Oral sex can be an exciting part of
The best news is that it’s not so hard to improve your technique. All you really need to do is try out new movements and observe how your particular partner reacts.
In this article, I’ll share some of the best techniques I’ve found over the years, and I’ll also explain how you can learn what works best for your own partner.
Everyone is different
A key point to keep in mind is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.
Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do or the courage to simply ask her to tell you what she likes.
When testing the water, try different movements, patterns, positions, speeds, and rhythms. Mix things up until you have a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.
Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your initial experience and skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, don’t get disheartened – just move on and try something else.
Don’t skip or rush oral sex
It can be tempting to skip oral sex or only do it for a couple of minutes. This isn’t ideal though; a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.
Spending a good amount of time on oral should also help raise her arousal level and increase the chance that she enjoys your lovemaking as much as you do.
How long do you need to do it for? That depends on the woman (and perhaps how flexible your neck is!)
Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then, or orgasm simply might not happen (which is fine). At the very least, you’ll probably want to continue until she seems to be getting very turned on.
Start out slowly
A classic mistake with oral sex is to dive in with your tongue pressing hard on her clitoris and/or flicking away at lightning speed. This can be uncomfortable for the woman and takes away the fun of the build-up.
You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, and the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action. There’s a lot to be said for anticipation, and it can be fun for you to make her wait for it…and really, really want it.
When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.
When you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Caress it gently with the soft top side of your tongue (not the hard tip) and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.
You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.
Get creative with your tongue
The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. Try using the full, top part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later – if she likes that.
Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she enjoys that, you can eventually move on.
Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. Whatever you choose to do, spend some time on each movement in a constant rhythm. Start slow, build steadily, and allow some time to see how she reacts to each movement and repeated rhythm.
Vary your movements
It pays to be observant, so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stick with the ones that do, at least for a while.
A classic trick to discover new movements is to spell out the alphabet with your tongue around the entire area. This means large, flowing, and artful calligraphy – not tiny letters with a fine-tipped pen!
When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more. Alternatively, finish the alphabet and then go back to the letter movements that she seemed to like most.
You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.
Don’t neglect the rest of her genitals either – it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.
Get comfortable
If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up, both around your comfort.
The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching positions. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.
Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.
Unless your neck is hurting or you have a preexisting condition, it’s worth putting up with a bit of discomfort. She probably does the same for you!
Use your hands
If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.
The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.
You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).
Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going down the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.
You could also let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.
Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.
Experiment with different positions
There are many positions that work for oral sex. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).
Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. And try not to get stuck in a pattern of repeating the same step-by-step routine every time you have sex or some of the anticipation and excitement will slowly wane.
Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might break the flow and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.
And despite what I said, once you do find a magic formula for your partner (if it exists), there’s no need to reinvent the entire wheel if you know what gives her earth-shattering orgasms.
Sure, add a few fun variations in the form of details, but don’t deny her the oral orgasm she loves in the name of endless experimentation.
Discover what works and don’t stop
I’m repeating myself, but this is such an important point: pay attention to her feedback. Listen out for her moans and sighs so you can slowly build a picture of exactly what she enjoys most.
When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
Look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, tightly gripping your hair, head, bedding or whatever she can reach!
Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”
Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning and middle of your oral sex. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement, pattern) might interrupt her concentration.
Knowing when she’s really into what you’re doing and is on the path to orgasm is something that takes time and experience with a new partner. But you’ll eventually learn when she hits the sweet spot of just needing you to carry on with the exact same rhythm until she reaches orgasm.
That might be 30 seconds before, a minute, or several minutes. As I said at the start, all women are different.
Don’t stress if she doesn’t climax
On a final note, don’t be upset if she doesn’t climax when you give her oral sex. It’s important not to get stuck in a vicious cycle of questioning why she doesn’t come.
Keep working on it, but don’t create any drama around the issue. Not all women will orgasm with oral, but it doesn’t mean it’s not an amazing experience that they enjoy before, during, or after penetrative sex.
For men with premature ejaculation
When I first started having sex, the idea of pulling out during sex and giving my partner oral for a while was always a bit strange to me, so I didn’t do it much.
With time and experience, however, I’ve come to learn that this is actually a good way to deal with premature ejaculation and extend your lovemaking session.
Ideally, you don’t want to pull out just as you’re on the verge of orgasm, give her oral for a minute or two and then go back to it because you might find you’re still too close to ejaculating. Learn to stop before you’re at the point of no return, and then switch to oral sex for a bit.
Again, some experimenting is probably needed to make it work for you and your partner. But I do recommend trying this if you struggle with how long you typically last during sex.
I quit playing around I got this advice and I stop going out on dates I basically say to a female I meet online or at club next day if I like. I say that I would never speak to you are ever spoke this way to any one and I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable I respect you as a wonderful female but, I have to tell you all night all I want is to make you glow like a light bulb and baby I’ll take the time to be your light switch.
