How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral

man kissing a woman passionately in bed

Are you having difficulty mastering the art of oral sex? Good oral is a key part of foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. It’s also a great skill to have if you tend to finish quickly during sex.

The good news is that it’s not too difficult to improve your tongue technique. All you need to do is try out new movements and rhythms and continually learn from her conscious and unconscious feedback.

So in this article, I’ll explain how you can figure out exactly what turns your partner on. And how to give her the kind of intense orgasms she’ll want you to repeat time and time again.

Everyone is different

One of the crucial points to remember is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different movements, and mix things up as until you’ve built up a good repertoire of techniques that you feel comfortable with and seem to work well.

Your ability to respond to her feedback is arguably just as important as your skill with your tongue. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

image of a woman lying on a bed

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

It can be tempting to skip the oral or only do it for a few minutes. This isn’t ideal though – a generous lover shows a partner that their pleasure is important.

Giving oral also helps raise her arousal level to meet your own, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the woman. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slowly

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed. But this can be uncomfortable for the woman.

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

And when you do get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm – start slow and build steadily.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant – so keep track of which movements elicit moans of pleasure, and stay with the ones that do, at least for a while.

A classic trick to discover new movements that work is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, experiment with that letter a bit more.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re planning on spending a decent amount of time giving her oral sex, there are two issues that can crop up – both around your comfort.

The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position. Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her bum to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.

The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Try inserting one or two fingers and making a ‘come here’ motion to stimulate her G-spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are many positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try different positions to find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things could become boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it. If you do, you might ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback: listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.”

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it.

The bottom line

The key to giving a woman oral sex is to not expect the same technique to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s clearly loving what you’re doing, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

For even more ideas for pleasuring your partner, I highly recommend reading the New York Times best-selling book ‘She comes first’ by the respected sex therapist Ian Kerner.

It has around 1000 customer reviews on Amazon, and has become one of the most popular sex guides globally.

Check out ‘She Comes First’ on Amazon.com >>

389 thoughts on “How To Give A Woman Oral Sex: Master The Art Of Oral”

  1. My girlfriend is smoking hot and has a great tasting and looking (vagina?) We’ve been dating a few months, when we first met she told me she’s shy. I really do love being down there and hate it when she pulls me up after 2 mins and puts me inside her. Do you think it’s because I’m not good or she’s just being shy? I haven’t been asking her if she’s comfortable, I just kinda go down there and she’ll stop me as I’m heading south and say “what are you doing?” with a really cute smile, I’m thinking “I can’t help myself, it tastes/ looks so good” But I just go with what she wants, which is usually just me inside her. She’ll give me oral for much longer and she’s really good at it! So I’m reading up on what I need to do, or not do

    1. Hi Optimus
      Yeah, kind of tricky to work out by yourself if she doesn’t implicitly tell you what’s up. And if she’s shy, she might even be too shy to tell you she’s shy! The fact that she gives you oral for a long time though does kind of hint at her not being totally shy of oral in general. But that’s not to say she feels insecure about her own genitals. I’d just ask her if she likes it, and tell her to tell you honestly if the way you do it isn’t quite right for her. Tell her you really don’t mind if she says no, as it means she’s just helping you find a way to do it better, and that you want to learn together to do what works really well.
      The alternative is to just go super slow, tease her really slowly working your way down there inch by inch, kissing her body, coming back up to kiss her mouth, then back a bit lower – really draw it out and see if she enjoys that. If she doesn’t, then maybe she really just does like to get to the sex part! There’s also the option of being carefully dominant and holding her hands or arms to the bed gently but firmly, and then heading south despite her questioning you. If she really doesn’t like it, she’ll make it clear, so stop obviously. But maybe she’ll let you take control if you play a slightly dominant role that way.
      And a key point when you do arrive down there is to start really soft and slow, as I said in the article. Lick an ice-cream with the flat part of the top of your tongue gently, don’t flick away. Make it as soft, slow and gentle as possible for a few minutes and see if that results in her letting you stay down there longer.
      Just some ideas for you to try out!

  2. Anonymous

    heey. nice tips but i have an issue with the ever present vaginal fluid which makes my tongue wet and slippery. can this be undone?

    1. The wetter your tongue is, the nicer an experience it will be for your partner. So you can use her natural lubrication to stimulate her better. And remember that it’s a sign she’s enjoying it!

