The best piece of advice I can give you when it comes to the female orgasm is to treat any partner like a completely new puzzle to work out. People are different, especially where sex is concerned.
Although there are key techniques to nail, such as good foreplay and clitoral stimulation, it’s important to discover what your particular partner needs to have orgasms.
So in this article, I’ll suggest specific techniques you can try. But I’ll also explain the why and how of working out what she likes most.
Observe what works physically
It’s always a good idea to learn new positions, moves, and techniques. Just don’t get caught up in your own pleasure or anxiety about doing them right. And don’t simply keep your fingers crossed that this time she’ll have an orgasm.
You need to pay attention to how she responds. If she likes a position or movement, do it for longer, try variations, and then add it to your repertoire for the future. If she doesn’t respond so much, move on to the next idea.
Try to be the Sherlock Holmes of your sex life: investigate every physical, emotional and verbal clue she gives you that you’re doing things right.
Observe what works mentally and emotionally
Some will say that women need more of an emotional connection to reach orgasm. Personally, I think it again depends on the person, and the nature of your relationship.
So again, this is something you can learn as time goes by.
Does she tend to climax more often when sex follows a lovely evening together or a deep conversation? Does she like it when you gaze longingly into one another’s eyes and whisper sweet words during foreplay?
Or does she prefer you to take her by surprise when you get home from work, talk dirty, or not even talk at all?
There’s no magic formula, and it’s up to you to keep a mental note of what situations and types of sexual encounter make her happy.
Ask her directly what works
One easy way to unlock her secrets is to ask her what gets her there. It’s very likely she’ll know what works for her and what doesn’t.
One important point though is not to ask her before or during sex. Ask her at another time when you’re relaxing and together (a glass of wine might help!), or even after sex if you’re both cuddling and feeling good.
She’ll tell you if she needs prolonged penetration, soft and slow, rough and hard, kinky sex, manual or oral stimulation. Maybe all of those in just the right order!
If you aren’t up for an open discussion though, there are some points that might help if you’re going the long way round and working it out with observation alone.
The importance of the clitoris
Women are less likely to climax if the conditions aren’t right, even if the sex feels amazing to you. It’s not as simple as it is for most men, where sex + X amount of time = orgasm.
Sexual intercourse alone is less likely to produce an orgasm because it can leave the all-important clitoris without the right kind of stimulation.
The clitoris, for many women, is essential to orgasm.
So, how do you ensure the clitoris is given enough attention? Try these ideas:
- Give her oral sex before penetration. This can either be to get her as turned on as possible, or produce an orgasm before you even get to sex.
- Try a position where you can reach around with one hand and rub her clitoris. Spoons, doggy style, and reverse cowgirl are great for that.
- Let her sit on top of you during sex. I can guarantee she will do some kind of grinding motion to stimulate her clitoris. If she does that a lot, it’s a good sign you’ll need to focus on her clitoral stimulation generally.
- Suggest she stimulates her clitoris herself during sex. If she’s up for that, in my experience it’s a fantastic way to ensure she orgasms as, well, she’ll be a lot better at it than you.
Variety, surprise and good foreplay
Men sometimes think of sex as penetration, with foreplay consisting of undressing, a bit of kissing, perhaps some obligatory oral sex or massage of the nipples and breasts. But many women wish men paid more attention to quality foreplay.
Foreplay can drive a woman wild, so allow plenty of time for kissing, massage, caressing and non-penetrative fun and games. All of this will help you in your ultimate goal of getting her turned on to the point where
Don’t forget that by taking a little time with foreplay, women can have an orgasm before the intercourse has even begun. And that has the added benefit of reducing some of your stress if you suffer from issues like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
Pay attention to all the different erogenous zones
The way to trigger a positive response from a woman is to concentrate on her erogenous zones.
As well as the more obvious pleasure spots on the female body, such as the clitoris, g-spot, and breasts, there are other areas that women love a man to pay more attention to during foreplay. The scalp, neck, wrists and inner thighs, to name just a few.
One of my favorites is to get myself into a position when giving her oral that lets my arms extend up her body as much as possible.
That way, I can caress all the way from her lower legs to her breasts and arms while my tongue works its magic. And with some experimentation, you’ll soon find areas on her body that make her shudder or moan in pleasure.
Explore different positions
Change positions and mix things up to help make the sexual experience more pleasurable and varied. Even if you have a favorite to get into the zone during sex, at least play around with other positions at the start.
Some positions will lead to orgasm easier than others, so be playful and see what works best for you both. You might be surprised to find that some women love being on top, where they can feel in charge and in control of their pleasure.
Others enjoy a position where the man can penetrate the woman but also use his fingers to rub her clitoris or other parts of the body (those erogenous zones again).
Communicate your likes and dislikes, and experiment to see what feels best for both of you.
Know when not to change position
Many women need a constant, sustained rhythm, speed, pressure, position and movement to reach orgasm. Perhaps not right from the start, but once they get closer.
So there may be times when she will feel that she’s in the perfect position to get
You either need to learn to recognize when this happens, or ask her to tell you. That’s when experimentation and position changing are over, and you need to keep doing exactly what you’re doing until she climaxes. Oh, and of course, hope you don’t finish 20 seconds before she was just about to…
3 little secrets to try
Here are a few secrets that might also help your partner orgasm:
- Warm up her feet. Scientists have found that the odds of women reaching orgasm are increased by 30% if her feet are warm.
- Kiss the right side of her spine. This makes some women tingle and heightens sexual feelings.
- Wear a musky scent. Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sex. A musky scent can mimic testosterone and boost her libido. If she orgasms that time around, the association of the same smell might even help her next time too.
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