How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives a women time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. You might also like to check out some ideas for building your partner’s arousal.

426 thoughts on “How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules”

  1. after a long term romance I come so quickly but my erection doesn’t come down and I continue in sex and try to come again but it is almost impossible my girlfriend complains I stay too long that could be hard to have babies . could it be true? thanks …

    1. Hi Sammy
      I don’t think it’s true, no. You said you ejaculate the first time, but just take longer the second. It’s normal to take longer the second time round, so it may be true that you’re having sex for too long and she finds it uncomfortable. But nothing you said makes me think having children would be difficult.

  2. junior F

    hello I have a problem but I don’t know if it is a problem or not. any time I have sex with my girlfriend once I ejaculate the first time my penis falls and doesn’t stand again till after an hour or 2 please help me out

    1. Hi junior
      Well, it’s normal to lose your erection when you ejaculate. How long it takes to come back depends on many things. Some you can’t control, like your age. Others you can, such as staying as fit and healthy as possible.

  3. justice mutandwa

    thanks so much. I was thinking that I have a problem coz I do the same thing of just having one round with my wife then it will take too long to make my penis rise again

    1. Hi Justice
      Men take different times to be ready for sex again, and that’s fine. Women adapt to their partner’s rest time, and you can always use your hands and tongue while waiting if your lady is still wanting more.

  4. Ebenezer Nyarko

    Good article with down to earth advice. will try some of these ideas with my girlfriend. thanks

  5. Frank A.Z

    any time am having sex with my partner when I ejaculate the first time my penis fall first and get back erect in about 5min 10min some time which makes me and my partner not to enjoy the sex. while I want a situation were I ejaculate 2 to 3 time before my penis can fall please help me what can I do to stop that???

    1. Hi Frank
      What you’re asking for really isn’t easy, and not something most men ever achieve. It’s perfectly normal to lose your erection after ejaculating, and actually being able to get another one in 5 or 10 mins is really quite quick. Perhaps if you try to master pelvic floor exercises / kegels, you could in time learn to keep your erection. But it’s not easy and not guaranteed to work.
      So maybe the best thing is to relax about, accept that it’s normal and nothing is wrong with you, and if you need to keep your partner going in that 5-10 mins, just give her some amazing oral sex.

  6. Edwin R Strathmann

    Thank you for this! As a man who loves his angel I am always looking for ways to better our relationship and sex life! Keep us men up to date with fresh tips! Oh do we need to know our woman daily!

    1. Hi Edwin
      You’re most welcome! I’ll do my best to keep you in the know with regular new articles. And if you keep an eye on the sex tips category, you’ll find my latest advice and ideas.

  7. My fiancée had a holiday romance with a man half my age and in far superior physical condition. We are moving on but what can I do to make sure I can definitely satisfy her more so she doesn’t look back with longing at her fling ?

    1. That’s a difficult question to answer. One the one hand, it’s not great that you feel you need to do more to please her because she had a fling. But on the other hand, it’s not a bad thing to take it as a sign that maybe you need to freshen things up.
      You can also think about asking her directly if there’s anything she feels is missing and wants to try with you. Even if you can’t magic yourself a younger and stronger body, you can definitely be a better lover if you know what it is she most desires.

  8. for how long should a man take after entering the lady’s organ?

    1. Hi Baker
      There’s no simple answer to that question! Ideally long enough for both people to feel satisfied.

    1. Hi Ricky
      Well, it depends what you mean. If your partner doesn’t like it, and catches you doing it, then maybe. But if you mean masturbating when you’re single causing future problems, then no.

  9. I always take too short when having sex what could be the problem?

    1. Hi Katet
      There can be lots of reasons you might finish quickly during sex. Have a look at other articles on this site for some detailed advice. I can’t really explain every possibility in the comments here!

  10. Anonymous

    So if she puts the penis in her vagina, does this means she is ready now for sex?

    1. Hi
      You make it sound like she just found a penis lying around the house and put it in her vagina! I think you can safely assume she wants to have sex…

  11. My lady loves it when I lavish her with oral sex before we get down to action. I love it too so it’s the perfect match. We have foreplay for so long sometimes we don’t even need to have sex. I say everyone should put more attention into this and their partner will love them forever.

    1. Hi S
      I couldn’t agree more! Lack of foreplay is such a big complaint from women, many guys would do well to stop skipping it.

  12. when i have sex with my girlfriend i take a little time on her, what i mean is I ejaculate too fast. and this does not make her happy – help me out.

    1. Hi Steve
      There’s lots of advice on this website about that specific problem. I recommend starting with my main page about premature ejaculation where you’ll find a good overview and info. about some of the main treatment options.

