How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules

image of a man and woman embracing in bed in an intimate way

You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of an adult movie star. And if you can go all night, they might wonder if they turn you on in the right way.

The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.

For most women, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power or penis size. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.

1. Foreplay begins before you get undressed

If asked, many women would say they wanted more foreplay. And it can feel that men see foreplay as little more than a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.

This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed because foreplay is one of the aspects of sex they enjoy most. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives a women time to get to the same point as you.

There are many forms of foreplay, so ask them what feels good if you’re not sure. If they aren’t into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same sexual activities as another.

It can be slightly off-putting if they think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not they actually like it.

Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting, so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put them in the right frame of mind and they’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.

If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, it will help set the right mood.

In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing, you’re off to a great start.

2. Know where the clitoris is

diagram showing where the clitoris is

Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, it will soon become clear that you’re fumbling in the dark.

If you want to know how you can really satisfy a woman in bed, you also need to know exactly where to focus your attention. They want and expect men to be educated in this respect.

A crucial thing to remember is that many women need clitoral stimulation to climax – and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina.

Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it often won’t get them there like it will for a man. A woman needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your fingers to stimulate her or give her oral sex.

It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different movements – for example, the figure of eight with your hips. It’s fine to ask your partner which positions feel best, and make sure you spend plenty of time doing them.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t keep shifting positions once she’s extremely aroused. Women need to take their time over a build-up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, stick with it.

Don’t interrupt the steady build to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is a key point to remember: variety is great to start with, but not when she’s heading towards a climax.

3. Compliment her

man whispering a compliment in a woman's ear

When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, people like to be told how great they look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.

Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make them feel self-conscious and stop them from enjoying sex.

There are so many outside pressures to look great, that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.

You can blame movies, television and advertising for some of the inhibitions they have. So it help if you make an effort to counteract their critical opinions of their body, and reassure them that they are amazing just the way they are.

And keep in mind that if they catch you drooling over images of women with ‘perfect’ bodies, they might feel that they can’t live up to those expectations.

So try not to grow lazy over time. Never stop telling them how beautiful, sexy and just downright awesome they are.

4. Women love communication

man and woman talking in bed

Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. They want you to let them know when something feels good, as well as praise how they look and feel.

Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount. Don’t assume it’s all perfect just because they haven’t complained or demanded something.

It’s great if you can find out directly from her what she likes, and talk about what you like to. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk about sex.

And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex. Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies.

However, although communication is important, never ever ask them if they’ve come yet. If you need to ask, there’s a good chance it didn’t happen.

Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.

If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she’s going to want to have sex with you. And surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.

You might also like

If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. You might also like to check out some ideas for building your partner’s arousal.

426 thoughts on “How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed – 4 Golden Rules”

  1. I have a big size dick, don’t I hurt my wife and she doesn’t tell me what she really feels but she just keep quiet whenever I ask her

    1. Hi Moses
      I’m not sure I completely understand what you’re asking. Are you saying you think you hurt her because you’re big, but she doesn’t tell you?

    1. Hi
      I think the best thing is to ask her what it is that she wants more or less of or done differently. You can read all the articles in the world about sex, but really, the best thing to do is have some good honest communication about your sex life.

  2. Poka Messiah

    Thank you for educating us on how we can satisfy our lady in bed. Apart from what you have said, I think the kind of food that can give men the energy to go a long way is very much important. So if you can educate us on the type of foods which are good for men we will appreciate it.

    1. Hi there
      Personally, I just think that eating healthily and staying healthy in general is the key. Have a balanced diet, don’t eat so much junk food, don’t smoke or drink too much, and do plenty of exercise. There’s no ‘miracle’ food for better sex, despite what some people say. If you have a healthy diet, your body will perform at its best.

  3. I love my wife but she left me with a feeling of betrayal and now I have ED so bad that I won’t let myself get excited for another woman

    1. Hi Brad
      Sorry to hear that. I think you probably just need some time to recover and build your strength again. Take some time to yourself and enjoy being single if you can. When you’re feeling 100% again, I’m sure you’ll be able to have sex with other women.

  4. i am 62 years fit and fine people say i look in my forties my wife is ten years younger to me but she is no more interested in sex.I still feel the surge in me but she mostly evades me.I feel that she may be having some hormonal disbalance due to hysterectomy performed on her in 2012 march Would you advise me what to do.

    1. Hi Sanjeev
      It’s possible that her libido changed with the hysterectomy. I think it’s a very difficult situation for women when they suddenly find they don’t have the same sexual desire as before. It might not be the cause, as it’s normal for libido to change throughout life. But it seems likely. Have you spoken openly and honestly about how you feel? She might be feeling bad, that she doesn’t satisfy you, so if you can talk together about how you both feel, it might help you find a solution that keeps you satisfied, takes the pressure off her, and allows you to find a way that you both enjoy.

  5. Hi… I love your article about foreplay but I have a little problem.. I have my girlfriend and each time we have sex I tend to come too quick I just get too excited and just can’t keep it down can you help me please I really like to make her come first…i try foreplay but it always make her hot…and then befour youk know it she naked and ready to start…foreplay is very important in every relationship I strongly recommend that everyone try it…it really tun them on… he just need to find that time on explore to know what they like I really like to be touched

    1. Hi Kerwin
      In a word – oral. Even if she gets super aroused and wants sex, you can encourage her to lie back and let you work your magic with your tongue and fingers.

  6. My name is Sam, please I need a help am married to my wife and she loves me so much. My major problems are I have a small penis in size also I only last in bed 2 mins after foreplay and she is not always happy about it. Please what will I do in other to save my family.

