How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

A satisfied woman in bed grabbing the sheets tightlyYou may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of a professional movie star.

In fact, if you can go all night we’re going to think there’s something wrong with us.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For us, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1) Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, most of us would say that we wanted more foreplay. It often seems to us that men think of foreplay as a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a girl in bed because foreplay is one of the most enjoyable aspects of sex for women. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives us time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask us what feels good if you’re not sure. If we’re not into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same moves as another.

And it may be obvious and off-putting to some women if we think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not we actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put us in the right frame of mind and we’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, then you’re practically guaranteed a great night.

This type of build up is all foreplay and one of the best ways to turn a woman on. In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing then you’re off to a great start.

2) Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, then we’re going to be disappointed with you.

If you want to know how to satisfy a woman in bed properly, you need to know exactly where to focus your attention. We want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

Unless you’ve been living in a monastery all your life, I shouldn’t need to tell you that women usually need clitoral stimulation to climax, and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina!

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it won’t get us there like it will for a man. A girl needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your hands or give your lady oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different moves. For example, the figure of eight with your hips – just ask your partner what feels good, and keep doing it.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t shift positions too often; women need to take their time over a build up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, then keep doing exactly the same thing.

Don’t rob her of the build-up to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is key to satisfying a woman in bed – don’t make her think you’re going to give her an orgasm and then take it all away!

3) Compliment her

a shelf of men's magazines

Make sure you make us feel like we are sexier than the women in your magazines…

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, we really need to be told how great we look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make us feel self-conscious and stop us from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies and super-models for any inhibitions we have. We need you to counteract our critical opinions of our own bodies and reassure us that we look good.

Earlier I mentioned that foreplay begins way before any touching, so just keep in mind that if we catch you drooling over perfectly airbrushed women in men’s magazines, we’ll feel that we can’t live up to those expectations.

If you can’t prevent yourself from drooling over those perfect women, then at least tell us they aren’t a patch on us – we won’t believe you, but secretly we’ll feel good, and therefore we’ll want more sex with you.

4) We love communication

woman's sexy boots

If you talk openly about sex and what you like, who knows what fantasies you could explore together…

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. We want you to tell us if something feels good, and praise how we look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount; don’t assume it’s all perfect just because we haven’t complained or demanded something.

You need to ask and talk to us about what we like. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk to us about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex between you.

Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know!

Oh, and one final tip … although communication is important never ever ask us if we’ve come yet. If you need to ask then it hasn’t happened.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she is going to want to have sex with you, and surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. And of course, it’s always worth brushing up on your foreplay skills.

Do you have problems with ejaculating too soon during sex? It’s a common problem that women do understand, but also expect you to work on.

If this is an issue for you, it’s worth taking a look at our overview of premature ejaculation and ways to last longer in bed.


  • hi, am steve i’ve got only one testes can i reproduce and where do u think the other testes have gone to and how can it be solved

    • Hi Steve
      Yes, usually men can still have children even with one testicle. When you say ‘where do you think the other testes have gone’ do you mean you had two before, or you have never had two? Either way, this is really something you need to talk to your doctor about.

  • Hi I love my girlfriend, I have done everything during the sex including oral sex and last long in bed, but still she can’t come – advise me please!

    • Hi
      There could be many reasons she doesn’t reach orgasm. Have you asked her what she likes? If there’s anything she’d like more, or less, of during sex? Perhaps the most obvious answer is she needs better stimulation of the clitoris – many women can’t orgasm just through penetration.

  • why is it that when we are having sex my partner is wet and she is just there without any excitement of sex

    • Hi there
      Sorry to hear you’re having this issue – it’s not a nice thing to experience or feel. I wrote an article talking about this kind of issue recently that might help you. You can find it here.

  • Um… Hello, I’ve just recently arrived at the local age of consent where I live, and though I personally would prefer to leave sex until marriage as it is a family custom of mine and my religious belief, I was more or less oblivious to what my partner would want should I eventually engage her sexually. This article has really been enlightening and I thank you for it. However what I’d like to ask is, well… I’m very shy and socially awkward so how do I go about beginning the process in the first place? I understand it has some relevance to what I heard you refer to as foreplay but I am not sure what that usually entails, so what do I do should my partner be equally as inexperienced and not have an idea what feels good to her yet. And I get very nervous even thinking about talking seductively, do you any tips for a novice?