  3. When me and my boyfriend first started doing oral he was very reluctant to try our first experience was kind of awful. After that though he started putting in a lot more energy and I guess it just wasn’t as scary for him anymore and it got a lot better for the both of us and now oral for each other is a must and we both do research about how to improve. One of the big things People have a problem with is taste and fear of stds. You can actually find flavored dental dams that can be a solution for both of these things. Also sugar free flavored lube can really help with the overall experience. I would not sugest using purfumed soaps. It can throw off the ph levels of your vagina and make it really sensitive and cause a burning itchy feeling. If you’re worried about cleanliness just warm water or a very gentle unsented soap works just fine. And trust me if you’ve ever gotten perfume or lotion or soap in your mouth it is a disgusting taste and while it may smell nice it’s not something your significant other will enjoy tasting and these things can be harmful to a vagina as well.

    1. Hi Marcy
      Thank you for sharing! I think many people struggle with oral when they first start out, for understandable reasons in most cases. They key is to be open minded and try new ideas until you find what works for you both. And yes, if taste is an issue, there are loads of ways to make it better. Diet and plenty of water being two of the best!

  4. My wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary. The week before we had a near miss that almost ended our marriage. Ive been a selfish lover, I’ve never taken the time to make her feel the way she makes me feel. Over the past 7 days we have not been able to keep our hands off each other. The night of our anniversary we each had four orgasms. I’m finally starting to understand how to pleasure her and it makes me so hot to know that I can do that to her. This article will take us to the next level. She has on idea what I have in store for her now. Thank you so much

    1. Hi Mike
      It’s never too late to change the way you do things with your partner – as your comment shows. Congratulations on your anniversary, and have fun with the techniques!
      Ethan

  5. Use food on her pussy. e.g suck a lollipop and make it wet. Then rub the wet lollipop all over her inner legs, pussy, clit. Then start to lick, suck, kiss the lollipop flavored pussy. Suck lollipop again to wet it. Then repeat. Insert the lollipop into her vagina gently to remind her that vaginas are meant to be screwed. Stick your tongue into her to lick up the lollipop flavor. Use your imagination and creativity, but always remember to treat her pussy with complete love and respect.

  6. Anonymous

    I think I’ve been guilty of the fast tongue action in the past. Will slow it right down after reading this article. Wish I’d known that concept a few years ago…

    1. Hi
      Many men probably do the same – we’re kind of programmed to think hard and fast is the order of the day. But yes, save that tongue action for later!
      Ethan

  7. Connor Jackson

    Thank god I found this because I did not know how to do this to my girlfriend. My first time doing anything sexual with anyone and she had multiple orgasms because of it. Thank you so much I can’t believe how much this helped me you are the absolute best!

    1. Hi Connor
      Wow, good work! It’s great that the article was useful for you, but even better that you managed to put it into action so well!
      Ethan

  8. Your cogent, informative advice timely, unexpected, very useful for me. Retired Exxon Atty, age 75. Loving, caring, wife. Duke grads. Both “virgins” when married 1964. Great family. Both enjoyed sex from beginning before prostatectomy which left me unable to gain erection absent pump device provided post- op. Never materialized to sustainable natural, erection. Spouse lacked appetite to “work on it” after first squirt of urine down her throat. No blame there!! No sexual intimacy since that time, tho relationship great. You have given me hope to risk a fresh courtship. Thank you.

    1. Hi Roger
      I’m glad the article was helpful! And yes, why not get involved with oral sex if you’d still like to have an active sex life but can’t get erections? Have fun!
      Ethan

  9. Suzanne Timeus

    hmmm well this is very imformative. I am in my fifties now and split with my husband of 25 yrs. I have a new boyfriend and for the first time ever, i had an orgasm with the ‘after shocks’ (lasted literally hours) with him. Thing is, i havent had one since so thanks for the article, he is a bit rough down there, not meaning to, and misses the main area completely..perhaps that first orgasm was years of not having one? anyway, will see how it goes, but this article is great and the comments too thanks guys.

    1. Hi Suzanne
      I’m glad you liked the article, and thanks for sharing your story too.
      It could well have been the novelty factor and all the emotion that went with it. Or just a bit of luck maybe!
      I hope your new bf will accept a few pointers, and that you can repeat that first amazing orgasm!
      Ethan

  10. Anonymous

    Keeping yourself clean is very important. Apart from washing my ‘babe’ very well, I use roll-on deodorant (not spray) on every single hair I have down there. I take a bath twice a day, shave regularly and use panty liners, which I charge regularly during the day. When I have the opportunity, I wash my babe after using the bathroom. She smells so good all the time my boyfriend can’t leave her alone ? It’s very important every woman keeps her vag. super clean. It makes it easy for your man to want to go down.

