How To Give A Woman Oral Sex – Advice For Guys From A Girl

photo of a man giving a woman oral sex

Do you and your partner enjoy oral sex, but you’re not sure if you’ve quite mastered this sometimes mysterious art?

Perhaps you haven’t had an opportunity yet, but want to be sure you get it right when that magical moment arrives.

Oral sex is arguably an essential part of foreplay, but can be so much more than that – your tongue has the capacity to give a woman toe-curling orgasms.

It’s also a great way of priming your partner and raising her arousal levels, which then reduces the pressure on you to last for a long time when having sex.

This article will teach you guys how to give a girl oral sex properly, as well as helping you work out what your own partner likes and hopes you’ll do.

Everyone is different

It’s really important to remember that everyone is different – what pleases one woman might not tick the right boxes for another.

Perhaps the best piece of advice is to get down (literally) to some serious trial and error. Remember to communicate your desires and simply enjoy the process of getting to know each other.

We girls love receiving oral sex, but you won’t know for sure if what you read in a book or website will work unless you give it a go. Once you’ve read some advice about what women want, test it out and see if your partner enjoys it.

Whatever your partner finds pleasurable is exactly what you need to be doing. Don’t just repeat a trick or style you read, heard or found worked on someone else.

It’s fine to start out with movements you know work for some women, but if isn’t met by moaning or other signs of pleasure, abandon it and move onto the next.

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

Many guys tend to skip past performing oral sex for their partner, or only do it briefly in the hope of receiving some oral in return.

This a mistake though, and sexually selfish if you ask me – a skillful lover should be generous and show his partner that her pleasure is important to him.

And giving oral sex is a key ingredient for turning a woman on, bringing her arousal level up to yours, and therefore ensuring that she enjoys the sexual encounter as much as you do.

If you keep in mind my tips for giving a girl good oral sex and take the time to get it right, you’ll bring some extra spice to the bedroom and satisfy her as much as she deserves.

Don’t rush in

image of a woman lying on a bedPerhaps you don’t really enjoy giving oral sex? Or maybe you’re just a little unsure about what to do exactly.

This can lead to simply diving straight in, with your tongue flicking away like a cat that’s never had milk before.

However, what we really want is for you to start nice and slowly.

Kiss her lips, neck and make your way down her body until you’re kissing her inner thighs. Try and make eye contact as much as possible and position yourself in a comfortably way that you can caress her breasts from time to time.

The idea is to turn her on before you even start the oral sex and make her tingle all over. A bit of teasing works really well here. A lot of teasing can be magic.

Build up gradually

When you begin to kiss and lick during oral sex, work your way in slowly from the outside. This will make the feelings more intense and still feel like you’re teasing her. A slow build up creates a much better orgasm for us girls.

Most women are very sensitive to touch, including touch performed by the tongue, so start gently and see what your woman wants. The clitoris in particular is packed full of nerve endings so make sure you listen to her signals.

Try not to rush into licking the clitoris, and when you do be gentle – especially if she’s not fully aroused yet.

Get creative with your tongue

Diagram Of The Vagina And Clitoris for oral sexThe key to giving a woman good oral sex is to keep moving your tongue. If you’re not sure how, keep it flat and soft, and lick up the entire vulva and clitoris.

You can do an up and down motion or side to side, or a mixture of both.

If you keep your tongue hard and only use the tip, especially in a sharp flicking motion, then you’re denying your girl the softest, wettest and smoothest part of your tongue.

It’s important to use the flatter and softer part of your tongue – especially at the start when she may not be fully aroused and not ready for the additional pressure and speed that the tip can bring.

If you flick away as hard and fast as possible right from the start, it might just feel too sensitive and put her off.

You can try spelling out the alphabet over different areas with your tongue – this keeps the tongue moving in different directions. And don’t forget to change the pace – get faster and more intense if she likes it.

The classic advice with the alphabet techniques is that if you find a ‘letter movement’ that she responds well to, then you can keep repeating that letter for a while.

You might occasionally want to gently suck her clitoris, as the suction can give a different sensation. Some women will love this, some won’t. And even a girl that likes it one day may not the next day.

You need to be ready to change, be creative, be flexible and keep working at finding what tongue movements, pressure and speed work on a particular girl, on a particular day in a particular setting!

And remember it’s not just the clitoris you need to focus on. Draw that alphabet large over the whole area, then medium and small around different parts. Women enjoy the whole area being licked, kissed and touched, so don’t get fixated just on the clitoris.