    • Hi Noblige
      I think the best advice I can give is to do some more reading, as you already are, and try not to stress about it. Sex is almost never perfect from the beginning with a new partner. It can be awkward, messy, funny and just not like you see in the movies. So it’s good to be prepared for it not to be 100% perfect, and realise it’s a process you work on together. You need to explore each other, work out what you both like and enjoy, and build from there. It’s good to have ideas of what to do, but also good to take it as it comes and have fun together.

  • I’m 24 and haven’t been able to get an erection since my ex was cheating on me with a bunch of guys. I’ve brought it up to doctors and they’re not that concerned, they just want my cash. My new girl is more than understanding, but.. Well she’s also the biggest chick I’ve been with.. I can please her, but I’m actually not sure how much is ED and how much is.. Well because she’s bigger. Any advice?

    • Hi
      Well, I guess you need to ask yourself if you’re genuinely attracted to her sexually or not. That can be an issue that we hide from if we really love the person for who they are. And if you have problems like ED, then it can be more difficult to deal with if you’re not so turned on by the person in the first place. But, if you do like her, then I’d try to avoid passing any blame her way, even in your own mind, and work on building trust, relaxing, and having a fresh start with her.

  • Hmmm,Hi,
    I’m lit, I have been married for close to 9 Years ,I don’t know how orgasm feels .I complained to him and he keeps asking me where my sensitive part is,but how will I know when had me as a virgin,the only man in my life,please help me.

    • Hi there
      Some women do just find it harder to reach orgasm than others. But you should know where is more sensitive through touching yourself. Have you managed to have orgasms through masturbation?
      I suggest working together openly, talking and communicating about where and what feels most pleasurable. You can enjoy exploring your body together, working out what feels best and where is most sensitive.

  • hi Karen please I got a big size dick don’t I hurt my wife and she doesn’t tell me what she really feels but she just keep quiet whenever I ask her

    • Hi Moses
      I’m not sure I completely understand what you’re asking. Are you saying you think you hurt her because you’re big, but she doesn’t tell you?

    • Hi
      I think the best thing is to ask her what it is that she wants more or less of or done differently. You can read all the articles in the world about sex, but really, the best thing to do is have some good honest communication about your sex life.

  • Thank you for educating us on how we can satisfy our lady in bed. Apart from what you have said, I think the kind of food that can give men the energy to go a long way is very much important. So if you can educate us on the type of foods which are good for men we will appreciate it.

    • Hi there
      Personally I just think that eating healthily and staying healthy in general is the key. Have a balanced diet, don’t eat so much junk food, don’t smoke or drink too much, and do plenty of exercise. There’s no ‘miracle’ food for better sex, despite what some people say. If you have a healthy diet, your body will perform at its best.

    • I Had Sex With A Lady, But She Did Not Allow Me To Kiss Her And Even Touch On Her Breasts, But She Rejected To Come Back To Me, Why?

      • Hi there
        It sounds like she wasn’t sure about it at all, for whatever reason. My advice is to forget about her and let her go her own way!

  • I love my wife but she left me with a feeling of betrayal and now I have ED so bad that I won’t let myself get excited for another woman

    • Hi Brad
      Sorry to hear that. I think you probably just need some time to recover and build your strength again. Take some time to yourself, stay away from women for a little while, enjoy being single if you can. When you’re feeling 100% again, I’m sure you’ll be able to have sex with other women.

  • I think a healthy relationship is based on both partners on how to handle sex issues and talks about the relationship.

  • i am 62 years fit and fine people say i look in my forties my wife is ten years younger to me but she is no more interested in sex.I still feel the surge in me but she mostly evades me.I feel that she may be having some hormonal disbalance due to hysterectomy performed on her in2012 march Would you advice me what to do.

    • Hi Sanjeev
      It’s very possible that her libido changed with the hysterectomy. I think it’s a very difficult situation for women when they suddenly find they don’t have the same sexual desire as before. It might not be the cause, as it’s normal for our libido to change throughout life. But it seems likely. Have you spoken openly and honestly about how you feel? She might be feeling bad, that she doesn’t satisfy you, so if you can talk together about how you both feel, it might help you find a solution that keeps you satisfied, takes the pressure off her, and allows you to find a way that you both enjoy.

  • Leave a comment:

    Only enter your email if you'd like to follow this conversation. Your email will not be published. Feel free to comment without entering your email or name.