    1. Hi there
      Thanks for adding your thoughts and sharing what you do. It’s always useful to hear from a woman about this, and I agree that a good smell helps guys enjoy it more – resulting in them doing it more hopefully. And in just the same way, guys should also keep themselves clean if they expect anything in return.
      Ethan

  11. Omg David you sound like an absolute god send. I’ve been in my relationship for 11 years and my partner SO would rather spend time reading 10-20 pages on how to play a game than a few paragraphs about how to make a happy woman.
    I’ve told him many times how sexually frustrated I am. I always have to initiate sex and if I don’t, he thinks poking and stabbing his dick at my ass is a good way to get things started. There’s never any fore play, I always have to be ready prior to anything because it’s become such a chore for him to help me warm up. It takes a serious tole on my confidence levels. No fore play, expects me to climax after a few pumps. Ugh. & I’m not a toy person, they just don’t do what the real thing does. So frustrating! I always ask him too if I’m too baggy, if there’s something else in his mind that he may want to share, nothing. I’m at my wits end and ready to do the dirty and cheat I’m so sexually frustrated.

    1. Hi Claire
      Sorry to hear you’re so frustrated with your partner. Sadly, I think it often happens that after many years the sex life loses its passion and one or both people just don’t put the effort in. I guess if you’ve told him already and he’s not doing anything about it, that’s where the real problem lies. Maybe you need to tell him again, but in terms of your sexual frustration being something that’s affecting your relationship as a whole to see if that makes him wake up a bit. He needs to take what you say more seriously by the sounds of it. So before going ahead with your escape plan, I’d say give him another opportunity to work with you to make things better.
      Ethan

    2. Dump him. You’ve already told him how you feel several times. You deserve someone better and you know it. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t even make the effort on making you happy.

    3. Hi Clare
      I had the same thing with my partner, and sex also became a chore. recently I told her to chose an alias to try change things up a bit. By doing this she started talking to me about sex and I discovered allot of things about her that I never knew before. after 11 years things can become a bit monotonous but by talking about sex with your partner you can change your sexual relationship in ways you can only imagine.

      Also try creating an alias, go out and by an outfit, change the way you style your hair and put on some makeup for the occasion and avoid having sex in your bed where you have been doing for the last 11 years. also try doing things you would generally not do or wait for him to ask for. You would be surprised how many times he wakes up on a Saturday morning with an erection, wishing that for once you would wake him up with a BJ.

      My partner and I have also established the Dominant and Submissive side of our sexual relationship. You can swap and change as well, sometimes your man also wants to be pleasured. For a dominant male it becomes an expectation for him to do all the work all the time, this can become a buzz kill.

  12. slowmo90

    most girls around the world love this,in my country nigeria, guys mostly get disgusted in giving oral to girls but love Bj in return,Cruel! i happen to love satisfying a girl’s sexual desire, but most girls are not tidy enough for oral sex because they don’t get it…. i have the biggest complain i feel, unless one settles with one girl and guide her to be pleased.

    1. Hi slowmo90
      I agree that most people – men and women – love oral sex. I can’t comment on the tidiness issue, but I agree that it’s great when you settle with a partner and you both learn exactly how to give the other amazing orgasms through oral!
      Ethan

  13. Hi this helped me my ma lady when we first tried it out well actually we are trying tomorrow so ill let ya know. I love you Ethan you are the best and know lots, never stop help my friend.

  14. What is sex without oral sex ? Every woman enjoys it, sorry man, if your not the type that gives your woman oral, if she has an ex that does that, trust me she will keep going back to him for sex, oral sex is a powerful tool in relationship, marriage Expecially.

  15. Not sure if I’m grose down there or what? I have shaved in places that I’ve never shaved before, Always clean, use scented creams to smell good and still no luck.

    My husband has little or no interest in going down on me…. and when he does it’s usually for 2 minutes max and then I’m expected to go down on him to help him last longer. He cannot bang me hard and good without cumming quickly and me giving him a blowing

    So after reading this very informative article I showed my husband and suggested that it may be fun if he read it before we went away on holiday. He did not even read it because he said it was too long!

    I feel like he is sexually selfish. I pretty much always go down on him and he enjoys it. I spend alot of time on him with nothing or little in return. And if he cums during sex before I do (which only ever happens because I have to play with my clit) he couldn’t be bothered with continuing to try and help me get there.

    What is wrong with me? I have asked him straight out if he enjoys oral or if I’m gross down there. He claims to enjoy it and that no I’m not gross down south.

    Please help!!!! I am so frustrated.

    1. Hi Angel
      Sorry to hear you’re having issues with your partner and sex. I’m also sorry the article was too long – that’s kind of useful to know though…
      Well, it sounds like you’ve done your part to make things work, and as you say, he’s possibly being sexually selfish and/or lazy. Have you told him straight up how you feel about your sex life? That it’s frustrating for you, and that you feel there needs to be more effort and equality in bed? I think if you’ve tried the ‘this could be fun’ approach with no luck, perhaps it’s time for the ‘listen mister, this just isn’t cool’ approach!
      Ethan

    2. Nothing wrong with you Ang. He sounds lazy and impatient. Tell him no more BJ’s until he reads the article and puts in the same effort you do.

