How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral

man kissing a woman passionately in bed

Are you having difficulty mastering the art of oral sex? Good oral is a key part of foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. It’s also a great skill to have if you tend to finish quickly during sex.

The good news is that it’s not too difficult to improve your tongue technique. All you need to do is try out new movements and rhythms and continually learn from her conscious and unconscious feedback.

So in this article, I’ll explain how you can figure out exactly what turns your partner on. And how to give her the kind of intense orgasms she’ll want you to repeat time and time again.

Everyone is different

One of the crucial points to remember is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different movements, and mix things up as until you’ve built up a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.

Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

image of a woman lying on a bed

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

It can be tempting to skip the oral or only do it for a few minutes. This isn’t ideal though – a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.

Giving oral also helps raise her arousal level to meet your own, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the woman. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slowly

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed. But this can be uncomfortable for the woman.

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

And when you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm – start slow and build steadily.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant – so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stay with the ones that do, at least for a while.

A classic trick to discover new movements that work is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up – both around your comfort.

The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.

The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are many positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things could become boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback: listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it.

The bottom line

The key to giving a woman oral sex is to not expect the same technique to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s clearly loving what you’re doing, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

For even more ideas for pleasuring your partner, I highly recommend reading the New York Times best-selling book ‘She comes first’ by the respected sex therapist Ian Kerner.

It has around 1000 customer reviews on Amazon, and has become one of the most popular sex guides globally.

Check out ‘She Comes First’ on >>

389 thoughts on “How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral”

  1. stupid name

    Many of these techniques got her stimulated but I think her favorite had to be sucking on the clitoris, she went insane when I told her what I had in mind but when I actually did it she melted

  2. Great stuff! thanks for the article and wayne’s subsequent comment! I’d like to think im pretty alright under the covers, but I feel as though these tips will really make a difference and make a good night into a great one! thank you :)

    1. Hi
      Thanks for the comment, and I’m glad you found the article helpful. As ever, Wayne’s comment is the star attraction:-) I’m glad you think it’ll help.

  3. My wife likes me alternate between my tongue and her ladyfinger vibrator. So I lie between her legs and I’ve got a great view to vibe her clitoris and then follow up with my tongue. A typical session will see her cum between ten and twenty times until she begs me to stop. Sometimes I keep going with my tongue, and other times the ladyfinger takes over. We both love doing this as a prelude to her going down on me.

    1. Hi Steve
      Thanks for the comment, and it sounds like you have a great thing going on there. wow though, ten to twenty times? She must love you;-)

  4. Old Timer

    I have read your article and plan to follow it. I am 73 years old and have an erection problem. Meds do not help. My girl friend is 11 years my Junior. She loves sex and melts at my touch. I use a dildo to replace what I can’t do. We preform oral sex on each other and are both very happy with it. I put some cream on her the other day and thought she would die. As I was removing it with my tongue, she couldn’t lay still and was excited like never before. I also loved where you stated to use two fingers inside her. We are getting married soon and I dearly hope she can feel my wedding ring when I slip it inside her. Our love has no bounds

    1. Hi Old Timer
      Thanks for the comment, and once again Wayne’s tips have proven to be a hit! I like your cream idea, and it’s great to hear that you still have an active love life. Shame you have erection problems, but I guess that’s natural. Good work for finding alternatives though.
      I hope you don’t lose that wedding ring;-)
      All the best and congratulations!

    2. Good for you old timer! It can be very difficult to keep an active sex life at that age. My hat goes off to you my friend

  5. Wow I used Wayne’s method and I had one very happy partner I was well rewarded too :)

  6. trikiriki69

    im 72. im absolutely in love. she loves oral.
    trust me when i say that to be successful at making your lover cum hard, climax and even squirt across the room….plan your time with her according to your opportunities: that is to say, be able to DO IT ALL in a short amount of time (up to 5 minutes), medium (up to 20 minutes), long (up to 1 hour), extra long (up to 2.5 hours), mega long (up to 5 hours), marathon love night (from 11p to 7am with breakfast included), and finally, the ultimate love-fest (from whenever to whenever to include dinner and dancing my friend!)
    yes…I’ve done it all, and very successfully.
    but it takes careful planning and patience during iterations of your ‘plan execution’ that will always include trial and error. but here’s the deal men … once you let her know you are ALWAYS READY NO MATTER WHAT…AND CAN PROVE IT WITH EXPERIENCE OVER TIME (YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS PART) SHE WILL BE YOURS FOREVER NO MATTER IF THE DEVIL HIMSELF TRIES TO EVER INTERFERE!

