man kissing a woman passionately in bed

Are you having difficulty mastering the art of oral sex? Good oral is a key part of foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. It’s also a great skill to have if you tend to finish quickly during sex.

The good news is that it’s not too difficult to improve your tongue technique. All you need to do is try out new movements and rhythms and continually learn from her conscious and unconscious feedback.

So in this article, I’ll explain how you can figure out exactly what turns your partner on. And how to give her the kind of intense orgasms she’ll want you to repeat time and time again.

Everyone is different

One of the crucial points to remember is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different movements, and mix things up as until you’ve built up a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.

Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

image of a woman lying on a bed

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

It can be tempting to skip the oral or only do it for a few minutes. This isn’t ideal though – a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.

Giving oral also helps raise her arousal level to meet your own, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the woman. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slowly

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed. But this can be uncomfortable for the woman.

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

And when you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm – start slow and build steadily.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant – so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stay with the ones that do, at least for a while.

A classic trick to discover new movements that work is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up – both around your comfort.

The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.

The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are many positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things could become boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback: listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it.

The bottom line

The key to giving a woman oral sex is to not expect the same technique to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s clearly loving what you’re doing, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

For even more ideas for pleasuring your partner, I highly recommend reading the New York Times best-selling book ‘She comes first’ by the respected sex therapist Ian Kerner.

It has around 1000 customer reviews on Amazon, and has become one of the most popular sex guides globally.

Check out ‘She Comes First’ on Amazon.com >>

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