    1. Hi Sam
      I think you’ll probably benefit from reading our page about penis size. It has some ways you can make it appear bigger, and feel better about it yourself. And then this site is full of techniques and advice for lasting longer – just read around.

  7. Hi thanks for the information, I am 20 years of age but I have never been in relation. but now there’s a gal who is interested in me says that I am shy and always she wants to meet me and I have also developed interest in her. how should i start?

    1. Hi Francis
      Definitely ask her out on a date! If you are shy, then take the pressure off yourself for a while – don’t worry about anything sexual for now – just ask her out on a date and go from there. Many women like a guy who is happy to go on some dates before jumping into bed. So if you are shy, just ask her to do something which is fun together – it doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner. It can be something fun that even friends might do together. Or maybe even just ask to go for a coffee with you. Just take that first step and go from there!

    1. Hi israr
      My personal favorite is promescent. There are lots of delay sprays you can try, but that’s the one I’ve personally had most success with.

  8. My problem is that my wife will not let me touch her anywhere her excuse is it’s too sensitive she also doesn’t like foreplay or oral sex, so when I get a hard on it’s straight to business which totally frustrating – any advice?

    1. Hi there
      Well, it could be true. Do you use lubricant when you touch her? Do you go really slowly and softly with your tongue when you kiss her and give her oral? Or do you think she just doesn’t like it or is embarrassed for you to be too close to her parts without her being in control? Perhaps you could start all over, and be really gentle with her during foreplay – spend lots of time doing things which aren’t so likely to make her feel defensive – kissing, cuddling, caressing non-sexual parts. If you spend a couple of weeks getting her used to the idea of gently, easy foreplay, then perhaps you can eventually win her over little by little and get to a place where she does allow you to touch her. It’s impossible to say what’s really going on in her mind if she doesn’t tell you, and it could be that she feels too sensitive after all. So if it’s not possible to have a totally open conversation about how you feel and how she feels, then perhaps dialing things back and working up slowly again will help.

  9. Hi,I had sex for 15 to 20 minutes. My wife said she was not satisfied. She’s 25 years old. how to satisfy her, please suggest.

    1. Hi Shashi
      Did she add why she wasn’t satisfied? Was it just not long enough for her still? Was it the technique, the positions, the style, the lack of foreplay? You need to ask her what it is that she think will improve it for you. And if it was just too short a time, then considering how 15 to 20 minutes is a pretty long time, I recommend spending a long time on foreplay, manual and oral stimulation. Really tease her and enjoy each other before you even get to penetration. Then that time should end up being much shorter if she’s really turned on already.

  10. I have been married for fourteen years my wife and I had good sex for the first 2 years then she change she would say things like put some clothes on your disgusting she would be all over other men in fact she went to sleep with another man ECT we are not together any more it’s taken me a long time to feel confident with my body and being with a woman I am WITH an amazing woman now she makes me feel hole again to any body unhappy don’t just stick with it sort it

    1. Hi Phil
      Sorry to hear you had that unpleasant experience. I can imagine it must have been a confidence hit at the time. It’s awesome you found someone who accepts you and makes you feel good. Nobody should put up with someone being mean to them about their body. Thanks for sharing your story and positive advice.

  11. Im 25 years and i’m in love with older person and i want to keep her happy in bed every time what must i do?

    1. Hi Donald
      My advice would be to do the same as you would with a woman of any age. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy the same things as younger women. So you can take any normal sex advice and apply it to your love life.

  12. David jones

    Im finding it difficult to keep an erection with my new partner i just feel very nervous

    1. Hi there
      Have you asked her why? Perhaps she’s just very sensitive there, and your finger feels uncomfortable. You could try suggesting using lubricant and don’t touch her unless with lube.

  13. ravi kumar

    I want a baby boy but my wife is not getting pregnant from couples of yrs her age is 44yrs we have only one female baby of 9 yrs so what i do to make her pregnant tell and guide me my age is 40 yrs it can be possible for us. Pls help me

    1. Hi Ravi
      It is possible, but at that age, it isn’t always as easy as when a woman is in her 20s or 30s. This isn’t something I can help with, other than to recommend you stay patient and speak to a fertility doctor about to get some professional guidance.

  14. Hi sir i have a serious problem i love sex a lot and my wife didnt have a problem with it until she gets pregnant with a baby boy,so after her giving birth to our son last year August we started to have problems she spends quality time mostly with our son at her brother’s place then visits me sometimes,which usually visits me 2 days or less and before we where staying together and when i try to speak to her she says all i want is sex.i do everything to please her but she is no longer interested in sex but i understand that she doesn’t love sex but why does that change now after our first child?in 3years in our relationship, we didn’t have a problem with sex even though she doesn’t like it…i need help to make her enjoy having sex with me again because i see she is no longer interested. Please help.

    1. Hi Simon
      Ok, so the first thing to understand is that it’s perfectly normal for a woman to have less interest in sex after giving birth. If you look online, you’ll find lots of information and advice about why this is. Now, what sounds worrying to me is that she’s spending more time away from the house. I think you need to talk about the relationship itself, and stop focusing just on sex. If your relationship is good, then the sex will follow. But trying to fix the relationship by looking at sex isn’t going to work in my opinion.

  15. Edmund Asare

    1. May I know how to get over premature ejaculation
    2. How do you keep your mouth to prevent bad breath.

    1. Hi Edmund
      1. Look at articles on this website, as there is lots of advice about that topic.
      2. Have you tried fresh breath strips?

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