How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral

man kissing a woman passionately in bed

Are you having difficulty mastering the art of oral sex? Good oral is a key part of foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. It’s also a great skill to have if you tend to finish quickly during sex.

The good news is that it’s not too difficult to improve your tongue technique. All you need to do is try out new movements and rhythms and continually learn from her conscious and unconscious feedback.

So in this article, I’ll explain how you can figure out exactly what turns your partner on. And how to give her the kind of intense orgasms she’ll want you to repeat time and time again.

Everyone is different

One of the crucial points to remember is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different movements, and mix things up as until you’ve built up a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.

Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

image of a woman lying on a bed

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

It can be tempting to skip the oral or only do it for a few minutes. This isn’t ideal though – a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.

Giving oral also helps raise her arousal level to meet your own, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the woman. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slowly

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed. But this can be uncomfortable for the woman.

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

And when you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm – start slow and build steadily.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant – so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stay with the ones that do, at least for a while.

A classic trick to discover new movements that work is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up – both around your comfort.

The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.

The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are many positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things could become boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback: listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it.

The bottom line

The key to giving a woman oral sex is to not expect the same technique to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s clearly loving what you’re doing, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

For even more ideas for pleasuring your partner, I highly recommend reading the New York Times best-selling book ‘She comes first’ by the respected sex therapist Ian Kerner.

It has around 1000 customer reviews on Amazon, and has become one of the most popular sex guides globally.

Check out ‘She Comes First’ on >>

389 thoughts on “How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral”

  1. Hi, I just wanted to chime in and say that the advice in this article is spot on! I wish all my ex boyfriends had read it lol. I think it’s totally right about taking it nice and easy. I hate it when guys dive in with their tongue rigid as hell and flick away like crazy. That just does nothing apart from make me recoil from the sensitivity. Guys need to slow down and treat us gently.. at least at first!

    1. Hi Tammy
      Thanks for adding your perspective – I think it’s very helpful when female readers do chime in and share their thoughts, and I know from previous comments that the guys reading this appreciate it too. Here’s hoping your current or next boyfriend stumbles across the article!

      1. Jeff reynolds

        Thanks Tammy that is good advice, I have always had a tendency to go for it too fast. I enjoy oral so much I need to consider my partner. This could help us both have a better experience. I can orgasm giving oral sex to a woman if she enjoys it

    2. Jeff reynolds

      Just wash real well. afterwards use hair conditioner to wash your vaginal hair. It smells nice and makes your guy aware that you respect him enough to give him a nice fresh experience during oral sex. Trust me it is a turn on when my woman takes good care of her stuff for me.. try it

    3. Woman need to explain to their men and visa versa that the vagina and penis like to be treated alike. The penis also has its sensitive bits and one should start slowly and work up as you go along. If you where to start sucking very hard on the tip of his penis in the very start it would turn him off too.

  2. What I like on my vagina is when the boy licks it really fast and presses hard on it?

    1. Hi there
      Thanks for the advice! Do you find it comfortable right from the start though, or do you prefer him to start slowly and softly?

  3. Oral sex is really really sweet but sometimes i sympathise wth my guy bcos i assume those parts are dirty what should i do?

    1. Hi Martha
      My advice would be to not assume those parts are dirty! If he gives you oral sex, it’s most likely that he really enjoys it and the pleasure it gives you. So relax, and don’t assume he finds it dirty!

  4. I’m having a girlfriend, I’m suspecting that she might be having a huge vagina because of what she was doing in the past and I also doubt my self that I will no fit and satisfy her, so how will oral help in satisfying her?

    1. Hi Harvey
      If you haven’t actually felt it yet, then there’s not much point assuming it’s of a certain size. So I wouldn’t worry about whether you’ll be compatible just yet – and as they say, it’s what you do with it that’s most important. Having said that, oral sex can be extremely satisfying for many women. If you put the effort into learning how to do it well, and what your partner specifically enjoys, then it could be a great way to satisfy her, regardless of the physical size or shape.

  5. My wife and I have been married for 25 years and I have been giving her oral for 24 at least. At this point I need that as much as she does. I love the way she moves when she is enjoying it and I love to taste her when she starts to flow. I can tell when she is orgasmic by the taste and consistency. It is much creamier and salty sweet. I really get turned on when she is coming. It is very important to know I can please her. Any decent man should want to please his wife more than himself. When shes wet keep going till she asks for something else. Try reaching and touching her breast at the same time or use one or two fingers to enter her while you continue licking. Pleasing a woman will make a man feel great. I love giving her oral. It is the best. Sometimes that all that happens. I just stop there and the next time she is begging for the full monty. What ever you do put your woman first and you will be a happy man.

    1. Hi David
      Thanks for this comment – I think it’s right to highlight the importance of putting your partner first, especially if there is the common issue of having different arousal levels. With oral sex you can provide so much pleasure, and bring her level of excitement in line with yours.

    2. Anonymous

      Hi there.I wish all men think like you do.I personally think that both partners should enjoy having sex and should have orgasms man wants oral sex all the time but does it to me very rarely.that’s not fare.then i get frustrated.I like doing oral sex to him but also like him to do same to are often selfish…

  6. To be perfectly honest the truth is that each woman will not only appreciate the act but the effort you put in to it. Oral is a skill like picking a lock. Train it and you’ll make every tumbler click everytime. Your face and tongue have myriad muscles. This means by learning to control your face and tongue you learn how to pick your woman’s “lock”. The more you try the more apreciative she’ll be. Being the giver in oral is a dual role dominant yet submisive.dominant because you have control of the most sensitive area. Submissive because you are at the mercy of your lovers pleasure. Trust me when I say that being a little submissive to your woman in bed can excite them in a big way.

