How To Give A Woman Oral Sex – Advice From A Woman For Men

photo of a man giving a woman oral sex

Do you and your partner enjoy oral sex, but you’re not quite sure if you’ve mastered this sometimes mysterious art?

Perhaps you haven’t had an opportunity yet, but want to be sure you get it right when the moment arrives.

Oral sex is arguably an essential part of great foreplay, but can be so much more than that – your tongue has the capacity to give a woman toe-curling orgasms.

It’s also a great way to prime your partner and raise her arousal levels. And that then reduces the pressure on you to last for a long time during sex.

In this article, I’ll be teaching you how to give a woman oral sex properly, as well as helping you work out what your own partner likes best.

Whether you’re a complete novice or already have plenty of experience, you’ll find some effective techniques here that give your partner some intense pleasure.

Everyone is different

image of a woman lying on a bedIt’s important to remember that everyone is different – what pleases one woman might not tick the right boxes for another.

Perhaps the best advice for giving a woman great oral sex is to get down (literally) to some trial and error. Remember to communicate your desire to please her, and enjoy the process of getting to know each other.

We girls love receiving oral sex, but you won’t know for sure if the techniques you read in a book or website will work unless you give them a go. Once you’ve read some advice about what women want, test it out and see if your partner enjoys it.

Whatever your current partner finds pleasurable is what you need to be doing. So try not to get stuck on repeating the same technique you found worked well on someone else.

It’s fine to start out with movements you know worked well for others. But if a technique isn’t met by moaning or other signs of pleasure, abandon it and move onto the next.

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

Many men tend to skip performing oral sex for their partner, or only do it briefly in the hope of receiving some oral in return.

This a mistake though, and kind of sexually selfish if you ask me; a skillful lover should be generous and show his partner that her pleasure is important to him.

And giving oral sex is a key ingredient for getting a woman turned on, bringing her arousal level up to yours, and therefore ensuring that she enjoys the sexual encounter as much as you do.

Don’t dive in

image of a man seducing a woman slowlyPerhaps you don’t really enjoy giving oral sex? Or maybe you’re just a little unsure about what to do exactly.

This can lead to the classic mistake of diving straight in, with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed.

What we really want, however, is for you to start nice and slowly, tease us and build up steadily.

Kiss her lips, neck and make your way down her body until you’re kissing her inner thighs. Try and make eye contact as much as possible. Get yourself into a comfortable position that allows you to caress her breasts, body and arms.

The idea is to turn her on before you even start the oral sex and make her tingle all over. A bit of teasing works really well here.

Build up gradually

When you begin to kiss and lick during oral sex, work your way in slowly from the outside. This will make the experience more intense and still feel like you’re teasing her. A slow build up creates a much better orgasm for us girls.

Most women are very sensitive to touch, including touch performed by the tongue, so start gently and see what your woman wants. The clitoris in particular is packed full of nerve endings so make sure you listen to her signals.

Try not to rush into licking the clitoris though, and when you do, be gentle – especially if she’s not fully aroused yet.

Get creative with your tongue

Although you can use your lips and fingers, the key to giving a woman awesome oral sex is to keep moving your tongue. If you’re not sure how, keep it flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to her clitoris.

You can do an up and down motion, side to side, or even better – a slow, lingering mixture of both at the start.

It’s important to use the flatter and softer top part of your tongue – especially at the start when she might not be ready for the additional pressure and speed that the tip can bring.

If you flick away as hard and fast as possible right from the start, it might just feel too sensitive and put her off.

Vary your movements

diagram showing the vagina anatomyYou can try spelling out the alphabet over different areas with your tongue – this keeps the tongue moving in different directions. And don’t forget to change the pace – get faster and more intense if she likes it.

The classic advice with the alphabet techniques is that if you find a ‘letter movement’ that she responds well to, then you can keep repeating that letter for a while.

You might occasionally want to gently suck her clitoris, as the suction can give a different sensation. Some women will love this, some won’t. And even a girl that likes it one day might not the next day.

You need to be ready to change, be creative and be flexible. It’s your task to find which tongue movements, pressure and speed work on a particular girl, on a particular day in a particular setting!

