How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of a professional movie star.

In fact, if you can go all night we’re going to think there’s something wrong with us.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For us, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1) Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, most of us would say that we wanted more foreplay. It often seems to us that men think of foreplay as a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a girl in bed because foreplay is one of the most enjoyable aspects of sex for women. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives us time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask us what feels good if you’re not sure. If we’re not into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same moves as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if we think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not we actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put us in the right frame of mind and we’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2) Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, then we’re going to be disappointed with you.

If you want to know how to satisfy a woman in bed properly, you need to know exactly where to focus your attention. We want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

I shouldn’t need to tell you that women usually need clitoral stimulation to climax, and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it won’t get us there like it will for a man. A girl needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your hands or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different moves. For example, the figure of eight with your hips – just ask your partner what feels good, and keep doing it.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t shift positions too often. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, then keep doing exactly the same thing.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3) Compliment her

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, we like to be told how great we look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make us feel self-conscious and stop us from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions we have. So it can help if you make an effort to counteract our critical opinions of our own body, and reassure us that we’re amazing just the way we are.

Earlier I mentioned that foreplay begins way before any touching. So keep in mind that if we catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, we’ll feel that we can’t live up to those expectations.

So yeah, try not to grow lazy and stop telling us how beautiful and sexy we are.

4) We love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. We want you to tell us if something feels good, and praise how we look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because we haven’t complained or demanded something.

You need to ask and talk to us about what we like. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk to us about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex between you.

Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know!

However, although communication is important, never ever ask us if we’ve come yet. If you need to ask, then it probably hasn’t happened.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. And of course, it’s always worth brushing up on your foreplay skills.


+ Add Comment
  1. Hi
    My dick is just 5.5inches long. I was once with a girl who praised me in bed and was always so pleased each time we had sex. But I have been with other girls who do not appreciate me in bed. My question my dick big enough to pleasure a girl through vaginal penetration?? Secondly, do u sincerely think I can increase the size of my dick with the use of bathmate it penomet??
    Thank u!!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      I think you can definitely please a woman during sex. Your size is within the normal range, and plenty of women will be happy with it. And at the end of the day, technique counts for a huge amount, not just dimensions. As for the bathmate, from what I know, it’s unlikely to cause permanent size change, but might help you get a larger erection before sex if you feel the need.

  2. I’m very happy of your kindness information in respect of sex and your sexual magazine is really very useful to all readers such as me, however, I would like to have one copy if possible please.

    regarding delay spray or foreplays techniques, it’s really very good to know more about as I am practicing this every time, but some time I do not have time or my partner is very busy where she can’t wait or stay for long, so what is your suggestions to overcome such behavior?

    I am really bad in sex, sometime, I go very weak in erectile, as I have some issues, I need your kind advise and instructions on how to get out of that bad issue

    thank you,


    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      It’s good to hear you like the website! There’s no magazine I can give you a copy of though, so you’ll have to keep coming back to the website to read new articles.
      If you and your partner don’t have time for foreplay or to use a delay spray etc, that’s fine sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘quickie’ occasionally. Just try to make it passionate and intense, so you can both enjoy it as much as possible.
      As for erection issues, that’s something that you can work on, and there are products that can help. Have a read of Ethan’s article about erection problems for some ideas.

  3. my wife doesn’t want much foreplay. she hurriedly insert my manhood as she gets wet easily. when I pause n play with her clit then she feels like urinating and visits the washroom
    pls is it normal?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Some women do find clitoral stimulation too sensitive. But if she always need to pee, this is something maybe worth mentioning to a doctor. Has it always been that way with her?

      1. Not many men understand why some women gush during sex – it isn’t urine. I’ve dated a couple gals that warned me about it before it happened, and I just thought, ‘That’s cool!’ Then, this gal would squirt-literally! I learned years later that just like a man that climaxes with semen, some women do the same. Some women hold it back because it feels like they want to pee. Others will actually release it and have a huge orgasm along with it. I would encourage men to read up about this and if your gal is up to experimenting, support her, let her release it, and love on her when it happens.

  4. Hi I want to know how can I enlarge my testicles and produce better semen for my woman, answer please!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      As far as I know, there’s no way to increase your testicle size. Perhaps they might appear fuller at times when they contain more semen, but I don’t think it will make much of a difference. So I’d recommend accepting your natural size. In terms of semen production, I don’t know what you mean by ‘better’. But I’d just eat a healthy diet, do exercise, avoid smoking, too much alcohol or drugs.

  5. Steve Biko

    hi, am steve i’ve got only one testes can i reproduce and where do u think the other testes have gone to and how can it be solved

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Steve
      Yes, usually men can still have children even with one testicle. When you say ‘where do you think the other testes have gone’ do you mean you had two before, or you have never had two? Either way, this is really something you need to talk to your doctor about.

