Fingering feels amazing when done right, and should be a core sexual activity – not just a token part of foreplay. And if you finish early, or she doesn’t typically orgasm during intercourse, your fingers can help ensure you both reach climax.
In this article, I’ll explain exactly how to finger a woman, from the basics to more advanced techniques that will hopefully give her amazing orgasms.
Why is fingering so good?
There are some solid reasons to include fingering during sex:
- Some women orgasm more easily with manual rather than penetrative sex.
- The size of your penis isn’t important.
- Many women bring themselves to climax manually. So they are used to it, and more likely to orgasm if you stimulate them the same way.
- If you ejaculate quickly, you can continue with your fingers.
- In 2018, a large survey of 25,000 women showed manual stimulation with sex massively increases the chance of orgasm. Just 35% always orgasm during sex, and 65% usually. But with manual included, it jumped to 86%.
Where does it feel good?
The clitoris can feel amazing when it’s touched – but only when she’s aroused enough. If you touch it too early, she’s not going to appreciate it.
Most women are sensitive around the vaginal opening, so light stroking just around the entrance feels great.
And many women have a sweet spot. If you feel the skin to the right and left of her clitoris, it should feel a little smoother than the rest of her vagina.
The sweet spot will feel great when touched, and you’ll find it somewhere on these smooth patches of skin. Whether right or left side depends on the woman.
You’ll know when you’re stroking it because she’ll let you know, hopefully with moans of pleasure!
Some women also like to be stroked on the perineum or the labia with gentle, almost tickling, touches, though not all women enjoy this.
Basic manual stimulation tips
There are some basic tips that that will help things go smoothly:
- Make sure she actually wants you to use your hands. Ask her, or slowly approach the area. If she responds negatively, don’t force the matter.
- Wash your hands before you get frisky to prevent infections.
- Keep your fingernails trimmed and clean. The skin on the vagina is extremely sensitive, so rough fingernails can be painful.
- A lubricant is your friend. There’s no such thing as too much lubrication when it comes to manual, and women don’t always produce lots of natural
lubricant. Get a decent bottle of lube and keep it nearby.
- Gentleness is key. Again, the vagina is a sensitive area and you don’t want to hurt her. Pressing too hard, rubbing too hard without lubrication, inserting dry fingers into her vagina will all hurt. Be gentle unless she asks you not to be.
So what should you actually be doing down there? There are three main stages:
Women generally enjoy a good amount of foreplay. Although you can use genital touching as foreplay, it’s better to start elsewhere.
Take time exploring each other through your clothes, slowly peeling off each layer as the passion increases.
Kissing, stroking, and nipple sucking are all great ways to get her aroused. Draw it out, spend time teasing her, and make her wonder what’s coming next.
And when you’re ready to move lower, the important thing to remember is gentleness. Gentle stroking the whole area is enough to start with.
Don’t worry about the clitoris
Stroke around the opening, but don’t enter her. Tease her a little bit, getting close to the clitoris without actually touching it.
Once you feel her starting to swell under your fingers, or she starts producing lubrication, or she asks for more, it’s time to move on to the next stage.
2. Build Up
Now you’re going to start focusing more on the clitoris. With the middle finger on your dominant hand begin circling around the clitoris, but not touching it.
Use the smooth pad of your fingertip. Get closer and closer to the clitoris with each circle until you’re rubbing over it.
If she responds to clitoris touching you can move on; if she doesn’t, go back to circling around it and try again.
Once you can touch the clitoris without it being too sensitive, make sure your finger is well lubricated. You can dip inside her vagina if she’s self-lubricating.
You can then rub the clitoris. There are two main approaches here: up and down or in circles. Different women like different things, so try both and see which she likes best. Start slowly.
Once you’ve found a movement she loved, maintain a consistent and steady rhythm.
As she begins to moan or otherwise let you know that she’s into it, you might want to go a little faster and exert a little more pressure.
When she’s fully aroused and starting the journey to climax, it’s important that you don’t stop what you are doing. The time for teasing and creative experimentation is over.
Keep the same pattern, rhythm, speed, and pressure – unless she asks for more. But you can use a tiny bit more pressure if she’s very close.
Once she begins to climax just keep going. If you find this difficult (perhaps because she’s moving around too much), then keep still but put pressure on the clitoris.
