How To Turn A Woman On – 8 Ways To Arouse Her

sensual couple embracing on a bed

For women, sex tends to be more of a whole body and mind experience. So to turn her on, you need more than just a purely physical approach.

That means that having the right looks, body or technique in bed will only get you so far. So let’s take a look at some great ways to help build your partner’s arousal – and it all starts before you jump into bed.

1. Flatter her

It’s a safe assumption that you find her attractive, so tell her! There’s no point keeping those compliments to yourself. Be genuine and honest, of course, but don’t be afraid of flattering her.

Women need to feel attractive to be turned on, and your well-timed positive words will help with that. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love her outfit, how soft her skin is, how stylish, cool, funny or smart she is – anything you like (as long as it’s true).

Make her feel attractive and that self-confidence boost will help turn her on. Think of all this as good foreplay, which can start as early in the day as your first words or message.

2. Be yourself

Don’t reinvent yourself in an attempt to become the kind of man you think she wants. Be yourself, be genuine. If she’s attracted to you, simply being you should be enchanting enough.

Be confident in who you are. And you’ll find your confidence grows even more as she responds well to you. A perfect win-win situation.

3. Use positive body language

With positive body language, you can turn her on without even opening your mouth. This begins with the above-mentioned confidence – even just literally standing tall helps you look confident.

But this also works in other ways. Looking into her eyes when she’s talking, leaning slightly towards her when you’re talking. Even an occasional touch (when it seems natural) can help. Gently touching her arm to bring her attention to something, for example.

In addition, try glancing at her lips occasionally. This sends the unconscious signal that you want to kiss her, and if she feels the same way, it’ll be a definite turn on.

4. Show interest and good conversation

Body language will only get you so far. It’s a bit of a cliché, but as a general rule most women love to talk. That means that perfecting the art of conversation can go a long way.

That doesn’t mean you have to be as smooth as James Bond (who is?!). But do communicate. If you’ve just met, find out what interests her and show interest when she talks about those things.

Maybe even do a little background research on the topics she’s seems passionate about so you have more to talk about next time you meet. Being made to feel heard and valued is sexy.

Talking about sex

When it comes to talking about sex, approach it casually if the subject comes up. Just don’t talk about it all the time or your one-track mind might be off-putting.

Flirty text messages can help get her in the right state of mind as well. Try something like “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Nothing too explicit, but enough to plant the idea that she’s on your mind.

As you get to know her, you might find that there’s more innuendo in your conversation, indicating that sex is on her mind. Again though, don’t push things too far and don’t be too explicit.

Since sex is such a mental thing for women, the anticipation can be just as exciting as the reality. This conversation stage, getting to know each other, can be just as much of a turn on as touching, so don’t rush things. Decent conversation is a lot like foreplay for a lot of women, so don’t ignore it.

5. Touch her

image of a man and woman about to touch lips

I mentioned casual touching in conversation, but this deserves a point of its own. Brushing her arm, touching her to make a point, and random contact can be very exciting.

You’re planting the idea that you want to be physically close, and this is a big turn on. Everything in moderation though. Don’t constantly touch her – let her anticipate your hands.

Once casual touching has been introduced and you’re both comfortable, you might want to think about more deliberate actions. Tuck her hair behind her ear, brush some lint off her shirt. These kind of movements take things a step further.

Steer clear of deliberately touching the erogenous zones (breasts, neck, etc.) until sex is definitely on the cards though. These areas are risky and can make a woman feel uncomfortable unless you’re already kissing and on your way to the next stage.

6. Be observant of her signals

Women give plenty of signals – whether or not you receive them depends on how much attention you’re paying. If she touches you, for example, that’s a fairly clear signal that she’d be comfortable with you touching her too.

Don’t rush, be patient, and don’t feel that you always have to lead the way. Do pick up on her signals though. And if in doubt, don’t be afraid to ask. “Can I kiss you?” is fine to ask.

If you observe her signals and are patient then she’ll continue getting more and more turned on until she’s ready to kick things up a notch.

7. Create the right atmosphere

romantic candles

Atmosphere is key. The exact kind of atmosphere will depend on the woman, so pay attention to her signals, likes, dislikes and conversation.

For some women, a sweaty, energetic dance club is the perfect setting for flirty fun. For others, candles and flowers at home are the perfect start to a sensual evening.

If there’s a chance you’re heading to the bedroom, make sure that everything is set up beforehand. Keep it clean and tidy, with fresh bedding. Details, but important details that will help build arousal.

8. Be aware of what doesn’t turn her on

You can work hard getting to the point where a woman is aroused and ready for sex, but you can ruin all that good work if you do something wrong. So what shouldn’t you do?

  • Don’t lie: she will sense if you’re genuine or not.
  • Don’t pressure her: no means no.
  • Don’t be rude or explicit unless she’s into that kind of humour or dirty talk: even if you think you’re joking, she might just be offended.
  • Don’t rush things: the build-up and anticipation is exciting.
  • Don’t neglect personal grooming: no matter how excited she is, if you turn out to smell bad or be dirty, she’ll instantly be turned off again.

The reward for your effort

It’s no secret that many women have a harder time of reaching orgasm than men. Hopefully, putting some effort into building her arousal and excitement, both mental and physical, will stand you in good stead to bring her to climax. Then both you and she will be rewarded for your thoughtfulness and effort.