And remember it’s not just the clitoris you need to focus on. Draw that alphabet large over the whole area, then medium and small around different parts. Women enjoy the whole area being licked, kissed and touched, so don’t get fixated just on the clitoris.

Use your hands

When giving oral sex, try to get yourself into a position where your hands can reach as much of her body as possible.

If you can gently caress her thighs, abdomen, chest and arms with your finger tips while your tongue is busy, you’ll be able to tap into multiple erogenous zones and send sparks flying in her body.

You can also use one hand to slightly lift up the hood of the clitoris and reveal the most sensitive part for your tongue to stimulate.

And why not add your fingers into the action and try to stimulate her G-Spot? Most women enjoy the build up, so try to learn when she’s ready for you to use your fingers as well to intensify the pleasure to the next level.

If you go straight in with the fingers at the start then you might ruin the potential for an orgasm that a steady build up brings. If in doubt, don’t insert a finger until she’s naturally already wet and moaning with pleasure.

Experiment with different positions

diagram showing the 69 oral sex positionTry different techniques and see what works for you. Perhaps you’d like to introduce some new positions – such as the 69 where you both perform oral sex to each other at the same time.

Whatever you do, mix it up and don’t make things feel like a routine. If she doesn’t know what’s coming next, she’ll be even more turned on, whether the oral sex is for foreplay or for orgasm.

Find the best technique and don’t stop

It’s not so easy to ask her if she’s enjoying it while you’re down there, and can feel a bit odd to suddenly stop and ask for feedback. So instead, listen out for the sounds she makes.

If your girl isn’t a talker, check for signs she’s enjoying it, such as heavier breathing or moaning. And if she’s holding the top of your head, she might grip harder as she’s closer to climaxing.

Look for signals that tell you she’s really turned on, and don’t suddenly stop or change what you’re doing if she’s clearly really into it.

At the start, it’s fine to play around and experiment with different actions and techniques. But once you’ve teased her enough, it’s time to settle on the technique that will give her an orgasm, and not stop until she gets there.

By this point, your jaw may be aching and your tongue might feel numb, but don’t give up just yet. If she’s enjoying it, then stopping as she’s building towards climax just because you have neck ache or a sore jaw isn’t cool.


The key to repeatedly giving a woman amazing oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. If she doesn’t tell you exactly what works, you need to find out yourself by observing how she reacts to different techniques.

And perhaps most importantly, when you know what works for her, once you decide to focus on that technique, just keep doing it until she reaches orgasm.

Enjoy the practice and the experimenting. And enjoy that great feeling when you work out what drives her wild and gives her a powerful orgasm.

More ideas

If you’d like to find out about even more ways to give your partner amazing oral sex, I highly recommend reading ‘Lick by Lick’, written by the respected sex expert Michael Webb.

He explores the finer details of what really makes great oral sex, and gives you lots of great ideas and techniques to try.

Check out the Lick by Lick oral sex guide >>



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  • this article worked she let me lick her in the pussy she has the best orgasm of her life thank you so much oh so adding a few fingers in there didn’t hurt her vagina if you know what I mean

  • This is great, i mean nice advice on sexual education and stuff… nice work. can’t wait to try this when she gets back. please do you offer relationship advise and stuff. you could leave your Email(?)….

    • Hi Krise
      I’m happy you like the article – let’s hope your partner likes it too when you try it out!
      We don’t offer an advice service, sorry. We work on the principle that it’s good for people to ask questions in the comments as others can then also benefit from reading the answers.
      But if you look around the site you’ll find lots of other article with plenty of good techniques to try.

  • Hi. I have had an hysterectomy. Ever since then, I have had a few or gases at the beginning. I don’t anymore. My husband tries really hard sometimes. But nothing happens. So for a few years now has been frustrating for me. Sometimes I get close to it, but I never reach there. Please help.

    • Hi there
      Are you able to reach orgasm through other sexual activity? If you can get close, then there’s hope that you can get there. Perhaps you could read this article together with your partner to see if any of the techniques work better for you.