    3. Hi Angela
      It sounds to me like you and hubby need to connect again, sometimes it helps to take a few steps back and start from the beginning. The fantastic thing about doing this, is that you can force him to start wooing you all over, which will give you the power over your sexual relationship again.

      A secret that I learned over the last few years with my wife is that she has the power over sex not me!

      Another thing you can try is masturbating together this is a sure way to show him what it is that you like and how it should be done. And don’t let him F*&k you, Keep the control.

  16. Anonymous

    My wife and I were both virgins, and are having some issues. So far she’s never enjoyed sex with me, and we haven’t done anything but the standard. I’ve never done oral and neither has she, and I think she’s shy and scared about it. How should I go about the first time?

    1. Hi there
      I think perhaps the best thing is to wait until you’re both already in the mood and feeling passionate. Then follow the tips in the article, take it slowly and build up to it with her.
      And if she refuses, maybe just talk openly about how you’d like to do it. It’s often easier to talk about sex when you’re both feeling the energy of having sex.
      Try to make her feel relaxed and comfortable – put out some candles and soft music, give her a nice massage before moving on with any foreplay. Spend lots of time on foreplay and give her time to get used to the idea of exploring each other’s bodies more than you have until now. Tell her how beautiful, sexy and amazing you find her. Just stay positive, be confident (pretend to be if you’re not feeling that way!) and take the lead, but in a gentle way.
      Ethan

  17. with all d explanations n evidences given. oral sex is good, as a matter of fact I’m looking 4wd to start DAT wt my babe bcoz all wat we do are just normal foreplay but can’t oral brings about STDs bcoz for smone to lick clitoris and all that juices definitely means you swallow it… hmm I’m afraid.

    1. Hi Bcee
      Oral sex is great, yes. But you’re right in that some STDs can be passed on through oral sex. So if you’re worried, you can politely suggest both of you go for an STD test before you get sexually active.
      Ethan

  18. Anonymous

    My partner brings me to an orgasm by doing steady flicks of the tongue consistently until I can’t take anymore. It doesn’t take more than 3 minutes and I’m usually left breathless after that.

  19. My husband has some issues with his penis. He’s been to the Dr, but there’s not much that can be done. Due to this we are having to find new and different ways to have sex. I have never been one to get off by oral or a vibrator and he doesn’t last very long. So, although I think he’s trying, I haven’t had an orgasim in quite some time and its really beginning to bother me. I love oral but he’s not a fan, and I know that. I told him tonight we really need to figure something out. Any suggestions? I feel rushed most of the time.

    1. Hi Jenni
      Sorry to hear you’re having difficulties. I think the most important thing is to keep communicating about it. It sounds like you’ve just started the process of talking about it, which is great. It might take a bit of effort to keep him talking and get him to agree to work on it together. After all, if he’s having problems with his penis, he probably already feels bad about that. In terms of oral, there can be various reasons why he’s not into it. Perhaps if you ask him openly, he’ll tell you. But my suggestion from a guy’s point of view would be to try to make it as appealing as possible – so if you haven’t already, and aren’t totally against the idea, make sure you have a fresh smell with soaps or moisturizer or anything that helps make it a pleasant experience. And for many guys, giving oral sex to a well trimmed or shaved woman is much more appealing, as long as it’s not stubbly which can also be a bit off-putting. It’s kind of like we expect it to be a beautiful, soft and sweet area, which might be silly as people are just people and we don’t always keep ourselves that well either! But if you want to encourage him, it might be worth trying if you haven’t already.
      Then of course there’s the possibility it’s just a bit of laziness, selfishness or lack of confidence in doing it on his part. And that’s not quite so easy to deal with. I think some honesty helps, as does slowly getting him to realise that oral is a two-way thing, so if he wants it himself, he also needs to do his part! So tell him how much you love it when he does it – be positive about it and make him feel that it’s something awesome to give you, and a way to satisfy you when normal sex is proving difficult. Hopefully his ego and/or desire to make you happy will respond well to that!
      Ethan

    2. I make my wife orgasm multiple time with just my fingers. She loves it and its a real turn on for me. Best is when we make out while I finger her.

  20. I think an important point of note is personal cleanliness.
    My wife and I are immaculately obsessive about cleanliness, especially in the giggity regions.
    Men expect women to be tidy and trimmed. So should men be. It’s only fair.
    Next, never approach anything about sex as a “chore”, because if you do, you defeat the satisfaction of it before you start.

    1. Hi Dave
      I think you’re absolutely right – it’s good to pay attention to how you look and smell down there, both men and women. It makes it much more enjoyable, and also easier to relax when you’re receiving if you know you’re nice and fresh.
      Ethan

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