How To Choose The Right Premature Ejaculation Treatment

There’s a surprisingly wide range of premature ejaculation treatments available. Whilst this provides cause for hope, in my personal experience it can also be a little confusing.

How do you know whether you need a desensitizing spray or cream, behavioral techniques, counseling or medical help?

Each of these is a quite different approach to tackling the problem, suggesting that it might actually matter which one you go for.

The way I see it, to work out which is the most likely to help you, you have 3 main options:

  • Seek professional medical advice.
  • Experiment with self-help and over the counter options.
  • Try to work out what’s causing it and then find the appropriate treatment.

The assumption of all three options is that not every premature ejaculation treatment will work equally for all guys. And this is something which I think is definitely true. Let’s look at each of those approaches in turn.

1. Medical advice

There’s no harm in talking to a doctor – if you don’t find it too embarrassing. They can look at your medical history and check if there’s a physical condition causing your premature ejaculation.

They may refer you to counseling if they feel there’s an emotional cause. And they can prescribe you medication known to help severe premature ejaculation, such as anti-depressants.

But if you’re more into the self-help route, or aren’t keen on taking medication on an on-going basis, then you may be better suited to the next approach.

2. Self-help and over the counter options

There are some very effective self-help and over the counter options for premature ejaculation. It might take a little trial and error, but sooner or later you should find something which works well for you.

You also have the possibility of combining different premature ejaculation treatments, as long as it’s safe to do so.

Some guys may suffer from premature ejaculation purely because of one thing, such as physical sensitivity. But for others, it’s a combination of factors. So by considering different options, you have a better chance of overcoming it.

My own experience of premature ejaculation, for example, was that a combination of approaches worked. This is what I personally found helped:

  • Doing the ejaculation control exercises I found in a good premature ejaculation guide.
  • Using practical techniques described in the book like deep breathing, better foreplay, and avoiding certain positions.
  • Using a delay spray from time to time while waiting for the natural control to improve.
  • Working on the anxiety issues I had.

That’s only what helped me deal with the problem though. For you, it could be just one thing that works, or a different combination altogether. You won’t know until you give it a go.

3. Identify the cause

At first glance, this option sounds the most logical and probably cost-effective. The problem is that according to the medical community there still isn’t a consensus on what really causes premature ejaculation, or how many different causes there might even be.

Some of the possibilities suggested by doctors are:

  • Genetics.
  • Hyper-sensitivity of the penis.
  • Emotional or psychological trauma.
  • Rushed masturbation when younger.
  • Anxiety or stress.
  • Hormonal factors and/or brain chemistry.
  • Specific behavior during sex.
  • Other factors like your expectations and experience.

Even assuming that some of these are real possibilities, how do you work out which applies to you? It’s kind of difficult, though you can certainly try some guesswork.

For example, you’ll probably know if you have a sensitive penis. If you do, then a desensitizing spray might help.

You may know you’re a highly anxious person, have doubts about your sexual ability and lack confidence in bed. In which case counseling might be helpful.

You may know you’ve always been someone that masturbates as quickly as possible. And that when you have sex you tend to get carried away in the heat of the moment.

Or maybe you’ve never put much thought into sex techniques and ways of slowing it all down. In both of these cases, behavioral techniques might help.

The reality though is that it’s probably a combination of more than one factor at play.

If you have an idea of what could be causing it, then that makes a great starting point in choosing a treatment. But after that, you may still find yourself needing to experiment until you find the best solution.


My opinion is that you need to keep an open mind and be willing to try different techniques to deal with premature ejaculation. Unless of course, you get lucky and the very first thing you try works perfectly for you.

Even the treatments which I’ve personally reviewed and recommended may not be as effective for you as they were me. All I can do is give you as much information as possible and let you decide for yourself.

But it may be that the best option is simply to look at the descriptions of each product and how they work. Hopefully, you’ll find something which suits both your character and belief about what you most need.

Your experience

If you have premature ejaculation, what have you tried so far to deal with it? And what approach to treatment most appeals to you? Feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts.

53 thoughts on “How To Choose The Right Premature Ejaculation Treatment”

  1. Hi Jeff
    If you think rushed masturbation is causing it, I would definitely recommend trying behavioral techniques. Even something as simple as the start and stop technique can help hopefully. Have a good look around this site, as there are many articles that will give you advice and techniques to try.

