How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of a professional movie star.

In fact, if you can go all night we’re going to think there’s something wrong with us.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For us, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1) Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, most of us would say that we wanted more foreplay. It often seems to us that men think of foreplay as a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a girl in bed because foreplay is one of the most enjoyable aspects of sex for women. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives us time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask us what feels good if you’re not sure. If we’re not into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same moves as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if we think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not we actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put us in the right frame of mind and we’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2) Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, then we’re going to be disappointed with you.

If you want to know how to satisfy a woman in bed properly, you need to know exactly where to focus your attention. We want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

I shouldn’t need to tell you that women usually need clitoral stimulation to climax, and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it won’t get us there like it will for a man. A girl needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your hands or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different moves. For example, the figure of eight with your hips – just ask your partner what feels good, and keep doing it.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t shift positions too often. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, then keep doing exactly the same thing.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3) Compliment her

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, we like to be told how great we look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make us feel self-conscious and stop us from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions we have. So it can help if you make an effort to counteract our critical opinions of our own body, and reassure us that we’re amazing just the way we are.

Earlier I mentioned that foreplay begins way before any touching. So keep in mind that if we catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, we’ll feel that we can’t live up to those expectations.

So yeah, try not to grow lazy and stop telling us how beautiful and sexy we are.

4) We love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. We want you to tell us if something feels good, and praise how we look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because we haven’t complained or demanded something.

You need to ask and talk to us about what we like. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk to us about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex between you.

Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know!

However, although communication is important, never ever ask us if we’ve come yet. If you need to ask, then it probably hasn’t happened.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. And of course, it’s always worth brushing up on your foreplay skills.


+ Add Comment
  1. Mugoda Oscar

    Hello. Am glad to find your site, this information is really helpful to me because i have been a disappointing guy for my woman. thank you so much.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Mugoda
      I’m happy to hear you found the site helpful. It’s never to late to improve your love making, so stay positive and I’m sure you’ll find ways to make her happy.

  2. Hey I have a problem with my girlfriend she gets tired so fast during sex what should I do?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Joseph
      Hmmm, could be various reasons. What do you mean exactly by tired? Does she not like being on top? Does she get out of breath and exhausted? Or does she just tell you she’s had enough?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Jack
      Well, by reading articles like this one, you’ve already taken a good step. I think it’s really helpful to read about different techniques, and then try to make them work for you both.
      And for me, the key is communication. Be responsive to what she appears to like or not like. And if you can, talk openly about what works or not for both of you.

  3. why having sex with my woman she complains pains down there what may be the cause?

    1. Karen Martinez

      There could be many reasons. One possibility is that she isn’t lubricated enough. You might want to try having more foreplay and/or using a lubricant. You can also be more gentle, especially when you first start sex.

  4. good morning. I find it hard to go for the second round after 30 minutes. what is the cause?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Mike
      Some men just need longer to recover – there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. Try to relax and not force yourself. The more relaxed you are, I think the more likely it is you’ll be ready sooner.

  5. Nuwa Norman

    Hi I have a problem, I ejaculate within just a minute when having sex, how can I last longer?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Nuwa
      That’s not a straight-forward question to answer because there can be many reasons it happens. But this site is full of useful advice about premature ejaculation – just take a good look around!

  6. hi i have a problem my girlfriend is not sure if she is a virgin, and wants to know before we have sex. she says whenever she get horny she watches porn and rubs her clitoris, does that take away a girl’s virginity?

  7. Charles

    Hi me and my woman we’ve got 3 years now in our relationship. the problem that I have is she becomes wet showing me that she is on the motion, but out of the blue telling me that I must stop by that time I hadn’t come what should I do?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Charles
      You mean she reaches climax before you do? That’s not such a common occurrence! The thing is to talk to her nicely, and explain that you feel it would be good to find a way for both of you to climax – just as a woman would/should tell a man!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Kaddu
      Maybe she would prefer to share a sensual, passionate, loving sexual experience, rather than ‘be bonked’. But there could be many reasons, so you probably won’t know unless you ask her – nicely, calmly and caringly – to let you know what she might enjoy more or less of in bed.
      If she doesn’t tell you still, then perhaps go back to basics. Try taking her out on romantic evenings, flirting, complimenting, being generally nice and loving towards her. If you can reconnect with her in a level that makes her feel you truly want her, maybe she’ll warm to the idea of sex again. Seduce her mind rather than her body…

  8. Karen Martinez

    Hi Mansuk
    Some men do develop premature ejaculation later in life. Sometimes there is a physical or psychological cause directly behind it. Other times there doesn’t seem to be a clear reason. It can be a good idea to get a health check with your doctor to see if there’s anything else going on. Otherwise, I would try not to stress, and try some techniques you’ll find on this website. Check out the main menu for a good page about premature ejaculation treatment, and take a look around this site as there is loads of help here.

  9. Evans Bosire

    I got a problem with my wife during sex time the problem she is not releasing and I have released more than three times for 2hours what may be the problem

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Evans
      There could be many reasons. Some women just don’t orgasm often with sex alone. Are you stimulating her clitoris during sex, or have your tried oral? And have you asked her directly what makes her climax?

  10. karthikeyan vijayan

    I am 18 years old I haven’t sex with anyone my penis foreskin doesn’t go down when I try it I feel pain a lot and I dont want it. Please tell that the foreskin must go down to have proper sex?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi karthikeyan
      Technically, you can still have sex with the foreskin as you have it. However, it should be able to retract by your age, so it’s important to talk to your doctor about it.

