How To Give A Woman An Orgasm

a girl having an orgasm
Take your time with the foreplay and she’ll be more likely to have an orgasm.

If you’re looking for a magic step by step method to give a woman an orgasm, you have a lot to learn.

The single most important piece of advice I can give you is to treat any partner like a completely new puzzle to work out.

We’re all different, and although there are some key points to consider, such as great foreplay, the most important thing is to work out what your particular girl needs to have an orgasm.

You can’t simply read about a ‘special technique’ and repeatedly try it. Listen to your woman, observe her and pay attention to how she reacts to what you’re doing or not doing, and you’ll find out what you need to know soon enough.

Don’t just thrust away with the aim of making yourself ejaculate and keep your fingers crossed that this time she’ll have an orgasm.

You need to be the Sherlock Holmes of your sex life: investigate every physical, emotional and verbal clue she gives you that you’re doing things right.

Ask her directly what works

The easy way to unlock her secrets is of course to ask her what works for her. It’s 100% guaranteed that every woman knows what makes her get there and what doesn’t.

One important point though is not to ask her before or during sex. Ask her at another time when you’re relaxing and enjoying time together.

She’ll tell you if she needs prolonged penetration, soft and slow, rough and hard, kinky or oral sex. I know this all sounds a little vague. But luckily there’s some standard advice you should consider as a starting point in your puzzle solving.

More than one way

Sex isn’t all about intercourse, and there’s more than one way to give a woman an orgasm. For females, climax isn’t a mechanical thing, as is the case with many men.

We women won’t climax unless the conditions are right. Sexual intercourse by itself isn’t likely to produce an orgasm because intercourse alone isn’t very good at stimulating the clitoris.

What we really need is some added attention to our clitoris during foreplay. You can use your fingers while kissing and caressing at the same time. Or better still, you can be a gentleman and use your tongue.

If you’re no expert at that, have a look at my article explaining how to give a woman oral sex.

Variety, surprise and good foreplay

We love variety and the element of surprise. Men tend to think of sex as penetration, with foreplay consisting of undressing, a bit of kissing, perhaps some obligatory oral sex or massage of the nipples and breasts. But many women wish men paid more attention to quality foreplay.

Foreplay can drive a woman wild, so make some proper time for kissing, massage, caressing and non-penetrative fun and games. All of this will help you in your ultimate goal of turning a woman on to the point where an orgasm is more likely to happen.

Don’t forget that by taking a little time with foreplay, women can have an orgasm before the intercourse has even begun. This then takes some of the pressure off how long the man needs to last for because we’re already satisfied.

Pay attention to all the different erogenous zones

sexy looking woman's neck
Don’t forget to pay attention to all of her erogenous zones.

The way to trigger a positive response from a woman is to concentrate on her erogenous zones.

But as well as the more obvious pleasure spots on the female body, such as the clitoris, g-spot and breasts, there are other spots that women love a man to pay more attention to during foreplay.

These more unknown erogenous zones include the scalp, neck, wrists and inner thighs.

So, while you concentrate on tickling and caressing these sensitive female hot spots, it gives time for the man to relax and last longer when it comes to intercourse.

Explore different positions

Variety is the spice of life and no more so than when it comes to romance and sex. During intercourse, change positions and mix things up to help make the sexual experience more pleasurable and successfully bring your woman to climax.

However, there are times when your woman will feel that she’s in the perfect position to get there, and that you’re doing things just right. You need to recognize when this happens, or ask her to tell you. You then need to not change what you’re doing and continue doing exactly the same thing for her.

Some positions will achieve orgasm quicker than others, so enjoy experimenting to see what works best for you both. You might be surprised to find that women love being on top and being made to feel in charge and in control.

Others enjoy a position where the man can penetrate the woman but also use his fingers to rub her clitoris or other parts of the body (those erogenous zones again).

Communicate your likes and dislikes, experiment to see what feels best for both of you. And for some ideas of well-known positions that many women find ideal, read the best sex positions for women to have orgasms.

3 secrets to help a woman reach orgasm

a man and woman's feet sticking out of the bed
Keep her feet warm to help her have an orgasm.

There are a few fairly unknown secrets that are supposed to help us women climax. Give these a go the next time you have the chance:

  • Warm up her feet. We women hate being cold in general but scientists have proven that the odds of women reaching orgasm are increased by 30% if her feet are warm.
  • Kiss the right side of her spine. This makes some women tingle and heightens sexual feelings.
  • Wear a musky scent. Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sexual function. A musky scent is supposed to work as it mimics testosterone and kicks our libido up a gear. If we orgasm that time around, we’re more likely to do so again when the same scent is worn because memory, scent and sex are closely connected in the brain!

Above all else, enjoy the journey and experiences in finding out what works best for both of you.

You might also like

For more ideas, have a read of my article discussing how to satisfy your woman in bed. I also highly recommend reading my foreplay tips, which will help you get your lady in the mood.

And if you might also find it useful to learn how the female libido works, where I explain how it differs from male libido and what that means for you.


+ Add Comment
  1. Great tips, and as a woman I totally agree with what’s said here. I hate it when a guy goes too quick from the get-go and will just find a way to stop him. Take your time guys and don’t use the tip of your tongue as much as the flat, soft top of the tongue. Em

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Em
      It’s always nice to know that other women agree with the tips! And thanks for adding your thoughts – especially as the fast tongue flicking is such an important one for men to get right.

  2. Hi. My wife doesn’t like oral kissing, nipple kissing and caressing, clitorial stimulation and she said she feels good only during intercourse. She also doesnt like prolonged penetration. Does he have problem???