Your ever so lovely a true goddess and should be treated as such I desire only to hold your hand perhapse kiss your soft lips adore your body with it smooth skin cherish every part of your body exploring every inch of your tasty warm body only thing is I can’t stop hoping and praying you take my handsome blue eye face and push it in between your legs and keep me there until you can’t remember your name. Let me dive into your love below so you may know how priceless your licked kissed sucked soul means to me.
Any ways something like that then I wait takes time for them to feel it down there and trust they may not respond right away but, they always do. I have had 40% success rate due to me not being interested are this rating would be hire. There many safety items you can get and I won’t do it with out safety. Good tips all want to know more but thanks for the skills my neck super sore ?
Hi. I enjoyed reading your article. I have been paraplegic since I was younger. I always felt that my condition would make me less of a man since penetration was difficult and a blowjob was great but since I have no feeling of touch from the chest down, I thought I wouldn’t be able to satisfy a woman. Fortunately for me, I love giving oral sex to a woman. I am not put off by the look, smell or taste of it. I soon realized that oral sex to a woman is like dancing. Sometime I lead but as things gets more and more exciting, the woman will take the lead. Which doesn’t mean I become passive but I listen a lot to her. She guides me. I talk to her sex. Tell her how I enjoy everything about it (look, taste, smell) I thank her for the reward of more lubrification and so on. I love the facts women can have lots and lots of small orgasms. My wife says it’s like hitting a plateau and staying there on the brink of orgasm. I have been told by women I’d givin’ oral sex to that they never experienced so much pleasure. Which did put to rest part of my worries of not being a “men” because of my limitations due to my being paraplegic. I am now 55 and still enjoy as when I was young giving oral sex to my wife. It really is for me a beautiful and rewarding (for her and me) experience to give many orgasms until the last big one that leaves her shaking.
Hi Stephen
Thanks for sharing your story. I really like your attitude towards oral sex, and I think many men reading this comment could learn a thing or two from the way you approach oral sex!
Thanks for the useful article. But I’m having a different problem with oral sex.
I would like to give my girlfriend oral sex, but I find that difficult with her vulva area not shaved and her vagina’s odor. I also find it hard to tell her that.
How can I help that without hurting her feelings?
Hi Harold
You’re welcome! Ahh, yes, it’s a tricky one.
First of all, how bad is it? Most people, of both sexes, have some smell and hair. We often just have to tolerate it and accept it as the way they are. There aren’t many penises or vaginas that smell like strawberries…
If you want to be subtle, here are two ideas:
1. At the times she smells better, such as when straight out of the shower or bath, go down on her and tell her her great she smells down there. That positive reinforcement will help her realise you really like nice smells on the body.
2. Shave yourself first. Then when she questions you with ‘oh so you like shaved do you?’ you can reply with ‘yes I do, I really do’ which might then provoke the magic question…’would you like me to shave?’. Just an idea for you!
You could suggest that you both could start out in the shower and maybe YOU could purchase a Douche and some Razors. You both shave and ask her to use the Douche cause you would like to get her vagina a sweet scent.
She could have Bacterial vaginosis which has nothing to do with hygiene but her vaginal pH going out of whack. Sex, blood, diet, soaps, douching, condoms, detergent can contribute. Tell her to use Canesbalance if she has tested negative for BV from a doctor. There’s no subtle way around it. Just tell her you heard about it and wonder if she has it. Sometimes the women doesn’t have BV but her pH has been affected resulting in a smell. Canesbalance is a gel probiotic which helps the vagina stay in its happy pH zone. She should use a tube a night for 3 nights after her period. And the a tube after intercourse. Remember you play a part too. Brush your teeth before giving oral and wash your genitals with sensitive soup like dove sensitive. Hope that helps.
Very informative! My gal enjoys foreplay (sweet talk, holding hands, supporting her, etc) all week long, so when she triggers intimacy, she knows what is in store (she loves knowing I enjoy orally pleasuring her) . Your incredible tips will add a surprise to her enjoyment – thank you! Usually, she’ll have one powerful orgasm just before intercourse, so I’m excited to introduce these new thoughts for her pleasure.
Hi Richard
Thanks for your compliment – I’m happy you liked the tips. Let’s hope your partner is also happy when you surprise her with some new techniques. Have fun!
Hi and thank you for writing this informative content.
I’m a bisexual female who has no experience in sex with girls or guys so this really helped me out!
Hi there
You’re very welcome. It’s always good to know the article was useful – I hope you have lots of good times when you get the chance to put my techniques into practice!
Im Kris..i want some advice as i have never had sex…although i got opportunity now with my girlfriend. So i went through your article and liked it a lot.
