There are few sex problems more unfair than when you’re all set to have some amazing action with someone you’re really into, and then boom! Your erection vanishes into thin air just as you’re trying to slide on a condom.
The speed with which “Oh yeah, here we go!” changes to “Oh shit, where did it go?” makes it an incredibly frustrating experience.
I’ve been there countless times, and in this article I’ll be sharing some solid tips for handling it. My suggestion would be to explore different approaches and consider combining them to discover what works best for you.
1. Wait until you’re rock hard
In my experience, there are two types of erections. First, there’s the 50-75% strength erection that says, “Okay, I think I’m ready, let’s give it a go.” Honestly, it’s like a mirage in the desert. Best to ignore it, no matter how thirsty you are for sex.
But then there’s the 100% solid, bulging, throbbing, hard-as-a-rock version that practically screams, “Look at the veins on that thing!” This type is the real deal.
If condoms tend to sabotage your stiffy, here’s a tip: Exercise patience and wait until you’re fully rock solid before reaching for that erection-slaying rubber.
On a lighter note, this method, along with tip number two in this list, is probably the most crucial for me personally.
So, indulge in the foreplay stage for as long as it takes to achieve that rock hard state. Even if you lose 10-20% of your erection while fumbling with the condom, you’ll still be good to go. Plus, let’s face it, many people complain that men are stingy with foreplay anyway, so you’ll actually be doing your sex life a favor by doing more of it.
And if there are specific triggers that give you that full 100% erection, be open and honest with your partner about what you need (within reason, of course). Communication is key.
2. Let gravity work its magic
In my experience, gravity can work in your favor when it comes to getting the blood pumping. And no, I’m not referring to that Sandra Bullock and George Clooney movie in space (although if you’re into celebs in spacesuits, that might help too).
Here’s the deal: lying on your back and attempting to put on a condom can make it trickier to maintain your erection throughout the awkward unwrapping and unrolling process.
Instead, try this nifty trick. Stand up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and then put on the condom. Gravity will lend a hand by redirecting some extra blood from your big head to your little head, helping to keep him nice and hard.
I’ve also discovered that standing up gives you a mental boost, making you feel bigger and harder (in a confident way, of course), which can translate to a stronger erection in your mind.
This is also an opportune moment to inject some humor into the situation, lightening the mood for both you and your partner. Let’s face it, sometimes we have this unrealistic fantasy that we should effortlessly slide on the condom while expertly unclasping a bra with one hand and delivering the perfect dirty talk simultaneously.
But in reality, it often involves a brief pause as you awkwardly wrestle with the condom while your partner discreetly pretends not to notice how silly it looks. So why not just embrace the moment and get the job done in whatever way works best for you? For me, that means standing up and taking charge.
3. Try not to let stress get the better of you
This is probably the advice I’ve known for the longest time but failed to follow on many occasions.
Stress, anxiety, worry, tension, insecurity—whatever you want to call it, it’s something you need to address.
Dealing with stress is a vast topic, with people dedicating entire books to it. However, there are a few points that might help in this specific situation:
- Don’t fret if you initially get hard but then lose it when the condom moment arrives. Relax, accept that sex isn’t always a smooth process, and go back to foreplay or whatever else turns you both on. Then give it another try a bit later.
- Don’t let yourself worry that the same thing will happen every time. Stay positive, remind yourself that each experience is a fresh start.
- Take slow, deep breaths as you approach the condom moment. It will help keep the blood flowing throughout your body.
- Resist the urge to get angry, tear off the condom, throw it against the wall, and sulk on the bed (yeah, I’ve been there). Stay calm, stay cool, explain to your partner that it’s something that can happen at times, and shift your focus to pleasuring them for a while to alleviate the pressure. Let your tongue do the work instead.
In the long run, try to view this as a positive challenge rather than a failure or weakness. Life presents us with various challenges to face and overcome, and this is no exception.
4. Do some condom testing
When it comes to condoms, the options are endless. There’s a wide variety of sizes, thicknesses, flavors, ribbed designs, and even extras like desensitizing gel inside.
If you know you’re sensitive to condoms, it’s worth embarking on a trial and error journey. Buy different brands and find the one that fits comfortably, feels pleasurable, and doesn’t constrict your blood flow. Remember, condoms come in various sizes, so it’s crucial to avoid choosing one that’s too small for you.
