Good oral sex is a key part of
The best news is that it’s not so hard to improve your tongue technique. All you really need to do is try out new movements and observe how your particular partner reacts.
In this article, I’ll share some of the best techniques I’ve found over the years, and I’ll also explain how you can learn what works best for your own partner.
Everyone is different
A key point to keep in mind is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.
Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do or the courage to simply ask her to tell you what she likes.
When testing the water, try different movements, patterns, positions, speeds, and rhythms. Mix things up until you have a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.
Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your initial experience and skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, don’t get disheartened – just move on and try something else.
Don’t skip or rush oral sex
It can be tempting to skip oral sex or only do it for a couple of minutes. This isn’t ideal though; a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.
Spending a good amount of time on oral should also help raise her arousal level and increase the chance that she enjoys your lovemaking as much as you do.
How long do you need to do it for? That depends on the woman (and perhaps how flexible your neck is!)
Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then, or orgasm simply might not happen (which is fine). At the very least, you’ll probably want to continue until she seems to be getting very turned on.
Start out slowly
A classic mistake with oral sex is to dive in with your tongue pressing hard on her clitoris and/or flicking away at lightning speed. This can be uncomfortable for the woman and takes away the fun of the build-up.
You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, and the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action. There’s a lot to be said for anticipation, and it can be fun for you to make her wait for it…and really, really want it.
When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.
When you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Caress it gently with the soft top side of your tongue (not the hard tip) and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.
You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.
Get creative with your tongue
The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. Try using the full, top part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later – if she likes that.
Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she enjoys that, you can eventually move on.
Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. Whatever you choose to do, spend some time on each movement in a constant rhythm. Start slow, build steadily, and allow some time to see how she reacts to each movement and repeated rhythm.
Vary your movements
It pays to be observant, so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stick with the ones that do, at least for a while.
A classic trick to discover new movements is to spell out the alphabet with your tongue around the entire area. This means large, flowing, and artful calligraphy – not tiny letters with a fine-tipped pen!
When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more. Alternatively, finish the alphabet and then go back to the letter movements that she seemed to like most.
You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.
Don’t neglect the rest of her genitals either – it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.
If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up, both around your comfort.
The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching positions. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.
Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.
Unless your neck is hurting or you have a preexisting condition, it’s worth putting up with a bit of discomfort. She probably does the same for you!
Use your hands
If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.
The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.
You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).
Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going down the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.
You could also let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.
Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.
Experiment with different positions
There are many positions that work for oral sex. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).
Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. And try not to get stuck in a pattern of repeating the same step-by-step routine every time you have sex, or some of the anticipation and excitement will slowly wane.
Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might break the flow and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.
And despite what I said, once you do find a magic formula for your partner (if it exists), there’s no need to reinvent the entire wheel if you know what gives her earth-shattering orgasms.
Sure, add a few fun variations in the form of details, but don’t deny her the oral orgasm she loves in the name of endless experimentation.
Discover what works and don’t stop
I’m repeating myself, but this is such an important point: pay attention to her feedback. Listen out for her moans and sighs so you can slowly build a picture of exactly what she enjoys most.
When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
Look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, tightly gripping your hair, head, bedding or whatever she can reach!
Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”
Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning and middle of your oral sex. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement, pattern) might interrupt her concentration.
Knowing when she’s really into what you’re doing and is on the path to orgasm is something that takes time and experience with a new partner. But you’ll eventually learn when she hits the sweet spot of just needing you to carry on with the exact same rhythm until she reaches orgasm.
That might be 30 seconds before, a minute, or several minutes. As I said at the start, all women are different.
Don’t stress if she doesn’t climax
On a final note, don’t be upset if she doesn’t climax when you give her oral sex. It’s important not to get stuck in a vicious cycle of questioning why she doesn’t come.
Keep working on it, but don’t create any drama around the issue. Not all women will orgasm with oral, but it doesn’t mean it’s not an amazing experience that they enjoy before, during, or after penetrative sex.
For men with premature ejaculation
When I first started having sex, the idea of pulling out during sex and giving my partner oral for a while was always a bit strange to me, so I didn’t do it much.
With time and experience, however, I’ve come to learn that this is actually a good way to deal with premature ejaculation and extend your lovemaking session.
Ideally, you don’t want to pull out just as you’re on the verge of orgasm, give her oral for a minute or two and then go back to it because you might find you’re still too close to ejaculating. Learn to stop before you’re at the point of no return, and then switch to oral sex for a bit.
