How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more want more prolonged foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are usually able to reach orgasm sooner than women, so foreplay gives her time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex technique is a good place to start.

434 Comments

  1. I have a problem with my wife during sex. the problem she is not climaxing and I have done more than three times in 2 hours what may be the problem?

    • Hi Evans
      There could be many reasons. Some women just don’t orgasm often with sex alone. Are you stimulating her clitoris during sex, or have your tried oral? And have you asked her directly what makes her climax?

  2. I am 18 years old I haven’t sex with anyone my penis foreskin doesn’t go down when I try it I feel pain a lot and I dont want it. Please tell that the foreskin must go down to have proper sex?

    • Hi karthikeyan
      Technically, you can still have sex with the foreskin as you have it. However, it should be able to retract by your age, so it’s important to talk to your doctor about it.

    • Hi
      Well, it could be many things! She might just be tired or sore – not necessarily satisfied. Why don’t you ask her to find out what she thinks about your hard sex sessions?

  4. I have a problem with my wife I was in car accident and end up in the wheelchair, always when we have sex she said she can not feel my penis and sometimes she asked for more sex, what must I do to fill my dick and to give her more?

  5. hi,
    I have a problem of premature ejaculation. I don’t even enjoy the game because my gun refuse to work before even five minutes. please help.

  6. I have been with this girl for a month now. She has been getting a lot of things from me but each time i ask for sex, she demands a huge amount of money which i cannot afford to pay at once. Does this lady love me?

    • Hi MK
      Sorry to burst your bubble, but if a woman will only have sex with you for money, I think love isn’t going to be a big part of what’s going on. Where and how did you meet her?

  7. my gf complains that she’s not always satisfied when we have sex, though i try to carry out deep romance before sex and am capable of going more than 2 rounds. Again she complains she doesn’t feel it when I want to ejaculate. And at times i ejaculate fast. what can I do to solve this problem?

    • Hi there
      It sounds like there are several things going on here. My advice would be to talk openly with her about what she would like more or less of. There’s nothing better than discussing what you both want, as I could only guess. I don’t know about the complaining she doesn’t feel it thing – many men ejaculate without any clear buildup. But if she likes to know, you could just be more vocal and give her verbal feedback that you’re getting excited and going to ejaculate. Maybe she will like that. About lasting longer – just read around this website as there are lots of great articles about that.

    • Hi
      Well, perhaps start by being patient, and focusing on her needs and pleasure. Really, that’s one of the best things to do – make sure she is satisfied sexually. Try giving her amazing oral sex before you even think about yourself.

  9. Hi. i have a girl whom i love most but she has one unique thing that she get into heat very slowly and does not contribute to the bed play. How can i overcome this two case? please assist me!

    • Hi Daniel
      Well, I guess you just need to accept that she takes time, and work on your flirting and foreplay game. Some people are just more passive and like the other to take control. Does she seem to enjoy sex though when she does get going?

  10. Hello how are you ? I have a problem my gf when we sex before she moan after she left me for some months and came back to me when I have sex with her now she does not moan again and tell me she knows how to hold pains ..I guess she has been cheating but I don’t mind cause I love her ..but I study this in me when I give her sex before she likes it and even want more but now she says my dick is small I laugh and also when I sex I ejaculate very fast so she complain a lot that she has not cum she want another round before my dick stand up it takes a lot of time that she get so mad she is tired she try all way to make it up but it takes time..pls I neee a good and best answer …and I know am very good in sex so she does not even allow me use the styles I learnt on her cause we don’t have much sex ..

    • Hi Khalifha
      Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. To be honest, it sounds to me like it’s the relationship that needs fixing, not the specific sex problem. Why did she leave? Why did she come back? Why is she being mean to you now, even though she came back? These are questions that I think need answering. It seems to me like she’s not happy, and I think finding out why will help you work out what to do to improve things.

  11. Hi I’m 24 years old but I haven’t had sex so far and my girlfriend is also a virgin but now we are about to have sex and I need your advice how to make her satisfied and to take virginity…. sorry for my poor English

    • Hi Anan
      Well, the main thing would be to take it slowly. Let her guide the pace in terms of how comfortable you think she is. Try to relax, make it fun and enjoyable, and not a stressful experience. Have a read of the articles on this site too, and you’ll find lots of useful advice.