      • Here’s my technique and I am The Best! The main points to remember are:
        Rinse your mouth with very warm water
        Brush your teeth
        Wash your hands, clip your nails, use a fingernail file and
        SHAVE. If you do it correctly you do not want any stubble involved. Am I right girls?
        Don’t copy porn. There are maybe 2 or 3 GIRLS on porn that eat pussy correctly. Flicking her clit like a boat motor with an open mouth is not the way.
        First: Try to get her on the very edge of the bed with you on the floor either on your butt or on your knees ( I prefer my knees so I can be front and center of the action (put pillows under your knees)
        Here’s the technique: Have you ever burnt your index finger’s middle knuckle? That is how you want to suck her clit. 1) You want to suck on her clit EXACTLY like that with a very moist mouth, (give it a try and always lick/suck UPWARD)
        2) While doing this moan in as low of a tone as possible (the noise you would make if you just got out of a North Korean prison and just took your first bite of a piece of chocolate cake). 3) Immediately after going for her clit you want to look up at her while you lick each thumb and index finger and start to lightly tweak her nipples (you sure have some nice titties) as you go back to sucking on her clit. 4) Mix it up by taking a long-slow lick from bottom to clit (repeat). With a moist mouth and tongue this will warm her up for the next move 5) After she is warmed up and ready put your tongue inside her as far as possible with my top lip covering her clit and suck on the entire area with her clit being in the center of attention (keep your teeth out of the action). Your want to suck the entire area like sucking into a big juicy mango!! It’s best to pull her hood back and spread a little before attempting this. Once you get in there you can go back to her nipples (You amateurs may want to get a little experience before trying to pull off these moves) 6) After a little while give her clit a change up by puckering up your lips (like tasting a tootsie pop) and give her clit a quick kiss/suck directly on her clit, back away, and do it again, and then a couple of slow tongue licks and right back to sucking on her clit (her clit likes to stay warm and doesn’t like a lot of open breeze) and don’t forget the deep moan, it’s like using a vibrator. .6) Every now and then take your dominant hand from one nipple and take your middle 3 fingers and lightly vibrate (sideways and upward (pulling her hood open a bit) just above the center of her pelvic bone (just below her pubic hairline). Then go back to tweaking her nipples (with moist fingertips). Dig in like you are in a blueberry pie eating contest where you can’t use a fork or your hands. If you need to spread her open a bit do it with your wet tongue. Repeat, repeat, repeat increasing the intensity ever so slightly.

        • Hi Antoine

          “the noise you would make if you just got out of a North Korean prison and just took your first bite of a piece of chocolate cake”

          If I gave out prizes for the funniest comment ever, you’d have just won gold, silver and bronze!

  • This is some great advice, wish I’d read it sooner. The 1st time I tried your advice on starting slow I might have waited too long. I asked My wife how i was doing and if she was ready for me, she said she had been for a while. I had barely got to the good part though. (You know the clit flicking part?) She wanted me inside her pronto! But the next secion I got to the hood sucking a little quicker and proceeded to give orgasm after orgasm until her whole budy was quivering and she closed her legs on my head to make me stop… I asked if i had done something wrong or to fast ? She said not at all, that she had so many orgasms she couldn’t take it anymore…she was so wet that it was running down her ads cheeks. Needles to say that I gave her one of the best fucks she’s ever had…and I got rewarded for the next 3 days without saying a word. Thanks, satisfied married couple from florida.

    • Hi Larry
      That’s fantastic to hear! It’s such a great compliment to know the article improved things for both of you so much, so thank you for sharing your story. I hope it continues this way for you both!

  • Wow. And I thought I knew it all. Lol. Seriously a great tutorial. My woman is great about it and I don’t have any complaints but this is great.

    • Hi Lazaro
      I’m happy to hear you liked the article. It’s a good compliment when someone who seems to know what they’re doing still likes the tips!

  • Been married over three decades, have sex three times/week. Despite attempts to use slow, gentle techniques, my wife doesn’t really like oral sex. In fact, she doesn’t know where her clitoris is, and I had her watch a short video about it. Whenever I mention the clitoris, she doesn’t seem to be interested. What should I do?

