Sex Positions That Help Me Last Longer (Or Not) During Sex

illustrated version of the missionary position on a bedDo you find that some positions (such as missionary and doggy-style) make you ejaculate sooner than others?

Perhaps there are positions where you feel a little more in control?

In my experience, knowing which positions to do more, or less, of can potentially help you last considerably longer during sex.

In this article, I’ll be describing the effects on my lasting time of different positions I’ve experimented with.

I’ll also take a quick look at what the experts and research have to say about dealing with premature ejaculation this way.

How can position choice help you last longer?

In my experience, and from researching what sex therapists advise, there are several reasons position choice can help:

  • Some positions allow deeper penetration and faster, harder thrusting. This can make a guy ejaculate sooner.
  • Other positions make deeper or faster movements difficult, encouraging slower sex with shallower thrusting.
  • Some positions allow you to stimulate your partner’s clitoris more. This can potentially help her reach climax sooner, increasing both of your satisfaction.
  • Changing positions regularly gives you time to take a breather, and allows your arousal level to lower a bit.
  • If you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return, changing position could stop you ejaculating in that moment.

What do the experts say?

When researching this article, I couldn’t find the idea of position choice mentioned in any of 10 recent medical research articles about premature ejaculation treatment.

They all referred mainly to pharmaceutical treatment as usual. Some though, such as an overview of treatment options by researchers in the UK, do mention that behavioral therapy and psychotherapy can be helpful, of which position choice could play a role.

On a more positive note, however, articles written by sex therapists do tend to mention that sex positions can help.

There’s a statement on the well-respected medical website webmd.com, for example, suggesting it can help:

Certain techniques, such as controlling the sensations that lead up to ejaculation and slowing or stopping stimulation, can help. Wearing a condom to decrease sensitivity and different sexual positions may also help.

And Lisa Thomas, a couples and sex therapist, writes in psychologytoday.com

during partner sex when you feel this sensation happening [the point of no return], you can back off either by “pulling out” to change sexual positions thus dulling your sensation for a moment or you can change your stroke

A way for women to help their partner last longer

I know from readers’ comments that there are many women who don’t feel able to talk to their partner about premature ejaculation, but would still like to help.

In this case, choice of sex position is something a woman can subtly try to influence. As Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist from San Francisco, advises a female reader in bustle.com:

positions that create relatively shallow penetration, since deep thrusting (like what you do in doggy-style) can send most men right over the edge. You also want positions that encourage slow and steady sex over fast and pounding.


The best positions for lasting longer

1. Spooning position

illustration of the spoons position - my favorite position for lasting longer

In the classic spooning position, it’s easier to keep relaxed and there’s a wide range of movements you can try

How

In the spoons, or spooning, position you both lie on the bed facing the same direction.

Why

  • It’s harder to actually achieve penetration, often taking some time.
  • When lying in this position, you can’t thrust as quickly or hard.
  • The position allows slow, powerful movements which feel great but don’t overexcite.
  • You can reach around and stimulate your partner’s clitoris with your hand.
  • You can wrap your arms around your partner or caress them. This increase in intimacy can be very erotic for a woman.

Alternatives

Side by side – still both lying on the bed, this time you face each other. It takes some careful maneuvering to penetrate, and again only allows shallow movements.

The cross – here you stay in the same position as spooning, but your partner is on her back, at 90 degrees to you with her legs draped over the top of your thighs.

Any perpendicular positions – any variation you can think of that keeps you in a perpendicular position might help. These positions tend to put less pressure on the penis head – the most sensitive part.


2. Woman on top

illustration of the sex position where the woman is on top

When your partner is on top, you can stay relaxed and encourage her to grind rather than thrust, which will give her clitoral stimulation

How

As the name suggests, this position is all about you relinquishing control and letting her be the one one top. Whether she sits up with her knees either side of you or relaxes into your embrace is up to you.

Why

  • You can physically relax in this position, taking the tension out of your pelvic floor muscles that can lead to quicker ejaculation.
  • If you practice reverse kegels, this is an easier position to do them in.
  • Your partner can find a position to grind, stimulating her clitoris and raising her arousal.
  • You can still use your legs and hands to control her movements and keep them slow and shallow.

Alternatives

Lying still on top – if you can find the balance, have her lie completely on top of you. You won’t be able to do much movement, but it’s an erotic position to rest in for a while.


