How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives a women time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. You might also like to check out some ideas for building your partner’s arousal.

426 thoughts on “How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules”

  1. Hi, I’m 26 year old and I have never have sex before in my live. What bother me is the length of my penis, when measure I discovered that am 6.7 inches. Am I a great guy and what is the average penis size women went. What method can I use to increase the size? Thank you.

    1. It is not the size of the dog that is in the fight but it is the size of the fight that is in the dog.

      Prince, Phalaborwa, South Africa

  2. I am Shem,everytime am having sex the moment I penetrate her I just ejaculate immediately pls help

    1. Hi Shem
      The best thing to do is look around this website for advice about increasing your sexual stamina. There are lots of articles with advice about your different options

  3. George abraam

    I am 37 yr old and my wife is 34, my problem is my wife feels pain during sex, although we use ky jel, she always want to have sex when she is on her back, but I want to change especially when she ride me, I feel that doesn’t want to have sex for long periods, and I push to have it at least every 10 days , every time, I like to give her an orgasm before entercourse. She is still shy in telling me what to do to please her. She is a very good wife and I love her so much.

    1. Hi George
      Unfortunately, if she finds sex painful, then it’s understandable that she won’t want it as much. Do you know why it’s painful? Has she spoken to her doctor about it? I think if you can find a way to make it not painful, then it’s more likely she’ll be willing to experiment and do it for longer.

  4. Hello guys, am 22 yrs. I’ve tried having sex two times but I get the same problem.
    My penis erects very well but when i try to penetrate into the vagina during sex, it seems to be week and as I try to force it inside, it just bends without entering and i end up failing to have sex
    If i try to masturbate, it seems to be fine in terms of erection.
    people, help me with some advise on what to do so as to harden and strengthen my penis during erection and sex.

    1. Hi Tonny
      The problem might be the other way round – do you make sure she is open and lubricated, either naturally or with a gel, before trying to penetrate? If she has a narrow vagina, and you don’t spend enough time during foreplay to get her warmed up, it can be very difficult to enter. So my advice is to spend more time with oral and manual stimulation, and use a lubricant if necessary. Then you will probably find your penis is erect enough to enter.

  5. Hi am blessing. I am 23 old. My problem is that i am very weak when it comes to satisfying a woman in bed bcz of early ejaculation even after masturbating and a small penis. Sometimes it difficult for me to be honest at my Partner and I shy to tell her to change position. So i don’t know what to use and what to do at this situation. Can you please help me.

    1. Hi bless
      I think it’s important to find a way to get past feeling shy. As a guy, it’s good to be confident in bed – even if you have to pretend to be confident! Most women like it when the man takes control and changes positions, showing them variety and a change in energy. If you never do it, it’s possible she is waiting for you and hoping you will one day!
      And to help with premature ejaculation, there’s lots of help on this website. If you look around, you’ll find many useful articles.

  6. Hai, we’ve been having an intimate relationship with my gf for almost 7 years but we’ve never slept with her. She keeps saying that time will come. Apparently, she is in campus several kilometers from where I am and we only meet over the holiday apart from rare visits I make to her when she isn’t going home since she’s always going home and has no time for a visit to me. I’ve tried to understand her but my patience is running out as many ladies come by me. I’m faithful and have never indulged in any sex since we started dating with her. Kindly help

    1. Hi Dwayne
      I guess if you’re both serious about your relationship, you’ll just have to wait until she’s ready to go to that level. Some people take a long time, especially when they are younger and want to be sure it’s the right time. But if you feel unsatisfied after so many years, you’ll have to make the decision yourself about whether you feel she’s the one for you or not. And that’s a personal decision I can’t really help with. My only thought would be to tell you to listen to your instinct about where the relationship is going – are you truly happy and want to be with her, no matter what? Or are you worried it’s going nowhere and you’re missing out? Look inside and hopefully you’ll find the answer.