    1. Hi Adrian
      Thanks for the interesting comment! I think you’re absolutely right in what you say there, both about putting in the effort to unpick the lock and in being submissive as well as dominant. It’s a good way of looking at it!

  7. I thought I had a problem because I have never enjoyed receiving oral sex. And what you wrote makes me wish men could know what you know.
    Thank you!

    1. Hi Gery
      You’re definitely not alone in feeling that way! Unfortunately, many women don’t enjoy it as much as they could simply because their partner doesn’t get it right for her. Perhaps the secret is to subtly, or clearly, educate the guy! Many guys will appreciate some pointers here and there, because at the end of the day they know it can be tricky to do right, so any help is appreciated – as long as it’s presented as tips rather than criticism.

  8. Thanks for the tips! I was looking for some new ideas to try with the missus as she loves some oral sex. I reckon she’s gonna love some of these techniques! Al

  9. i really like oral sex with my gf but i want your advice.We r the same age, but she is still a virgin and i have tried several times to disvirgin her but failed, yet we have been together for 4yrs. She likes oral sex but i want penetration so what can i do?

    1. Hi Ecliose
      You’re probably just going to have to be patient and wait until she’s ready! That’s the best thing to do, and also the right thing to do. However, you can also have an honest conversation with her about how you feel – and not in the moment when you’re trying and she’s refusing. Pick a time when you’re both feeling good together, but not having sex, and raise the topic. You can explain that you feel you’d like to go further, and ask her what it is that is making her feel like it’s not right. Then you can make your decision about whether to continue being patient and enjoying oral sex, or to move on and find someone else if you really don’t like her enough to stick around and go at her pace.


    Reading this is teaching me a great deal to please my wife. I am always very eager to please her. It’s turn in for me when I know I excited her making her very horny. I am not expert on oral sex but I love to give oral sex to my wife. I love when she twist, when she moan, when I really feel she is enjoy it to the max. I love when she cum give me the satisfaction of satisfying her. I got some tips from you that will put in practice hoping to give my wife multiple orgasm. Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to please my lovely wife in a great way.

    1. Hi Jose
      It’s great that you found the tips useful! It sounds like you have a good attitude towards pleasing your partner, so I’m sure you’ll continue to please her even more!

  11. Got a virgin guy with me and he feel awkward to do oral sex coz he definitely dont know- hope this will help

  12. My wife thinks that I spoil her with the amount of oral I give… usually 40 + minutes……thing is I absolutely love to see her twist and turn .. after 17 years and 2 kids….. she still absolutely enraptures me….I know men have fantasies about other women… but I just crave my wife,her hair and smell still makes me go weak in the knees..oral is awesome….

    1. Hi there
      That’s fantastic! I’m sure there will be one or two women who read this and wonder where they can find a guy like you too…

  13. Will it still feel good to a woman if you have smaller than average fingers

  14. Countryman

    Been with my wife for 20 years and i still get her off. Oral is the best way to start the right time.

  15. How come I don’t see anything about when she cums? I’m curious about what to do when she is in the act of orgasm. Stay in the same speed, or go faster? And what about the fact that I really don’t like the idea of getting her cum all up in my mouth? I enjoy giving oral sex to women, but only a few times have I gone that far, and I didn’t like it. It made me gag! I want to get over this. So help me out. What do I do when she is cumming?

    1. Hi Jerry
      That’s a good question actually. Personally, I like to experiment with different things and see what she prefers. Sometimes it’s good to just continue until you get the clear sign to stop, like thighs clamping on your head or a hand grabbing your hair to pull you away. Sometimes continue for a short while and stop when she stops moaning. Sometimes just hold your tongue firmly against the clitoris while she comes. There are lots of things you can do, so try them and see what she seems to like most.
      If you have trouble dealing with her ejaculation though, then perhaps you can just use your tongue when she comes and keep your mouth closed.

      1. I love when a woman grabs the back of my head and cums all over my face. Learn to love it Ethan!

    2. Some things require an acquired taste, but I love tasting my wife when she starts to cum. I keep going till she encourages me to come up on top and give her some other type of action down there.

    1. Hi Eddy
      It’s normal in that some people like it and some don’t. Have you asked her why she doesn’t like it? Maybe she feels shy, has had bad experiences in the past, doesn’t enjoy the way you do it, or perhaps just doesn’t find it stimulates her as much as other things. You could try talking to her about it, but maybe you’ll just have to accept it’s not for her.

    2. I never used to like oral sex when I was younger but I love it now. I’m 55 now and enjoy sex more and more as I get older.
      I now realise that my clit was so sensitive back then I couldn’t bear it to be touched. Best thing to do to get your wife to begin enjoying oral is to start with very light finger movements first, then light licking, and go from there.

  16. Four play is the best! When giving oral sex to a female the mood has to to be set right nothing to interrupt the mood.Take the time to explore a female entire body. Softly kisses along the body to make your way to her vagina then explore her vagina with your tongue focus on her clit but not to much as you caress her body along with a bit of eye contact and everything from there should be a great time!!!

  17. Don’t forget the inside of your lower lip. It can be used to massage the labia while your tongue works deeper in.

    1. Hi Dewey,how possible is that. I mean using my lower lip? Haven’t tried it yet

  18. Thank you for your advice. I just hope I can do it well to my wife, because I will love her to enjoy it too…

    1. Hi Eugene
      Glad you found the advice useful! The main thing is to keep practicing and working on it until you find just the way she likes it. With the new techniques you’ve learned here and some dedication, hopefully she’ll enjoy it a lot.

  19. Samual Sn Newell

    I think that women are willing to let us know what they want to be done and how they want it done is excellent for most of guys lol but it is nice to hear that what I’m doing is correct thank you ladies

    1. Hi Samual
      I agree that it’s great when women are open about what they like and can point us in the right direction, literally!

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