In the 4 years since I started this website, I’ve tried a wide range of techniques and products that are designed to help men last longer during sex. The photo above is just a sample of some of the options I’ve personally tested!
But as well as pills, sprays, condoms and other products, there are many natural techniques you can try. Some are quite simple, and you just need to remember to give them a go; others require a bit of practice to see the best results.
In my experience, the best thing to do is be open-minded and try different things until you find something that works for you. So even if breathing exercises sounds a bit esoteric to you, give it a go at least once.
In this article, I’ll run through some of the methods I think can make a difference, however small. Hopefully you’ll find enough ideas here to help you improve your sense of control and confidence in bed.
1. The start and stop method
The start and stop method is a classic technique, and one I practiced a lot, as I found it made a big difference to my ejaculation control over time.
What’s great about it is that it’s relatively simple to do. Basically, you set yourself a time target such as 10 or 20 minutes. Then either during masturbation or sex with a willing partner, you stop and rest every time you feel yourself getting too aroused until that time is up.
If you usually finish within a minute or two, 10 to 20 minutes might mean a lot of stopping and starting, which is fine. But stick with it, and in a few weeks you should find you need less rests.
2. Try a delay spray
I used one when I first started trying to deal with the problem, had great results with it and importantly found it was a good confidence booster.
The best thing is probably that it’s an instant fix, if physical sensitivity is your main difficulty during sex. The downside is that it’s not a cure, and you’ll need to use it each time you have sex.
Take a look at my review of the best delay sprays if you’re interested in this option.
3. Choose the right sex positions
Some sex positions could help you last longer, while others are much harder to withstand the physical sensitivity and pleasure.
Good positions are those that promote slower, shallower movements. They also tend to be ones where you don’t need to put in as much physical effort.
- The cowgirl – you lying down with her sitting on top.
- The reverse cowgirl – her on top facing away from you.
- spoons – her lying on the side and you behind her.
- Side by side facing each other – both of you lying on the bed, with legs intertwined.
- Sitting on the bed or in a chair – with her on top, you can relax more.
- The missionary position.
- Any position from behind (apart from spoons).
- Most standing positions.
4. Switch positions if you get too aroused
Changing sex position when your arousal is spiraling out of control is a great way to last longer in bed. Guys in the porn industry do this trick all the time – think how many times the camera angle changes!
Another great trick is to completely withdraw and turn your attention to your partner with your hand, tongue, sex toy or anything else that she enjoys and gives you some time to cool down.
5. Masturbate before having sex
If you masturbate an hour or two beforehand, you might find you last longer when you have sex. This is a classic trick and one which in my experience usually helps.
I’ve heard that this works especially well for younger men, so if you’re off on a date, don’t forget to take a moment to yourself before leaving the house.
6. Go for a second round
It’s very common for men to have less control the first time they have sex – especially after a gap of a day or more. Women understand this, so don’t worry if it’s all over quickly the first time.
Just be willing to continue the action with manual or oral stimulation, and when you’re ready for more, there’s a good chance you’ll last much longer.
7. Try the 7 and 9 technique
In their article about this topic, a sexologist interviewed by mensfitness.com suggests an interesting technique called the 7 and 9 method.
All you need to do is follow a stable pattern of 7 fast in/out strokes, followed by 9 slow in/out strokes. My partner is a particular fan of this technique, finding the rhythm enjoyable and exciting.
8. Don’t stop just because you had an orgasm
I’ve already mentioned this, but it’s such an important point, I’m going to give it its own section!
Sex should only end when both of you want it to end – not simply when you ejaculate. So if she’s still up for more, use your hands, give her oral sex or whatever she enjoys.
You might even recover in time for the second round while she’s getting even more aroused, increasing the chance you’ll be able to share a mutual climax if you can get the timing just right.
9. Have regular sex to get used to the intensity
Whether you’ve recently become sexually active, or have been for years, if you have sex regularly you should find you have better control.
I know from experience that when I have sex every day (and preferably more than once a day) my control is much, much better than when I only see my partner once or twice a week.
Obviously, it’s not always possible to arrange for sex to happen more regularly. But it’s an idea worth mentioning to your partner if they are up for helping you deal with the problem.
10. Keep calm and breathe
Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for 4 seconds. HOLD for 4 seconds. Then breathe OUT for 4 seconds.
If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.
11. Relax your body
One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and ass especially, then try to relax instead.
If you lie on your back with your partner on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.
12. Relax your mind
Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so.
So try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feeling calm and that everything is just fine.
Alternatively, work on your general level of stress and anxiety in life. If you’re under a lot of stress at the moment, then doing meditation, yoga or relaxation exercises daily could make a big difference.
If that all sounds a little too esoteric for you, just remember the breathing. That can help with both bodily and mental relaxation.
13. Wear a condom
Unprotected sex feels amazing, but can unfortunately feel just a bit too good sometimes. So adding a condom can really help knock the sensitivity down a level and give you a fighting chance of coping with the intense stimulation.
And if you want, you can try an extra thick condom for even more desensitizing, or even a benzocaine condom which will add a little extra numbing.
14. Use plenty of lubricant
The more lubricated your partner is, the less stimulation and pressure you’ll feel, and so the longer you’ll last. It’s a good reason to spend plenty of time on great foreplay, and if you need to, have a bottle of quality lubricant to hand.
15. Focus on the whole body
You’ve probably heard the classic advice of thinking about something boring or unpleasant. In my opinion, this doesn’t really work though, neither is it enjoyable to do.
Instead, try to focus on all the different sensations in your body, and your partner’s too. Don’t allow your mind to get stuck thinking only about the sensation in your genitals. Think how every part of your body feels from your toes to your fingers.
Enjoy the complete experience.
16. Relax and do nothing
As I said before, relaxation is key. So much so, that relaxing to the point of doing absolutely nothing can help you last longer. If you’re on your back you can try to totally relax and let her take control for a minute or two.
Alternatively, both of you can simply lie still together with you inside and have a tantric moment. This gives you a chance to focus on your breathing and lower your arousal level, as well as connect on a more profound level.
17. Vary your speed and depth of thrusting
If you go at it hammer and tongs, you’ll ejaculate sooner – it’s as simple as that. But women also like variation, so you can sometimes thrust slowly, sometimes pause deep inside her, sometimes do very shallow thrusts and tease her at the entrance.
Personally, I’ve found that it helps to mix two things. Sometimes I’ll stay deep inside, and then only move in and out a little, so the depth is maintained.
And then I’ll almost totally withdraw, only moving my penis head in and out very slowly. I might then do 5 or 6 very slow shallow thrusts, followed by a very slow and deep thrust.
I find I can keep control this way, and my partner loves the anticipation of the next deep thrust.
18. Refocus yourself physically
This isn’t my personal favorite, but I know some guys say it helps a lot. Any small repetitive action with your body can help shift your attention from your groin. For example, gently curling the toes on one foot repeatedly.
19. Don’t start off hard and fast
At the beginning of any sexual experience the pleasure is immense, especially if you’ve suffered some sex starvation recently. So take it easy to start. Get used to the warmth and pleasure and then build up slowly.
If you can get through the first couple of minutes without too much stimulation, you should last longer than if you tear off her clothes and treat her like the world’s ending in the next 5 minutes.
20. Count an action
This is a variation on the classic distraction technique, and is much better than thinking about paint drying. Try counting your thrusts or your breath, or anything else which is easy and rhythmic to focus on. Not my personal favorite, but again, some men do say this technique helps.
21. Spend longer on foreplay, with a focus on your partner
This is one of the most important tips I can give you, stemming from the basic concept that men get aroused much faster than women.
The longer you spend on good foreplay (giving her as much pleasure as you can think of) the better, for 2 reasons.
First, it takes the pressure off you, especially if you give her an orgasm first. Second, it raises her arousal to be closer to yours, so you may not even need to last so long when you do eventually have sex.
22. Talk to your partner about it
If you talk openly about having problems with your sexual stamina, it will take the pressure off you. You can then work together and many of the techniques in this article will be easier to implement.
23. Explore tantric sex
Tantra has a lot to say about the way people have sex, and how there are other ways to go about it. It’s well worth looking into as one of the core teachings is about slowing everything down.
One idea you can try now is to spend time massaging your partner before you get to more sexual foreplay. She’ll love you for it, and again it’ll make her more likely to want sex more often if she’s currently avoiding it due to your quick finishing.
24. Kegels and reverse kegels
Kegels are potentially very useful for ejaculation control, but it’s important to understand how and when to do them correctly (read my article about kegel exercises for full instructions.)
The idea is to develop your pelvic floor muscles through exercises you can do in your own time. The muscles used are identified by stopping yourself mid flow when peeing. That same squeeze/contraction is something you can then do to stop yourself from ejaculating just before it happens.
But you can also learn to keep the same muscles relaxed during sex up until that point of ejaculation. By actively relaxing that pelvic area, either through general relaxation or reverse kegels, you might find you last longer.
25. Consider talking to your doctor
I’ve left this until last because I know many men don’t feel comfortable about sexual problems with their doctor. However, your doctor can give you qualified advice, based on your personal medical history.
There are several possible physical causes, as well as psychological and behavioral. So if this is a severe problem for you, it’s worth considering – even if it sounds like an embarrassing or awkward idea.
And they can recommend or refer you to a counselor or sex therapist if they feel there might be a psychological or behavioral cause.
The key point to take away is to keep an open mind and be willing to try different things, but move on if they don’t work.
My view is that the best approach is to hit the problem from every possible angle. The more techniques you put into practice, the better a chance you’ll have of improving your sexual stamina.
If you’re interested in these kind of techniques, you might like to take a look at one of my recommended premature ejaculation books, where you’ll find a structured program of techniques to help you develop ejaculation control.
And you might also find it helpful to read my complete overview of different treatment options for premature ejaculation.