But im afraid a little as it will be my first time. So im looking for some advice from you, as i want to try oral..as i know that my girlfriend likes oral a lot..i have seen her watching porn specifically enjoying the oral sex videos.
So please advice me on how to make her enjoy and not to disappoint her as it will be my first time..
Thanks in advance..
Hi Kris
I think the most important thing is to take the pressure off yourself! Sex is always a learning process, and the first time we do something with a new partner, it doesn’t usually work out perfectly. The main thing is to enjoy the whole process, see it as a learning process where you need some time to find out what works best for both of you.
The fact that you’re willing to do some research online and read articles like this gives you a huge advantage. Many men never bother to seek advice or tips to improve their technique. So really, just try the ideas in the article. Take it nice and slow, enjoy it, and don’t stress if she doesn’t climax, or asks you to stop or whatever might happen. There’s always the next time, and the next, and the next…
My husband and I have been together for 3 years and I have come to realize that I have hit a wall in our sex life. We have had some problems that I’m sure is playing an affect into why I can’t get off, and I am will to work past this. I have tried talking to him to explain that I need more in the oral area but he takes it VERY personal. And I feel TERRIBLE about it, because I don’t feel that it has to do with his abilities. I have come to realize that with our problems, I just need more attention in this area. After reading the article, I want to tell him to do these things….How can I bring this up without him feeling that it’s his abilities, I just need more time when we’re in bedroom and We need to try different things with oral sex?
Hi Jordan
It’s a tricky one, and something I get asked a lot about. It’s natural to worry that our partner will take offense if we appear to criticize their sexual performance. For me, there are two keys: 1. start to develop an open, relaxed and honest conversation about sex in general. This is a healthy, fun and constructive thing to do, but can take time to go from never talking to sharing exactly what you need and want. 2. Do some ‘bookending’ – tell him what you love about him and your sex life first. Then suggest what you’d like a little more of. Then follow it up with saying how much you love it when he does it. Keep positive and encourage rather than criticize.
Good article and I can say from experience that it works.
It gets even better if one starts with a full body massage (one however needs to learn the art). Done correctly she is totally relaxed, warm and stimulated even before the tongue gets to work. The orgasm is often much more intense.
Only problem I found with this combination is that the woman almost passes out from pleasure (exhaustion?) after it is all over. She certainly won’t refuse sex, but it is like making love to a woman who has had one drink too many. They are happiest if you just let them roll over and go to sleep like good ol men :)
Hi Dave
Glad you liked it! I think starting with a massage is fantastic (I would say that!), especially if the woman has issues with relaxing into sex. Some women do find that orgasm sends them to sleep, just like men. But not all do…maybe you need to make the massage a little shorter!
I love to start off slowly with my tongue on her clitoris doing the ABC’S ALL THE WAY TO Z just holding on to hips is mind blowing
Hi Castro
That’s a great technique – all those letter variations are sure to tease her in all the right ways, as well as helping slow you down rather than rushing to the clitoris.
Thanks for your great article!
I love going down on my girl..she loves it too… practice makes perfect.
She confided that while she has had orgasms, most were with that wonderful handheld showerhead. Her past lovers were about themselves, then rolling over to sleep.
I’ve used your techniques,and a few more. One my girl LOVES,is me using my fingers to stimulate her clitoris as I enter from the rear…raging orgasm(s) follow..I digress.
Yes, start slow. Kissing her tummy, gently tweaking her nipples, kissing her inner thighs,and all around. Her hand begins hitting the bed with a “Uhhhh!, kissing her labia completely in my mount while moving my lips amps it up, exposing her clitoris and gentle but firmly circling it,and there are the fireworks..and giggling.
I love doing this for my girl.
And guys, if you think she’s really coming just from your penetrating, thank her for her awesome performance. 9.9 of ten times, she didn’t come. She was just being nice. The vagina can pass a baby of 7-8-9-10 pounds…no matter how big you pride your junk…you ain’t hurting her.
Again Excellent article and thank you!
Hi David
Thanks for your compliment, and for sharing your techniques and advice. I love hearing readers’ techniques, and their thoughts on giving good oral sex, especially if it’s something new! Some women can sometimes come from penetration alone, but it’s definitely nowhere near as much as with clitoral stimulation as you point out. That’s why oral is so great!
Thank you. I’m 22 and I’ve always been reasonably experienced however in all honesty I never really found someone that I cared about enough to want to perform oral so this article was definitely useful for me and hopefully the girl I’m with will be a little bit understanding and I can learn with practice, I’m sure she will appreciate it in the long run
Hi
I’m happy you found the article useful. It’s great that you want to please your current partner as much as possible. I’m sure if you put the advice into practice, she’ll enjoy it. Just keep practicing and do it every time you have sex!