    If you need help planning all the above time periods…all you have to do is READ AND HEED!
    ive been reading and then doing all my life because if there is only one thing i know to be true…it’s this ==> making her cum will save your ass from grief, turmoil and broken dreams!

    1. Hi trikiriki69
      Wow. I don’t know how to respond to that comment! If you have a moment, it would be very interesting to hear some of your actual techniques! I’m sure you must have a trick or two you can share:-)

  7. Below are 5 cunnilingus tips to help you get started.
    Start Slowly
    Don’t rush to the finish, it’s more of a marathon than a one hundred metre sprint. Begin by kissing her body, starting from her neck and working your way down; remember no-where is of limits, kiss her stomach, her legs and anywhere else you can think of. This will help her to relax and feel comfortable.
    Take Control
    Give her the opportunity to be totally swept away by you. Before you go down on her, hold both her hands with yours and put them above her head. Then tell her that your in control and that she is not to move her hands unless you tell her that it’s okay to do so. This will only add to the overall tease factor, guaranteeing a successful climax.
    Don’t Let Her Have It All At Once
    Once you begin using your tongue on her vagina, don’t be afraid to tease her. Gently lick her clitoris and vagina and then begin kissing her body again. Every time you do this, extend the length you do it for. After a while begin licking her out properly. Start by gently kissing her clit and the outsides of her vagina.
    ABC, It’s Easy As 123
    A great little technique when going down on a woman is the alphabet technique. With your tongue inside her vagina, begin spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. This is a great way to cover all areas of her vagina and it also allows you to begin discovering where she is most sensitive.
    Fingers And All
    The tongue is more than capable of doing all the work itself, but you can take a woman even further by using your fingers. A great technique is to lick her clit and then gently put your middle finger inside her vagina. You can then rest you index finger and ring finger on the outside of her vagina. If she seems comfortable you can use the come hither technique. Using you index and middle finger, put them inside her vagina and then with the fingers inside her pretend you are signalling for someone to come over to you.

    1. Hi Tobby
      Thanks for the tips, but I’m afraid I can’t publish the link you left at the end.

      1. Simmerdownchick

        Damn! I’m a lesbian, and I’ve never heard a man so in tune with what a woman wants! I could almost feel you going down on me…. Yummy

    2. I found your article about oral sex very interesting and informative, I started giving my wife oral sex almost as soon after our wedding as possible. It was enjoyable and exciting for both of us that it became a regular practice. We were both rather randy and we had sex of one kind or another every night. We found that doing a 69 was far better and certainly more enjoyable and satisfying if she was on top. It gave her the chance to initiate her own desires, one being her liking to push my erect penis between her breasts as she put her hands behind my knees to pull me legs upwards so she could start sucking my balls. I was able to give her anal licks and tongue probes while she was busy on top of me. She was also able to return the compliment by giving me anal licks and tongue probes. . satisfaction. Best of all, she was always willing for it to happen every night !!!

  8. Wayne, your comment is amazing, I wish you could make a video with your technique. thank you

  9. Sing to her a T pain song even if you cant sing. Then lick the inside of her like you would like ice cream flick that clit with the tip of your tongue periodically. Ask her you like that. And yall know if she do cause she’ll say dont stop. After that your golden.

    1. Hi Ghost

      Thanks for the pretty funny comment! But what if she listens to classical music or opera? I’m not sure she’ll get too turned on by badly sung T pain lyrics…

  10. Anonymous

    What is the best food that a man could eat for a Woman not to gag and enjoy

    1. Interesting question. Do you mean when a woman is giving you oral sex? Are you talking about the smell? And of what…your penis generally, or your semen?

  11. This is a great post. Do you have other sites you can recommend for me please? I had a heart transplant and can not get an erection anymore and my cardiologist recommends oral, but no specific recommendations. Any help you can provide will be great. Thank you sooooo much,

    1. Hi Chuck

      Thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear about the heart issues and subsequent erection problem. Is there absolutely nothing that can be done on that front? No medication?

      I don’t know how open you and your partner are sexually, but I would also recommend getting into sex toys. You can use a dildo for example and control it. It’s not the same, but it’s still gives you more options that just oral.

      I would just buy one for her and present it one day in bed as a surprise. That way she will at least believe you’re serious about the idea! She may hve already considered it, but felt bad about suggesting it. So my advice would be to take control of the situation, and fully open your mind to the amazing world of sex toys!

      I don’t want to recommend any sites specifically. But searching online will turn up countless options for you!


  12. I wish there was a video for Wayne’s technique and for the alphabet technique. I can’t quite picture the vacuum technique that you describe. None the less it sounds like it would be amazing if a guy knew how to properly do this to females!

  13. Wayne, thanks for the great advice. I actually tried this technique over the weekend and was able to give my wife an orgasm from oral for the first time in almost 10 years. As soon as I started with your technique I could tell she was really into it which is not always the case as she can be uncomfortable with me going down on her at times. I can’t wait to try it again. Thanks for sharing!

  14. I enjoy giving my girl oral sex and can tell when she is there because she squeezes my head or hand or shoulder. She tells me she was flying in the sky or
    in the clouds and has to cover her mouth from screaming
    out.She climaxes about ten times in between a lot of pounding then when she is wet I just have to eat. I tell
    her it is my honey pot and she is full of honey.
    My question is time as she is climaxing I try to continue with a deep tongue and a Muuuuummmm purr on
    her clit.Sometimes she will let me get her there again
    sometimes she will say give me a minute but put it in as she is still jumping or shaking.

    1. Hi B,

      Thanks for your comment. My personal experience has been that when a woman is climaxing she appreciates you just stopping, staying still, and letting her either freeze and enjoy the moment, or continue herself by grinding against you. That applies during oral or sex. But all women are different, so my advice would be to ask her! If you’re talkative enough to tell her you want honey from her honey pot, I’m sure you can ask her what she does or doesn’t like:-)

  15. in terms of reaching that multi orgasm plateau, most women don’t even realise they can do it. they are so used to climaxing through masturbation or quick intercourse/oral and don’t want further touching because of sensitivity they have developed a habit of allowing arousal to totally subside post climax. The reality is that gentle continuation of touching or oral can keep arousal high yet still allow clit recovery from climax and are amazed that within 2-3 minutes they are immediately back to high arousal.

    1. Hi Wayne,

      Wow, I don’t know what to say – thanks for such a long and detailed description of your technique for giving oral sex to women. It certainly sounds good to me, though I hope you spend some time on foreplay as in my experience going straight for the clitoris can be too much for most women. They need and like to be warmed up first rather than going straight to the most sensitive parts.
      But after that, your technique sounds very interesting, and I might have to give it a go the next time I have the opportunity!

      1. No problems.The thing that is best about it is you have total control of her. You can make her climax in 1 min or edge her 20 times over 30 min. YOU decide when she climaxes and how often. The thing about digital penetration of anal is a massive taboo. most women say 80% will say don’t like it. If you place it there as tease, when she is already hot she can push it away or say no. fine no drama My experience is 70% don’t push away. By lifting buttocks but leaving thumb close when they lower themselves bec of tense thighs they lower and partially penetrate anal and becomes a massive head taboo thing for them they are doing it themselves. Many then embrace it bec of head/taboo aspect.probably 50% are converted then and there and allow full penetration…..yes that high. For those that dont, use other thumb at her vagina and alls good.

        1. Hi again Wayne,

          Thanks again for the interesting advice – and as you’ve seen, you already have someone agreeing with your technique!

          All the best

  16. I have been with hundreds of women. No moral judgements please.I was pretty useful with oral, but one day i tried a new technique that has hit pay dirt. Used the technique on perhaps two hundred woman. Half proclaimed they were not multi orgasmic. 95% i can make climax at least 3 times without stopping and waiting for recovery. at least 140 women (ie 70%) proclaimed it was the best oral they had ever had, so i know its a winner. One even suggested i write a book lol. The technique has a number of elements and must be used correctly.
    1) Start slow kissing and licking around pussy. This is designed to allow the guy get to know sensitivity which is really important.
    2) Position best with woman on back you between her legs arms OUTSIDE her thighs reaching up to GENTLY pinch nipples.
    3) At some point when she has warmed up create a vacuum seal around the whole clitoral hood and clit area with your mouth (lips persed hard). Use upper lip to press the clitoral hood open by pushing against that area with mouth pressed. Whilst still in vacuum, having the upper teeth GENTLY hold the hood free of the clit). Retract your tongue back in your mouth a little and make it hard by pointing it. You then flick the hard tongue back and forward over the clit like a vibrator. Work slow at first because she may be a sensitive sort who will flinch or jump
    3) Adjust your pace with tongue to meet her arousal levels. Faster pace in a burst if you feel she isn’t at cusp. Slow or stop completely and just use lips and teeth to push clit hood open and closed to tease. You can get her to cum in 1 min with the technique BUT you don’t. You have total control like a vibrator on automatic speed adjust depending on proximity to climax. Its preferable to get her to tell you when close or not. eg a verbal sign….dirty talk etc. done it often enough i now know how close a woman is.
    4) Use you right hand to position thumb at entrance to vagina (or anus if she enjoys that). Dont penetrate just position it there as a mental tease. If you both enjoy anus stimulation its best if you wait for juices to flow and encourage them to cover her anus. When you then place thumb there without penetrating it will be greater turn on because is slippery.
    5) When you sense she is getting close to climax start pinching nipples between thumb and forefinger each hand (not too hard) and pulling breast out by the nipple.
    6) i usually place hands under her arse cheeks and tease her to lift her arse off the bed about 6-8 inches which does 2 things. Allows her to work hard with thigh muscle tensing………working hard for her climax! and secondly allows her to pelvic thrust as i presume she does with her vibrator. You dont break the vacuum seal or vibrator tongue.She can then control final stages usually to massive climax
    7) When she climaxes pull nipples out hard, fast vibrator tongue and penetrate vagina (or anus) with thumb. She will buck wildly so be careful to retract teeth at that point else you may hurt her. Didn’t do that one time and the woman god bless nearly knocked my teeth out! when she pelvic thrust at me lol
    8) IF you want her to multi climax move your mouth immediately away from clit area after climax and just slow lick not so sensitive areas, labia, inner thigh, vaginal opening,. perineum. After about 45 sec return to clit hood area. She may try to say no or push away but reassure her you know she is sensitive. Allow bottom lip not tongue to roll up and over clit hood area gently until you notice she is less sensitive again. Move back to vacuum position but be very gentle to start testing how sensitive she is. Sometimes if too sensitive you can use vacuum seal to simply open and close hood without direct stimulation to clit. Usually within 2-3 minutes you can re-start process with hard tongue vibrator again. You must get back there within this time frame to get her to what i call multi climax plateau from where you can repeat this…. maximum number i gave was 10 times. If she slides down from climax you will lose the chance for plateau. There is a window. Ask her to trust that you know what you are doing.