  2. Hi,
    My first erection is perfect which ends up in PE in 2 min at an age of 45. Need to have a second hard errection in 15-20 minutes. I use to intake local viagra (sildenafil) but lately after 6 months, finding that its not effecting anymore. Can u please help.

    1. Hi there
      Have you been taking it very regularly? If so, maybe having a break for a week or two might help? You could also try a different supplier, or see if you can get in on prescription? I’d also recommend working on the PE as much as possible, so you can get the first time to last longer – that way negating the need for the viagra at all. One way that might work too is to masturbate an hour or two before sex. That might help your first time last longer.

  3. Hi Ethan!
    Very good articles. I am 38 years old and have had issues with PE as long as I can remember. I’ve tried all different techniques without much luck. I am uncircumcised and from research I’ve done,it causes more sensitivity due to the foreskin constantly up and down during penetration even while wearing a condom. Ive thought about getting circumcised but not sure if that’s worth doing at my age. I drank pretty heavily for many of years which helped the pe but caused issues with getting it up or keeping it up especially with new partners(alcohol and anxiety not a good mixture. What I have found worked best for me was when I was put on tramadol when I hurt my back. From the first dose,I felt like a stud in bed. At first,it did cause issues with the quality of my erection but just the extra confidence alone overpowered that and took care of the problem. I was only on them for a short term a few different times of my life. Obviously with the addictive downside even with small doses,I don’t recommend anyone using tramadol long term for PE. I was also on different antidressants for depression a few years back and I did notice a slight difference but nothing to brag about. The main way I have been handling PE over the years is being VERY good at oral to keep my wife satisfied. Most times I will make sure she orgasm multiple times before we even have sex. Then when we do have sex,if I have to pull out for a little while until the sensitivity goes down,she isn’t laying there unsatified. We have been happily married for almost 10 years now so it must be working. Lol. Just a little info for readers so they know that even know PE really sucks,there is ways around it without using drugs or having to be drunk just so you can last longer.

    1. Hi there
      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your experience. It’s always good to hear from readers and how they deal with PE personally. Everything you said makes total sense to me. I also agree that oral is a fantastic way to deal with this kind of issue. I also pretty much always make sure my partner has an oral orgasm before we have sex. Not only is it a great way to ensure they are satisfied, but it takes the pressure off you enormously, which helps in itself because you feel more relaxed then, but it’s also just such a great way to warm them up and make it physically less stimulating once they are very aroused. So it’s a winning technique for multiple reasons.

  4. Linus ikechukw nwabunwanne

    thank you so much, please have can I get this products. I need two or three products,please send it to me.

    1. Hi Linus
      We don’t actually sell the products, we only discuss and review them. You can find them by looking online, or by clicking the links in our main premature ejaculation page, which you can find here.

  5. Hi Ethan,

    I haven’t read every article on your site, so you may have mentioned this and I just haven’t seen it, but I was wondering if you ever ran across this online PE Treatment program:

    It’s reasonably priced and looks looks like it might have potential, just curious about your thoughts.


    1. Hi Bob
      I haven’t tried that program, but I have seen it a couple of times in the past when affiliates have tried to link to it in the comments on my site – something you didn’t do, so I assume you’re genuinely interested! At first glance, the website looks good, and from what I can tell it’s a natural program. Whether it’s better than just buying a self-help book and doing the same thing yourself though is anyone’s guess! If you decide to try it, please do come back and let me know how you got on.

    2. Hi Bob,

      Can you please let me know if you buy that program and if that one is Ok and applicable?!

      1. Je,
        If I decide to try the program, I’ll be sure to come back and leave a follow up & let you know my thoughts. I’ve recently begun to experience some occasional ED issues, so I’m working on that first. First things first as they say…