This was an awesome article thanks so much! I am going to try out your tips tonight and see what happens. I have a sneaky feeling my missus is in for a treat;-)
Hi
You’re welcome – I’m happy you liked it! And I also hope your partner likes what you have in store for her.
this article worked she let me lick her in the pussy she has the best orgasm of her life thank you so much oh so adding a few fingers in there didn’t hurt her vagina if you know what I mean
Glad to hear the techniques worked for you both!
This is great, i mean nice advice on sexual education and stuff… nice work. can’t wait to try this when she gets back. please do you offer relationship advise and stuff. you could leave your Email(?)….
Hi Krise
I’m happy you like the article – let’s hope your partner likes it too when you try it out!
We don’t offer an advice service, sorry. We work on the principle that it’s good for people to ask questions in the comments as others can then also benefit from reading the answers.
But if you look around the site you’ll find lots of other article with plenty of good techniques to try.
Hi. I have had an hysterectomy. Ever since then, I have had a few or gases at the beginning. I don’t anymore. My husband tries really hard sometimes. But nothing happens. So for a few years now has been frustrating for me. Sometimes I get close to it, but I never reach there. Please help.
Hi there
Are you able to reach orgasm through other sexual activity? If you can get close, then there’s hope that you can get there. Perhaps you could read this article together with your partner to see if any of the techniques work better for you.
This is some great advice, wish I’d read it sooner. The 1st time I tried your advice on starting slowly I might have waited too long. I asked My wife how i was doing and if she was ready for me, she said she had been for a while. I had barely got to the good part though. (You know the clit flicking part?) She wanted me inside her pronto! But the next section I got to the hood sucking a little quicker and proceeded to give orgasm after orgasm until her whole body was quivering and she closed her legs on my head to make me stop… I asked if i had done something wrong or to fast? She said not at all, that she had so many orgasms she couldn’t take it anymore…she was so wet that it was running down her ads cheeks. Needless to say that I gave her one of the best she’s ever had…and I got rewarded for the next 3 days without saying a word. Thanks, a satisfied married couple from Florida.
Hi Larry
That’s fantastic to hear! It’s such a great compliment to know the article improved things for both of you so much, so thank you for sharing your story. I hope it continues this way for you both!
Wow. And I thought I knew it all. Lol. Seriously a great tutorial. My woman is great about it and I don’t have any complaints but this is great.
Hi Lazaro
I’m happy to hear you liked the article. It’s a good compliment when someone who seems to know what they’re doing still likes the tips!
Been married over three decades, have sex three times/week. Despite attempts to use slow, gentle techniques, my wife doesn’t really like oral sex. In fact, she doesn’t know where her clitoris is, and I had her watch a short video about it. Whenever I mention the clitoris, she doesn’t seem to be interested. What should I do?
Hi PJ
Well, some women just don’t really like oral sex, and it may be no fault of yours. It might be that you just have to accept it for now. Have you asked exactly why she doesn’t like it? Does it not stimulate her? Is she shy? Does she feel uncomfortable? Is it too painful or sensitive? Maybe if you knew the exact reason, you’d be able to work on it.
Hey PJ!
I am that wife that didn’t like oral! However, let me tell you I was just to shy to share. I need it hard. I needed my man to quit looking for the clit and just rub hard and fast over entire region while fingering me with the opposite hand. Now I squirt a bit. If only I realized sooner what I needed. I was embarrassed but also I didn t know what I needed to ask for. So ask her if she was to masterbate if external
Would work for her. If her answer Is yes,, then try not to be gentle and look for the right spot but be “rough” with her clitoral region. It’s hard to admit we need it rough and hard. Hope this helps.
Hi Guys, I Was Dating A Girl For Over 3years, And We Were Planning To Be Open And Tell The Parents That We Want To Be On The Next Level, And That Means Marriage. But The Girl Disapointed Me She Just Stoped Talking To Me, And Told Me I Should Stop Going To Her Place, I Did Nt Do Anythn To Hurt Her Feeling, I Jxt Dnt Know And I Realy Love Her, Please How Can I Get Her Back
Hi Mathias
Sorry to hear you’ve had this experience. Unfortunately, if she’s told you to leave her alone, you kind of have to respect her wishes. Have you tried sending a letter, expressing how you feel (nicely) and asking (nicely) if she could tell you what it is that went wrong?
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 years now (high school sweethearts/both firsts) and I feel we’ve hit a wall in our sexual relationship. I understand that needs change so I’ve actually never done the same thing twice (in a row), but I feel it’s my fault that we’re in need. I’ve been going down in her since we started with the sexual part of our relationship, and it’s always been the “ice” breaker for our more intimate times together, but our most recent endeavor had no ending, just her saying “look up some stuff”. My issue is that only recently has she tried masterbating so I feel that her doing that herself has kind of blocked what I can do somehow. Is this possible or am I just paranoid? Like I said oral sex is usually how we begin; all me to her, I prefer to go down as often as possible without the favor in return. I’m just worried I can’t do anything to please her in this department anymore.