Again, some experimenting is probably needed to make it work for you and your partner. But I do recommend trying this if you struggle with how long you typically last during sex.
For more oral sex ideas, I recommend ‘Lick by Lick‘ by the sex expert Michael Webb.
His guide contains a wealth of techniques to try, from simple and effective methods to more complex ways to stimulate your partner with your tongue.
I have been with a lot of people who should read this article…it is often very difficult to tell a man how to do something or what they can improve on, and honestly I am also still figuring out what works for me! So it must be very difficult to figure out another person who is still figuring themself out…
(A good start would be to try reciprocating oral though 🙄). It’s a bit shocking how little I’ve received because I was afraid to ask.
Sidenote the men out there who have been made to stop because it was “so bad”: Either your partner doesn’t know what you are doing wrong, or she doesn’t know how to tell you what’s wrong. Ask! Learn! Putting yourself in a vulnerable position for the sake of pleasing your partner is probably the toughest part of any type of sex and the most essential step.
This article really helped me understand my body a tiny bit more and also what men are/should be trying to do. It’s a great resource!
Thanks for the positive words, and encouragement for others too. Much appreciated!
Hey Ethan, first of all I’m sorry if I misspelled something throughout this comment, I’m writing from Brazil.
So, I’ve just started my sexual life and I thank God my partner is a lot comprehensive about the premature ejaculation problem I’ve had when we first tried to do it (both virgins). I really want to give her a great sex experience.
I have a question about the Kegels should I do reverse and normal kegels in the same day?
No problem – your English was fine! Muito bem!
Yes, you can do both forms in the same day. I think it’s good to do both to keep a balance.
Hi all of you, its great to know that I’m not alone with confusing thoughts and Ethan I’m really thankful for clearing all of my doubts in just one article!
You’re defo. not alone in that, and I’m glad the article was useful.
Thank you very much for the detailed article and all the good tips!
I’m almost a year now with my girlfriend, and everything is going great between us.
We have really good chemistry in the bedroom. Sex has never been a greater pleasure for both of us!
Even though, I have a problem with oral sex. I really want to give her amazing oral sex, but every time I go down on her I find myself feeling disgusted. I just can’t seem to enjoy it. Something about the wetness, the smell, and the taste just make me hold back from techniques I know she would like because I feel uncomfortable with them.
It’s surprising to me that it is this way, because I absolutely love fingering her, and her feedback on it is amazing. We’re able to get her to orgasm almost every time.
Why is it this way? How can I try making myself more comfortable with my mouth on her vagina? Is this a common thing? Is all of this maybe not for me?
I’d love it if you could answer!
It’s not just you – there are men and women who find it difficult to go down on a woman – or man equally! Perhaps the trick is to try to forget about the hope that you ‘enjoy’ the actual physical act. The enjoyment can come from knowing you are giving your partner pleasure. I don’t think there are many women who love the actual physical feeling of being deep-throated, struggling to breathe and having their gag reflex being hit – all while staring at a mess of pubic hair and not smelling the nicest of smells potentially! Again, they do it because they want their partner to enjoy it, and their own pleasure might be more mental than physical. Perhaps you need to try to get into the mindset where you ignore the aspects that aren’t so lovely, and do it whilst thinking of the pleasure it will provide.
And if you can’t do that, then stick with the fingering!
Hello. That’s a common thing especially when its your first time. Try it with yorghut spread on that area, lick it until its all gone, you’ll get used to that. I sometimes use honey.
Hi Ethan, thanks for wealth of information. I have never gone down on any woman in life including my wife though in my late 40s. I have read your article and have mixed feelings. How do l break this barrier.
It’s a purely personal choice – if you really don’t think it’s for you, then you just have to explain to your partner why if they don’t understand why you’re not into it. That said, I think it’s a fairly key part of sex personally. The pleasure is in giving and knowing that you are providing pleasure – it’s not meant to be something that will in itself provide you with much pleasure from the act!
I love oral sex but my wife is not that wrapped in it. But I do it when I can. But at the moment my wife is having heart trouble so I’m sort of put on hold until she gets it fixed. But waiting for the doctors is a big problem so I just cop all the shit from my misses and hope the doctors fix her up real soon so until then I can only hope.
Sorry to hear your wife has had heart trouble. I also apologise for the very late reply – your comment somehow got stuck in my spam filter, which happens sometimes, and I dug it out after receiving your later complaint.