  6. Hi Ethan,
    Firstly, i will start with appreciating you for the good deed of coming up with this website which can be freely accessed. Its now five months since i discovered this site and i always read an article or two whenever am free and got access to internet.
    I have to say i have learnt alot from your articles and the comments from the readers, because at first, i was so gutted with premature ejaculation that i used to wonder, “why me”. But atleast the information i found helped me realise that am not alone, infact i think am abit better off coz atleast i can atleast last a minute not like those who only last seconds. One minute is still embarrassing though so i have been trying out your suggestions hoping i could improve. I started with the natural methods of kegel exercises and the start en stop technique but had not success coz i would still get to the point of no return so quickly and that didn’t seem to improve even after trying for two good months. I have tried the medical treatment also, was prescribed to Fluoxetine for one month but still got no positive results.
    It is just of recent that i discovered some capsules that have really worked like charm for me, they go by the brand name Ago Plus. I was actually prescribed to them for treatment of flu, but as i was still on the dosage, i happened to have sex en was able to go for ten minutes. At first, i thought my PE had been cured miraculously, but when i had sex again two days after i was off the dosage, i was back to lasting just under a minute. So to be sure, i popped up the same capsules from the pharmacy and took the same prescription as before, then had sex the following day and it was just amazing. You know to us premature ejaculators, pleasure will always lead to ejaculation but it was the best feeling ever to go for 5-10 mins of pleasure without feeling the urge to ejaculate.
    Am yet to talk to a doctor about the capsules, and confirm whether they are safe to take for that purpose. Besides, am still open to trying out other treatments, its unfortunate though that i live in Africa where most of these products you talked about like the desenstizing sprays, pe guides are hard to find on market.
    I would suggest guys out there to try out the AGO PLUS capsules and never know, they could turn out with positive results just like me.
    Again Ethan, thanks for the time you spare to come up with these articles

    1. Hi Geofrey
      I’m very happy to hear you like the website and articles. It’s a shame the techniques didn’t help you though!
      I haven’t heard of those capsules, and can’t even find them online. Maybe another reader will have heard of them? Can you send me a link to a page about them, or tell me what the ingredients are on the box?

      1. Hey Ethan,
        Am glad to find a response from you, its such a pleasure that you took some time en read through my “crappy comment”, i mean, am not a good writer en you could see the paragraph is abit long en kinda incoherent.
        Otherwise, it quite feasible that you have not heard of the capsules that i talked about, because they are manufactured in India and probably are not exported to Europe. And besides, there is no much information about them on the web possibly because they are just mere capsules for treating flu. However, i have managed to find little information from the manufacturer (Agog pharma) website that atleast mentions the composition and ingredients contained in the drug. , they are number 10 on the list.
        I managed to talk to my P.E doctor a few days back about the influence the capsules have on me, and my intention to continue using them on-demand as a temporary solution in my struggle to curb P.E. His advise was the capsule have no risk of side effects, but i should avoid getting over dependant on them. It’s a bit of a worry to me as well, coz now it’s like i can not perform without them. Am considering getting back to the natural methods but am afraid i may still have no success coz am a bit sceptical that i didn’t practise them the right way in the first place. I therefore think that i would require a P.E guide if am to resume, but unfortunately i live in an African country where we don’t have online purchases.
        I don’t know if there’s a volunteer here whose got the softcopy of any P.E e-book and would be willing to share it with me in dropbox, or maybe googledrive, coz i badly need one. May be i should even pass this kind request to you Ethan, thats if there is any way you could share with me the E-book.

        1. Hi Geofrey
          No problem – I always reply to comments! Well, I checked out the ingredients, and can’t see anything that is known to help with PE. Perhaps the combination is doing something to your body that’s helping – I really don’t know.
          I’m not sure about the lack of side effects though. If you look at the info. for each of the ingredients, they do have known side effects. So you might want to double check there.
          As for the PE guides, well I only review and recommend them. They are not mine to share, so I can’t send you a free copy. Sorry! But you can find loads of free advice on this site if you have a look around at the different articles. It won’t be quite the same as it’s kind of all over the place here rather than a nice linear way like the guides, but you can still get a lot of out the site if you take the time to read different articles.

  7. hi am Dan and I experience ejaculation anytime I see something sexy or even think of sex. Is that a problem and how can I curb it….

    1. Hi Dan
      I think it is an issue, yes. In this case you can probably rule out any physical cause, as it seems like a psychological/emotional issue. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re still quite young, this might improve naturally with age. But it might be something you need to learn to control or get some help with if it happens when you’re also with a partner.
      If it happens on your own, and doesn’t cause you any distress, that’s one thing. But if you have a partner and want to be able to have a normal sex life with them, it could be a problem if you ejaculate extremely quickly.

  8. hi, my name is Michael pls i need a loyal answer either good or bad. i have 14cm dick when erect can i please a girl with that length?