Hi Patrick
Lets see if I can answer the various questions I can see arising from your comment – thanks for sharing by the way!
First, why don’t you let her go down on you too? Sex, and oral sex, is something to be shared and enjoyed together. I don’t think it’s healthy if one person does all the giving in most situations. So relax, and let her pleasure you too – most women enjoy feeling that they can make their man happy, so she can benefit from it too.
Now, I don’t think her masturbating will block her from enjoying oral sex. They are two different things, each with their own place and their own way of stimulating her. So I’d forget about that idea for now!
As for never doing the same thing twice in a row – why not? If something works and feels good, there’s nothing wrong with repeating it. For me, adding variety is all about adding, not preventing. So if you know she really enjoys one movement, position or activity, you can do it again! Just perhaps add other things from time to time.
Now, the main issue is her telling you to look up some stuff. That’s obviously a very clear communication that either you haven’t quite found what works best for her orally, or maybe she wants you to explore the concept of female orgasm – if you seemed disappointed that she didn’t finish.
My advice would be to work on both those things.
Then, of course, you’ve read this article, so hopefully, have lots of good ideas to try the next time you give her oral.
But overall, my advice is to relax, communicate about what you both enjoy, share the pleasure equally and don’t pressure her to orgasm.
This is a fantastic article! Just to add another woman’s perspective – it’s true about starting slowly. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes straight from kissing my mouth to attacking my clit with his tongue. I like it when a guy takes time to kiss my whole body, making me want it more, and licks me gently at first. If I feel he’s rushing it or isn’t into it, I hate it and just stop him.
Hi Claire
Thanks for adding your thoughts. I couldn’t agree more – it’s obvious when a guy is just doing it out of a sense of ‘duty’ and doesn’t really make the effort to ensure you enjoy a good build up.
My girlfriend and I have only had sex a couple of times, and she hasn’t reached orgasm. I am totally willing to give her oral, and I asked her about it, and she said she wouldn’t want to give me oral so she doesn’t want me to give it to her because she would think that’s unfair. Should I press the point, that I don’t think it’s unfair, or is she trying to say she doesn’t want oral sex at all?
Hi
I think it’s possible that she doesn’t have much experience of oral sex, and so perhaps doesn’t understand how pleasurable it can be – for both of you – and how enriching it can be for your love life. She might also be shy about it, so it’s something to tackle slowly and confidently with her. Perhaps spend more time on foreplay, setting the scene with candles and low lighting, soft music etc to make the atmosphere as relaxing and sensual as possible. Then try exploring her body slowly, giving her time to warm up to it.
You might also find she just needs time to relax with you, and that as she does get used to being with you, she opens up and becomes willing to explore oral sex. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it for now – but don’t forget about it either. Try the slow and steady approach for a week or two, and if she continues blocking you, maybe bring it up in conversation again and tell her straight that you think its an important and enjoyable part of sex.
My girlfriend is smoking hot and has a great tasting and looking (vagina?) We’ve been dating a few months, when we first met she told me she’s shy. I really do love being down there and hate it when she pulls me up after 2 mins and puts me inside her. Do you think it’s because I’m not good or she’s just being shy? I haven’t been asking her if she’s comfortable, I just kinda go down there and she’ll stop me as I’m heading south and say “what are you doing?” with a really cute smile, I’m thinking “I can’t help myself, it tastes/ looks so good” But I just go with what she wants, which is usually just me inside her. She’ll give me oral for much longer and she’s really good at it! So I’m reading up on what I need to do, or not do
Hi Optimus
Yeah, kind of tricky to work out by yourself if she doesn’t implicitly tell you what’s up. And if she’s shy, she might even be too shy to tell you she’s shy! The fact that she gives you oral for a long time though does kind of hint at her not being totally shy of oral in general. But that’s not to say she feels insecure about her own genitals. I’d just ask her if she likes it, and tell her to tell you honestly if the way you do it isn’t quite right for her. Tell her you really don’t mind if she says no, as it means she’s just helping you find a way to do it better, and that you want to learn together to do what works really well.
The alternative is to just go super slow, tease her really slowly working your way down there inch by inch, kissing her body, coming back up to kiss her mouth, then back a bit lower – really draw it out and see if she enjoys that. If she doesn’t, then maybe she really just does like to get to the sex part! There’s also the option of being carefully dominant and holding her hands or arms to the bed gently but firmly, and then heading south despite her questioning you. If she really doesn’t like it, she’ll make it clear, so stop obviously. But maybe she’ll let you take control if you play a slightly dominant role that way.