Anyway, that aside, I’m not sure what I can say to help. I hope she’s been fixed up now and is on the mend. If you’re still in the thick of it,
I guess there’s not much more you can do other than stay strong and help her through it. If you had a specific question about oral sex, please let me know.
Hello. I would really like to thank you for this page. I’m mature age-wise, I’ve always loved having my face between my partners’ thighs – I love the taste. You’ve helped me a lot I’ve never been able to get my sweetie to climax and couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong or wasn’t doing. But could never get her input maybe now with your help I can do what I’ve always dreamt of doing for my partner.
Thank Big Al
You’re most welcome! I hope you do get what you want with your partner with the tips in the article.
I loved this article – thank you for the tips. What do you think about humming or blowing air while giving oral sex? My partner kind of likes it, but I don’t know how to balance doing that with focusing on the actual licking bit. Any advice much appreciated!
I’m glad you liked the tips. I think both of those techniques can be fun in their place. Perhaps more at the start and middle than the end of the oral session. I quite like alternating between blowing gentle warm air with the mouth wider open and then blowing cooler air with a faster jet with the mouth more closed. And humming can feel amazing, but best done if there’s music otherwise it can sound a bit silly and she might just laugh at it. Experiment away though, as some women will like these, and some won’t.
I think my lady is going to be happy I read this article! I reckon I’m guilty of rushing it too much, but after this I guess some changes are in order. Thanks!
I’m sure she will be if you do nothing else except slow your pace down. That’s probably one of the most important lessons to take away from the article.
Hi! Loved the article – thank you so much for the amazing advice. I think my general skill level in the bedroom is reasonably good – never had any complaints. But I don’t usually get my partner to orgasm with oral which is kind of disappointing for me. I guess for her too! I think I might know why now, or at least, what I might have been doing that I shouldn’t have. Thanks again!
I’m happy to hear it! Fingers crossed that the techniques help you go from reasonably good to amazing then! I’m sure with a little adjustment to what you do, you’ll be able to give her even more pleasure. Remember that not all women will orgasm from oral, but there’s certainly no harm in trying different ways to make it even hotter!
Call me “Salt of the Earth” or “The BackBone”;
For 14yrs I supported my wife & she supported me. We stood side-by-side through some bloody tough times. Yeah, you might’ve guessed, I’m an Aussie and bloody proud of it!
I used to do all this stuff you talk about & not just in the sexual sense. Took my part in the home chores, cleaning, vacuuming, washing ironing ect.
To me there’s a big difference between having sex & Making Love. The first is all about one person getting a need or desire met “scratching an itch” we call it down here, the second is both people are mutually respected & benefit from the connection plus the chemical release which is so enormously good for our bodies.
But to my question; I’ve given all this to my beloved partner – I admit I made a fatal mistake very early on when I repeated something she said during orgasm, which I know is supposed to be a total “no-no” but that’s yrs ago.
Now anything I do doesn’t make a difference. I could just be a 3second lover; Wham, BAM, thank-you Mam but that’s not my nature. I’m extremely good at oral sex & she (particularly from what she’s said from her GF coffee conversations) knows it.
I’ve never been unfaithful to her or given her cause to go cold on me.
I’ve always ensure she cums when we make love unless she says “We don’t have time, quick, blow your load & you owe me one next time”
Plz tell me what the he’ll is going on with this woman that I love. I thought maybe I was screwing up the oral, that’s why I checked out your site but there’s more to it than that…..
Sorry to hear things aren’t going well for you now. You don’t go into any detail about what’s happening though, so it’s impossible for me to help. You’d need to explain what has changed, what she’s doing or not doing etc.
Great article! Like another poster, I’ve used all the techniques you’ve described, long before the internet came around. I have made an observation though in the last year.
Myself being paralyzed and being limited to only certain positions, I have found that when it comes to oral sex, women do really love to be on top! As your article says though, the man must be fully and completely into the task at hand (or mouth).
The reason I give for the the positions where the woman is on top is two fold. First and foremost, she is in control! Big trust involved on her part. Second is it is much easier for the man to observe if she is really relaxed. He can observe the sexual tension build and crescendo. If he just gave her one orgasm, chances are, she will enjoy a second, third or more.
These are just my experiences over this past year spending time with a couple of amazing SWs, who enjoy what they do and were kind enough to share time with me and trust me enough to allow the session (as far as physical intimacy) be solely about them.
