How To Give A Woman Oral Sex – Advice From A Woman For Men

photo of a man giving a woman oral sex

Have you mastered the sometimes mysterious art of oral sex? Or maybe you haven’t had the chance to try yet?

Most women love oral (myself included), so getting it right is one of the keys to a great sex life.

Oral sex is an essential part of great foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. Plus, getting her aroused orally means less pressure on you to last forever during the main event.

So in this article, I’m going to teach you how to figure out exactly what she likes, and how to give her the best oral sex she’s ever had.

Everyone is different

image of a woman lying on a bed

One of the most important things to remember here is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another; and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different things, mix things up as much as you can until you’ve built up a few great techniques that you can switch between.

You’re looking for feedback here. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

A lot of guys either skip over the oral altogether, or do it only for a few minutes. This is a big mistake (and in my opinion quite selfish). A good lover shows his partner that her pleasure is important to him.

Giving oral is also helps enormously with getting a woman turned on. This brings her arousal level up to meet yours, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the girl. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s nice and lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slow

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed. This isn’t going to get you anywhere (and can be uncomfortable for the girl involved).

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

Again, when you get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm, slow at first then building up. The clitoris is sensitive at the beginning, so going straight at it hard and fast with the tip of your tongue is likely to turn her off.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant. Start your tongue action, and see what kind of movement elicits moans of pleasure, then stick to that one for a while.

The classic trick here is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, that’s the movement you should keep doing.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually in this case means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re doing this well, you’re likely to be doing it for quite a while, so it’s important to get comfortable.

There are two issues here. The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her butt to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, take a quick time out and gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area. After a couple of seconds you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy. The breasts, inner thighs and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Or try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to let you reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a move for later in the game, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Insert your fingers all the way in and make a “come hither” motion to try and stimulate her G spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are loads of positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try lots of positions and find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things will get boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you’ll ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback. It’s tough to stop half way to ask her if she’s having fun, so listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing what you’re doing. So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.” Trust me on this.

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it. Just like I do when I’m giving you oral sex and you’re close to orgasm. Consider it a small sacrifice.

The bottom line

The key to repeatedly giving a woman amazing oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her oral feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s obviously seriously enjoying things, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

If you’d like to find out about even more ways to give your partner amazing oral sex, I highly recommend reading ‘Lick by Lick’, written by the respected sex expert Michael Webb.

He explores the finer details of what really makes great oral sex, and gives you lots of great ideas and techniques to try.

Check out the Lick by Lick oral sex guide >>



  • Great read Karen . Thanks for the input. I’m finding that a smaller clitoris , in my partner , can be quite challenging. I love giving her oral sex and am quite experienced in doing so , however , the variations in techniques can be amazing . I’ve been with her 9 years and we’ve gone from her never really experiencing oral sex when we met , to giving her some of the best orgasams she’s had including gushing . Then lets add an antidepressant a few years ago which decreases her sensitivity . I’m always looking for new and better ways to increase her orgasam type and duration . Your advice is spot on . It’s a process and it’s an ever changing world as of late for her and for myself . She seems to be finding it more difficult to get over the edge once she’s there as of late .
    Any suggestions?

    Thanks in advance


    • Hi Ron
      Good to know you liked the tips!
      I think maybe just be patient and don’t make her feel like you need her to orgasm for the sex to be a success. Women can feel a lot of pressure to orgasm, and it’s not so helpful. She might just need time to adjust to the changing sensitivity, so let her know she can stop you if she feels it’s just not going to happen, and that that’s ok with you. Ask her what she likes best now, and if she thinks you could do something differently. And perhaps spend more time and energy on the mental/emotional side to balance the change in physicality. I’m sure you can still turn her on with good foreplay, a slow build up, and doing things to make her feel happy and close to you.

  • Hello! I loved reading this article, i really enlighted me and I learned so much!
    One question: If I leave a little bit of saliva on the lady part, does it give the woman pleasure, or it’s just plain weird?

    • Hi
      It kind of depends what you mean by ‘leave’. But usually it’s fine to use saliva as a lubricant while you give someone oral sex. Maybe not leave a little parting gift when you’re finished though if it’s not necessary…

  • Article was very helpful. Just had 1 question (Nothing to do with article) My boyfriend & I have sex about 1 time a week since were young & still live with family. We use to have more but the amount of times slowly went down. Well, since we don’t get to have sex too often I like to make sure I have an orgasm, the best way for me to is to receive oral head. My boyfriend seems to always skip over that part & go straight to sex. Which I like the sex very much but I want more. We’ve been together for 11 months now & he’s only gone down on me a hand full of times but I always did it for him ( Not anymore ) & no other guy has ever had a problem doing that for me.
    I know there is no other girls, & I know he’s attracted to me by the way he is to me but what gives??

    • Hi Emily
      It’s hard to say what the reason is, as there can be many! Many times it’s just pure laziness that naturally occurs in relationships. It’s very easy to get to a situation where you stop trying to please just your partner and skip to the bit where you both get pleasure.
      My advice would be to speak to him openly about it. Tell him you miss the oral sex you both used to have, and that you really loved the way he did it. If you can make him feel good about it, then he’s more likely to want to do it. You can also try to take some control of the love making, and get him to be more sensual, spend more time on foreplay and not rush into sex. Try lighting some candles and putting soft music on one time, and see if that helps him get the message that you want it to be slower and more enjoyable for longer.

  • Would this work for seniors in their 70s who for medical reasons have problems with ed. thank you for a great service

    • Hi
      Definitely, yes! If you have erectile dysfunction, giving your partner oral sex is a fantastic way to keep your love life alive. But there are also plenty of options you have for working on the ED too. Have a look at Ethan’s ED articles for more about that.

  • I’m a lesbian and I give my partner good oral sex that she squirts sometimes, but she got tired. probably I was doing the same thing over and over but seeing these tips I will try something new. thanks

    • Hi there
      Ah, yes, variety is the spice of life, as they say! It’s good to mix things up and surprise your partner with new techniques from time to time. Not knowing what’s going to happen next is a big turn on.

  • Hi Karen, I saw my comment awaiting your green light so that answered my second comment. I hope I didn’t make to many mistake with my written english. I’m french canadian so my english is far from perfect (so’s my french but that’s another story). I wanted to add something to my first comment. Some women don’t like their own sex. I heard comment from women that they find it gross or even qualified their lubrication as “cunt juice” an expression I hate cause I love licking it. I also heard women tell me that a lot of men don’t like giving oral sex to a women. Do you have any idea what the proportion of women who are not at ease with receiving oral sex for the reasons I mentionned and the proportion of men who don’t like giving oral sex to women?

    • Hi again Stephen
      I have no idea what percentage don’t like it! I suspect culture has a lot to do with it too – from the comments I’ve read here and on other sites, my feeling is that in some countries, cultures and religions, oral sex is something that causes unease.
      In my experience and talking to my friends though, most women love it. And there aren’t that many men that dislike it to the point that they won’t do it. And they can usually be whipped into shape…

    • Hi
      Well, it wasn’t my intention to make people feel horny with it, but hey, I guess that’s not a bad thing! Thanks for the compliment by the way.

  • Hi Karen ! I posted a comment about a week ago but not sure it went through. Do comments need to be accepted by you before they’re posted?

    • Yes they do. Hopefully it appeared with a reply now. Sorry, it takes a while to get round to these comments sometimes, especially during holidays!

  • You nailed it – my woman loves it exactly way you’ve laid it down, I have tried talking her into telling me what else she would like me to do but she tells me she doesn’t think there’s anything that’s better than what she gets – I give her multiple orgasms, say two with the tongue and then I penetrate her when she’s recovering from the second one, and boom builds the third one, and because I’m so aroused at this stage – I ride her with vigor she moans vulnerably and kisses me my lips all of the juice I came with from down there without disgust – immediately she’s done with this third one she falls asleep and only wakes up the following day. I love my wife.

  • Hi there!
    Very useful and informative article. As i was finding a way to tell my girl about oral sex and its pleasures bcz she is new to this stuff. It helped me great deal explain to her.
    Thankx alot

  • I quit playing around I got this advice and I stop going out on dates I basically say to a female I meet online or at club next day if I like. I say that I would never speak to you are ever spoke this way to any one and I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable I respect you as a wonderful female but, I have to tell you all night all I want is to make you glow like a light bulb and baby I’ll take the time to be your light switch.