And a key point when you do arrive down there is to start really soft and slow, as I said in the article. Lick an ice-cream with the flat part of the top of your tongue gently, don’t flick away. Make it as soft, slow and gentle as possible for a few minutes and see if that results in her letting you stay down there longer.
Just some ideas for you to try out!
heey. nice tips but i have an issue with the ever present vaginal fluid which makes my tongue wet and slippery. can this be undone?
The wetter your tongue is, the nicer an experience it will be for your partner. So you can use her natural lubrication to stimulate her better. And remember that it’s a sign she’s enjoying it!
When me and my boyfriend first started doing oral he was very reluctant to try our first experience was kind of awful. After that though he started putting in a lot more energy and I guess it just wasn’t as scary for him anymore and it got a lot better for the both of us and now oral for each other is a must and we both do research about how to improve. One of the big things People have a problem with is taste and fear of stds. You can actually find flavored dental dams that can be a solution for both of these things. Also sugar free flavored lube can really help with the overall experience. I would not sugest using purfumed soaps. It can throw off the ph levels of your vagina and make it really sensitive and cause a burning itchy feeling. If you’re worried about cleanliness just warm water or a very gentle unsented soap works just fine. And trust me if you’ve ever gotten perfume or lotion or soap in your mouth it is a disgusting taste and while it may smell nice it’s not something your significant other will enjoy tasting and these things can be harmful to a vagina as well.
Hi Marcy
Thank you for sharing! I think many people struggle with oral when they first start out, for understandable reasons in most cases. They key is to be open minded and try new ideas until you find what works for you both. And yes, if taste is an issue, there are loads of ways to make it better. Diet and plenty of water being two of the best!
My wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary. The week before we had a near miss that almost ended our marriage. Ive been a selfish lover, I’ve never taken the time to make her feel the way she makes me feel. Over the past 7 days we have not been able to keep our hands off each other. The night of our anniversary we each had four orgasms. I’m finally starting to understand how to pleasure her and it makes me so hot to know that I can do that to her. This article will take us to the next level. She has on idea what I have in store for her now. Thank you so much
Hi Mike
It’s never too late to change the way you do things with your partner – as your comment shows. Congratulations on your anniversary, and have fun with the techniques!
Ethan
Use food on her pussy. e.g suck a lollipop and make it wet. Then rub the wet lollipop all over her inner legs, pussy, clit. Then start to lick, suck, kiss the lollipop flavored pussy. Suck lollipop again to wet it. Then repeat. Insert the lollipop into her vagina gently to remind her that vaginas are meant to be screwed. Stick your tongue into her to lick up the lollipop flavor. Use your imagination and creativity, but always remember to treat her pussy with complete love and respect.
I think I’ve been guilty of the fast tongue action in the past. Will slow it right down after reading this article. Wish I’d known that concept a few years ago…
Hi
Many men probably do the same – we’re kind of programmed to think hard and fast is the order of the day. But yes, save that tongue action for later!
Ethan
Thank god I found this because I did not know how to do this to my girlfriend. My first time doing anything sexual with anyone and she had multiple orgasms because of it. Thank you so much I can’t believe how much this helped me you are the absolute best!
Hi Connor
Wow, good work! It’s great that the article was useful for you, but even better that you managed to put it into action so well!
Ethan
Your cogent, informative advice timely, unexpected, very useful for me. Retired Exxon Atty, age 75. Loving, caring, wife. Duke grads. Both “virgins” when married 1964. Great family. Both enjoyed sex from beginning before prostatectomy which left me unable to gain erection absent pump device provided post- op. Never materialized to sustainable natural, erection. Spouse lacked appetite to “work on it” after first squirt of urine down her throat. No blame there!! No sexual intimacy since that time, tho relationship great. You have given me hope to risk a fresh courtship. Thank you.
Hi Roger
I’m glad the article was helpful! And yes, why not get involved with oral sex if you’d still like to have an active sex life but can’t get erections? Have fun!
Ethan
hmmm well this is very imformative. I am in my fifties now and split with my husband of 25 yrs. I have a new boyfriend and for the first time ever, i had an orgasm with the ‘after shocks’ (lasted literally hours) with him. Thing is, i havent had one since so thanks for the article, he is a bit rough down there, not meaning to, and misses the main area completely..perhaps that first orgasm was years of not having one? anyway, will see how it goes, but this article is great and the comments too thanks guys.
Hi Suzanne
I’m glad you liked the article, and thanks for sharing your story too.
It could well have been the novelty factor and all the emotion that went with it. Or just a bit of luck maybe!
I hope your new bf will accept a few pointers, and that you can repeat that first amazing orgasm!