Don’t forget about your hands

When giving a woman oral sex, try to get yourself into a position where your hands are free to add an extra element. If you’re able to caress her body and breasts while giving oral, she’ll enjoy it so much more.

If you can gently caress her thighs, stomach, chest and arms with your finger tips while giving her oral sex, you’ll be able to tap into multiple erogenous zones all at the same time and send sparks flying in her body.

You can also use one hand to slightly lift up the ‘hood’ of the clitoris and reveal the more sensitive part for your tongue to stimulate. Make sure you learn where this is.

If you’re good at multi-tasking, why not add your fingers into the action and try to stimulate her G Spot? Most women enjoy the build up so try to learn when she’s ready for you to use your fingers as well to intensify the pleasure to the next level.

If you go straight in with the fingers at the start then you might ruin the potential for an orgasm that a steady build up brings. If in doubt, don’t insert a finger until she’s naturally already wet and moaning with pleasure.

Experiment with different positions

the number 69, a great position to give a woman oral sexTry different techniques and see what works for you. Perhaps you’d like to introduce some new positions (such as the 69 where you both perform oral sex to each other at the same time, or the man on top and in control).

Whatever you do, mix it up and don’t make things feel like a routine. If she doesn’t quite know what’s coming next, she’ll be even more turned on, whether the oral sex is for foreplay or for orgasm.

Find the best technique and don’t stop!

It’s obviously not always easy for you to speak to her while you perform oral sex, so listen to the sounds she makes. We women can be a bit shy, but generally most like to talk and say what we like.

If your girl isn’t a talker though, check for signs she’s enjoying it, such as heavier breathing or moaning. And if she’s holding the top of your head, she may grip harder as she’s closer to climaxing.

Look for signals that tell you she’s really turned on, and don’t suddenly stop or change what you’re doing if what you’re doing is working.

At the start it’s fine to play around and experiment with different actions and techniques. But once you’ve teased her and gotten her warmed up, it’s time to settle on the technique that will give her an orgasm and not stop until she gets there.

By this point, your jaw may be aching and your tongue might feel numb, but persistence will pay off. If she’s enjoying it, then stopping as she’s building towards climax just because you have neck ache or a sore jaw isn’t cool!

Nothing beats a bit of feedback so ask her afterwards if she liked it and she might offer some tips to make next time even more intense.


Hopefully you’ll see now that the key to giving a girl oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. If she doesn’t tell you exactly what works, you need to find out yourself by observing how she reacts to different techniques.

And perhaps most importantly, when you know what works for her, once you decide to focus on that technique just keep doing it until she reaches orgasm.

Enjoy the practice, enjoy the experimenting, and enjoy the great feeling when you magically work out exactly what she needs to have orgasms.

More ideas

If you’d like to find out about even more ways to give your partner amazing oral sex, I highly recommend reading ‘Lick by Lick’, written by the respected sex expert Michael Webb.

He explores the finer details of what really makes great oral sex, and gives you lots of great ideas and techniques to try.

Check out the Lick by Lick oral sex guide >>

240 CommentsLeave a comment

  • To be perfectly honest the truth is that each woman will not only appreciate the act but the effort you put in to it. Oral is a skill like picking a lock. Train it and you’ll make every tumbler click everytime. Your face and tongue have myriad muscles. This means by learning to control your face and tongue you learn how to pick your woman’s “lock”. The more you try the more apreciative she’ll be. Being the giver in oral is a dual role dominant yet submisive.dominant because you have control of the most sensitive area. Submissive because you are at the mercy of your lovers pleasure. Trust me when I say that being a little submissive to your woman in bed can excite them in a big way.

    • Hi Adrian
      Thanks for the interesting comment! I think you’re absolutely right in what you say there, both about putting in the effort to unpick the lock and in being submissive as well as dominant. It’s a good way of looking at it!

  • I thought I had a problem because I have never enjoyed receiving oral sex. And what you wrote makes me wish men could know what you know.
    Thank you!

    • Hi Gery
      You’re definitely not alone in feeling that way! Unfortunately, many women don’t enjoy it as much as they could simply because their partner doesn’t get it right for her. Perhaps the secret is to subtly, or clearly, educate the guy! Many guys will appreciate some pointers here and there, because at the end of the day they know it can be tricky to do right, so any help is appreciated – as long as it’s presented as tips rather than criticism.

  • Thanks for the tips! I was looking for some new ideas to try with the missus as she loves some oral sex. I reckon she’s gonna love some of these techniques! Al

  • i really like oral sex with my gf but i want your advice.We r the same age, but she is still a virgin and i have tried several times to disvirgin her but failed, yet we have been together for 4yrs. She likes oral sex but i want penetration so what can i do?