Anyway, thanks for the great article.
Thanks for your compliment – I’m always happy to hear readers like an article! You make a really interesting point about the woman being on top – perhaps that’s something I’ll add to the article in a future update! It can be a lot of fun sometimes, though there’s also a lot to be said for being able to just relax and not worry about moving etc. I guess different moods and situations will call for different techniques!
You are welcome for the compliment! After I read your article and your reply, I see your point about the woman just being able to relax and enjoy. Keeping that in mind I looked for other possible women on top positions that may allow her to relax more than just the traditional “Cowgirl” style. This is what I found. Very interesting and I look forward to trying some of these alternative techniques out. Admittedly though, whatever the technique, I have never found anything more satisfying than gifting a woman multiple orgasms orally!
I never tried oral sex earlier because i think is it safe? I mean licking genitalia. i hope u are understanding what i am trying to say. Please help
If you’re worried about STDs, then of course there is a risk – as there is with any sexual act. If you trust your partner though, and you’ve both been tested, there’s nothing to worry about.
There is nothing in this world I enjoy more then pleasuring a woman orally. An act of love for my wife. I employed many of the tips you described long before the internet came around. It is a total turn on for me! After my wife thrusts and then orgasms, she would tap me on the head as a signal she had orgasm ( I can get a little carried away). I assume it is very sensitive for a while down there after a woman reached an orgasm. The best is that she is so relaxed afterwards, she falls asleep in my arms until next time
Great to hear! Sounds like you have just the right attitude towards oral sex.
Cunnilingus is definitely part of our sex act, but although my partner (of fifteen years) is totally excited and almost always climaxes, she pushes me away from her vagina as she becomes extremely sensitive there. On the few occasions that she permits a second session of oral, she does climax again. But this is rare because of that sensitivity matter. How frequent is this reaction by the woman and how can I work around it for continued pleasure?
We do follow up with great coitus.
Hey. I have been wondering for a while now how I can offer a female partner sexually something that most men do not give. Something that has always been important to me is being able to offer something others can’t, especially when it comes to giving them pleasure. Any tips on something perhaps in oral sex that would really turn the tides? I’m certainly happy to put lots of effort in, I just don’t want it to be good for my partner, I want it to be incredible.
That’s an interesting question. The thing is, you’ll never truly know what your partner has or hasn’t experienced before. So it’s kind of a lost cause. Unless you’re both into something unusual and kinky, you’ll just have to settle with getting the basics right. And honestly, good foreplay, good oral, good sex, and good communication and connection done right is more than good enough for most people, because it’s not that common to get all those ducks in a line!
Hi, thanks for this article, if found it very helpful. I’m a 19-year-old male, and I recently had my first (I’m still a Virgin in the truest sense, but just first time being with a woman at all in a sexual way), call me a late bloomer in that sense since I prefer to get to know a girl and am classy in the way that I like to go on dates with a girl before getting them in bed.
Most dates only went to two or three and on prom night I got stood up by the girl I asked to go with me. I spent that night at home with my parents and watched Movies with them instead of losing my virginity.
Now, I would also like to say I think the girl I was with saw that I was nervous to even go farther than touching her down there and told her I’m a Virgin still, but I’ve kissed several girls, I’ve just never been confident enough to get farther than that.
So what we did was just took it slow, we both got in sync with each other and she wanted to guide me through it all. All we did was oral, she did oral for me first and I wanted to give it back to her since I read an article similar to this and they said girls will appreciate you if you go down there, but if you get them off (really get them off) they’ll love you.
I think I did good, but even when she calmed me down and we got into a rhythm, I still felt like I didn’t really know what I was doing, even though she was on top and was smothering my mouth and nose I knew at the point of her “big O” she was really cumming because as you pointed out, there sometimes is an excess amount of juices that come out, well you should’ve stated correctly that some women flow like a river and squirt because I couldn’t even catch all of it in my mouth. I just wanted to ask: how can I get my confidence up and calm myself down enough to where I can focus on the deed, does it just come with practice?
Ok, lots going on in your comment there! First of all, if she stood you up on prom night because you were nervous, is it the same girl you describe in the second part of your comment? Did that oral experience happen before or after she stood you up? Either way, I’d be questioning how much she’s worth it if she stood you up for prom.
As for the actual moment, yeah some women do have more juice. And if you let her ride you like that, you’re going to feel it even more. Gravity and all that…
Maybe try taking control and have her lie on her back so you can try the techniques in the article, and wherever else you’ve read. Sometimes the best way to feel confident is just to act or pretend you’re confident. It will come in time, and with practice, though, so the alternative is to just be yourself. So what if you’re a bit nervous? Most young people are, and it’s kind of cute. But yeah, try taking the lead – get her to lie down, tease her, spend time on her, and experiment with the oral techniques here. Unless you’re into it, don’t just let her sit on your face and use your mouth as a rubbing platform – unless you’re doing the 69. Be the dominant man, put her on her back and then pleasure her whole body bit by bit.
Thank you for the advice u give us. My question is – how can we ask a girl to shave and wash so that the smell isn’t that bad or is there no way to ask her. She doesn’t live with me so therefore I don’t get her after showers because she comes in daily
Well, at the end of the day you might just have to accept her for the way she is. Having said that, you could try:
1. shaving and cleaning yourself regularly and always having a nice smell on you. Lead by example and see if she follows, or asks if it’s something you like, to which you can reply ‘yes!’
2. Try inviting her to the bathroom for some sexy shower time when she arrives! You can’t do it all the time, but if you give her amazing oral afterwards, she’ll perhaps get the message that clean = you very happy to spend ages on her.
3. Talk to her openly about your desire for shaving each other and see what she says.
sorry to hear that.
Sorry to hear that. Have you tried talking honestly to her about how she feels and what she would like to do during sex?
You have explained very well and this is more than enough to be an expert.
Very few things to be considered are:
Performer has to get adjusted with the smell.
Clean with water before the start
Remove all hairs to avoid irritation for the performer, however, playing with it is also gives different feeling
It’s nice to know you think it’s enough to be an expert – I’d like to think it will certainly be enough to make you pretty good at least…
As for your advice, I agree that you can get used to the smell, even if it’s quite strong.
It’s her choice to wash or not beforehand. If you feel strongly about it though, just suggest having a shower or bath together as part of your foreplay – or seduce her when she comes out of the shower naturally anyway. Never tell her to go and wash!
Again, hair removal is her choice. It can be very painful, so again, be careful with demanding it! If you like it, shave yourself first to lead the way by example…
You have so completely addressed the topic of cunnilingus more completely than anything I have previously read. I do feel that the presence of mind with both (all, when more than two are involved in the play time) parties relating to the hygiene factor is paramount. I know from facilitating a Men’s Support group for decades, the odor issue is one of the reasons many men don’t engage with giving oral sex. And in many cases, women are aware of this issue and don’t care for this kind of foreplay, so consequently miss out on a very beautiful part of the sexual journey. Many women comment that they prefer strong oral orgasms to penis in vagina climaxes. I also need to add that good genital hygiene is a two way road. A pre playtime wash up or shower is always a good idea before bed time. This is great fun when you are together in the shower. Good hygiene of course applies to both front and back doors. Clean and fresh is always sexy even though the natural essence of the vaginal region can be an aphrodisiac for many.
Hello, thank you so much for this.
I was talking with this girl across the country who was flying over to my city to visit a friend, and was gonna make a pot stop at my house. I can’t wait to try out your techniques and hope the best (I’m still a virgin). Are there any general tips you have for me and my first time?
I hope it’s not your friend’s girlfriend! But really, just go with the tips in the article. There’s more than enough for a first time there! Just take it slow, focus on lots of flirting, foreplay and sensuality and go with the flow!
Do the same as she does. Don’t have a bath even a wash for a week. Then ask her to suck yours. She will surely bathe daily…
Feminine odour has little to do with hygiene. Some women’s vaginal fluid produces a slight odor for various reasons, any disruption in the pH of her vagina can contribute as well. Some women are more sensitive that others. Factors that contribute could be she’s ovulating, allergy to soaps she uses or YOU use on YOUR penis, detergent from clothes, precum mixing with vaginal fluids, stress, diet, semen…. list goes on. Please do your research before you give people advice.
Thank you for this wonderful post.
I am new to giving my girlfriend oral sex and when doing it i get confused if i should swallow the saliva formed in my mouth or i should take few seconds break to spit it out?
If i should swallow it i hope there i will not have any infection?
You’re very welcome. Hmmm, well that’s an interesting question. You say it’s saliva, so it’s basically your own, in which case swallow it! She’s your girlfriend, and hopefully doesn’t have any infections. You can always suggest you both get tested to be on the safe side and be able to relax – though that’s a suggestion to be handled sensitively! But anyway, if she does have an infection, by giving her oral you’re exposing yourself to it anyway, swallowing or not. But generally, it’s not good form to be spitting out saliva in the bed in the middle of oral.
My partner would like me to perform oral sex on her on a regular basis. I’m okay with the idea but she has a problem with hygiene. Shes hairy down there she refuses to shave coz she says it makes her too itchy. And she showers once weekly. Last time I performed oral I got hair in my mouth on my tongue and I gagged a few times. Please tell me how to handle this situation in a delicate polite manner. Id like to add shes never made me ejaculate during sex and sometimes I lose my erection. We do cowgirl and we’ve done doggy and missionary. I don’t feel anything while I’m pleasing her and I’m worried I’ll never experience an orgasm I’m 22 by the way. If that helps. I’m fairly embarrassed because of this
Hmmm this is kind of tricky, but also kind of straight-forward. If she has a medical reason to only shower once a week, which would be quite unusual, that’s one thing. But if not, then she needs to improve her hygiene for sure. In this situation, I can fully understand your point of view. Not shaving is a personal choice, and many women don’t want to shave – that in itself is something to accept and hope she changes her mind one day! But not cleaning herself is inexcusable.
How to handle it in a delicate manner? Just some straight up honesty might be needed! How to phrase it isn’t something I can help with really, as it’s an unusual situation I haven’t heard before. It might just be one of those times to evolve into the kind of person who speaks openly about anything related to sex and body things, and just ask her nicely why she doesn’t shower. If she doesn’t have a good reason, I think suggesting she does more often if she wants to continue having sex with you is a reasonable request…
Or you persuade her to start your pre-sex with a shower together to get things heated up.
I shall give you the “manswer” from an experienced man who has been alive for half a century!
1. She’s hairy down there : Oral sex is a gift. An act of submissive pleasure giving for the receiver. Hair is a question of whether it bothers YOU, the giver. If you don’t prefer it and she doesn’t like shaving because it “itches” then I have news for you. She isn’t shaving properly ( technique, using proper products, etc). As men we shave our faces all the time and it doesn’t itch afterwards EXCEPT the first few times we ever do it. Also she doesn’t have to go bald with it, find a compromising middle ground. TRIMMING it nice and neat is lovely. If she is uncomfortable with this but wouldn’t mind it, offer to trim it for her. I used to use my norelco electric razor and service my woman trimming it up FOR her. I would even make little shapes out of the hair. One time I made a little heart pattern. Also the hum and vibration of the electric razor would also arouse her, so with this you are getting double duty. Note that this factor is heavily tied in with number 2.!
2. She showers once weekly: Ok, this part I am going to sound a little mean, but like I said this is the “manswers” section. I’m not dissing yer girl, but do you know who usually showers once a week? Homeless people, drug addicts, people with unique medical conditions, old people and/or any combination of the four. If she doesn’t fit the bill for any of those 4 ( or a combination thereof ) then she’s being plain lazy, nasty, and inconsiderate. Women have a lot more crevices down there and even though the vagina has self-cleaning abilities, at best her stuff will be incredibly pungent! If she’s not so lucky ( which most people like this won’t be, especially when environmental factors like wearing leather pants in mid-July) then my man, you will learn where the stereotype of a vagina smelling like “fish” came from. A healthy cleaned vagina should actually arouse you, not make you gag! If subtle hinting doesn’t work, go for a direct approach, if that still gets nowhere then reverse the situation if you can take it. Don’t trim and don’t wash but once a week. I guarantee you ( especially if she gives you oral ) she will soon inform you of your “fermunda from down under!”
3. She’s never made you ejaculate: At 22, you should have an orgasm when the wind blows, son. If you aren’t ejaculating ( time for the “manswers” psychology lesson ), and having erectile problems, it means you aren’t feeling it. Men hardly ever worry about not being aroused so if this is happening to you, I’m afraid the former factors aren’t helping. I notice the first position you mention is the cowgirl. You did mention doggy and missionary also but out of the 3 positions you mentioned, 2 out of 3 are not you facing her. Normally this isn’t a problem, but I feel it goes a lot more in-depth psychologically. Did you know that “cowgirl” aka “riding” is also known as, “female SUPERIOR?” Is your girl a feminist? The extreme kind? Does she have a controlling, hypocritical complex? I mean dude, you aren’t getting orgasms and you do DOGGY, which is one of THE most carnal, MALE dominating positions! Definitely need to look into your relationship further, cause in my honest opinion, it sounds like you are just there for HER needs more than your own.
