How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more want more prolonged foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are usually able to reach orgasm sooner than women, so foreplay gives her time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex technique is a good place to start.


  1. Great article indeed. I have to say that your approach changed my sexual life and I got rid of my performance anxiety and week erection. I also highly recommend Eisner Fjord’s “How to satisfy a woman in bed” which contains advice of many women on the perfect love making

  2. So How to Satisfy a Woman in bed every time:

    1) Foreplay at length, long kisses, and caresses.
    2) Staying inside her long enough with many thrusting.
    3) Knowing her favorite positions.
    4) Not insisting on what you want.
    5) Understanding & giving her what she needs to get her climax.

    • Hi Elliam,
      Well, you kind of already answered the question. She might just have a very sensitive clitoris and not enjoy it being touched at all. But it could also be that you are trying to touch it too early during foreplay and with no lubrication. Ask her if that is the case, and if she would like longer foreplay or to use a lubricant to help her enjoy it more. I’d also suggest you don’t even try to touch the clitoris unless you have had lots of kissing, massage, touching in other places and you feel she is very aroused.

  3. I always had it engrained in my mind that I had PE and it would bother me to a point I would rather not have sex until at least a few dates or a couple weeks into the relationship.

    First time my girlfriend and I did have sex, I had to go very slowly and monitor my sensations. If I ever felt the urge coming on to quickly, I would pause and make out with her and then continue going slowly after it passed.

    Now I’m figuring no matter what, if I start with intense sensations like that, it’s going to stay that way. I typically go at it slowly with her and then after a few minutes I’ll get off. But it never means I’m done. I just go down on her and begin giving her clitorial and vaginal stimulation for 10 or 15mins with my tongue and fingers until I’m back up and ready again. Sometimes helps getting a blowjob to get back up! At this point, the sensations are lessened to a degree and I could go at it much faster and longer if I please.

    My girlfriend doesn’t complain ever. She states how mind-blowingly good I am with my tongue and is impressed how many times I can get off with her. She also likes to take it slow too so she gets the best of both worlds! By doing it this way, you can have sex and stimulation for several hours. I’ve gotten off five times in one night with her.

    Just my personal experience mate, just take your time, let it go after a few minutes, and don’t stop pleasing her! In fact, learn how to please her without your penis. That alone has given me plenty of confidence.


    • Hi Shawn
      Thanks for your great comment and advice. I completely agree that it’s a good idea to keep going after you orgasm, and to develop your skill with tongue and fingers – there’s no limit to how long you can keep going for if you expand your view of sex to being more than just penis and vagina!

  4. Perfect rules! Golden indeed!

    For me, the be biggest transformation happened when I learned to really arouse and tease my girl.

    Did you know that women’s biggest erogenous zone is her brain? yep.
    So instead of seduction tricks..if you would just play and create an expectation that she looks forward for the whole day – oh, man, it made such a difference!

    And then the next thing – not touching erogenous zones immediately, but really taking time with featherlight touch around the body…and then SLOWLY zoning in…

    • Hi Dainis
      Glad you agree! I totally agree with your theory about teasing your partner slowly, both during the day and when you actually get down to it. The suspense, buildup and erotic flavor it adds can work wonders.

  5. I have only had six partners in my entire life, but I have yet to have a partner who is willing to talk about what turns her on. I ended up learning what works on a couple of them because I had longer-term relationships and enough time to discover what works.

    So what do you do with a partner who rushed to the PIV in order to get back to the television as quickly as possible? Or the mother whose mind was more on her kids than on our time together even though they were asleep? Or the partner whose mind was occupied by everything BUT sex, even though I always made sure she had an orgasm?

    I now have ED. Guess how many partners I now have. It’s a whole number less than one.

    In conclusion, this article wouldn’t have helped me much when I could still attract partners. I’d still be fumbling in the dark trying to work out the positive and attempt to avoid the negative.

    • Hi Neo
      That’s a good question – what do you do if the woman isn’t ‘in the moment’? My answer would be to find a way to guide her into more ‘present’ sex. Everyone is different, of course, but perhaps you could try setting the scene more with candles, soft music (or heavy rock if that’s what works!) etc. Perhaps they don’t see sex as something the relax and enjoy, for a million possible reasons. Your job could be to change the way you do things. Make slow, passionate love instead of having a quick shag.
      And on another note, if you have ED, it can also help to take the pressure off yourself by slowing everything down. You have an equal right to dictate the way sex goes in your relationships, and many women appreciate it when a man takes the lead. So even if she is used to having a quicky and getting back to the everyday routine, it’s your job to offer an alternative way.

  6. Hello. Am glad to find your site, this information is really helpful to me because i have been a disappointing guy for my woman. thank you so much.

    • Hi Mugoda
      I’m happy to hear you found the site helpful. It’s never to late to improve your love making, so stay positive and I’m sure you’ll find ways to make her happy.

    • Hi Joseph
      Hmmm, could be various reasons. What do you mean exactly by tired? Does she not like being on top? Does she get out of breath and exhausted? Or does she just tell you she’s had enough?

    • Hi Jack
      Well, by reading articles like this one, you’ve already taken a good step. I think it’s really helpful to read about different techniques, and then try to make them work for you both.
      And for me, the key is communication. Be responsive to what she appears to like or not like. And if you can, talk openly about what works or not for both of you.

    • Hi
      There could be many reasons. One possibility is that she isn’t lubricated enough. You might want to try having more foreplay and/or using a lubricant. You can also be more gentle, especially when you first start sex.

    • Hi Mike
      Some men just need longer to recover – there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. Try to relax and not force yourself. The more relaxed you are, I think the more likely it is you’ll be ready sooner.

  7. Hi me and my woman we’ve got 3 years now in our relationship. the problem that I have is she becomes wet showing me that she is on the motion, but out of the blue telling me that I must stop by that time I hadn’t come what should I do?

    • Hi Charles
      You mean she reaches climax before you do? That’s not such a common occurrence! The thing is to talk to her nicely, and explain that you feel it would be good to find a way for both of you to climax – just as a woman would/should tell a man!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *