How To Give A Woman Oral Sex – Advice For Guys From A Girl

photo of a man giving a woman oral sex

Do you and your partner enjoy oral sex, but you’re not sure if you’ve quite mastered this sometimes mysterious art?

Perhaps you haven’t had an opportunity yet, but want to be sure you get it right when that magical moment arrives.

Oral sex is arguably an essential part of foreplay, but can be so much more than that – your tongue has the capacity to give a woman toe-curling orgasms.

It’s also a great way of priming your partner and raising her arousal levels, which then reduces the pressure on you to last for a long time when having sex.

This article will teach you guys how to give a girl oral sex properly, as well as helping you work out what your own partner likes and hopes you’ll do.

Everyone is different

It’s really important to remember that everyone is different – what pleases one woman might not tick the right boxes for another.

Perhaps the best piece of advice is to get down (literally) to some serious trial and error. Remember to communicate your desires and simply enjoy the process of getting to know each other.

We girls love receiving oral sex, but you won’t know for sure if what you read in a book or website will work unless you give it a go. Once you’ve read some advice about what women want, test it out and see if your partner enjoys it.

Whatever your partner finds pleasurable is exactly what you need to be doing. Don’t just repeat a trick or style you read, heard or found worked on someone else.

It’s fine to start out with movements you know work for some women, but if isn’t met by moaning or other signs of pleasure, abandon it and move onto the next.

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

Many guys tend to skip past performing oral sex for their partner, or only do it briefly in the hope of receiving some oral in return.

This a mistake though, and sexually selfish if you ask me – a skillful lover should be generous and show his partner that her pleasure is important to him.

And giving oral sex is a key ingredient for turning a woman on, bringing her arousal level up to yours, and therefore ensuring that she enjoys the sexual encounter as much as you do.

If you keep in mind my tips for giving a girl good oral sex and take the time to get it right, you’ll bring some extra spice to the bedroom and satisfy her as much as she deserves.

Don’t rush in

image of a woman lying on a bedPerhaps you don’t really enjoy giving oral sex? Or maybe you’re just a little unsure about what to do exactly.

This can lead to simply diving straight in, with your tongue flicking away like a cat that’s never had milk before.

However, what we really want is for you to start nice and slowly.

Kiss her lips, neck and make your way down her body until you’re kissing her inner thighs. Try and make eye contact as much as possible and position yourself in a comfortably way that you can caress her breasts from time to time.

The idea is to turn her on before you even start the oral sex and make her tingle all over. A bit of teasing works really well here. A lot of teasing can be magic.

Build up gradually

When you begin to kiss and lick during oral sex, work your way in slowly from the outside. This will make the feelings more intense and still feel like you’re teasing her. A slow build up creates a much better orgasm for us girls.

Most women are very sensitive to touch, including touch performed by the tongue, so start gently and see what your woman wants. The clitoris in particular is packed full of nerve endings so make sure you listen to her signals.

Try not to rush into licking the clitoris, and when you do be gentle – especially if she’s not fully aroused yet.

Get creative with your tongue

Diagram Of The Vagina And Clitoris for oral sexThe key to giving a woman good oral sex is to keep moving your tongue. If you’re not sure how, keep it flat and soft, and lick up the entire vulva and clitoris.

You can do an up and down motion or side to side, or a mixture of both.

If you keep your tongue hard and only use the tip, especially in a sharp flicking motion, then you’re denying your girl the softest, wettest and smoothest part of your tongue.

It’s important to use the flatter and softer part of your tongue – especially at the start when she may not be fully aroused and not ready for the additional pressure and speed that the tip can bring.

If you flick away as hard and fast as possible right from the start, it might just feel too sensitive and put her off.

You can try spelling out the alphabet over different areas with your tongue – this keeps the tongue moving in different directions. And don’t forget to change the pace – get faster and more intense if she likes it.

The classic advice with the alphabet techniques is that if you find a ‘letter movement’ that she responds well to, then you can keep repeating that letter for a while.

You might occasionally want to gently suck her clitoris, as the suction can give a different sensation. Some women will love this, some won’t. And even a girl that likes it one day may not the next day.