    1. OMG, this is exactly what I make my boyfriend do, and the first time I’ve seen it described this way. The vacuum seal is definitely the key. Basically I beg him to suck on my clit, gently at first then harder and harder until I come. For me it works 100%. Wish I could do it to myself. Its about a thousand times better than doing it with my hands or even a vibrator.

      1. Hi Hotwinxx,

        Thanks for adding a woman’s authority-up to Wayne’s technique! I’m sure that will help other guys reading this take even more interest in what he had to say:-)


        1. Yes! My husband uses this technique as well and it’s AMAZING! If you can do this we are HOOKED! I mean, it is the BEST way to give oral to a woman!

          1. Hi Katina

            Thanks for that comment – hearing from a woman definitely helps back up the effectiveness of the technique:-)

      2. Hotwinxx. Sucking in a vacuum seal is good and something i usually use as variation during the process to change things up. My basic approach and the one i describe is more an intermittent thumping at her clit with the tongue.If you place mouth closed over top of your hand and flick tongue to and fro hard you will get a sense of what im talking about. If you use sucking its my experience that you have two choices. Suck creating suction with lips as first line or suck creating suction with teeth gently forward of the lips as first line.I find the latter a better technique because it rakes the sensitive flesh against the teeth when being sucked into mouth especially if you close the gap between teeth slightly heightening impact. W

    2. Wayne. I actually tried your technique over the weekend and it worked amazingly well. I haven’t been able to get my wife to climax with oral for almost 10 years (she is not comfortable with me going down at times). I tried your technique as described above and she was totally into it and let me continue all the way to a great orgasm for her. Thanks for sharing.

    3. I wish there was a video for Wayne’s technique and for the alphabet technique. I can’t quite picture the vacuum technique that you describe. None the less it sounds like it would be amazing if a guy knew how to properly do this to females!

  17. pointless random name because I can...

    Cool article, with some good tips. The alphabet tongue is a top idea. I always forget what I was doing when trying random stuff. So this is a cracking way to remember! Nice one!

  18. Nice tips, and the one about the tongue alphabet sounds like a brilliant idea! Sometimes you kind of forget what you did that was good but with this you can just remember the letter youre on – genius

    1. I learned the alphabet method from Sam Kesoson, when he talked about it in a comedy stand up routine. He was right!

        1. Kevbo1978

          I use the underside of my tongue when I suck on her. 5-10 min. She’s done. I use my hands too. One hand moves the hood up for best suction. The other I rub all over her body. I also make noises, the kind you make when you enjoy something. She says that turns her on too. I do all the things you mentioned. Kissing her body and running my hands all over. She is very turned on before I go down. I like it when she puts a pillow under her bottom and I put one under my knees on the floor. Saves the neck A LOT!! Thanks you for all the great info. You can never learn too much on how to please you woman.

          1. Hi Kevbo
            Thanks for the comment and the suggestions. I particularly like the idea about the underside of the tongue and will have to give that a go!

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