  7. I had sex with my gf 6-7 times but the problem is my sperm is not coming out during sex andfor this reason I had never enjoyed sex. one thing is that I feels to do sex but problem is same as I explained…

    1. Hi Saurabh1
      Do you ejaculate if you masturbate, or have you ever done in the past? If not, you might find it helpful to search online for what’s known as anejaculation.

  8. hey I am Robert, when I want to make love with my girlfriend during the first move I ejaculate within the first minute, could it be a medical problem? please help.

    1. Hi Robert
      It’s most likely to be physical sensitivity, or just a natural behavior as with many guys. If you have a look around this website, you’ll find lots of help for lasting longer. I’d try some of the techniques here and see if they help.

  9. i think you need to make fantasies like doing her while she is cooking kiss her as much as you like. Make her fill that she is your first love. Give her more special treatment and tell your feeling for her release your tsunami of love in her heart.

  10. I’m martins, any time I have sex with my girlfriend, she’s always unhappy and wouldn’t like to have it other times. what should I do?

    1. Hi martins
      You need to ask her – nicely – what it is that she doesn’t seem to enjoy about it, and then work out what to do.

  11. George Murillo

    Hi I’m 19 and I’ve been with my gf for 5 months now and we have been intimate for 3 months now (I took her virginity) we usually have sex 2-3 times a week ,we always role play ,we do oral , I always compliment her and get the mood going but she recently told me that she hasn’t been feeling the pleasure in the sex to much so plzz help she is really into me and so am I??

    1. Hi George
      First thing, try not to worry too much right now. It’s normal for people to go through different phases of enjoying sex or not so much. To be honest though, I can’t offer much help other than to say that you need to ask her what she means exactly. Only that way will you know what’s going on for her. I’d also recommend mixing things up, trying new stuff and generally trying to explore your sexuality together.

  12. My name is mozes from nigeria. each time I’m having sex my girlfriend, I’m always very gentle and shy to be rough and ride like and animal. But she doesn’t like it that way and thinks I don’t know how to make love. Because of that I took to sleeping with other girls.

    1. Hi Mozes
      Yes, unfortunately sometimes you meet someone you like, but then you both have very different ideas about what good sex is. There’s no right or wrong – you’re just different. Maybe you need to talk about it and find some balance. Either that, or find a new girlfriend if you really can’t make things work, and sex is important to you both.

  13. How can I know that my gf is satisfied in bed because even when I do my best she always needs more. Am wondering what to do for I dont want her to leave me.

    1. Hi Kasee
      I think the only person who can answer that question is her! You just have to communicate honestly with her and ask her directly what she feels is missing, or needs more of. Then hopefully you can work together to find the balance of what feels right and satisfying for both of you.

  14. Hey…. I have a sexual issue that during sex in the very first round I lose my stamina in 2 min and in the 2nd it takes a long time but I want to increase my stamina during first round coz I always confused about my gf satisfaction as I think first round does more for satisfaction… can I have any advice?

    1. Hi Alok
      It’s very common to last for a shorter time the first time. A simple trick – if you have time – is to masturbate an hour or two before having sex. It works well for many guys. Otherwise, you can try a delay spray, or perhaps learn the natural techniques to control your stamina, which takes longer but is worth it.

      1. Learning control such as masturbating to the point of orgasm but stop before it happens. And deep breathing helps too

  15. I always dream and having sex in the dream. Please help me with tips on how to stop that.

    1. Hi Freeman
      There’s not much you can do to avoid that I’m afraid. You might just have to accept that it’s happening and try to remember that dreams can be strange, unwanted and hard to control. It doesn’t mean anything bad though.

  16. Hello. Please I Need Help. I Have Been Masturbating For 4 Years And I Want To Stop It. How Can I Stop

    1. Hi Francis
      To be honest, it’s a personal choice and you just have to find the internal strength to stop – in the same way as stopping anything which is enjoyable. The problem is that it’s a natural thing, and you have a natural biological drive to do it. So it takes a fair bit of mental strength to resist. There are no tricks though – you just have to decide to stop and stick with it.

  17. My sexual time is 1 min, I need to increase my sex timing can u tell me what I can do?

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