You need to be ready to change, be creative, be flexible and keep working at finding what tongue movements, pressure and speed work on a particular girl, on a particular day in a particular setting!

And remember it’s not just the clitoris you need to focus on. Draw that alphabet large over the whole area, then medium and small around different parts. Women enjoy the whole area being licked, kissed and touched, so don’t get fixated just on the clitoris.

Don’t forget about your hands

When giving a woman oral sex, try to get yourself into a position where your hands are free to add an extra element. If you’re able to caress her body and breasts while giving oral, she’ll enjoy it so much more.

If you can gently caress her thighs, stomach, chest and arms with your finger tips while giving her oral sex, you’ll be able to tap into multiple erogenous zones all at the same time and send sparks flying in her body.

You can also use one hand to slightly lift up the ‘hood’ of the clitoris and reveal the more sensitive part for your tongue to stimulate. Make sure you learn where this is.

If you’re good at multi-tasking, why not add your fingers into the action and try to stimulate her G Spot? Most women enjoy the build up so try to learn when she’s ready for you to use your fingers as well to intensify the pleasure to the next level.

If you go straight in with the fingers at the start then you might ruin the potential for an orgasm that a steady build up brings. If in doubt, don’t insert a finger until she’s naturally already wet and moaning with pleasure.

Experiment with different positions

the number 69, a great position to give a woman oral sexTry different techniques and see what works for you. Perhaps you’d like to introduce some new positions (such as the 69 where you both perform oral sex to each other at the same time, or the man on top and in control).

Whatever you do, mix it up and don’t make things feel like a routine. If she doesn’t quite know what’s coming next, she’ll be even more turned on, whether the oral sex is for foreplay or for orgasm.

Find the best technique and don’t stop!

It’s obviously not always easy for you to speak to her while you perform oral sex, so listen to the sounds she makes. We women can be a bit shy, but generally most like to talk and say what we like.

If your girl isn’t a talker though, check for signs she’s enjoying it, such as heavier breathing or moaning. And if she’s holding the top of your head, she may grip harder as she’s closer to climaxing.

Look for signals that tell you she’s really turned on, and don’t suddenly stop or change what you’re doing if what you’re doing is working.

At the start it’s fine to play around and experiment with different actions and techniques. But once you’ve teased her and gotten her warmed up, it’s time to settle on the technique that will give her an orgasm and not stop until she gets there.

By this point, your jaw may be aching and your tongue might feel numb, but persistence will pay off. If she’s enjoying it, then stopping as she’s building towards climax just because you have neck ache or a sore jaw isn’t cool!

Nothing beats a bit of feedback so ask her afterwards if she liked it and she might offer some tips to make next time even more intense.


Hopefully you’ll see now that the key to giving a girl oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. If she doesn’t tell you exactly what works, you need to find out yourself by observing how she reacts to different techniques.

And perhaps most importantly, when you know what works for her, once you decide to focus on that technique just keep doing it until she reaches orgasm.

Enjoy the practice, enjoy the experimenting, and enjoy the great feeling when you magically work out exactly what she needs to have orgasms.

More ideas

If you’d like to find out about even more ways to give your partner amazing oral sex, I highly recommend reading ‘Lick by Lick’, written by the respected sex expert Michael Webb.

He explores the finer details of what really makes great oral sex, and gives you lots of great ideas and techniques to try.

Check out the Lick by Lick oral sex guide >>

240 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Hi this helped me my ma lady when we first tried it out well actually we are trying tomorrow so ill let ya know. I love you Ethan you are the best and know lots, never stop help my friend.

  • What is sex without oral sex ? Every woman enjoys it, sorry man, if your not the type that gives your woman oral, if she has an ex that does that, trust me she will keep going back to him for sex, oral sex is a powerful tool in relationship, marriage Expecially.

  • Not sure if I’m grose down there or what? I have shaved in places that I’ve never shaved before, Always clean, use scented creams to smell good and still no luck.

    My husband has little or no interest in going down on me…. and when he does it’s usually for 2 minutes max and then I’m expected to go down on him to help him last longer. He cannot bang me hard and good without cumming quickly and me giving him a blowing

    So after reading this very informative article I showed my husband and suggested that it may be fun if he read it before we went away on holiday. He did not even read it because he said it was too long!

