What Women Want in Bed: From Fun To Fantasy

image of a man and woman laughing in bed together

Wanting to please your partner is a key characteristic of a great lover. But what do women want in bed? The exact answer will vary from person to person. But women aren’t the impossible enigmas you might think, and there are some desires that many have in common.


1. To be treated as equals

Women aren’t delicate flowers, and aren’t disgusted by sex or only doing it to please you. They are usually into it as much as you are. So treat them as equal partners in the bedroom.

Remember that sex isn’t something you do to them, it’s something you do together.


2. To have fun together

It might sound obvious, but women want to have a good time, i.e. fun in bed. Sex shouldn’t be all serious and focused on orgasms; it should be about intimacy and straight up fun.

Can you ensure that your partner’s having a good time?

Sure, by treating them as equals, being relaxed, not being afraid to have a laugh together, and trying a few other things that appear on this list.


3. To have an orgasm (or not)

So here’s a confusing one. Orgasms are obviously amazing, and in an ideal world most women would quite like an orgasm (or two) every time they have sex.

However, for a multitude of reasons, sometimes orgasm just doesn’t happen. And it often has nothing to do with you, your technique, size, staying power etc.

What women want is for you to be okay with the fact that sometimes orgasm won’t happen. Of course they want you to try. But they would also like to be able to say ‘it’s not happening tonight’ and for that not to be an issue.

In other words, if they tell you they aren’t going to come, they don’t want you to take it as a challenge, or to be upset or angry. They just want you to say ‘no worries!’

image of a woman's expression when having an orgasm

4. For you to pay attention to them

It’s a bit of a cliché that women like to talk and love men that listen, but it’s not entirely true. What they want when it comes to sex is a man that pays attention.

In bed, that means listening to her sounds, watching the way her body moves, feeling how she responds. If you pay close enough attention, you’ll be able to tell what works and what doesn’t. Listen, observe and be reactive.

And don’t ever assume that the same techniques, positions or ‘moves’ work for every woman. They just don’t.


5. To be asked what they like and want

And on kind of the same note, if in doubt, ask. In fact, maybe ask anyway. Find out what she likes, wants and is interested in trying out.

If sex doesn’t seem to flow and is missing a bit of magic, don’t just lie there trying to figure her out like a big puzzle. She’s right there next to you, so just ask.

A good woman will never judge your bedroom prowess just because you ask questions. And if they do, it will be in a positive way as a caring and compassionate lover for asking.


6. For you to make some noise too

That vocal feedback that you get from a woman shows you what you’re doing right or wrong.
And as much as you need to pay attention to her in bed, the same thing is true in reverse.

That means you don’t need to be the strong, silent type in bed. Moan a little, speak if you want to, do whatever comes naturally.

Your partner will also rely on your signals to know whether or not she’s doing the right thing for you. So don’t deprive her of that valuable feedback.


7. More foreplay

Another cliché, but it’s completely true: most women want more foreplay than they get.

To put it bluntly: foreplay gets her lubricated, which in turn makes sex more pleasurable, and less painful, for both of you. It’s to your advantage as well as hers to indulge in enough foreplay.

How much is enough? That’s a tough question to answer since it depends on both of your desires. Researchers found that the average foreplay time is around 12 minutes. And most women surveyed weren’t happy with that length of time. So definitely more.

Again though, if you’re paying attention to how her body is responding, you should get a sense of when it’s time to stop that foreplay.

image of a man kissing a woman

8. Understand that the clitoris is key

Penetration alone often isn’t enough to make a woman orgasm. A study in 2017 found that penetration was enough for orgasm in only 18.4% of women. 36.6% said they need clitoral stimulation too.

Manually, orally, or even let them do it themselves during sex – it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the clitoris is involved.

As an aside: be gentle. Gentle, lubricated stroking is what’s necessary – don’t press harder unless asked to do so.


9. For you not to stop

Whilst women understand the limits of biology, they would like to have sex for as long as they like. And it’s a fair point.

Nobody likes to have sex until just before orgasm, only for their partner to stop because they finished already.

If you have an issue with premature ejaculation, or even if you simply orgasm before your partner, carry on. Use your hands, your mouth or a sex toy. Just don’t deny them their pleasure simply because you’re feeling satiated.


10. To be kinky together

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that women have many sexual fantasies – just like you do.

They would probably like to try out some of these naughty things with you. What are they? Well, if you ask your partner, you’ll find out.

A key thing here leads back to being equals. A lot of fantasies involve a healthy amount of trust and respect (particularly some of the more kinky or extreme fantasies like BDSM).

Treating her like your equal in bed in general means that she’ll feel more comfortable trying out fantasies that require more dominant and submissive roles.

sexy imagination quote

11. Not to be judged

Finally, women don’t want to be judged. Not for her body, her performance, how dirty her fantasies are, or anything else in the bedroom. Judgment needs to be left outside.

Be open minded, be accepting, and be willing to try new things, and she’ll hopefully return the favor. That way you’ll both be happy.


You might also like

Have a read of the article about satisfying a woman in bed. And if you’re not sure if you’re doing something wrong, it might help to check out some of the common mistakes men make in bed

Your thoughts

What do you think is the key to good sex? Let me know in the comments!

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