How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives a women time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. You might also like to check out some ideas for building your partner’s arousal.

426 thoughts on “How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules”

  1. hi
    my problem is that I can’t remove my upper skin before penetrating
    I am 21 years old
    please give me the best solution

  2. Hi am Adede

    I have a problem when having sex with my partner. when I start working after a few minutes my penis starts becoming very weak until I see I cant do anything plz need some advice

    1. Hi Adede
      Thanks for your comment. There are lots of reasons why you might find it difficult to maintain an erection during sex. It’s not a topic I address at length here really, so the best advice would be to look up ‘erectile dysfunction’ online. And specifically look with phrases like ‘difficulty keeping an erection during sex’. Hopefully you’ll find some websites dedicated to that problem.

  3. Hi my girl friend doesn’t like playing & sucking of her breast, anytime we make sex i feel she is not satisfied. what are other means that we employ to make her satisfied?

    1. Hi,

      Have a look at the article about giving a woman oral sex. Have you spoken to her about why she doesn’t like it? Maybe they are very sensitive, or not very sensitive. Ask her why she doesn’t like it. And have you asked her is she wants to do other things during sex? What makes you think she’s not satisfied? Has she said something? Does she not climax? Does she just not say good things about it?

  4. My gf says that she doesn’t need risk and she says she can’t handle the pain though I am not going deep or fast help

    1. Hi Abc
      I can’t really give any advice at the moment because I’m not sure what it is that you mean by risk? Do you mean just the fact that she finds you too painful? It may be that you are a little large for her, and that some lubricant might help, as well as spending more time on foreplay.

  5. When i finish having sex, I feel pain inside my penis, what is the problem?

    1. Hi

      I’m not sure to be honest. It could be either from having too much and too hard. Or it could be that there’s a medical problem. I’d speak to your doctor to get some checks to make sure you haven’t got an infection.

  6. Wallambok Nongsiej

    When i try to have sex with my gf she always says ‘this is not the time’

    1. Hi Wallambok

      You’ll have to respect her wishes then! Perhaps have a conversation about her feelings towards you and having sex at a moment when you’re both feeling calm and happy together.

  7. Will this work even when your penis is not all that Large…?
    İs she going to be satisfied?

    1. Hi Duncan

      Well, you may be worrying unneccesarily about your penis size. Many guys are actually in the normal range but think they aren’t. And even if you are smaller than average, you can of course still satisfy a woman. As they say, it’s not the size it’s what you do with it that counts. Some women might argue that’s not totally the case, but if you dedicate yourself to learning all the different ways to pleasure a woman, you’ll be in a better position that someone who just goes at it as hard as they can in the position they like the most with no thought for the woman.

  8. I Have abig penis 25cm long three fingers depth i usually cum after 30-35 minutes…meaning i have a good sex drive i really give it my all in bed even oral sex but every time i have sex with a girl she cries tears i dont know whats wrong….and in most cases they tend to run away or break whatever relationship we had before having sex with them plz help me

    1. Hi there
      That’s really a very large penis you have there, which could be the reason they cry! Especially if you’re going at it hard for 30 minutes. If that is the case, then I think you need to work out what is actually comfortable and enjoyable for the woman. Maybe she just doesn’t find that length hammering away at her pleasurable, and it could be painful. I think you need to talk to her about what she enjoys, and also if you notice them looking uncomfortable, you need to go slower and not so deep.
      If it’s not a physical issue, as might be suggested by them breaking up before having sex, then I can’t advise you because I don’t know you, or the way you are with women. That’s something you’ll have to work out for yourself.
      Sorry I can’t help more.

  9. Jasper Kwasi

    my girlfriend love me very much and I to but the problem is that I don’t know how to make her have sex with me .

    1. Hi Jasper,
      I might just be picking up on a language point here, but to me the problem comes in your desire to ‘make’ her have sex with you. My opinion is that you need to wait patiently until she’s ready to have sex, not force it. Yes, you can bring up your desire in conversation. But do it in a friendly, positive way rather than making her feel pressured or criticized. You’re much more likely to have success by working with her, not against her.

  10. my penis takes long before erecting after ejaculation. This really bores my girl friend often. What can i do?

    1. Hi Markory
      How long does it take? Depending on your age, it can take minutes or hours. You can always engage in oral or manual stimulation during this time. But really, if she gets bored and tells you she gets bored, then maybe you need to think about what that means. Or switch the TV on for a while!

  11. I always reach my orgasm first before my wife can reach her orgasm.i ejaculate early what can i do?

    1. Hi Budro
      There’s plenty of advice here on this website, covering both natural techniques and delay products. I recommend starting at the homepage and seeing what appeals to you.