    I feel like he is sexually selfish. I pretty much always go down on him and he enjoys it. I spend alot of time on him with nothing or little in return. And if he cums during sex before I do (which only ever happens because I have to play with my clit) he couldn’t be bothered with continuing to try and help me get there.

    What is wrong with me? I have asked him straight out if he enjoys oral or if I’m gross down there. He claims to enjoy it and that no I’m not gross down south.

    Please help!!!! I am so frustrated.

    • Hi Angel
      Sorry to hear you’re having issues with your partner and sex. I’m also sorry the article was too long – that’s kind of useful to know though…
      Well, it sounds like you’ve done your part to make things work, and as you say, he’s possibly being sexually selfish and/or lazy. Have you told him straight up how you feel about your sex life? That it’s frustrating for you, and that you feel there needs to be more effort and equality in bed? I think if you’ve tried the ‘this could be fun’ approach with no luck, perhaps it’s time for the ‘listen mister, this just isn’t cool’ approach!

    • Nothing wrong with you Ang. He sounds lazy and impatient. Tell him no more BJ’s until he reads the article and puts in the same effort you do.

  • My wife and I were both virgins, and are having some issues. So far she’s never enjoyed sex with me, and we haven’t done anything but the standard. I’ve never done oral and neither has she, and I think she’s shy and scared about it. How should I go about the first time?

    • Hi there
      I think perhaps the best thing is to wait until you’re both already in the mood and feeling passionate. Then follow the tips in the article, take it slowly and build up to it with her.
      And if she refuses, maybe just talk openly about how you’d like to do it. It’s often easier to talk about sex when you’re both feeling the energy of having sex.
      Try to make her feel relaxed and comfortable – put out some candles and soft music, give her a nice massage before moving on with any foreplay. Spend lots of time on foreplay and give her time to get used to the idea of exploring each other’s bodies more than you have until now. Tell her how beautiful, sexy and amazing you find her. Just stay positive, be confident (pretend to be if you’re not feeling that way!) and take the lead, but in a gentle way.

  • with all d explanations n evidences given. oral sex is good, as a matter of fact I’m looking 4wd to start DAT wt my babe bcoz all wat we do are just normal foreplay but can’t oral brings about STDs bcoz for smone to lick clitoris and all that juices definitely means you swallow it… hmm I’m afraid.

    • Hi Bcee
      Oral sex is great, yes. But you’re right in that some STDs can be passed on through oral sex. So if you’re worried, you can politely suggest both of you go for an STD test before you get sexually active.

  • My partner brings me to an orgasm by doing steady flicks of the tongue consistently until I can’t take anymore. It doesn’t take more than 3 minutes and I’m usually left breathless after that.

    • Hi there
      Thanks for sharing this – it’s always useful to hear from female readers about what they like.

  • My husband has some issues with his penis. He’s been to the Dr, but there’s not much that can be done. Due to this we are having to find new and different ways to have sex. I have never been one to get off by oral or a vibrator and he doesn’t last very long. So, although I think he’s trying, I haven’t had an orgasim in quite some time and its really beginning to bother me. I love oral but he’s not a fan, and I know that. I told him tonight we really need to figure something out. Any suggestions? I feel rushed most of the time.

    • Hi Jenni
      Sorry to hear you’re having difficulties. I think the most important thing is to keep communicating about it. It sounds like you’ve just started the process of talking about it, which is great. It might take a bit of effort to keep him talking and get him to agree to work on it together. After all, if he’s having problems with his penis, he probably already feels bad about that. In terms of oral, there can be various reasons why he’s not into it. Perhaps if you ask him openly, he’ll tell you. But my suggestion from a guy’s point of view would be to try to make it as appealing as possible – so if you haven’t already, and aren’t totally against the idea, make sure you have a fresh smell with soaps or moisturizer or anything that helps make it a pleasant experience. And for many guys, giving oral sex to a well trimmed or shaved woman is much more appealing, as long as it’s not stubbly which can also be a bit off-putting. It’s kind of like we expect it to be a beautiful, soft and sweet area, which might be silly as people are just people and we don’t always keep ourselves that well either! But if you want to encourage him, it might be worth trying if you haven’t already.
      Then of course there’s the possibility it’s just a bit of laziness, selfishness or lack of confidence in doing it on his part. And that’s not quite so easy to deal with. I think some honesty helps, as does slowly getting him to realise that oral is a two-way thing, so if he wants it himself, he also needs to do his part! So tell him how much you love it when he does it – be positive about it and make him feel that it’s something awesome to give you, and a way to satisfy you when normal sex is proving difficult. Hopefully his ego and/or desire to make you happy will respond well to that!