    • Hi there
      Many women do just take a long time to climax, especially compared to men. It doesn’t dictate whether she’s happy with you or not. Perhaps if she never climaxes, she’ll start to feel less happy though. As long as you enjoy intimacy together, that’s the important thing. If she needs time, don’t pressure her or criticize her. Just be patient and do the things she needs to enjoy sex and climax.

  13. Hi guys, i have a problem with my girlfriend always she become wet down there when i just touch her when we in bedroom… And it’s too much wet … Please help

    • Hi there
      It’s natural for a woman to have this natural lubrication. There’s nothing you can do about it other than accept that it’s the way she is, not make her feel bad about it, and understand that it means she’s turned on, which is a good thing for you!

  14. Hi
    My dick is just 5.5inches long. I was once with a girl who praised me in bed and was always so pleased each time we had sex. But I have been with other girls who do not appreciate me in bed. My question is..is my dick big enough to pleasure a girl through vaginal penetration?? Secondly, do u sincerely think I can increase the size of my dick with the use of bathmate or penomet??
    Thank u!!

    • Hi there
      I think you can definitely please a woman during sex. Your size is within the normal range, and plenty of women will be happy with it. And at the end of the day, technique counts for a huge amount, not just dimensions. As for the bathmate, from what I know, it’s unlikely to cause permanent size change, but might help you get a larger erection before sex if you feel the need.

  15. I’m very happy of your kindness information in respect of sex and your sexual magazine is really very useful to all readers such as me, however, I would like to have one copy if possible please.

    regarding delay spray or foreplays techniques, it’s really very good to know more about as I am practicing this every time, but some time I do not have time or my partner is very busy where she can’t wait or stay for long, so what is your suggestions to overcome such behavior?

    I am really bad in sex, sometime, I go very weak in erectile, as I have some issues, I need your kind advise and instructions on how to get out of that bad issue

    thank you,

    Al-Jahdhaami

    • Hi there
      It’s good to hear you like the website! There’s no magazine I can give you a copy of though, so you’ll have to keep coming back to the website to read new articles.
      If you and your partner don’t have time for foreplay or to use a delay spray etc, that’s fine sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘quickie’ occasionally. Just try to make it passionate and intense, so you can both enjoy it as much as possible.
      As for erection issues, that’s something that you can work on, and there are products that can help.

  16. my wife doesn’t want much foreplay. she hurriedly insert my manhood as she gets wet easily. when I pause n play with her clit then she feels like urinating and visits the washroom
    pls is it normal?

    • Hi there
      Some women do find clitoral stimulation too sensitive. But if she always need to pee, this is something maybe worth mentioning to a doctor. Has it always been that way with her?

      • Not many men understand why some women gush during sex – it isn’t urine. I’ve dated a couple gals that warned me about it before it happened, and I just thought, ‘That’s cool!’ Then, this gal would squirt-literally! I learned years later that just like a man that climaxes with semen, some women do the same. Some women hold it back because it feels like they want to pee. Others will actually release it and have a huge orgasm along with it. I would encourage men to read up about this and if your gal is up to experimenting, support her, let her release it, and love on her when it happens.

  17. Hi I love my girlfriend, I have done everything during the sex including oral sex and last long in bed, but still she can’t come – advise me please!

    • Hi
      There could be many reasons she doesn’t reach orgasm. Have you asked her what she likes? If there’s anything she’d like more, or less, of during sex? Perhaps the most obvious answer is she needs better stimulation of the clitoris – many women can’t orgasm just through penetration.

  18. Um… Hello, I’ve just recently arrived at the local age of consent where I live, and though I personally would prefer to leave sex until marriage as it is a family custom of mine and my religious belief, I was more or less oblivious to what my partner would want should I eventually engage her sexually. This article has really been enlightening and I thank you for it. However what I’d like to ask is, well… I’m very shy and socially awkward so how do I go about beginning the process in the first place? I understand it has some relevance to what I heard you refer to as foreplay but I am not sure what that usually entails, so what do I do should my partner be equally as inexperienced and not have an idea what feels good to her yet. And I get very nervous even thinking about talking seductively, do you any tips for a novice?

    • Hi Noblige
      I think the best advice I can give is to do some more reading, as you already are, and try not to stress about it. Sex is almost never perfect from the beginning with a new partner. It can be awkward, messy, funny and just not as you see in the movies. So it’s good to be prepared for it not to be 100% perfect, and realise it’s a process you work on together. You need to explore each other, work out what you both like and enjoy, and build from there. It’s good to have ideas of what to do, but also good to take it as it comes and have fun together.