    • Hi Ecliose
      You’re probably just going to have to be patient and wait until she’s ready! That’s the best thing to do, and also the right thing to do. However, you can also have an honest conversation with her about how you feel – and not in the moment when you’re trying and she’s refusing. Pick a time when you’re both feeling good together, but not having sex, and raise the topic. You can explain that you feel you’d like to go further, and ask her what it is that is making her feel like it’s not right. Then you can make your decision about whether to continue being patient and enjoying oral sex, or to move on and find someone else if you really don’t like her enough to stick around and go at her pace.

  • Reading this is teaching me a great deal to please my wife. I am always very eager to please her. It’s turn in for me when I know I excited her making her very horny. I am not expert on oral sex but I love to give oral sex to my wife. I love when she twist, when she moan, when I really feel she is enjoy it to the max. I love when she cum give me the satisfaction of satisfying her. I got some tips from you that will put in practice hoping to give my wife multiple orgasm. Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to please my lovely wife in a great way.

    • Hi Jose
      It’s great that you found the tips useful! It sounds like you have a good attitude towards pleasing your partner, so I’m sure you’ll continue to please her even more!

  • My wife thinks that I spoil her with the amount of oral I give… usually 40 + minutes……thing is I absolutely love to see her twist and turn .. after 17 years and 2 kids….. she still absolutely enraptures me….I know men have fantasies about other women… but I just crave my wife,her hair and smell still makes me go weak in the knees..oral is awesome….

    • Hi there
      That’s fantastic! I’m sure there will be one or two women who read this and wonder where they can find a guy like you too…

  • How come I don’t see anything about when she cums? I’m curious about what to do when she is in the act of orgasm. Stay in the same speed, or go faster? And what about the fact that I really don’t like the idea of getting her cum all up in my mouth? I enjoy giving oral sex to women, but only a few times have I gone that far, and I didn’t like it. It made me gag! I want to get over this. So help me out. What do I do when she is cumming?

    • Hi Jerry
      That’s a good question actually. Personally, I like to experiment with different things and see what she prefers. Sometimes it’s good to just continue until you get the clear sign to stop, like thighs clamping on your head or a hand grabbing your hair to pull you away. Sometimes continue for a short while and stop when she stops moaning. Sometimes just hold your tongue firmly against the clitoris while she comes. There are lots of things you can do, so try them and see what she seems to like most.
      If you have trouble dealing with her ejaculation though, then perhaps you can just use your tongue when she comes and keep your mouth closed.

    • Some things require an acquired taste, but I love tasting my wife when she starts to cum. I keep going till she encourages me to come up on top and give her some other type of action down there.

    • Hi Eddy
      It’s normal in that some people like it and some don’t. Have you asked her why she doesn’t like it? Maybe she feels shy, has had bad experiences in the past, doesn’t enjoy the way you do it, or perhaps just doesn’t find it stimulates her as much as other things. You could try talking to her about it, but maybe you’ll just have to accept it’s not for her.

    • I never used to like oral sex when I was younger but I love it now. I’m 55 now and enjoy sex more and more as I get older.
      I now realise that my clit was so sensitive back then I couldn’t bear it to be touched. Best thing to do to get your wife to begin enjoying oral is to start with very light finger movements first, then light licking, and go from there.

  • Four play is the best! When giving oral sex to a female the mood has to to be set right nothing to interrupt the mood.Take the time to explore a female entire body. Softly kisses along the body to make your way to her vagina then explore her vagina with your tongue focus on her clit but not to much as you caress her body along with a bit of eye contact and everything from there should be a great time!!!

    • Hi Eugene
      Glad you found the advice useful! The main thing is to keep practicing and working on it until you find just the way she likes it. With the new techniques you’ve learned here and some dedication, hopefully she’ll enjoy it a lot.

  • I think that women are willing to let us know what they want to be done and how they want it done is excellent for most of guys lol but it is nice to hear that what I’m doing is correct thank you ladies

    • Hi Samual
      I agree that it’s great when women are open about what they like and can point us in the right direction, literally!