  • I think an important point of note is personal cleanliness.
    My wife and I are immaculately obsessive about cleanliness, especially in the giggity regions.
    Men expect women to be tidy and trimmed. So should men be. It’s only fair.
    Next, never approach anything about sex as a “chore”, because if you do, you defeat the satisfaction of it before you start.

    • Hi Dave
      I think you’re absolutely right – it’s good to pay attention to how you look and smell down there, both men and women. It makes it much more enjoyable, and also easier to relax when you’re receiving if you know you’re nice and fresh.

  • Hi, I just wanted to chime in and say that the advice in this article is spot on! I wish all my ex boyfriends had read it lol. I think it’s totally right about taking it nice and easy. I hate it when guys dive in with their tongue rigid as hell and flick away like crazy. That just does nothing apart from make me recoil from the sensitivity. Guys need to slow down and treat us gently.. at least at first!

    • Hi Tammy
      Thanks for adding your perspective – I think it’s very helpful when female readers do chime in and share their thoughts, and I know from previous comments that the guys reading this appreciate it too. Here’s hoping your current or next boyfriend stumbles across the article!

      • Thanks Tammy that is good advice, I have always had a tendency to go for it too fast. I enjoy oral so much I need to consider my partner. This could help us both have a better experience. I can orgasm giving oral sex to a woman if she enjoys it

    • Just wash real well. afterwards use hair conditioner to wash your vaginal hair. It smells nice and makes your guy aware that you respect him enough to give him a nice fresh experience during oral sex. Trust me it is a turn on when my woman takes good care of her stuff for me.. try it

    • Hi there
      Thanks for the advice! Do you find it comfortable right from the start though, or do you prefer him to start slowly and softly?

    • Hi Martha
      My advice would be to not assume those parts are dirty! If he gives you oral sex, it’s most likely that he really enjoys it and the pleasure it gives you. So relax, and don’t assume he finds it dirty!

  • I’m having a girlfriend, I’m suspecting that she might be having a huge vagina because of what she was doing in the past and I also doubt my self that I will no fit and satisfy her, so how will oral help in satisfying her?

    • Hi Harvey
      If you haven’t actually felt it yet, then there’s not much point assuming it’s of a certain size. So I wouldn’t worry about whether you’ll be compatible just yet – and as they say, it’s what you do with it that’s most important. Having said that, oral sex can be extremely satisfying for many women. If you put the effort into learning how to do it well, and what your partner specifically enjoys, then it could be a great way to satisfy her, regardless of the physical size or shape.

  • My wife and I have been married for 25 years and I have been giving her oral for 24 at least. At this point I need that as much as she does. I love the way she moves when she is enjoying it and I love to taste her when she starts to flow. I can tell when she is orgasmic by the taste and consistency. It is much creamier and salty sweet. I really get turned on when she is coming. It is very important to know I can please her. Any decent man should want to please his wife more than himself. When shes wet keep going till she asks for something else. Try reaching and touching her breast at the same time or use one or two fingers to enter her while you continue licking. Pleasing a woman will make a man feel great. I love giving her oral. It is the best. Sometimes that all that happens. I just stop there and the next time she is begging for the full monty. What ever you do put your woman first and you will be a happy man.

    • Hi David
      Thanks for this comment – I think it’s right to highlight the importance of putting your partner first, especially if there is the common issue of having different arousal levels. With oral sex you can provide so much pleasure, and bring her level of excitement in line with yours.

    • Hi there.I wish all men think like you do.I personally think that both partners should enjoy having sex and should have orgasms man wants oral sex all the time but does it to me very rarely.that’s not fare.then i get frustrated.I like doing oral sex to him but also like him to do same to are often selfish…

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