  19. I’m 24 and haven’t been able to get an erection since my ex was cheating on me with a bunch of guys. I’ve brought it up to doctors and they’re not that concerned, they just want my cash. My new girl is more than understanding, but.. Well she’s also the biggest chick I’ve been with.. I can please her, but I’m actually not sure how much is ED and how much is.. Well because she’s bigger. Any advice?

    • Hi
      Well, I guess you need to ask yourself if you’re genuinely attracted to her sexually or not. That can be an issue that we hide from if we really love the person for who they are. And if you have problems like ED, then it can be more difficult to deal with if you’re not so turned on by the person in the first place. But, if you do like her, then I’d try to avoid passing any blame her way, even in your own mind, and work on building trust, relaxing, and having a fresh start with her.

  20. Hi, I’m lit, I have been married for close to 9 Years, I don’t know how an orgasm feels. I complained to him and he keeps asking me where my sensitive part is, but how will I know when had me as a virgin, the only man in my life, please help me.

    • Hi there
      Some women do just find it harder to reach orgasm than others. But you should know where is more sensitive through touching yourself. Have you managed to have orgasms through masturbation?
      I suggest working together openly, talking and communicating about where and what feels most pleasurable. You can enjoy exploring your body together, working out what feels best and where is most sensitive.

  21. I have a big size dick, don’t I hurt my wife and she doesn’t tell me what she really feels but she just keep quiet whenever I ask her

    • Hi
      I think the best thing is to ask her what it is that she wants more or less of or done differently. You can read all the articles in the world about sex, but really, the best thing to do is have some good honest communication about your sex life.

  23. Thank you for educating us on how we can satisfy our lady in bed. Apart from what you have said, I think the kind of food that can give men the energy to go a long way is very much important. So if you can educate us on the type of foods which are good for men we will appreciate it.

    • Hi there
      Personally, I just think that eating healthily and staying healthy in general is the key. Have a balanced diet, don’t eat so much junk food, don’t smoke or drink too much, and do plenty of exercise. There’s no ‘miracle’ food for better sex, despite what some people say. If you have a healthy diet, your body will perform at its best.

  24. I love my wife but she left me with a feeling of betrayal and now I have ED so bad that I won’t let myself get excited for another woman

    • Hi Brad
      Sorry to hear that. I think you probably just need some time to recover and build your strength again. Take some time to yourself and enjoy being single if you can. When you’re feeling 100% again, I’m sure you’ll be able to have sex with other women.

  25. i am 62 years fit and fine people say i look in my forties my wife is ten years younger to me but she is no more interested in sex.I still feel the surge in me but she mostly evades me.I feel that she may be having some hormonal disbalance due to hysterectomy performed on her in 2012 march Would you advise me what to do.

    • Hi Sanjeev
      It’s possible that her libido changed with the hysterectomy. I think it’s a very difficult situation for women when they suddenly find they don’t have the same sexual desire as before. It might not be the cause, as it’s normal for libido to change throughout life. But it seems likely. Have you spoken openly and honestly about how you feel? She might be feeling bad, that she doesn’t satisfy you, so if you can talk together about how you both feel, it might help you find a solution that keeps you satisfied, takes the pressure off her, and allows you to find a way that you both enjoy.

  26. Hi… I love your article about foreplay but I have a little problem.. I have my girlfriend and each time we have sex I tend to come too quick I just get too excited and just can’t keep it down can you help me please I really like to make her come first…i try foreplay but it always make her hot…and then befour youk know it she naked and ready to start…foreplay is very important in every relationship I strongly recommend that everyone try it…it really tun them on… he just need to find that time on explore to know what they like I really like to be touched

  27. My name is Sam, please I need a help am married to my wife and she loves me so much. My major problems are I have a small penis in size also I only last in bed 2 mins after foreplay and she is not always happy about it. Please what will I do in other to save my family.

    • Hi Sam
      I think you’ll probably benefit from reading our page about penis size. It has some ways you can make it appear bigger, and feel better about it yourself. And then this site is full of techniques and advice for lasting longer – just read around.

  28. Hi thanks for the information, I am 20 years of age but I have never been in relation. but now there’s a gal who is interested in me says that I am shy and always she wants to meet me and I have also developed interest in her. how should i start?