You might also like

Check out these simple and free fun sex games for partners. Playing sex games together is a great way to build even more excitement and explore new avenues of pleasure together.

Your thoughts

What’s the secret to building arousal and turning a woman on? Let me know your ideas below!


  1. Thanks for your teaching , I ask that , why is my girlfriend wants to go direct to sex and I penetrate her?

    • Hi
      Some women do just like to get to sex. They don’t all enjoy so much foreplay. But you can certainly suggest doing more foreplay if it’s what you enjoy.

    • Hi
      Well, not always – especially if she is very turned on and wants to get straight to sex. But it’s often good to bring some stimulation into foreplay, either with manual or oral.

    • Hi Moseh
      Try giving her oral sex. But if you don’t like going down after intercourse, use your fingers instead.

  2. Literally, the smallest touch or kiss from my boyfriend, opens the flood gates for me. I don’t say anything, because I very much enjoy that affection from him, and we’re usually not in an area to do more. As much as our bodies want to. I think waiting until the best moment will really help the whole experience. Although I have no prior knowledge, so who knows.

    • Hi
      It sounds like you’re really into your boyfriend then! I’m sure when you feel the time is right, it will be a great experience for you.

  3. Tbh I don’t mind if my boyfriend touches more sensitive areas, such as the chest, I think it’s a sweet and playful way of showing he’s into me. I know I look great with clothes on, I’m afraid my natural deformities might turn him off, we’ve briefly talked about, because I have scars for surgeries, and I was afraid he’d find them unattractive. We’ve fixed that fear, but then there’s there fact my breasts are… Not equal, and quite a bit so. So my question is, do things like aysemtrical breast turn guys off, or is it a minor thing to them? I would think, considering how close and connected we are, he wouldn’t care.

    • Hi Claire
      I don’t think he’ll mind, especially if you’re very close. Everyone knows that most people have something about their body that isn’t quite the way they would like, and he probably does too. The main thing is not to make him feel that you’re super sensitive about it. If you’re cool about it, then he should be too.

  4. A few of the first ones are somewhat obvious, but 6 and 7 are key. I find that if I take my time and with thorough foreplay, she will be begging for it. Good article.

  5. Thanks for the interesting article and tips. I will try them on my gf and hope they help us have better sex life.

  6. Nice tips. I like to romance my lady on a weekend evening. I know from many years together that if I just ask for sex, it ain’t happening. But if I take her for dinner, wine and dine her and lavish attention on her, things naturally go that way. My advice for the youngsters out there is to see the whole picture. If you want her body, you’ve gotta win her mind first…

    • Hi Isaac
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts – I couldn’t agree more! Seduction is an art form, and women generally find emotional and mental connection an important part of flirtation and romance.

    • Hi Rex
      The best advice I can offer in a brief comment is to take a good look around this website. There are lots of articles dealing with this issue, as it’s what I originally started the site to help with specifically. If you’re not sure where to start, take a look at the homepage, or the main article about premature ejaculation in the menu.

  7. Wish I could learn in focus on how to have an orgasm besides being on top or by getting head. Don’t know what the problem is.

    • Hi there
      Some people just don’t orgasm in certain positions. There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s just the way we are. However, if you want to try to orgasm in other positions, then just experiment with how you do it. Or do the position that most gets you there, then change to a different position when you’re close and see if you can get there in that alternative position.

    • Hi there
      That’s a tricky problem. Either she’s genuinely worried about your size, or perhaps just not ready to lose her virginity yet. I’d ask her honestly if she feels ready, but is really worried about your size. If it really is your size, you might just have to reassure her that you will go very slowly and can control yourself so that you don’t fully enter her until she is able to cope with it, and enjoy it.
      The key, I think, is open and gentle communication.

  8. Hello I need help on how to turn her on when is not in the mood and wants me to sex and get up because she had a stressful day. She also doesn’t love to be licked but I often like to give her head

    • Hi
      Have you tried the techniques I talk about in the article? I’d say that’s a good starting point for you. Perhaps also ask her if she likes the way you give her oral sex. It may be that you’re not doing it in a way that she likes! Equally, some women just don’t like it so you’ll have to accept it if that’s the case.

  9. Hi….Its me Bisswass….M newly married and not well known about process I can please my wife….I get satisfaction before my Wife…Which makes me frustrated….am feeling myself as a poor guy coz of this reason…Is there any way so that I could please her as well as make her well sexually satisfied and she too get orgasm when I ejaculate….Plz reply meh…..

    • Hi Bisswass
      Congratulations on your marriage! Well, there are two things you can do I guess. One is to work on your sexual stamina, for which you can find lots of help around this website. Secondly, educate yourself about pleasing your partner sexually. I definitely recommend focusing on improving your oral sex technique.

  10. Hi am experiencing hardship in dating i have more than one gal so am confused who 2 give much concentration but 4 real they all luv me but they all know that i have a lot of them

    • Hi Aladi
      Having open relationships can be tricky! If they are all aware of the situation, then I guess it’s up to you to decide who you like the most. And then whether you want to stay just with her or continue your open arrangement. But if you find it all too confusing, maybe open relationships aren’t for you.

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