    • Hi PJ
      Well, some women just don’t really like oral sex, and it may be no fault of yours. It might be that you just have to accept it for now. Have you asked exactly why she doesn’t like it? Does it not stimulate her? Is she shy? Does she feel uncomfortable? Is it too painful or sensitive? Maybe if you knew the exact reason, you’d be able to work on it.

      • Hey PJ!
        I am that wife that didn’t like oral! However, let me tell you I was just to shy to share. I need it hard. I needed my man to quit looking for the clit and just rub hard and fast over entire region while fingering me with the opposite hand. Now I squirt a bit. If only I realized sooner what I needed. I was embarrassed but also I didn t know what I needed to ask for. So ask her if she was to masterbate if external
        Would work for her. If her answer Is yes,, then try not to be gentle and look for the right spot but be “rough” with her clitoral region. It’s hard to admit we need it rough and hard. Hope this helps.

  • Hi Guys, I Was Dating A Girl For Over 3years, And We Were Planning To Be Open And Tell The Parents That We Want To Be On The Next Level, And That Means Marriage. But The Girl Disapointed Me She Just Stoped Talking To Me, And Told Me I Should Stop Going To Her Place, I Did Nt Do Anythn To Hurt Her Feeling, I Jxt Dnt Know And I Realy Love Her, Please How Can I Get Her Back

    • Hi Mathias
      Sorry to hear you’ve had this experience. Unfortunately, if she’s told you to leave her alone, you kind of have to respect her wishes. Have you tried sending a letter, expressing how you feel (nicely) and asking (nicely) if she could tell you what it is that went wrong?

    • Hi Siknor
      That’s ok – just don’t use your fingers. If she doesn’t like something, then there’s no point continuing doing it unless you think it’s technique rather than the concept.

  • Karen,

    What bothers me a lot is this whole “women know what women want” and that they are supposedly better at eating pussy than guys are which I think is a gross generalization because as you said, every woman is different in what she likes and dislikes and what works on one girl may not work on another. If you have been with both, would you argue that women were better at it than men?

    I would have thought its down to the individual rather than gender, but I feel like there has been a lot of negativity towards men for supposedly not knowing what to do or having bad technique and being generalized that way.

    • Hi Mihail
      I don’t say at any point that only women know what women want. The point of all my articles is simply to give men a woman’s perspective on sex issues – not to say that only we know what to do! Sorry if you felt that way about the articles, but believe me, our intention here is to just offer different perspectives rather than the typical male sex advice articles:-)

  • So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 years now (high school sweethearts/both firsts) and I feel we’ve hit a wall in our sexual relationship. I understand that needs change so I’ve actually never done the same thing twice (in a row), but I feel it’s my fault that we’re in need. I’ve been going down in her since we started with the sexual part of our relationship, and it’s always been the “ice” breaker for our more intimate times together, but our most recent endeavor had no ending, just her saying “look up some stuff”. My issue is that only recently has she tried masterbating so I feel that her doing that herself has kind of blocked what I can do somehow. Is this possible or am I just paranoid? Like I said oral sex is usually how we begin; all me to her, I prefer to go down as often as possible without the favor in return. I’m just worried I can’t do anything to please her in this department anymore.

    • Hi Patrick
      Lets see if I can answer the various questions I can see arising from your comment – thanks for sharing by the way!
      First, why don’t you let her go down on you too? Sex, and oral sex, is something to be shared and enjoyed together. I don’t think it’s healthy if one person does all the giving in most situations. So relax, and let her pleasure you too – most women enjoy feeling that they can make their man happy, so she can benefit from it too.
      Now, I don’t think her masturbating will block her from enjoying oral sex. They are two different things, each with their own place and their own way of stimulating her. So I’d forget about that idea for now!
      As for never doing the same thing twice in a row – why not? If something works and feels good, there’s nothing wrong with repeating it. For me, adding variety is all about adding, not preventing. So if you know she really enjoys one movement, position or activity, you can do it again! Just perhaps add other things from time to time.
      Now, the main issue is her telling you to look up some stuff. That’s obviously a very clear communication that either you haven’t quite found what works best for her orally, or maybe she wants you to explore the concept of female orgasm – if you seemed disappointed that she didn’t finish.
      My advice would be to work on both those things. Have a read of my recent article about things your partner wants you to know in sex. You’ll find some useful points there. The main one for you perhaps being to understand and accept that women won’t always orgasm, and that’s fine!
      Then of course you’ve read this article, so hopefully have lots of good ideas to try the next time you give her oral.
      But overall, my advice is to relax, communicate about what you both enjoy, share the pleasure equally and don’t pressure her to orgasm.