  9. So I have no questions. But I just wanted to say that all of your articles about this have really helped me. I gave not actually tried anything. But I have been reading articles and comments for maybe around 5 hours. Check in out people’s stories. Comparing to myself and I gave decided on several things I want to try to kick the PE out of my life. And just wanted to explain my story. Which this website actually made me price together. I did masteurbate a good but as a kid. On top of losing my virginity at 12. And let me say I was a beast then. Could go for hours. Well then I finally got the chance to sleep with the finest girl I had ever met. And that was where it started. I got nervous and didn’t want to mess up. We’ll. I got off before I got In. And after that day I just could last more then 5 mins. I had went from hours to mins in secs. I was 15. 3 years of great sex and it all was gone. I am 25 now and still haven’t added much time back to it. And when I do go for more then five mins I have to out my all into it. And then after I always worry that it wasn’t good enough. I have had a few girls cheat on me because of this. But now I have been married for seven years. Dated on and off through high school. And I knew I had a problem. So I did develop new techniques to make sure she is always satisfied before I’m done. Well because I’ll be done shortly. But even though I make sure she gets hers I concern myself with the fact that I’m a min man. I have tried stamina pills, cook rings. And a few other things. But I still always worry about the fact that I can’t satisfy her with my penis. But reading these articles has made me realize mine is a full blown mixture. Bad sequel experience at a young age. Girls cheating on me. And the fear itself of me not be able to ever accomplish my goal of making love all night at least one more time. But after reading this and realizing that. I already feel 80% more confident that I could probably perform better right now (about to find out). But to know there are that many people out there and there are so many little things that can bring this upon me. I am honestly relieved and clear headed about sex now. I put myself through all of the years of torture because I let one bad experience bring me down. I will still be performing some tasks from here to increase my performance time. But I believe that I have finally been able to hammer that nail I was hung in for so long. And the worst part is. I never tried to fixed my problem except with pills and stuff you could get online. I was to embarrassed to talk to a Dr. Anyone for that matter. My wife just always told me I did great. But then I would watch her get up and walk around and that would always make me feel bad because when I first started having sex. There was no walking around after wards. It was almost impossible. Even though I know she was satisfied. I know I should be able to do more then 10 +mins of for play and 2 to 3 mins of sex. And just reading this has boosted my confidence. And I even understand that If when I wake her up with this morning sex and I still don’t last that long. I know that there are several methods out there for me to improve. Especially since my biggest problem was my own mind telling me I can’t. So I just want to say thank you for creating this whole forum. It has helped me a tremendous amount just reading all of the articles and life stories. That I now know that this is a beatable problem and I can get back to my glory days (well as close as possible) and show my wife that I really can do more satisfying stuff then eat her out. Which hell I know for a fact I’m good at that. So if I fail. I shale go back to pleasing her that way until however many months it takes me to regain control of my sex life. Thank you very much. I really appreciate the help that you have giving everyone out here in the world. Thank you for your time and knowledge to help other men get over there issues. Your a great man for that.

    1. Hi there

      Thank you for your comment, very kind words and for sharing your story in return. I’m really pleased to hear you’ve found the website useful – I always appreciate people telling me that it actually helped!
      It’s also good to hear that you’re feeling more confident having read some articles and comments here. I do hope that your confidence helps you regain your glory days, as you say. With a little determination and the decision to do something about it, I’m sure you can greatly improve your lasting time again.
      All the best

  10. Hey, I have a question about combining treatments. If I do the natural techniques is it good to use a spray at the same time or should I alternate them?

    1. Hi Jack
      Thanks for your comment. That’s a really good question, and to be honest there’s no real rule about this. I think it’s good to use a spray from time to time, but also sometimes not use it and see how you get on with the natural techniques.
      I think it also depends on your partner to a certain extent. If they are understanding and want to work with you, you can try the natural techniques as much as possible as you do need to practice them. However, if your partner wants to have longer sex more regularly straight away, you can use the spray most times and then either practice the techniques when alone, or also see if they help when using the spray.
      And to be honest, you won’t really know how effective the spray is until you use it. You may find it helps a little but doesn’t totally take away the urge to ejaculate, in which case you can try the techniques as well to see if the combination does the trick for you.
      At the end of the day, I think you need to experiment a bit and see what works for you and your partner.
      Best of luck

  11. Hi Ethan
    I used to masturbate couple of days in a week. But i cant get a harder erection at sexual time with partner. Other time i get fuller and harder erection.
    Also in both time i suffer from PE.
    I have used delay spray and gel but it result in delaying time but without erection.
    Please help me out…

    1. Hi Amol
      I would look at my article talking about erection problems with a new partner. It’s full of useful advice for that kind of problem. As for the lasting time, yes, delay sprays can sometimes result in erection loss due to the numbing effect. I’d either use less next time, or instead of that, try the natural techniques I discuss in the article.