4. You’re “fairly” embarrassed because of this: Enough said bud. You need to put a little more “manliness” in this relationship. You don’t have to be CRUEL to be more ASSERTIVE.
I think your view is a little over the top in places, and you’re making some assumptions there that are perhaps unjustified. Nevertheless, I’m sure the original poster will appreciate hearing a different opinion to mine.
Hello Doctor, Thank you very much for your good article, although it’s difficult to understand your writing comprehensively because I am Iranian,
A question that has damaged my mind
My husband does oral sex for me, but I do not feel any pleasure, why ??? Where are the forms of work? Is there a problem with me? I’m worried
Please give me a detailed explanation
There are lots of reasons you might not be enjoying it. Is it his technique? Are you lacking sensitivity where he does it? Do you feel pleasure if you touch yourself, or during intercourse?
If you feel no physical pleasure in any form of stimulation, this is something to speak to a doctor about. But if you do, and just not when he does it, then perhaps it’s time to talk to him about trying a new technique.
Thank you so much for this article! I have always dated guys because I was scared of what my family would think of me being a lesbian. Initially I never got much oral sex from guys so when I started dating my best friend of 6 years who is indeed a female I had no idea what I was doing down under or what to expect! She always seems to like when I give her oral sex but I felt like I was just doing the same thing over and over again. I didn’t want her to get “over it”, your article is a life saver! I’m definitely gonna try something new the next time we become intimate!
That’s great to hear! It’s awesome that you’re now feeling confident enough to date a woman, and can enjoy yourself the way you feel natural. I hope your oral sex life gets better and better now!
When I started going out with the Woman who would become my Wife I gave her oral sex – and she did not reciprocate… This went on for quite a while before we got engaged and she allowed me to engage in intercourse.. She never gave me oral sex… Things progressed in our marriage in terms of frequency – she certainly enjoys getting oral sex and for many years, foreplay, oral sex for her and then intercourse is what we do – now once each day… I am quite adept at getting her to orgasm – generally I like to give her oral sex doggy style with a pillow under my head and this way she can ride my mouth and put more or less pressure where she chooses… One thing in your article is perhaps a further diagram on the clitoris, the shaft and the roots running down either side of the labia so men have a better understanding of just how extensive the pleasure zones of the vulva are… Also Ladies – if your man is going to worship you by giving you regular oral sex then removing or at least trimming most of your pubic hair is an appropriate and kind consideration to him and an invitation to spend time there…. I enjoy giving my Wife oral – she makes me stop when she has had enough… Otherwise I would happily spend hours between her legs.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Do you know why she doesn’t reciprocate? It’s a shame she’s happy to receive but not to give – sex should be about sharing the pleasure as much as possible. Thanks for the idea about the diagram – I might well do that at some point, and we do have a more complex diagram in another article.
I also agree that a bit of self-care goes a long way if you want your man to spend as much time down there as you want him to!
Thanks for the advice, I believe i have been going too fast and getting impatient. I started out with sucking the clitoris which i thought was too intense for her because she used to tell me to stop. I’m going to start off slower from now on.
You’re welcome. It sounds like that’s a very good plan. If you take it nice and slow, she probably won’t tell you to stop again. Even when you think it’s time to suck the clitoris, it’s best to be very gentle. At no point should it ever feel like a powerful suction effect.
Hi I have always enjoyed giving it to my woman and that has always been the only way she reaches her orgasm. Please, ignore my grammar errors. I’m from Malawi, Africa; so English is not my first language. Regards, Abdul
Your English is fantastic! Oral sex is the only way many women find easiest to orgasm, and that’s fine. I hope the article gives you some new ways to do it!
Thanks for the input. I’m finding that a smaller clitoris, in my partner, can be quite challenging. I love giving her oral sex and am quite experienced in doing so, however, the variations in techniques can be amazing. I’ve been with her 9 years and we’ve gone from her never really experiencing oral sex when we met, to giving her some of the best orgasms she’s had including gushing. Then let’s add an antidepressant a few years ago which decreases her sensitivity. I’m always looking for new and better ways to increase her orgasm type and duration. Your advice is spot on. It’s a process and it’s an ever-changing world as of late for her and for myself. She seems to be finding it more difficult to get over the edge once she’s there as of late.