As her orgasm fades, you should lighten the pressure and slow down any stroking to a stop.
More advanced fingering techniques
There really isn’t much room for improvement on the basic fingering techniques. But with some flexibility and coordination, she might like these:
1. Two hands
Some women enjoy being penetrated at the same time as they’re being manually stimulated.
Traditional penetration is probably going to be difficult. Finding a position and then coordinating your hand and your penis can be tough. So try using both hands instead.
Stimulate her clitoris with your dominant hand. Then reach around and stroke the entrance to her vagina with your other hand. You might find it easier if you put your hand under her leg, depending on your position.
If she responds well to this, you can try slipping a finger or two inside. For most women, the area around the entrance is particularly sensitive. So just stroking here, rather than actually entering her, might even be enough.
2. Fingering during oral
Many women enjoy the multiple sensations arising from a combination of a soft tongue and stronger fingers during oral sex.
In this scenario, you’re going to need slightly different techniques. Whilst your tongue is busy taking care of the clitoris, you can use your fingers to touch some of the other sensitive spots down there.
Try one or more of these ideas:
- Slip one or two fingers inside and keep them still while you use your tongue.
- Gently move them in an out.
- Make a slow circling motion, as if trying to widen her entrance.
- Slide well-lubricated fingers inside her, and bend them slightly so that you’re making a ‘come hither’ motion that can potentially stimulate her G spot.
These methods won’t be for all women, but give them a try and be ready to read her response carefully.
3. Fingering during penetration
Since many women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, adding manual clitoral stimulation can up her chances of climax.
Unfortunately, it can be tough to get the right position to accomplish this. But doggy style tends to work well, as does spooning.
Some women prefer to take care of the manual angle themselves during penetration, and if this is the case, don’t feel insulted.
It’s no comment on your skill – it’s simply easier if they do what they know works best. You can still use your hands to caress the rest of her body, and up her arousal even more.
Manual stimulation can work in most positions. So as long as your hand can reach her vagina, and you’re comfortable, you should be fine.
A half spoon position can work well. As she lies on her back, lie on your side next to her. You can put your non-dominant hand under her neck so it doesn’t get trapped between you. And your dominant hand will be on top, so has complete freedom of movement to touch her.
I’d advise against standing positions or you lying between her legs in a traditional oral sex position. You’ll probably find your wrist cramps up from working at an awkward angle.
The core concept of fingering might seem simple, but (as you probably know) women aren’t always simple. The above techniques are a solid guide, but your partner might prefer something a little different.
It’s important to pay attention to her verbal and non-verbal feedback. If a style isn’t working, try something else. If she moans during a particular rhythm, then master the fine details of that movement.
There are also two common problems that might arise.
The most common problem with manual stimulation is that she doesn’t orgasm.
Really, it can be an issue with all sexual techniques though, and you need to handle it sensitively. And it’s ok if she doesn’t always orgasm.
However, if your partner generally does orgasm, or if she orgasms through masturbation then there’s a simple manual fix.
Ask her to masturbate for you. Pay attention to what she does and do your best to replicate it.
Some women might feel shy or embarrassed though. To help them with this, pick the right time to ask her. Wait until she’s turned on already, then try gently guiding her hand down to her genitals so that you can watch.
Alternatively, ask her to use her hand to guide your finger. If she puts her hand on top of yours, she can show you the movements and pressure that she likes.
If you suffer from wrist cramps or pain, find a position where your arm is supported (the half-spoon position I mentioned earlier, for example).
Experiment with different positions and movements until you find one that’s comfortable for you.
And if the movement that brings her to orgasm is awkward for you, save it until she’s totally aroused by your foreplay and teasing.
Don’t underestimate fingering
Fingering is a great choice for lots of reasons. Your partner is more likely to reach orgasm this way, and if you’re shooting for multiple orgasms then manual might be essential.
And whilst men don’t usually yearn for hand jobs, many women are grateful that their partner is willing to try manual.
So don’t underestimate the sensual potential of good manual stimulation. Variety is the spice of life, after all, and your partner will appreciate some attention from your lusciously creative fingers.
Do you have a technique or experience you can share? Or do you have any questions or thoughts about the ideas in the article?
Feel free to leave a comment below!