Ethan
Keeping yourself clean is very important. Apart from washing my ‘babe’ very well, I use roll-on deodorant (not spray) on every single hair I have down there. I take a bath twice a day, shave regularly and use panty liners, which I charge regularly during the day. When I have the opportunity, I wash my babe after using the bathroom. She smells so good all the time my boyfriend can’t leave her alone ? It’s very important every woman keeps her vag. super clean. It makes it easy for your man to want to go down.
Hi there
Thanks for adding your thoughts and sharing what you do. It’s always useful to hear from a woman about this, and I agree that a good smell helps guys enjoy it more – resulting in them doing it more hopefully. And in just the same way, guys should also keep themselves clean if they expect anything in return.
Ethan
Omg David you sound like an absolute god send. I’ve been in my relationship for 11 years and my partner SO would rather spend time reading 10-20 pages on how to play a game than a few paragraphs about how to make a happy woman.
I’ve told him many times how sexually frustrated I am. I always have to initiate sex and if I don’t, he thinks poking and stabbing his dick at my ass is a good way to get things started. There’s never any fore play, I always have to be ready prior to anything because it’s become such a chore for him to help me warm up. It takes a serious tole on my confidence levels. No fore play, expects me to climax after a few pumps. Ugh. & I’m not a toy person, they just don’t do what the real thing does. So frustrating! I always ask him too if I’m too baggy, if there’s something else in his mind that he may want to share, nothing. I’m at my wits end and ready to do the dirty and cheat I’m so sexually frustrated.
Hi Claire
Sorry to hear you’re so frustrated with your partner. Sadly, I think it often happens that after many years the sex life loses its passion and one or both people just don’t put the effort in. I guess if you’ve told him already and he’s not doing anything about it, that’s where the real problem lies. Maybe you need to tell him again, but in terms of your sexual frustration being something that’s affecting your relationship as a whole to see if that makes him wake up a bit. He needs to take what you say more seriously by the sounds of it. So before going ahead with your escape plan, I’d say give him another opportunity to work with you to make things better.
Ethan
Dump him. You’ve already told him how you feel several times. You deserve someone better and you know it. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t even make the effort on making you happy.
♥
Hi Clare
I had the same thing with my partner, and sex also became a chore. recently I told her to chose an alias to try change things up a bit. By doing this she started talking to me about sex and I discovered allot of things about her that I never knew before. after 11 years things can become a bit monotonous but by talking about sex with your partner you can change your sexual relationship in ways you can only imagine.
Also try creating an alias, go out and by an outfit, change the way you style your hair and put on some makeup for the occasion and avoid having sex in your bed where you have been doing for the last 11 years. also try doing things you would generally not do or wait for him to ask for. You would be surprised how many times he wakes up on a Saturday morning with an erection, wishing that for once you would wake him up with a BJ.
My partner and I have also established the Dominant and Submissive side of our sexual relationship. You can swap and change as well, sometimes your man also wants to be pleasured. For a dominant male it becomes an expectation for him to do all the work all the time, this can become a buzz kill.
most girls around the world love this,in my country nigeria, guys mostly get disgusted in giving oral to girls but love Bj in return,Cruel! i happen to love satisfying a girl’s sexual desire, but most girls are not tidy enough for oral sex because they don’t get it…. i have the biggest complain i feel, unless one settles with one girl and guide her to be pleased.
Hi slowmo90
I agree that most people – men and women – love oral sex. I can’t comment on the tidiness issue, but I agree that it’s great when you settle with a partner and you both learn exactly how to give the other amazing orgasms through oral!
Ethan
Hi this helped me my ma lady when we first tried it out well actually we are trying tomorrow so ill let ya know. I love you Ethan you are the best and know lots, never stop help my friend.
Hi Sardin
I hope you had fun and the techniques helped!
Ethan
What is sex without oral sex ? Every woman enjoys it, sorry man, if your not the type that gives your woman oral, if she has an ex that does that, trust me she will keep going back to him for sex, oral sex is a powerful tool in relationship, marriage Expecially.
Not sure if I’m grose down there or what? I have shaved in places that I’ve never shaved before, Always clean, use scented creams to smell good and still no luck.
My husband has little or no interest in going down on me…. and when he does it’s usually for 2 minutes max and then I’m expected to go down on him to help him last longer. He cannot bang me hard and good without cumming quickly and me giving him a blowing
So after reading this very informative article I showed my husband and suggested that it may be fun if he read it before we went away on holiday. He did not even read it because he said it was too long!
I feel like he is sexually selfish. I pretty much always go down on him and he enjoys it. I spend alot of time on him with nothing or little in return. And if he cums during sex before I do (which only ever happens because I have to play with my clit) he couldn’t be bothered with continuing to try and help me get there.
What is wrong with me? I have asked him straight out if he enjoys oral or if I’m gross down there. He claims to enjoy it and that no I’m not gross down south.
Please help!!!! I am so frustrated.