    • Hi Francis
      Definitely ask her out on a date! If you are shy, then take the pressure off yourself for a while – don’t worry about anything sexual for now – just ask her out on a date and go from there. Many women like a guy who is happy to go on some dates before jumping into bed. So if you are shy, just ask her to do something which is fun together – it doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner. It can be something fun that even friends might do together. Or maybe even just ask to go for a coffee with you. Just take that first step and go from there!

  30. My problem is that my wife will not let me touch her anywhere her excuse is it’s too sensitive she also doesn’t like foreplay or oral sex, so when I get a hard on it’s straight to business which totally frustrating – any advice?

    • Hi there
      Well, it could be true. Do you use lubricant when you touch her? Do you go really slowly and softly with your tongue when you kiss her and give her oral? Or do you think she just doesn’t like it or is embarrassed for you to be too close to her parts without her being in control? Perhaps you could start all over, and be really gentle with her during foreplay – spend lots of time doing things which aren’t so likely to make her feel defensive – kissing, cuddling, caressing non-sexual parts. If you spend a couple of weeks getting her used to the idea of gently, easy foreplay, then perhaps you can eventually win her over little by little and get to a place where she does allow you to touch her. It’s impossible to say what’s really going on in her mind if she doesn’t tell you, and it could be that she feels too sensitive after all. So if it’s not possible to have a totally open conversation about how you feel and how she feels, then perhaps dialing things back and working up slowly again will help.

    • Hi Shashi
      Did she add why she wasn’t satisfied? Was it just not long enough for her still? Was it the technique, the positions, the style, the lack of foreplay? You need to ask her what it is that she think will improve it for you. And if it was just too short a time, then considering how 15 to 20 minutes is a pretty long time, I recommend spending a long time on foreplay, manual and oral stimulation. Really tease her and enjoy each other before you even get to penetration. Then that time should end up being much shorter if she’s really turned on already.

  32. I have been married for fourteen years my wife and I had good sex for the first 2 years then she change she would say things like put some clothes on your disgusting she would be all over other men in fact she went to sleep with another man ECT we are not together any more it’s taken me a long time to feel confident with my body and being with a woman I am WITH an amazing woman now she makes me feel hole again to any body unhappy don’t just stick with it sort it

    • Hi Phil
      Sorry to hear you had that unpleasant experience. I can imagine it must have been a confidence hit at the time. It’s awesome you found someone who accepts you and makes you feel good. Nobody should put up with someone being mean to them about their body. Thanks for sharing your story and positive advice.

    • Hi Donald
      My advice would be to do the same as you would with a woman of any age. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy the same things as younger women. So you can take any normal sex advice and apply it to your love life.

    • Hi there
      Have you asked her why? Perhaps she’s just very sensitive there, and your finger feels uncomfortable. You could try suggesting using lubricant and don’t touch her unless with lube.

  38. I want a baby boy but my wife is not getting pregnant from couples of yrs her age is 44yrs we have only one female baby of 9 yrs so what i do to make her pregnant tell and guide me my age is 40 yrs it can be possible for us. Pls help me

    • Hi Ravi
      It is possible, but at that age, it isn’t always as easy as when a woman is in her 20s or 30s. This isn’t something I can help with, other than to recommend you stay patient and speak to a fertility doctor about to get some professional guidance.

  39. Hi sir i have a serious problem i love sex a lot and my wife didnt have a problem with it until she gets pregnant with a baby boy,so after her giving birth to our son last year August we started to have problems she spends quality time mostly with our son at her brother’s place then visits me sometimes,which usually visits me 2 days or less and before we where staying together and when i try to speak to her she says all i want is sex.i do everything to please her but she is no longer interested in sex but i understand that she doesn’t love sex but why does that change now after our first child?in 3years in our relationship, we didn’t have a problem with sex even though she doesn’t like it…i need help to make her enjoy having sex with me again because i see she is no longer interested. Please help.

    • Hi Simon
      Ok, so the first thing to understand is that it’s perfectly normal for a woman to have less interest in sex after giving birth. If you look online, you’ll find lots of information and advice about why this is. Now, what sounds worrying to me is that she’s spending more time away from the house. I think you need to talk about the relationship itself, and stop focusing just on sex. If your relationship is good, then the sex will follow. But trying to fix the relationship by looking at sex isn’t going to work in my opinion.

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