  • Hi I loved the input , I wanna ask how can I convince my girl that oral sex is amazing , she says she will not like when I will be licking her vagina …. We have been in relationship since 4 years but still I m clueless about her feelings related to oral sex…guide me

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. That’s a tricky one! I think if she’s really against the idea, you need to think why that might be. Maybe she’s shy, maybe she has a complex about how she looks, smells or feels down there. My advice would be not to pressure her, but spend a few weeks really making her feel good about herself when you’re together. Then maybe slowly but surely spend more time kissing her whole body, working within her limits of what’s comfortable. It may be that if you make her feel like you think she, and her body, and amazing, little by little she’ll allow you to do it naturally one day. Just go slow, don’t make a big issue of it, and get her used to your tongue being a little closer each day.
      Just an idea for you!

    • Well I don’t know exactly the reason, but I probably feels she doesn’t let you go down on her probably cos she loves you and respects you, it’s jus the same when you have a good heart and wudnt let you gf give you a bj cos you feel it’s disgusting thinking from a boys point of view, it’s the same story for girls

  • I have never performed oral sex before ( I’m guy btw) and I would like to know what your beginner tips would be for me, thanks

    • Hi Noah
      I think the advice in the article can be useful for a beginner or someone who’s new to it. But I think a common mistake guys make is to try and locate the clitoris and give it as much tongue action as possible from the start. But that’s a mistake. Really take your time before getting there – kiss the stomach, legs and area around the vagina. Go slow and sensual. Then lick the vagina very gently in an upwards stroke, try the alphabet method – but gently – and then lick the clitoris a bit more strongly if you feel she’s getting nicely warmed up. And then build up from there…

  • Well my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past year and a half, and she has been involved with multiple partners who were all excellent love makers. Me on the other hand, I have no experience in that area. (Virgin)

    So basically, I got her warmed up. She likes neck biting and kissing, so that’s what I did. With her on top of me, we began lightly kissing till be gradually built tempo, till she was exposing her neck for me to bite. I nibble and play with the left and right sides of her neck, until her breathing changed, with us where I transitioned to mild ass and boob fondling. I was doing extremely well for my first time. (I had been researching for a while.) She took off her shirt, and I helped un-do her bra, and I lightly began to suck, nibble, and play with both of her breasts. She was really enjoying it… but then I asked: “Would you like me to go down on you?”
    Here’s where I think I fucked up. Her reply was: “Sure? I’m a little nervous… and I’m not going to be looking.”
    So with her permission, I took off her shorts and underwear and repeated everything I had just done before I got to that point. (That was the first time I had seen of felt a pussy in real life [still is] but I didn’t hesitate to go down on her.) So I parted her legs and gazed at her shaven mound and it was quite a magnificent sight to see. Her pussy was absolutely drooling and I was feeling really proud of myself at that point, so I go to town. (Side note^ she has told me that she doesn’t cum from clitoral stimulation, but mainly g-spot stimulation) So I start off to high and she immediately corrects my mistake and guides me to her clit so I start teasing around it. She then tells me to focus everything I’m doing with my mouth DIRECTLY on her clit. Meanwhile.. with my left hand, I have two fingers making the “come to me” motion in the inside. THEN SHE TELLS ME TO ADD A THIRD?! (this is where I completely fuck up I think) I dead ass stop, and look at her chuckling… I’m like: “A third?” And she tells me nervously, yeah. So I put in my ring finger. (Another side note^ she is REALLY tight, and her vagina was super slippery, so I had a hard time getting my two fingers in there, let alone a third. I didn’t want to hurt her so I didn’t go as deep as she was asking me to go.) This continues for about ten minutes. My erection is completely gone, my left arm was cramping up, and I was overall tired and about to tap out, when I here my house door open and we have to immediately stop. In the end, she told me that I did great until we got to the actual “oral” part which is where I sucked ass at.

    I need your help. I need more techniques so that I can better please my partner.

    I even tried the alphabet method whern I was down there.