  6. Hi I love my girlfriend, I have done everything during the sex including oral sex and last long in bed, but still she can’t come – advise me please!

    1. Karen Martinez

      There could be many reasons she doesn’t reach orgasm. Have you asked her what she likes? If there’s anything she’d like more, or less, of during sex? Perhaps the most obvious answer is she needs better stimulation of the clitoris – many women can’t orgasm just through penetration.

  7. hello when i do foreplay with a girl i ejaculate, and it is only in the foreplay. how to solve this problem?

  8. Amos wekesa simiyu

    why is it that when we are having sex my partner is wet and she is just there without any excitement of sex

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Amos
      Not sure what you mean exactly with the part ‘she is just there’?

  9. I love my wife but she doesn’t want sex. advise me so that I have more frequent sex with her please

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Sorry to hear you’re having this issue – it’s not a nice thing to experience or feel. I wrote an article talking about this kind of issue recently that might help you. You can find it here.

  10. Um… Hello, I’ve just recently arrived at the local age of consent where I live, and though I personally would prefer to leave sex until marriage as it is a family custom of mine and my religious belief, I was more or less oblivious to what my partner would want should I eventually engage her sexually. This article has really been enlightening and I thank you for it. However what I’d like to ask is, well… I’m very shy and socially awkward so how do I go about beginning the process in the first place? I understand it has some relevance to what I heard you refer to as foreplay but I am not sure what that usually entails, so what do I do should my partner be equally as inexperienced and not have an idea what feels good to her yet. And I get very nervous even thinking about talking seductively, do you any tips for a novice?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Noblige
      I think the best advice I can give is to do some more reading, as you already are, and try not to stress about it. Sex is almost never perfect from the beginning with a new partner. It can be awkward, messy, funny and just not like you see in the movies. So it’s good to be prepared for it not to be 100% perfect, and realise it’s a process you work on together. You need to explore each other, work out what you both like and enjoy, and build from there. It’s good to have ideas of what to do, but also good to take it as it comes and have fun together.

  11. I’m 24 and haven’t been able to get an erection since my ex was cheating on me with a bunch of guys. I’ve brought it up to doctors and they’re not that concerned, they just want my cash. My new girl is more than understanding, but.. Well she’s also the biggest chick I’ve been with.. I can please her, but I’m actually not sure how much is ED and how much is.. Well because she’s bigger. Any advice?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Well, I guess you need to ask yourself if you’re genuinely attracted to her sexually or not. That can be an issue that we hide from if we really love the person for who they are. And if you have problems like ED, then it can be more difficult to deal with if you’re not so turned on by the person in the first place. But, if you do like her, then I’d try to avoid passing any blame her way, even in your own mind, and work on building trust, relaxing, and having a fresh start with her.

  12. Hmmm,Hi,
    I’m lit, I have been married for close to 9 Years ,I don’t know how orgasm feels .I complained to him and he keeps asking me where my sensitive part is,but how will I know when had me as a virgin,the only man in my life,please help me.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Some women do just find it harder to reach orgasm than others. But you should know where is more sensitive through touching yourself. Have you managed to have orgasms through masturbation?
      I suggest working together openly, talking and communicating about where and what feels most pleasurable. You can enjoy exploring your body together, working out what feels best and where is most sensitive.

  13. hi Karen please I got a big size dick don’t I hurt my wife and she doesn’t tell me what she really feels but she just keep quiet whenever I ask her

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Moses
      I’m not sure I completely understand what you’re asking. Are you saying you think you hurt her because you’re big, but she doesn’t tell you?

    1. Karen Martinez

      I think the best thing is to ask her what it is that she wants more or less of or done differently. You can read all the articles in the world about sex, but really, the best thing to do is have some good honest communication about your sex life.

  14. Poka Messiah

    Thank you for educating us on how we can satisfy our lady in bed. Apart from what you have said, I think the kind of food that can give men the energy to go a long way is very much important. So if you can educate us on the type of foods which are good for men we will appreciate it.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Personally I just think that eating healthily and staying healthy in general is the key. Have a balanced diet, don’t eat so much junk food, don’t smoke or drink too much, and do plenty of exercise. There’s no ‘miracle’ food for better sex, despite what some people say. If you have a healthy diet, your body will perform at its best.

    2. I Had Sex With A Lady, But She Did Not Allow Me To Kiss Her And Even Touch On Her Breasts, But She Rejected To Come Back To Me, Why?

      1. Karen Martinez

        Hi there
        It sounds like she wasn’t sure about it at all, for whatever reason. My advice is to forget about her and let her go her own way!

  15. I love my wife but she left me with a feeling of betrayal and now I have ED so bad that I won’t let myself get excited for another woman

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Brad
      Sorry to hear that. I think you probably just need some time to recover and build your strength again. Take some time to yourself, stay away from women for a little while, enjoy being single if you can. When you’re feeling 100% again, I’m sure you’ll be able to have sex with other women.