Thanks in advance
Good to know you liked the tips!
I think maybe just be patient and don’t make her feel like you need her to orgasm for the sex to be a success. Women can feel a lot of pressure to orgasm, and it’s not so helpful. She might just need time to adjust to the changing sensitivity, so let her know she can stop you if she feels it’s just not going to happen, and that that’s ok with you. Ask her what she likes best now, and if she thinks you could do something differently. And perhaps spend more time and energy on the mental/emotional side to balance the change in physicality. I’m sure you can still turn her on with good foreplay, a slow build up, and doing things to make her feel happy and close to you.
Hello! I loved reading this article, i really enlighted me and I learned so much!
One question: If I leave a little bit of saliva on the lady part, does it give the woman pleasure, or it’s just plain weird?
It kind of depends what you mean by ‘leave’. But usually it’s fine to use saliva as a lubricant while you give someone oral sex. Maybe not leave a little parting gift when you’re finished though if it’s not necessary…
Article was very helpful. Just had 1 question (Nothing to do with article) My boyfriend & I have sex about 1 time a week since were young & still live with family. We use to have more but the amount of times slowly went down. Well, since we don’t get to have sex too often I like to make sure I have an orgasm, the best way for me to is to receive oral head. My boyfriend seems to always skip over that part & go straight to sex. Which I like the sex very much but I want more. We’ve been together for 11 months now & he’s only gone down on me a hand full of times but I always did it for him ( Not anymore ) & no other guy has ever had a problem doing that for me.
I know there is no other girls, & I know he’s attracted to me by the way he is to me but what gives??
It’s hard to say what the reason is, as there can be many! Many times it’s just pure laziness that naturally occurs in relationships. It’s very easy to get to a situation where you stop trying to please just your partner and skip to the bit where you both get pleasure.
My advice would be to speak to him openly about it. Tell him you miss the oral sex you both used to have, and that you really loved the way he did it. If you can make him feel good about it, then he’s more likely to want to do it. You can also try to take some control of the love making, and get him to be more sensual, spend more time on foreplay and not rush into sex. Try lighting some candles and putting soft music on one time, and see if that helps him get the message that you want it to be slower and more enjoyable for longer.
Would this work for seniors in their 70s who for medical reasons have problems with ed. thank you for a great service
Definitely, yes! If you have erectile dysfunction, giving your partner oral sex is a fantastic way to keep your love life alive.
I’m a lesbian and I give my partner good oral sex that she squirts sometimes, but she got tired. probably I was doing the same thing over and over but seeing these tips I will try something new. thanks
Ah, yes, variety is the spice of life, as they say! It’s good to mix things up and surprise your partner with new techniques from time to time. Not knowing what’s going to happen next is a big turn on.
I’m French Canadian so my English is far from perfect (so’s my french but that’s another story). I wanted to add something to my first comment. Some women don’t like their own sex. I heard comment from women that they find it gross or even qualified their lubrication as “juice” an expression I hate cause I love licking it. I also heard women tell me that a lot of men don’t like giving oral sex to a women. Do you have any idea what the proportion of women who are not at ease with receiving oral sex for the reasons I mentioned and the proportion of men who don’t like giving oral sex to women?
I have no idea what percentage don’t like it! I suspect culture has a lot to do with it too – from the comments I’ve read here and on other sites, my feeling is that in some countries, cultures and religions, oral sex is something that causes unease.
In my experience and talking to my friends though, most women love it. And there aren’t that many men that dislike it to the point that they won’t do it. And they can usually be whipped into shape…
You nailed it – my woman loves it exactly way you’ve laid it down, I have tried talking her into telling me what else she would like me to do but she tells me she doesn’t think there’s anything that’s better than what she gets – I give her multiple orgasms, say two with the tongue and then I penetrate her when she’s recovering from the second one, and boom builds the third one, and because I’m so aroused at this stage – I ride her with vigor she moans vulnerably and kisses me my lips all of the juice I came with from down there without disgust – immediately she’s done with this third one she falls asleep and only wakes up the following day. I love my wife.
From what you just described, I suspect she probably loves you too…
Very useful and informative article. As i was finding a way to tell my girl about oral sex and its pleasures bcz she is new to this stuff. It helped me great deal explain to her.
Great! I hope you both have lots of fun times ahead!