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Fabiless
      It sounds like maybe she’s just not that into sex. Has it always been this way with her, or did something change recently? Have you spoken to her openly to ask her what she does like, and what it is that she doesn’t like about oral etc? Maybe she feels insecure, maybe she doesn’t find the way you’re doing it turns her on and there’s a style she’s not spoken about. Or maybe she really just doesn’t have a high sex drive. These are things to discuss with her really, in as calm and non-judgmental way as possible.

    1. Karen Martinez

      You’re very welcome Ali – I hope your partner enjoys the results of your research:-)

  3. Hi there,
    my girlfriend wants to jump to Penetration directly,and i don’t think i can make her orgasm only by Penetration

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Sam
      My advice is to talk to her about it openly. And try to take more control – it can be very sexy for a woman to have her partner tease her and make her wait. So if you’re confident enough, make her wait for it by giving her more foreplay and oral sex etc.

  4. What is wrong if i come to quickly? E.g we would be kissing and ill come in 30 seconds…please help me!!

  5. And if women need 20 minutes or longer to reach orgasm, what’s a guy to do?

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Andrew
      If you don’t have the staying power to keep going with penetrative sex, one answer lies in becoming amazing at oral sex. And you can also spend lots more time on foreplay and focus on finding the best position and movement for your partner so that you can bring that time down.

  6. gracy loo

    is it normal to have orgasm only with vulva and clitoral stimulation
    but not full penal penetration?

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Gracy
      Some women do find they need clitoral stimulation, either with penetration or on its own. It’s nothing out of the ordinary.

  7. Wow.. Thanks for your piece of advice here….. I’ve not tried any though but i’m going to and hopefully it works…. My problem is that with a condom i can last up to 1 hour but without i can’t boast of 5mins… I wonder if you can help me?

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Vowe
      I’m glad you found the article uesful! It’s a very common thing for guys to last much longer with a condom on. You could try a desensitizing spray without the condom, if physical sensitivity is the main issue. I’d also suggest looking around this site for help. There are lots of articles with information about improving your sexual stamina.

  8. C L Terrell

    WOW!!!! What a night my wife and I just had!! Thanks for the advice, ( like paying attention to other zones ) she went wild. We have been together for some time and I’ve never seen her like that. Your advice and my eagerness to please turned her into an animal. All I can think to say is ,” Thank you” . And WOW!!!

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi there
      That’s absolutely fantastic to hear! I’m so glad you and your wife both had a great night. Long may it continue!

  9. Ngwenya

    Thanks this is quite some good advice only that my girlfriend doesn’t like to be fingered n I don’t know why

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Ngwenya
      I’m glad you found the advice useful. Some women just don’t like being fingered, and that’s the way they are. However, perhaps you’re doing it too soon, before she is properly lubricated, or doing it too forcefully. Or it could even be something like worrying about dirty hands. Maybe if you ask her you’ll get an answer. Otherwise, try after having a shower together and don’t use your fingers until she is very lubricated, and then go slowly and don’t enter too much or make too much movement unless you feel she’s enjoying it.
      At the end of the day though, you might just have to accept the fact that she’s not into it, and that’s totally OK.

  10. Chicky Chick

    Below are 5 cunnilingus tips to help you get started.
    Start Slowly
    Don’t rush to the finish, it’s more of a marathon than a one hundred meter sprint. Begin by kissing her body, starting from her neck and working your way down; remember no-where is of limits, kiss her stomach, her legs and anywhere else you can think of. This will help her to relax and feel comfortable.
    Take Control
    Give her the opportunity to be totally swept away by you. Before you go down on her, hold both her hands with yours and put them above her head. Then tell her that your in control and that she is not to move her hands unless you tell her that it’s okay to do so. This will only add to the overall tease factor, guaranteeing a successful climax.
    Don’t Let Her Have It All At Once
    Once you begin using your tongue on her vagina, don’t be afraid to tease her. Gently lick her clitoris and vagina and then begin kissing her body again. Every time you do this, extend the length you do it for. After a while begin licking her out properly. Start by gently kissing her clit and the outsides of her vagina.
    ABC, It’s Easy As 123
    A great little technique when going down on a woman is the alphabet technique. With your tongue inside her vagina, begin spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. This is a great way to cover all areas of her vagina and it also allows you to begin discovering where she is most sensitive.
    Fingers And All
    The tongue is more than capable of doing all the work itself, but you can take a woman even further by using your fingers. A great technique is to lick her clit and then gently put your middle finger inside her vagina. You can then rest you index finger and ring finger on the outside of her vagina. If she seems comfortable you can use the come hither technique. Using you index and middle finger, put them inside her vagina and then with the fingers inside her pretend you are signalling for someone to come over to you.

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Chicky
      Thanks for sharing your ideas. I agree with everything you said and especially the come hither technique at the end – it’s a good way to describe the action which works so well for most women.

  11. John Edward Moore

    Me and my girlfriend of 10 years always get more turned on by trying new things or holding, tying the partners arms & legs down or whatever resistance makes you hornier. Just remember if you talk about it before or during and dont be to rough & have a safe word so you’re not hurting the other partner. Just remember

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi John
      It’s always good to try new things. I think that getting into a bit of S&M can be a lot of fun. And you’re right in that talking openly and having safe words etc is critical to ensuring you both feel safe to explore that side of your sexuality and enjoy it to the max.

  12. Gwakisa Mwakatage

    I do like to thank you for making out of ignorance i have before that the only way to orgasm the woman is only the intercourse action but now i have tried and my love appreciate me am sweetest man because these ways i learned here help me to know how to stimulate her.

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi Gwakisa
      That’s great! I’m really pleased you learned something which has helped improve your sex life.

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