  16. Anonymous

    I think a healthy relationship is based on both partners on how to handle sex issues and talks about the relationship.

  17. i am 62 years fit and fine people say i look in my forties my wife is ten years younger to me but she is no more interested in sex.I still feel the surge in me but she mostly evades me.I feel that she may be having some hormonal disbalance due to hysterectomy performed on her in2012 march Would you advice me what to do.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Sanjeev
      It’s very possible that her libido changed with the hysterectomy. I think it’s a very difficult situation for women when they suddenly find they don’t have the same sexual desire as before. It might not be the cause, as it’s normal for our libido to change throughout life. But it seems likely. Have you spoken openly and honestly about how you feel? She might be feeling bad, that she doesn’t satisfy you, so if you can talk together about how you both feel, it might help you find a solution that keeps you satisfied, takes the pressure off her, and allows you to find a way that you both enjoy.

  18. Hi… I love your article about foreplay but I have a little problem.. I have my girlfriend and each time we have sex I tend to come too quick I just get too excited and just can’t keep it down can you help me please I really like to make her come first…i try foreplay but it always make her hot…and then befour youk know it she naked and ready to start…foreplay is very important in every relationship I strongly recommend that everyone try it…it really tun them on… he just need to find that time on explore to know what they like I really like to be touched

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Kerwin
      In a word – oral. Even if she gets super aroused and wants sex, you can encourage her to lie back and let you work your magic with your tongue and fingers.

  19. My name is Sam, please I need a help am married to my wife and she loves me so much. My major problems are I have a small penis in size also I only last in bed 2 mins after foreplay and she is not always happy about it. Please what will I do in other to save my family.

  20. Hi thanks for the information,am 20 years of age but ihave never been in relation but now theres gal who is intrested in me says that am shy and always she wants to meet me and ihave also developed intrest in should i start?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Francis
      Definitely ask her out on a date! If you are shy, then take the pressure off yourself for a while – don’t worry about anything sexual for now – just ask her out on a date and go from there. Many women like a guy who is happy to go on some dates before jumping into bed. So if you are shy, just ask her to do something which is fun together – it doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner. It can be something fun that even friends might do together. Or maybe even just ask to go for a coffee with you. Just take that first step and go from there!

    1. Ethan Green

      Hi israr
      My personal favorite is promescent. There are lots of delay sprays you can try, but that’s the one I’ve personally had most success with.

  21. My problem is that my wife will not let me touch her anywhere her excuse is it’s too sensitive she also doesn’t like foreplay or oral sex, so when I get a hard on it’s straight to business which totally frustrating foe any advice.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Well, it could be true. Do you use lubricant when you touch her? Do you go really slowly and softly with your tongue when you kiss her and give her oral? Or do you think she just doesn’t like it or is embarrassed for you to be too close to her parts without her being in control? Perhaps you could start all over, and be really gentle with her during foreplay – spend lots of time doing things which aren’t so likely to make her feel defensive – kissing, cuddling, carressing non-sexual parts. If you spend a couple of weeks getting her used to the idea of gently, easy foreplay, then perhaps you can eventually win her over little by little and get to a place where she does allow you to touch her. It’s impossible to say what’s really going on in her mind if she doesn’t tell you, and it could be that she feels too sensitive after all. So if it’s not possible to have a totally open conversation about how you feel and how she feels, then perhaps dialling things back and working up slowly again will help.

  22. Hi,,, I fucked 15 to 20minutes to my wife she said like not satisfied,,, she’s 25old how to satisfied her please suggest me

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Shashi
      Did she add why she wasn’t satisfied? Was it just not long enough for her still? Was it the technique, the positions, the style, the lack of foreplay? You need to ask her what it is that she think will improve it for you. And if it was just too short a time, then considering how 15 to 20 minutes is a pretty long time, I recommend spending a long time on foreplay, manual and oral stimulation. Really tease her and enjoy each other before you even get to penetration. Then that time should end up being much shorter if she’s really turned on already.

  23. I have been married for fourteen years my wife and I had good sex for the first 2 years then she change she would say things like put some clothes on your disgusting she would be all over other men in fact she went to sleep with another man ECT we are not together any more it’s taken me a long time to feel confident with my body and being with a woman I am WITH an amazing woman now she makes me feel hole again to any body unhappy don’t just stick with it sort it

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Phil
      Sorry to hear you had that unpleasant experience. I can imagine it must have been a confidence hit at the time. It’s awesome you found someone who accepts you and makes you feel good. Nobody should put up with someone being mean to them about their body. Thanks for sharing your story and positive advice.

  24. Im 25 years and i’m in love with older person and i want to keep her happy in bed every time what must i do?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Donald
      My advice would be to do the same as you would with a woman of any age. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy the same things as younger women. So you can take any normal sex advice and apply it to your love life.

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