  12. hi i am 24 year old. I suffer from pe. I use to masturbate since i am 14 years old. Now i ejaculate within 10 seconds during intercourse and also by doing masturbation. What should i do to overcome this situation?

    1. Hi Ravi
      I think when you ejaculate very quickly, it’s difficult to work out what would be the best approach. It may be that using a delay sprays will help you, and especially give you something that helps your sex life straight away. But I’d also suggest trying the natural techniques to gain arousal control. So I would personally try both approaches at the same time, as they can work well together.

  13. Hi Ethan,
    I am a 28 year old man thats suffers with pe. Everytime me and my partner have intercourse or any other sexual activity i ejaculate within seconds. I get anxious when we start because i know whats going to happen within seconds. I have tried deep breathing but it doesnt seem to happen because the arousal gets the better of me. Have u any suggestions? Thanks.

    1. Hi Sean
      Thanks for your comment. I completely understand how the worry about it happening can cause a lot of anxiety. Deep breathing alone unfortunately isn’t going to do the trick. It’s a useful tool, but if you’re having trouble lasting to that extent, then it’s not enough. I strongly suggest trying the ideas I recommend in the article. If you’re still unsure which direction to head, start at the homepage where I explain a bit more about the two main options you have. You may find that both behavioral techniques and a desensitizing option work best for you. The books I talk about are also good in that they provide advice about dealing with the psychological side of premature ejaculation as well as arousal control techniques. I honestly recommend getting yourself one and starting from the beginning.

  14. I’m having PE because of masturbation. I only last like 4-5mins in first ejaculation, if I stop masturbation will I be free from PE? I have tried to stop it but is difficult for me, I can stay one 2 weeks without it. But during period the urge will still be there.

    1. Hi Kelv

      Thanks for your comment. Stopping masturbation is unlikely to stop your PE. Although 4-5 minutes isn’t such a bad time, though could be improved. The thing is to change the way your masturbate, not stop it altogether. And that’s what all the training programs and techniques are about.

  15. Hi Ethan…

    I m 22 years old and i do ejaculate in 2 seconds during Penetration…i have some questions please kindly answer me with detail..
    1-At this age, ejaculation after every 3 days is harmful for me or not???
    2-when i’ll get 25 years old then my ejaculation timing will increase with time automatically or not???
    3-how much times i should ejaculate in a month?

    1. Hi Paul
      1) no it’s not harmful
      2) Maybe, but probably not unless you take some action to work on it.
      3) as many as you feel the urge to. But if you start doing it multiple times every single day, then maybe it’s getting into the realms of being too much.

  16. Hey Ethan,

    I recently found your site and I am loving it! It helps so much as I was sucked into the “kegels helping PE” thing as well.

    Back onto this, however. My girlfriend and I are both 17 and I PE while just kissing her. We both have never had sexual partners and we’re eachother’s first “proper” partners, not those 10 year old ones that last for a few days.
    I have discussed the issue with her and she is fine with it, but I want to stop PE’ing with her so I don’t have to keep getting up off the bed and going to clean-up. She is happy to help me as well. It gets so annoying as it kills the mood completely and it stays in my mind until I leave her house.
    I’ve even PE’d twice in one morning, but probably because of it being the morning?

    I put it all down to Experience and Rushed Masturbation (even though I never really did it too often) but I don’t really know how to fix it as.. being 17 (and a Christian), I don’t REALLY want to buy condoms if I’m not going to have sex anytime soon and the delay spray is the same deal.

    How exactly do I master this for us?

    Cheers Ethan, keep up the good work!

    1. Hi SirAnthony

      If you’re not going to have sex any time soon, then you have plenty of time to work on the problem. Though understandably it’s embarrassing to have to keep cleaning up when with her. I would suggest that you just take things really slowly. If you don’t have sex for a long time, then you’ll naturally get used to being in contact with her. And in the meantime, I think you can start practicing techniques to last longer when you’re alone at home. That’s where you’ll have the space and time to learn about your arousal levels and how to manage them. If you ejaculate with just kissing, I’m not sure a delay spray is your best option, because it’s clearly not just a sensitive penis causing your problems – unless there’s some touching going on too.
      So I recommend getting into one of the natural training programs. That’s your best bet long-term.

  17. Hey i am 21 years old i have been with a few woman in my life. More than i ever thought i would be with. I just recently became single from a 3 year relationship went through a lot during that relationship. A miscarriage, talked about marriage. In the summer of 2013 her an i were having sex like we always did. Sex was like almost a daily thing, so as soon as it started it ended. I couldn’t get hard to save my life. And after that it happened many times throughout the summer. It happened summer of 2014 and this summer 2015 being with different and new partners now i cant get hard. Its very difficult i feel so pathetic and embarrassed. I started seeing someone two months ago, seemed to hit it off. First time i couldn’t get up at all. She actually wasn’t disappointed and tried again another day. We tried again a couple days later, i got hard slightly and couldn’t maintain it. That night i was trying for 2 hours with her. The next time i got it, her and i went for 2 hours. It was amazing, tonight new girl i tried so hard couldn’t get hard she left right after and i feel so embarrassed. I hope my penis is alright. I freaking love sex but with this happening and always running trough my mind thinking i cant get hard enough to pleasure a girl. When i am hard i can say i’m a good 7 almost 8inch penis erect about 4 to 5 inches when not erect. I have a great size penis but with this in my head i dont think ill get it up.

  18. Fred Korede

    Hi Mr Ethan,
    Thanks for all your useful write-ups here. I’ve been stuck to this site since I luckily came across it via google search. I’m a sufferer of P.E and have gone to the ejuculation trainer site to get its e-book you recommended. My dilemma is not knowing how to pay for the e-book as my country, Nigeria, is not on the list of those who can pay online. I have written to them through the e-mail contact provided on the site. No reply whatsoever yet. Pls, is there a way round this?
    Thank you once more.

    1. Hi Fred

      Thanks for the comment, and I’m glad you find the site helpful. Sadly I don’t know a way around it I’m afraid. Maybe they’ll get back to you at some point. It can take a while to reply to comments and emails when you work online.

      All the best

  19. I am 30 year old man, I ejaculate in 10 seconds while masturbate or intercourse, still single

    1. Hi Aj,

      Hopefully this article and website will help you find something which can change your single status! Don’t give up hope, put your mind to the task of solving the problem, and I’m sure you can improve that time dramatically:-)

  20. ericmurphy721

    Hey ethan,

    Thanks again for the useful article.

    So I know out of those problems you’ve listed above that I have a sensitive penis and rushed masturbation when I was younger. Im not sure if you remember, on your other post I stated that I last seconds during real sex and a mere minute when masturbating.

    I don’t want to use creams or any type of medicine for short term solutions. What type of regimen would you recommend I do to solve my problem?

    I have months, or even as long as necessary, to solve this. I just want to fix my problem.

    Thanks again,

    1. Hi Eric,

      Thanks for your comment again. I think if you don’t want to take any medication or creams (something I agree is good to avoid if possible) then my advice still stands about looking into a structured program. If you read the book reviews you’ll clearly see the two that I recommend. And I really do honestly believe it’s the best way forward if you have the time and the willingness to really work on the problem properly.
      All the best

  21. Speedy Dick

    Hi Ethan,

    I’ve really gotten some great inspiration from your site.
    PE has been a problem for me the older I get (now 51).
    I’m curious that I haven’t found anything on your site about the mental game of lasting longer?

    I’ve had a couple of experiences where my partner and I were having intercourse in a place where someone might walk in on us at any moment. Both those two times the distraction, fear, worry ?
    Seemed to keep me from cumming.
    One of the two incidences especially I was able to put her into every position and just keep on and on.

    So it would seem there must be a mental component since I was able to last so long it’s not just physical reaction.
    I’m trying to find a way to recreate that mental mode on purpose without having to have sex all the time in some place I could get caught.
    I’ve tried the old distraction thought techniques but to no avail.