  • This is a fantastic article! Just to add another woman’s perspective – it’s true about starting slowly. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes straight from kissing my mouth to attacking my clit with his tongue. I like it when a guy takes time to kiss my whole body, making me want it more, and licks me gently at first. If I feel he’s rushing it or isn’t into it, I hate it and just stop him.

    • Hi Claire
      Thanks for adding your thoughts. I couldn’t agree more – it’s obvious when a guy is just doing it out of a sense of ‘duty’ and doesn’t really make the effort to ensure you enjoy a good build up.

  • My girlfriend and I have only had sex a couple of times, and she hasn’t reached orgasm. I am totally willing to give her oral, and I asked her about it, and she said she wouldn’t want to give me oral so she doesn’t want me to give it to her because she would think that’s unfair. Should I press the point, that I don’t think it’s unfair, or is she trying to say she doesn’t want oral sex at all?

    • Hi
      I think it’s possible that she doesn’t have much experience of oral sex, and so perhaps doesn’t understand how pleasurable it can be – for both of you – and how enriching it can be for your love life. She might also be shy about it, so it’s something to tackle slowly and confidently with her. Perhaps spend more time on foreplay, setting the scene with candles and low lighting, soft music etc to make the atmosphere as relaxing and sensual as possible. Then try exploring her body slowly, giving her time to warm up to it.
      You might also find she just needs time to relax with you, and that as she does get used to being with you, she opens up and becomes willing to explore oral sex. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it for now – but don’t forget about it either. Try the slow and steady approach for a week or two, and if she continues blocking you, maybe bring it up in conversation again and tell her straight that you think its an important and enjoyable part of sex.

  • My girlfriend is smoking hot and has a great tasting and looking (vagina?) We’ve been dating a few months, when we first met she told me she’s shy. I really do love being down there and hate it when she pulls me up after 2 mins and puts me inside her. Do you think it’s because I’m not good or she’s just being shy? I haven’t been asking her if she’s comfortable, I just kinda go down there and she’ll stop me as I’m heading south and say “what are you doing?” with a really cute smile, I’m thinking “I can’t help myself, it tastes/ looks so good” But I just go with what she wants, which is usually just me inside her. She’ll give me oral for much longer and she’s really good at it! So I’m reading up on what I need to do, or not do

    • Hi Optimus
      Yeah, kind of tricky to work out by yourself if she doesn’t implicitly tell you what’s up. And if she’s shy, she might even be too shy to tell you she’s shy! The fact that she gives you oral for a long time though does kind of hint at her not being totally shy of oral in general. But that’s not to say she feels insecure about her own genitals. I’d just ask her if she likes it, and tell her to tell you honestly if the way you do it isn’t quite right for her. Tell her you really don’t mind if she says no, as it means she’s just helping you find a way to do it better, and that you want to learn together to do what works really well.
      The alternative is to just go super slow, tease her really slowly working your way down there inch by inch, kissing her body, coming back up to kiss her mouth, then back a bit lower – really draw it out and see if she enjoys that. If she doesn’t, then maybe she really just does like to get to the sex part! There’s also the option of being carefully dominant and holding her hands or arms to the bed gently but firmly, and then heading south despite her questioning you. If she really doesn’t like it, she’ll make it clear, so stop obviously. But maybe she’ll let you take control if you play a slightly dominant role that way.
      And a key point when you do arrive down there is to start really soft and slow, as I said in the article. Lick an ice-cream with the flat part of the top of your tongue gently, don’t flick away. Make it as soft, slow and gentle as possible for a few minutes and see if that results in her letting you stay down there longer.
      Just some ideas for you to try out!

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