Don’t settle for freebies or whatever novelty condoms happen to be in stock at the local store. Opt for the highest quality condoms available that work well for you.
However, if the best condoms for you happen to be lesser-known or affordable ones, then stock up on them so that you always have a plentiful supply of condoms that you know work well for you.
5. Ask your partner to put the condom on for you
One moment, you’re passionately kissing and indulging in each other’s bodies. The next moment, you find yourself facing the condom challenge all on your own. It can feel like a sudden shift from pleasure to a super tense moment.
So, why not consider asking your partner to take charge of putting on the condom? It might add a touch of sensuality and relieve you of the pressure to get the job done.
Personally, I’ve found that this approach can work well on certain occasions but not so well on others.
If your partner struggles with putting on condoms, they might accidentally scratch your skin or take so long that your arousal dwindles. If that’s the case, perhaps you need to guide them on how to put it on properly.
It could be that they are slow and awkward in their approach, while you can do it much quicker, minimizing the time between losing your erection and achieving penetration. If you think your partner would be open to it, suggest they try putting it on in a seductive manner rather than going for a slow and clinical unrolling.
Ultimately, I believe this is something you should experiment with and form your own opinion about. Explore what works best for you and your partner in these intimate moments.
6. Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Penis Performance
“Wait, where did I put that condom?” is a question you probably want to steer clear of unless you’re still in comedy mode.
If you find yourself having to scramble out of bed and desperately search through your drawers, wallet, or bathroom cabinet, you can be certain that the race against time has suddenly escalated to Olympic proportions.
To avoid this situation, make sure you know precisely where your condoms are, and that they are easily accessible wherever you plan on having sex.
Remember the six Ps: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Penis Performance. Yeah, I just came up with that, but it actually makes a lot of sense to me.
7. Prime your partner
Continuing with the idea of preparation, it’s essential to ensure that your partner is properly stimulated and ready to go.
Once you’ve put on the condom, the best way to maintain or regain a full erection is by engaging in sexual intercourse rather than prolonging foreplay. So, before you slip on the condom, make sure your partner is fully aroused through manual or oral stimulation.
If your partner isn’t particularly responsive or naturally lubricated, take some additional time to stimulate them or have lubricant readily available. And once you’ve successfully donned the condom, consider starting off with you on top to put gravity to work a bit more.
8. Laughter is the best medicine
When it comes to intimate moments, injecting a sense of lightheartedness and fun can elevate the experience to new heights. Incorporating humor in the bedroom serves as a powerful tool to keep awkwardness, embarrassment, and insecurity at bay.
So what if things don’t go as planned and you experience a temporary loss of firmness? Embrace it with laughter, maintain your composure, and avoid turning it into a stressful ordeal.
Take ownership of the situation, start a conversation, and find humor in it together. Most importantly, ensure that your partner doesn’t silently question her own desirability. Assure her that her attractiveness has no bearing on your arousal.
Laughter has a remarkable ability to induce relaxation, both physically and mentally, which, in turn, can increase the likelihood of achieving a strong and lasting erection.
9. Stay away from desensitizing products
If you suffer from premature ejaculation, one of the main ways to deal with it is to use a desensitizing spray or condom. These are notorious for causing erection problems though, due to the obvious loss of sensitivity.
So if you do have problems keeping an erection when you use a condom, I would avoid using anything containing Lidocaine, Benzocaine or Prilocaine.
If you do want to use these products to help with your sexual stamina, try to use the smallest possible amount.
It’s also worth mentioning at this point that other things can lead to a loss of sensitivity and erection problems. For example, too much alcohol, heavy food, some medications, and recreational drugs.
10. Does your penis only go soft with condoms?
It’s also important to look at the bigger picture. Do you only have erection problems when you try to use a condom?
Or do you regularly have problems getting or maintaining an erection when masturbating, receiving manual or oral sex, or in the middle of sex?
If this is the case, it’s probably a good idea to learn more about erectile dysfunction. It can be useful to speak to a doctor about it if you feel it’s a serious problem, as there can be many different physical causes they can rule out.
Does the sight of a condom melt your erection? Do you have any tips for putting them on, or just feel like ranting about your own experience?
Let me know in the comments below!