Hi Angel
Sorry to hear you’re having issues with your partner and sex. I’m also sorry the article was too long – that’s kind of useful to know though…
Well, it sounds like you’ve done your part to make things work, and as you say, he’s possibly being sexually selfish and/or lazy. Have you told him straight up how you feel about your sex life? That it’s frustrating for you, and that you feel there needs to be more effort and equality in bed? I think if you’ve tried the ‘this could be fun’ approach with no luck, perhaps it’s time for the ‘listen mister, this just isn’t cool’ approach!
Ethan
Nothing wrong with you Ang. He sounds lazy and impatient. Tell him no more BJ’s until he reads the article and puts in the same effort you do.
Hi Angela
It sounds to me like you and hubby need to connect again, sometimes it helps to take a few steps back and start from the beginning. The fantastic thing about doing this, is that you can force him to start wooing you all over, which will give you the power over your sexual relationship again.
A secret that I learned over the last few years with my wife is that she has the power over sex not me!
Another thing you can try is masturbating together this is a sure way to show him what it is that you like and how it should be done. And don’t let him F*&k you, Keep the control.
My wife and I were both virgins, and are having some issues. So far she’s never enjoyed sex with me, and we haven’t done anything but the standard. I’ve never done oral and neither has she, and I think she’s shy and scared about it. How should I go about the first time?
Hi there
I think perhaps the best thing is to wait until you’re both already in the mood and feeling passionate. Then follow the tips in the article, take it slowly and build up to it with her.
And if she refuses, maybe just talk openly about how you’d like to do it. It’s often easier to talk about sex when you’re both feeling the energy of having sex.
Try to make her feel relaxed and comfortable – put out some candles and soft music, give her a nice massage before moving on with any foreplay. Spend lots of time on foreplay and give her time to get used to the idea of exploring each other’s bodies more than you have until now. Tell her how beautiful, sexy and amazing you find her. Just stay positive, be confident (pretend to be if you’re not feeling that way!) and take the lead, but in a gentle way.
Ethan
with all d explanations n evidences given. oral sex is good, as a matter of fact I’m looking 4wd to start DAT wt my babe bcoz all wat we do are just normal foreplay but can’t oral brings about STDs bcoz for smone to lick clitoris and all that juices definitely means you swallow it… hmm I’m afraid.
Hi Bcee
Oral sex is great, yes. But you’re right in that some STDs can be passed on through oral sex. So if you’re worried, you can politely suggest both of you go for an STD test before you get sexually active.
Ethan
My partner brings me to an orgasm by doing steady flicks of the tongue consistently until I can’t take anymore. It doesn’t take more than 3 minutes and I’m usually left breathless after that.
Hi there
Thanks for sharing this – it’s always useful to hear from female readers about what they like.
Ethan
My husband has some issues with his penis. He’s been to the Dr, but there’s not much that can be done. Due to this we are having to find new and different ways to have sex. I have never been one to get off by oral or a vibrator and he doesn’t last very long. So, although I think he’s trying, I haven’t had an orgasim in quite some time and its really beginning to bother me. I love oral but he’s not a fan, and I know that. I told him tonight we really need to figure something out. Any suggestions? I feel rushed most of the time.
Hi Jenni
Sorry to hear you’re having difficulties. I think the most important thing is to keep communicating about it. It sounds like you’ve just started the process of talking about it, which is great. It might take a bit of effort to keep him talking and get him to agree to work on it together. After all, if he’s having problems with his penis, he probably already feels bad about that. In terms of oral, there can be various reasons why he’s not into it. Perhaps if you ask him openly, he’ll tell you. But my suggestion from a guy’s point of view would be to try to make it as appealing as possible – so if you haven’t already, and aren’t totally against the idea, make sure you have a fresh smell with soaps or moisturizer or anything that helps make it a pleasant experience. And for many guys, giving oral sex to a well trimmed or shaved woman is much more appealing, as long as it’s not stubbly which can also be a bit off-putting. It’s kind of like we expect it to be a beautiful, soft and sweet area, which might be silly as people are just people and we don’t always keep ourselves that well either! But if you want to encourage him, it might be worth trying if you haven’t already.
Then of course there’s the possibility it’s just a bit of laziness, selfishness or lack of confidence in doing it on his part. And that’s not quite so easy to deal with. I think some honesty helps, as does slowly getting him to realise that oral is a two-way thing, so if he wants it himself, he also needs to do his part! So tell him how much you love it when he does it – be positive about it and make him feel that it’s something awesome to give you, and a way to satisfy you when normal sex is proving difficult. Hopefully his ego and/or desire to make you happy will respond well to that!
Ethan
I make my wife orgasm multiple time with just my fingers. She loves it and its a real turn on for me. Best is when we make out while I finger her.