  11. Anonymous

    hi, does it mean a lady is satisfied when she asked to take a break in the middle of hard penetration

    1. Karen Martinez

      Well, it could be many things! She might just be tired or sore – not necessarily satisfied. Why don’t you ask her to find out what she thinks about your hard sex sessions?

  12. Andreas Elago

    I have a problem with my wife I was in car accident and end up in the wheelchair, always when we have sex she said she can not feel my penis and sometimes she asked for more sex, what must I do to fill my dick and to give her more?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Andreas
      Sorry to hear about your accident. What’s the exact problem though – are you not able to get an erection? Or is it something else?

  13. hi,
    I have a problem of premature ejaculation. I don’t even enjoy the game because my gun refuse to work before even five minutes. please help.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Laban
      There are many useful articles on this site about premature ejaculation. Take a good look around and you’ll find lots of help.

  14. dear Karen, i have been with this girl for a month now. She has been getting a lot of things from me but each time i ask for sex, she demands huge amount of money which i cannot afford to pay at once. Does this lady love me?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi MK
      Sorry to burst your bubble, but if a woman will only have sex with you for money, I think love isn’t going to be a big part of what’s going on. Where and how did you meet her?

  15. j'adore

    my gf complaint that she’s not always satisfied when we have sex, though i try to carry out deep romance before sex and am capable of going more than 2 rounds. Again she complains she doesn’t feel it when I want to ejaculate. And at times i ejaculate fast. what can I do to solve this problem?please

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      It sounds like there are several things going on here. My advice would be to talk openly with her about what she would like more or less of. There’s nothing better than discussing what you both want, as I could only guess. I don’t know about the complaining she doesn’t feel it thing – many men ejaculate without any clear buildup. But if she likes to know, you could just be more vocal and give her verbal feedback that you’re getting excited and going to ejaculate. Maybe she will like that. About lasting longer – just read around this website as there are lots of great articles about that.

  16. Mickymouse

    Can you give me a straight forward answer on how to make a girl appreciate you in the bed… Thank you very nice.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Well, perhaps start by being patient, and focusing on her needs and pleasure. Really, that’s one of the best things to do – make sure she is satisfied sexually. Try giving her amazing oral sex before you even think about yourself.

  17. Hi,
    My Penis upper skin doesnt go down when it is ready for sex. I get pained but when it is in rest position then skin get down and i can uncover my penis with upler skin. How i can make my pennis uncover when it is ready for sex and i dont feel pain.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Sumit
      Have you tried using a lubricant? That might help. But if you do have a very tight foreskin, it’s something to discuss with your doctor to check it doesn’t need treatment.

  18. Hi. i have a girl whom i love most but she has one unique thing that she get into heat very slowly and does not contribute to the bed play. How can i overcome this two case? please assist me!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Daniel
      Well, I guess you just need to accept that she takes time, and work on your flirting and foreplay game. Some people are just more passive and like the other to take control. Does she seem to enjoy sex though when she does get going?

  19. Hello how are you ? I have a problem my gf when we sex before she moan after she left me for some months and came back to me when I have sex with her now she does not moan again and tell me she knows how to hold pains ..I guess she has been cheating but I don’t mind cause I love her ..but I study this in me when I give her sex before she likes it and even want more but now she says my dick is small I laugh and also when I sex I ejaculate very fast so she complain a lot that she has not cum she want another round before my dick stand up it takes a lot of time that she get so mad she is tired she try all way to make it up but it takes time..pls I neee a good and best answer …and I know am very good in sex so she does not even allow me use the styles I learnt on her cause we don’t have much sex ..

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Khalifha
      Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. To be honest, it sounds to me like it’s the relationship that needs fixing, not the specific sex problem. Why did she leave? Why did she come back? Why is she being mean to you now, even though she came back? These are questions that I think need answering. It seems to me like she’s not happy, and I think finding out why will help you work out what to do to improve things.

  20. Hi I’m 24 years old but I haven’t had sex so far and my girlfriend is also a virgin but now we are about to have sex and I need your advice how to make her satisfied and to take virginity…. sorry for my poor English

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Anan
      Well, the main thing would be to take it slowly. Let her guide the pace in terms of how comfortable you think she is. Try to relax, make it fun and enjoyable, and not a stressful experience. Have a read of the articles on this site too, and you’ll find lots of useful advice.

  21. Hi please help me my girl friend takes long to come so i don’t know if she is not happy with me or not?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Many women do just take a long time to climax, especially compared to men. It doesn’t dictate whether she’s happy with you or not. Perhaps if she never climaxes, she’ll start to feel less happy though. As long as you enjoy intimacy together, that’s the important thing. If she needs time, don’t pressure her or criticize her. Just be patient and do the things she needs to enjoy sex and climax.

  22. Hi guys, i have a problem with my girlfriend always she become wet down there when i just touch her when we in bedroom… And it’s too much wet … Please help

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      It’s natural for a woman to have this natural lubrication. There’s nothing you can do about it other than accept that it’s the way she is, not make her feel bad about it, and understand that it means she’s turned on, which is a good thing for you! If sex becomes messy, or too slippery, you can keep a towel by the bed to dry both of you off from time to time.

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