    Chris ~

    • Hi Chris
      Thanks for your comment. To be honest, I think you did just fine for a first time! It’s a shame you got disturbed by someone coming home as I’m sure you would have had plenty of fun afterwards.
      It sounds like your girlfriend knows exactly what she likes and isn’t afraid to be direct. And since you’re just getting started with all this, that’s great as she’ll be able to help you learn quicker.
      Here are some points that spring to mind reading your story:
      1. Don’t allow her to make you feel bad about what you do. If she continually tells you you suck, unless you have that kind of jokey relationship, I’d be questioning the relationship…
      2. Don’t be afraid to do the things she suggests. Unless you’re really not into her suggestions, be open-minded and just go with it.
      3. Yeah, fingers, hand, wrist, arm, shoulders, neck and tongue can all suffer during prolonged oral sex! For me, I’ve learned to position us both well before starting to reduce that effect. But it’s a sacrifice we make to please our partner – kind of like them choking on our penis…
      4. Don’t expect to me able to make her orgasm just because you’ve read some great techniques. Even with all the knowledge in the world, unless you get lucky, it can take some practice and depends on her as much as you. So just enjoy it and don’t see her orgasm through oral as the end goal. Just go with it, have fun, and when it all gets too much just go for something else unless it’s clear she’s building towards orgasm.
      5. I’d also say take charge when it comes to oral. If she begs you to put fingers in, make her wait longer. If she begs you for clitoral stimulation, make her wait longer. Anticipation is one of your greatest tools for getting her horny. Now you know better where things are and what she likes, remember when you’re down there – you’re in charge. Listen to her suggestions, but don’t just be her puppet. Do what she likes, but make her wait for it and get excited about it. It’s a fine line to walk, but great when you get it right.
      Hope that helps

      • I don’t remember if I said thank you, but thank you. I talked to her about it and she said that all I needed was practice. We are probably going to have sex for the first time on my birthday. And I’m scared I’m not going to last long. I’m going to check out the other articles you have on this website before I ask for more advice. 😀 Thanks again
        Chris ~

        • Hi Chris
          You’re very welcome! Try not to stress about it – even if you don’t last long, just don’t make a big deal of it. Go back to giving her oral, manual or whatever other things you enjoy together, and then go for a second round later on. You’ll last much longer the second time round. And since it’s your birthday, maybe even having a drink or two will help you relax and deal with the stress better. Just don’t have more than 2 or 3 is my advice!

    • Chris you’re a pro mate! I love your story because the exact, I mean exact same thing happened to me today!, not all of it went that way it was slightly different in terms of her asking questions… But the front door part was spot on! Haha

  • So I have been with my partner for almost two years and we have been having oral sex for about a year. At first, he told me that he has never went down on a girl before, so I am practically his first. He also told me when his collegues advised him on how to do the deed. I really don’t know what they told him, but whatever they said isn’t as good as they think it is. I feel like he roughly sucks the clit. At first it wasn’t painful but now that I know what he is going to do, it is really painful. How do i gently let him know the right way of doing it???

    Secondly, since we have started having oral sex, he has never “comed” while I give him a bj. I have read a couple of articles on the right way to give a bj, videos I have watched but no change. What should i do about this???

    Please help.

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. To be honest, I think it might be helpful for you both to just talk about what works or not. There’s not much point in putting up with painful oral sex! I would just tell him to be gentle with you. You could even just wait until he’s doing it and then stroke his head and say the word “gentle” a few times to give him the message. If he doesn’t relax, then tell him before he starts some time to go slower. He needs to know you’re sensitive there, so tell him to use his tongue at first to lick the whole area rather than suck the clitoris from the start. Then when you’re warmed up, he can maybe try focusing on the clit.
      As for the blowjob, well, to be honest it’s not always easy to make a guy come. It may be that like him, you’re just not doing it in the way that will make him come. It also might be that he just doesn’t come with oral sex, or if he does, it takes a long time.
      One idea would be to ask him if he likes the way you do it, and ask him to tell you if he likes it harder, softer, with or without teeth, faster, slower, deeper etc. Then maybe he’ll also ask you what you like – that would be ideal! If not, you can tell him anyway at the end of the conversation.
      Hope that helps

      • I guess it depends on the guy! I personally don’t find gagging or drooling turns me on, but having said that I can see why some guys might. For me, the best thing is when the woman really makes a tight seal with her mouth and puts some suction on my penis. If it’s just a soft, gentle blowjob it doesn’t do much for me. I also like it if we’re both feeling very horny and my partner lets me take control, grab her hair and ‘use’ her mouth rather than just sit back and hope she does it right. But that’s just me and my partner who enjoys that level of domination!

    • Hi Tom,
      You can do that, yes. Depending on the person, she may love it or just find it another pleasant part of the overall experience. I wouldn’t spend too much time on it, but its definitely a good thing to throw into the mix.

    • i want guys to know its ok to find yourself licking around the anus, I found that women go crazy don’t spend a lot of time there but if she likes oral she will be turned on.

    • Hi Lucy
      Yes! I couldn’t agree more. This is also confirmed by sex surveys which show that women’s main complaint about their sex life is not enough foreplay, manual and oral stimulation before sex.

    • Hi Stephen
      Yes, definitely. Although after she orgasms, she might find it too sensitive to continue and prefer to stop.

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