Whether we get to make them a reality or not, fantasies are an important part of our sex lives – for both men and women.
In fact, a Spanish study found that women have sexual fantasies more often than men.
But what do women dream about when normal sex isn’t quite enough? And can you make her fantasies come true, or will they forever remain a secret?
Let’s take a look at the most common fantasies, and how you might be able to play them out with your partner.
If you’re new to sexual roleplay, a fantasy that’s relatively easy to experiment with is sex with a stranger. According to recent research from the University of Montreal, around 48.9% of women dream of it.
Sex with a stranger combines the thrill of the unknown with the excitement of being anyone you want to be.
Your partner doesn’t know you, therefore she can pretend to be anyone (as can you), meaning more freedom to do as she pleases.
How to go about this one? Arrange a time and then walk into a bar where she’s already waiting. Walk up to her, introduce yourself with a made up name, and seduce her all over again.
BDSM has become exceptionally popular lately, thanks mostly to Fifty Shades of Grey.
Outside of just popular culture though, the Montreal study showed that about 64% of women fantasize about being dominated, and 52.1% dream of specifically being tied up.
Power, control, submission and domination are all sexy things. Being completely under the control of someone else means you have to do as you’re told. No guilt, no recriminations.
BDSM doesn’t necessarily mean getting hurt (though that can be a part of things if you both want it).
At the beginning, tying up is a good way to go. Use stockings, ties, scarves, and restrain her hands. You can then take things a step at a time.
An important factor in BDSM is the safe word. Since saying “no” is all part of the game, you need to mutually decide upon a word that means “stop.” A neutral word (like “chocolate”) is a good choice.
Next on our list is exhibitionism. A massive 81.7% of women fantasize about sex in an unusual place, and 57.3% want sex specifically in a public place.
Why? Well, the thrill of getting caught, and the thrill of doing something naughty and forbidden. Sex in public is adrenaline filled and exciting, there’s no denying that.
Want to make the fantasy a reality? First, you need to be aware that full on public sex is generally illegal, and could result in fines or even prison time. That’s not especially sexy. However, there are compromise options.
Joining a swinger’s club or going to a sex club are safe ways to indulge this fantasy, though maybe a little hardcore for beginners. Something as simple as leaving the window open during sex can give a mild thrill.
Alternatively, try doing it somewhere that’s not quite so public, such as bathrooms or even take a drive into the wilderness.
The rape fantasy
Despite rape obviously being horrible, traumatic and illegal in reality, it’s still one of the most common fantasies that women have.
A study in 2015 showed that 62% of women had a fantasy associated with rape of some kind.
Rape fantasies have to do with control, power and erotic coercion, but do NOT mean that a woman actually wants to be raped. Rather this is a combination of stranger sex and a form of BDSM (which we’ll get to later).
If your partner has a rape fantasy, you need excellent communication to make it enjoyable and safe to play out.
You need a detailed outline of what is and isn’t appropriate, safe words (see BDSM), and clear expectations about what is going to happen.
Rape fantasies are one of the most difficult fantasies to fulfill for men, because of the obvious sense of wrongness associated with them. However, you can roleplay the situation successfully given great communication skills.
The same or different?
Now come two other slightly complicated fantasies. I’m grouping these two together, since the attractions and solutions are quite similar.
Some 56.5% of women have dreamed of having sex with more than three people at a time (group sex). And 36.9% of women reported fantasies of making love to another woman.
Experimentation, novelty, even the sense of the forbidden can all make group sex or same sex experiences exciting. I’m not going to lie to you though: it takes a strong relationship to allow this kind of activity.
Whether you’re looking at group sex, or introducing a third into the bedroom, swinger’s clubs are a great way to get into this lifestyle.
There will be plenty of clubs in your local area (probably more than you would suspect). And you will find open, sex positive people who may be interested in playing with you.
A good swinger’s club will allow you to visit without committing to playing, and will be a welcoming environment, so don’t be afraid!
As always, it’s very important that you and your partner communicate before anything happens. Having sex with someone other than your partner (even if your partner is there), can lead to feelings of betrayal, and then to trouble.
These are too difficult!
Getting into the world of fantasy fulfillment can seem overwhelming. After all, skipping straight from normal sex into rape fantasy fulfillment is a bit of a big step!
There are compromise solutions though, which can be sexy in themselves. Once you know what fantasy your partner is harboring, you don’t have to literally fulfill it if that’s too much for you.
Reading erotic stories aloud that center around the given fantasy, watching erotic films along the same theme, even talking through the fantasy are all good beginner steps.
You don’t have to actually act, but after a while you may find that you want to. And with today’s online world, there are plenty of resources available to you should you decide that stories or films are a good first step.
How do I know her fantasies?
Being prepared to fulfill her fantasies is all very well, but how do you know what they are in the first place? There are a couple of good ways to go about discovering her secret wishes.
The first is to have a “swap jar.” Grab a jar, some slips of paper and a couple of pens, and both of you write down your top fantasies. Put the papers in the jar, mix them around, and pick one.
Writing is a great way of communicating on this topic, since most people find it embarrassing or difficult to admit to their fantasies.
If that’s too much for you, then let technology come to your aid. There are several apps and websites that let you share fantasies with your partner somewhat anonymously.
They work by letting both of you answer questions separately, and then only sharing information between the two of you when both of you have given the same answer.
That means that she doesn’t find out about your love of spanking unless she also suggests that she’s into the idea.
On the app front, I can personally recommend Kindu (free to download with some paid content). Or try the online Mojo Upgrade test, which goes into plenty of detail so you’ll be sure to get all the answers you’re looking for.
The line between fantasy and reality
Playing with fantasies is not only fun, it can be a great bonding and learning experience too. A considerate partner will be open to trying new things that please his loved one.
But not all fantasies are meant to come true. You may well find that what was in theory very sexy, ends up being not quite what was imagined in reality. And that’s perfectly normal and fine.
On the other hand, you may find some great new games to spice up your sex life and make you both happier.
Of course, there are tons of fantasies out there, and I’ve only covered a handful of the most popular ones. Run up against something you don’t know how to handle? Then leave a comment, I’m happy to help!
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Before going down the rabbit hole of some of these fantasies, it’s also important to get the basics right!