  12. Joeh Oburah Blecxieh

    Hi! I’m Oburah 21 yrs of age, It is just recently that i and my ex made love b4 we broke up she then sent me a text in my email that, “when u get another woman learn how to pleasure her cos your not good in bed still” i’ve been thinking of this after all that long time we last had sex it is just last week she told me that i feel so useless when we began by kissing and took same couple of time b4 we came up to the act, am pleased to have this great article knowing that i’ll gain more lessons concerning that matter, i just don’t want this to happen again.

    1. Hi Oburah
      That sounds to me like an angry message sent to hurt you! But still, even if it was I think you can look on the positive side. It’s inspired you to look for more ways you can satisfy your partner, and no matter how good you are in bed, that’s always going to be useful.

  13. I have a problem of not lasting long during intercourse, and i think its affecting my partner what should i do??

    1. Hi Pj
      There are lots of things you can do. The main choice being between practicing natural technique to last longer or using a delay product like a spray or condom. If you start here, you’ll find lots of information about those two choices.

  14. HI…

    i have an average penis having 5″. but problem is that my upper skin is not removed till now even i am 30 years old guy. it makes me sad always. wheather i will make a complete sex with ,my partner or not.please give me a best solution over it. how to overcome with this problem

    1. Hi Aani,
      Do you mean you can’t pull your foreskin back at all? Or that you haven’t been circumcised? If you can’t pull it back, then at your age I would probably speak to your doctor about it.

  15. I have doubts about women having orgasms during sex. I made the mistake of asking my wife to masturbate in front of me. It started out slow enough but quickly became furious, for a good long time, and she finished by rotating her fingers around her clitoris at a speed that would make an F5 tornado weep with envy. It took at least 20 minutes. There is no greater expert for what it takes to give my wife an orgasm than my wife, and it took her 20 minutes, using hand motions no male could ever hope to duplicate without causing serious injury. Nothing that happens during sex comes even close to that. If a women has an orgasm, it must be 95% to 100% mental. Additionally, my wife’s masturbation orgasm looks nothing like her intercourse orgasm. Apparently I’ve been treated to a performance since day 1. I’ve been exploring methods to convince my wife to have sex with me more often. Asking her to let me masturbate inside her doesn’t seem to work any more. Saw a sensual massage video. Took 45 minutes to bring woman to orgasm, which did look real and more importantly, used hand motions at a speed a male could master given some practice. Seems worth trying. Would like to die knowing at least once I got a woman to experience an orgasm through my own efforts.

    1. Hi Flash,

      Thanks for your comment, and I know exactly what you mean. But look at it the other way round – when you masturbate yourself, how much is that like real sex? I bet that at times you go at lightning speed and with a harder grip than most women can provide. That doesn’t mean we can’t have orgasms when we have sex with a woman though does it?
      You’re right that mental arousal can be a massive part of women’s orgasms, and that’s where you can also work harder to get her aroused before you even have sex.
      It’s also a fact that women (well, most women) can have different types of orgasms depending on what is being stimulated, by what, and in what way. A penis, vibrator, tongue, fingers will all provide different types of orgasms potentially. And if your partner is so open to doing that in front of you, have you tried getting her to stimulate her clitoris herself while you have sex? Try spooning her for example, taking her from behind, and letting her do the clitoral work. In my experience this position and combined efforts can produce great orgasms.
      Don’t give up hope my friend…maybe find a way to use this new knowledge to your advantage and work together to maximise the potential for great orgasms!

  16. Hi,

    My Name is Sam i am 29 old married man. but i am interested in my wife’s elder sister, she is 40 old. Please advise how can i start relation with her?
    and i don’t want to disturb my marriage life as well.

    1. Hi Sam,
      My advice would be to not try and do anything. Imagine what will happen when she tells your wife?

  17. Chris Parker

    A sex without orgasm isn’t a pleasurable experience. Always remember that those who can orgasm can have a better sex. Inability to orgasm can make your sex life worst. One of the best way to please your women in bed that I personally know is to apply the edible chocolate paint to her body. Basically, the cocoa is a sensuous ingredient which stimulate our body & encourages sexual feeling. No feeling is better than tasting the chocolate directly from your partner’s naked body. It will help her orgasm & meanwhile you can masturbate her to keep her energized.

    1. Hi Chris

      Thanks for your comment and that great idea about the chocolate. I think anything which spices things up is a sure winner. Though I disagree that sex without orgasm isn’t pleasurable. Look at tantric sex for example, which says that sometimes not having an orgasm can be a powerful thing…

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