  13. You can see from these questions, guys spend most of their time worrying about staying power and trying not to orgasm. The process of a guy maturing sexually has a lot to do with gaining control over his orgasm, resisting it, even. And it’s important, of course, that a guy can hold back and not just lose control as soon as he feels anything. The irony is, most guys, when a woman is getting really turned on or close to orgasm, they STOP what they are doing, wrongly thinking that we have the same biology.

    For women, the whole sexual process is backwards. It’s a good idea to let your woman have 2 or 3 orgasms from foreplay before you even start to actually have sex (penetration). For men, an orgasm is the end of the sexual act. Biologically, that’s how the baby is made. For women, it’s the beginning. That’s how a woman’s body produces lubrication to comfortably have sex.

    So the most important thing a guy can do, is understand this difference, and don’t instinctively pull back or stop doing something pleasurable because you think she is “too close”. Too close, or even over is a good thing. She’ll want to have even more sex with you one minute later. Orgasms don’t really run out for women, they just increase in intensity.

    1. Hi Heather
      Thanks for the comment and useful advice. You’re absolutely right in that guys should keep doing what they are doing if they feel their partner is getting close to orgasm, and not change position or anything else that might put them off the moment.
      If the guy can get his partner there 2 or 3 times through foreplay, then kudos to him! I’m not sure all guys have the mindset to spend so much time (probably), but if they do, great!

  14. Hi
    I use to have sex for long before ejecting but now i don’t longer stay on a woman. WHAT can really be the cause please. i am 30 now

    1. Hi Ibrahim
      It’s impossible for me to say. There are various different causes which can suddenly appear later in life, even after years of having no issues with your stamina. It might be worth talking to your doctor about this change.

  15. For me, the most important thing is to think about my lady first. If I give her an orgasm with oral, the pressure is off and I can relax more when we shag. Being relaxed makes me better anyway – gets the blood flowing, if you catch my drift!

  16. is it true that when women reach their climax and squirt, they are no longer interested in sex as they have come to their satisfaction?

    1. Hi Amani
      Not necessarily, no. It just means they had one orgasm. So depending on the woman, they might be happy with that, or might be hungry for more.

  17. Dylan Bryson

    So my penis is about average and my girlfriend barely feels a thing. What can I do to increase her satisfaction in the bed?

    1. Hi Dylan
      Here are a few ideas:
      1. Oral sex!
      2. Try positions where she does feel more – ask her which ones are best for her.
      3. Have her lie on her front, and then have sex from behind but with her legs together and your legs on the outside.
      4. Talk to her about the issue – is it a lack of size, too much lubrication, her larger size?
      5. consider bringing a sex toy into the bedroom.

  18. Uncle Squinty

    Here are my own golden rules. Ethan, comment if you will. First, she is a person and therefore has her own needs, favorite activities etc. You can’t turn her into a pornstar just to satisfy yourself. Not only is it selfish, but you might not get the chance for a second attempt to seduce her. Secondly, if it doesn’t cause pain for either of you, or be potentially dangerous or unhealthy…anything goes. Third, it is true that some women like to be taken…that is, they want the man to be in charge. This doesn’t mean don’t communicate, but act confident, happy, enthusiastic and in control, even when you don’t feel that way. If you are confident and relaxed, and are able to communicate (surprise, that means listening as much as talking), she will respond in kind. Finally, please don’t just hump, pump and dump, then roll off her and turn on the TV or grab your phone. Afterplay can be as important to both partners as foreplay. Afterplay is the most often ignored subject in sex advice blogs like this one, but it is very important. Ending on a very positive, happy note will make her want to come back for more, and tenderness and care after lovemaking will really impress her. Wring out a soft washcloth in very warm water and then gently bathe her, paying special attention to her vagina (be gentle! She’ll be sensitive down there)! Say very sweet things, praise her for how good it was to make love with her, ask her what she’d like to do the next time or just smile and listen to her talk. Some women get very talkative and energetic after sex. If she wants to have more sex right away, and you’re not yet recovered enough for another round, do a lot of touching, kissing and manual and oral play with her. She’ll be happier, and that means you’ll probably get to enjoy sex more often with her. End of sermon… LOL

    1. Hi there
      Well, I think I agree with most of the things you say, apart from the bed bath idea. Maybe some women will like that, but in my experience most either just want to lie there enjoying the moment and/or get up at some point and have a shower. I’ve never suggested doing some cleaning in bed, but just can’t quite imagine it happening – at least not with my current or ex partners.
      All the rest of your advice sounds spot on to me though – thanks for sharing!

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