most important point I could make is that understanding how your body and mind work during sexual activity is the key to beating premature ejaculation.
The natural techniques teach you how to recognize what happens to you when you get sexually excited, and exactly what stages your body and mind go through in response to sexual stimulation.
And when you understand the processes involved, you can start to take conscious control of them, both physically and mentally.
The 4 main areas of natural techniques
I’ve come to learn that the natural route can be divided into 4 main topics:
- Specific techniques you can practice alone to build your sexual stamina.
- Techniques to recognize and lower your arousal levels during sex.
- Other practical techniques to use during sex.
- A shift in attitude to focus on your partner and other ways to pleasure them.
The first 2 points in some ways blur into one, as many techniques can be practiced in isolation or together. And the more you learn about them, the more you develop a holistic approach and put the pieces of the jigsaw together.
For example, you can combine breathing and relaxation techniques, kegels, reverse kegels, the start-stop method or edging, and arousal level identification and reversal.
They each have a place during solo practice and during sex. Initially you’ll work on one at a time, but eventually find that they all have a time and a place, often in unison.
The third point is basically a huge list of practical tips. It covers anything from choice of sex positions to special breathing techniques to choice of accessories like condoms or lubricant.
The fourth is in some ways the most complex to learn, and depends on your partner as much as you. But it’s not something to overlook. Learning what women want is something which I believe all guys should take the time to learn about.
Onward and upwards: developing sexual mastery
The wonderful thing about the natural techniques is that they open a doorway into improving your sex life in other ways.
The self-control and bodily awareness you learn can lead to much more enjoyable sex, both for you and your partner. Sex which you can fully enjoy, rather than being slightly numb and pretending that you’re enjoying it as much as you used to.
A few months back I had my first multiple orgasm. It was an amazing experience, and something which if you’d asked me about a couple of years ago I’d have said would be impossible. For me at least. And it happened because I was experimenting with techniques to last longer, even though I didn’t really need to at the time.
Maybe as the creator of a website about premature ejaculation I’ve studied and experimented with these techniques more than most guys would.
But I do believe it’s possible to follow the same path, learn the same techniques and have the same kind of success I’ve had. If, of course, you’re willing to put the effort in.
To be totally honest, when I first started learning natural techniques I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed when I practiced the exercises. Now I see it as an interesting and useful process of self-development.
Conclusion and where to start
So my answer to the million dollar question is that developing self-control is a better long-term solution than desensitizing products. I also believe it’s the only way to actually stop premature ejaculation rather than just cope with it.
Just to be clear though, I do think there are times when desensitizing products can be very helpful:
- If you’ve had no success with natural techniques.
- If your current relationship is suffering because of your sex life. In which case you could use a delay product while you start learning the natural techniques.
- If you’re doing the natural exercises, but once in a while just want to have longer sex.
To get you started, I recommend taking a look at my delay spray reviews if that’s what most interests you. And if you’re keen on trying natural techniques, there are some useful ejaculation control guides that you might like to check out.
Have you tried desensitizing sprays or natural techniques? Which approach do you prefer? Please leave a comment below with your thoughts. And if you have any questions about the ideas in this article I’ll be happy to try and help.