    Do you have any thoughts ideas about achieving this sort of mental state on purpose?

    1. Hi Speedy Dick,

      Thanks for your comment, and it’s a really interesting idea you have there! To answer your first question, the main piece I wrote about the psychological aspect was in the article about sexual performance anxiety. But this isn’t what you’re talking about…

      The interesting thing about what you describe is that I think it could go one of two ways. Either you might be so excited by the ‘risky’ place you’re having sex that you climax sooner, or I guess as you say the worry keeps you from doing so. I would imagine most people who have PE would end up in the first situation. Perhaps it’s something which just worked well for you!

      I definitely believe there is a mental component, and I’m just thinking out aloud here, but perhaps having sex in a risky place helped you to somehow have a mindset of confidence which then helped you last longer. So maybe you either need to have sex in risky places more often, or try to work out exactly how you felt in that moment, and recreate that. Were you excited, confident, dominant, more turned-on than normal? Whatever it is, focus on that and see how you can bring that mindset to the ‘normal’ bedroom moments.

      I hope that makes sense, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on that!

  22. Frustrated gf


    First of all, I would like to say this is a very informative and helpful website, and I want to thank you.

    As you may have guessed from my screen name, I came across this website while researching on PE treatment options for my bf. I would say he has very serious PE (lasting about 15 seconds, MAX) and I don’t think I EVER remember having intercourse that lasted longer than that. He would usually try to satisfy me during foreplay but most of the time, he kind of rushes through it and I feel that it doesn’t come close to the real satisfaction that comes with reaching climax through actual intercourse itself.

    After many years trying to be subtle about it because I was afraid of hurting his feelings about his PE, I finally decided to discuss about the issue with my bf. Upon doing this, he became very angry and defensive, accusing me of hurting his man ego and even went to the point in which he said to me, “Why don’t you just go look for a different sex partner then?”. He said he doesn’t want to go see a dr because he is too embarrassed to talk about it, and he thinks that he is just too stressed and tired from work and the problem will resolve once he gets enough rest. Yes, that would be the case if this was an occasional incident, but this happened every time we had sex for the past 5+ years. So after the argument, we don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore and haven’t had sex for a month now (and neither of us are even trying).

    I hope you can understand from my point of view and see how frustrating this is for me.. His reaction shows me that he doesn’t care enough about my satisfaction nor our sex life because he is damn too stubborn with his man ego and won’t seek help. I would very much appreciate any feedback/helpful comment in resolving this matter. Thank you for reading.

    1. Hi there,

      Sorry to hear that you’ve had such a long and unsatisfying sex life, and that your boyfriend was so unwilling to discuss it with you. You are definitely not alone with this problem, and neither is he with the way he reacted!

      The good news is that there is plenty you can do about it. The bad news is that with such severe PE, it’s kind of essential that agrees to do something about it.

      I don’t know how much time you spent browsing the website, but you may find the article written specifically for women who’s partner climaxes too quickly particularly useful.

      You’ll find lots of useful advice there, but the main issue for you will obviously be getting back from the point of sleeping in separate rooms and having no sex at all. And that will require some serious communication between the two of you. Hopefully you will be able to firstly work that out, and secondly find a way to tackle the issue together.
      He first needs to accept that it’s a problem, which by the sounds of it is going to take some self-work. But perhaps the time apart will help as he no doubt won’t be enjoying the unpleasant separation much either.
      One important point is that there is probably no need for him to see a doctor. You can try lots of different techniques and products that you’ll find online without ever involving a third party. It just takes some willingness to experiment. So my suggestion would be to read the article I suggested, and try communicating in as sensitive as manner as possible. There is some advice about how to do that there.
      If that completely fails, then remember that you always have the choice to leave him. And it wouldn’t just be leaving him because of this problem, but also because of his refusal to discuss something with you which is important. And it is important…everyone has the right to a satisfying and mutually loving sexual relationship.
      But hopefully it won’t come to that. Take strength, learn what you need to learn about it, then try talking again.
      All the best

  23. Thanks for the useful article, I like your idea that you can combine different treatments, it makes a lot of sense. I think I will try the spray first, see how it goes, then maybe try the other techniques later. Thanks again

    1. You’re welcome Sam – I’m happy that you found it helpful. Your plan sounds reasonable to me and I wish you every luck!

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