    Your ever so lovely a true goddess and should be treated as such I desire only to hold your hand perhapse kiss your soft lips adore your body with it smooth skin cherish every part of your body exploring every inch of your tasty warm body only thing is I can’t stop hoping and praying you take my handsome blue eye face and push it in between your legs and keep me there until you can’t remember your name. Let me dive into your love below so you may know how priceless your licked kissed sucked soul means to me.

    Any ways something like that then I wait takes time for them to feel it down there and trust they may not respond right away but, they always do. I have had 40% success rate due to me not being interested are this rating would be hire. There many safety items you can get and I won’t do it with out safety. Good tips all want to know more but thanks for the skills my neck super sore 😂

    • Hi Wade
      Wow, if a guy spoke to me like that, I’d definitely be interested in seeing if he can make me glow!

  • Hi Mrs Martinez,
    I enjoyed reading your article. I have been paraplegic since the age of 12. I always felt that my condition would make me less of a men since penetration was difficult and a blowjob was great but since I have no feeling of touch from the chest down, I thought I would’nt be able to satisfy a woman. Fortunately for me, I love giving oralsex to a women. I am not put off by the look, smell or taste of it. I soon realized that oralsex to a woman is like dancing. Sometime I lead but as things gets more and more exciting, the woman will take the lead. Which doesn’t mean I become passive but I listen a lot to her. She guides me. I talk to her sex. Tell her how I enjoy everything about it (look, taste, smell) I thank her for the reward of more lubrification and so on. I love the facts women can have lots and lots of small orgasms. My wife says it’s like hitting a plateau and staying there on the brink of orgasm. I have been told by women I’d givin’ oralsex to that they never experienced so much pleasure. Which did put to rest part of my worries of not being a “men” because of my limitations due to my being paraplegic. I am now 55 and still enjoy as when I was young giving oralsex to my wife. It really is for me a beautiful and rewarding (for her and me) experience to give many orgasms until the last big one that leaves her shaking.

    • Hi Stephen
      Thanks for sharing your story. I really like your attitude towards oral sex, and I think many men reading this comment could learn a thing or two from the way you approach oral sex!

  • Thanks for the useful article. But I’m having a different problem with oral sex.
    I would like to give my girlfriend oral sex, but I find that difficult with her vulva area not shaved and her vagina’s odor. I also find it hard to tell her that.
    How can I help that without hurting her feelings?

    • Hi Harold
      You’re welcome! Ahh, yes, it’s a tricky one.
      First of all, how bad is it? Most people, of both sexes, have some smell and hair. We often just have to tolerate it and accept it as the way they are. There aren’t many penises or vaginas that smell like strawberries…
      If you want to be subtle, here are two ideas:

      1. At the times she smells better, such as when straight out of the shower or bath, go down on her and tell her her great she smells down there. That positive reinforcement will help her realise you really like nice smells on the body.

      2. Shave yourself first. Then when she questions you with ‘oh so you like shaved do you?’ you can reply with ‘yes I do, I really do’ which might then provoke the magic question…’would you like me to shave?’. Just an idea for you!


    • You could suggest that you both could start out in the shower and maybe YOU could purchase a Douche and some Razors. You both shave and ask her to use the Douche cause you would like to get her vagina a sweet scent.

  • Very informative! My gal enjoys foreplay (sweet talk, holding hands, supporting her, etc) all week long, so when she triggers intimacy, she knows what is in store (she loves knowing I enjoy orally pleasuring her) . Your incredible tips will add a surprise to her enjoyment – thank you! Usually, she’ll have one powerful orgasm just before intercourse, so I’m excited to introduce these new thoughts for her pleasure.

    • Hi Richard
      Thanks for your compliment – I’m happy you liked the tips. Let’s hope your partner is also happy when you surprise her with some new techniques. Have fun!

  • Hi and thank you for writing this informative content.

    I’m a bisexual female who has no experience in sex with girls or guys so this really helped me out!

    • Hi there
      You’re very welcome. It’s always good to know the article was useful – I hope you have lots of good times when you get the chance to put my techniques into practice!

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