3. Reverse cowgirl

illustration of the reverse cowgirl position

In the reverse cowgirl position, you can keep your body relaxed, and the lack of eye contact can help keep your arousal level lower

How

Again, your partner sits on top, but this time angles herself so she’s facing away from you.

why

  • Like the woman on top position, you can keep your body relaxed, particularly the pelvic floor muscles.
  • By facing away you remove eye contact, which can sometimes help to reduce the emotional intensity.
  • Women in this position sometimes like to do smaller thrusts rather than harder movements.
  • You can stimulate her anus manually if she enjoys it, increasing her pleasure.

3. Sitting in a chair

illustration of the chair sex position

Changing from the bed to a chair will give you some breathing time, and the position is a fun change which makes it more natural to go slower

How

I think the name speak for itself here! You sit in a chair with your partner sitting on top of you, facing towards you, or away from you if you like.

Why

  • This position doesn’t encourage deep, fast or hard movements. It tends to be slower, unless she has her feet on the ground and has other ideas!
  • The time it takes to get off the bed, find a chair and get yourselves in position can be a valuable cooling-off time for you. So try not to carry her from the bed with you – take advantage of the chance of a complete break, however short.

Alternatives

Sitting on the bed – if you sit up in bed with your back to the headboard, or even kneel in the center, your partner can position herself on top of you.

Sitting anywhere – take advantage of the chance to cool off. If you decide to take things to the living room or kitchen, it gives you precious seconds to drop your arousal down.


Positions to avoid

1. The missionary position

illustration of the classic missionary position

The missionary position is one to avoid if you want to go for longer. It tenses your muscles and naturally encourages faster and deeper thrusting.

The missionary position is probably the most common position globally. Many religions and cultures saw it as the cleanest, purest position that was acceptable for reproduction and not simply having fun.

Unfortunately though, in my experience it always leads to sex being over quicker than I’d like it to be.

How

Your partner lies on her back, you prop yourself up on top of her and gaze into her eyes as you penetrate her.

Why it doesn’t help

  • You can achieve deep, fast and hard penetration in this position.
  • The sense of masculine domination might be too exciting for some guys.
  • The position makes you tense your stomach, thighs and pelvic floor muscles more. This could lead to you having less control over your ejaculation.
  • If your partner caresses your body with her free hands, it can raise your arousal.

Better alternatives

Limit penetration – if you enjoy being on top, try doing much shallower and slower thrusts. You can also pull out completely, and use your penis and hand to tease your partner’s clitoris.

The wrap – prop yourself up on your elbows and forearms rather than in a press-up position, and get her to wrap her legs tightly around you. This stimulates her clitoris more, and keeps you from accelerating into 5th gear.


2. Doggy-style

Unfortunately, it cost too much money to get more illustrations done (I hope you liked them), so you’ll have to use your imagination for this one!

Doggy-style, in so many ways the most pleasurable, is also understandably one which can get guys racing to the finishing line in record time.

It allows for very deep penetration and encourages faster motion. So alternatively, have your partner lie down instead of being on all fours. You still get the pleasure of rear entry, but won’t be so tempted to get carried away.


3. Standing positions

In my experience, standing up leads to bigger erections, which leads to more stimulation and quicker ejaculation. Many standing positions are also just very exciting mentally, and can lead to deeper and faster rhyhtms.

So my opinion is to generally avoid standing positions. Perhaps for a short while it’s fine as a cooling-off position change, but I can’t think of any variation that will help you last longer during sex.


Your thoughts

Which positions do you find help you last longer or ejaculate quicker? Are there any I’ve missed out that you think are worth mentioning?

And if you have a moment, I’d love to know what you think of the illustrations. It’s the first time I’ve asked someone to create illustrations specifically for the site, so I’d really appreciate some feedback before getting any more done.

Please leave a comment below with your thoughts and opinions.

Thanks!

6 CommentsLeave a comment

    • Hi David
      There could be many reasons, but perhaps the most obvious would be that she needs clitoral stimulation rather than just penetration. The best thing is to ask her – she should know if she needs that. Then you can work together on positions where she gets more clitoral stimulation – such as letting her be on top and take control. If that doesn’t work, then you can try oral sex to see if she reaches climax that way.
      Ethan

  • hello I’m a boy who always last just a few minute during sex. But now i have found some ways to last longer during sex. But i need more advice from you that will make me last longer during sex. Thank you very much.

    • Hi Edem
      It’s great that you feel you’re learning new techniques to gain that control. I think the best thing is to take a good look around this site. There are loads of articles which talk about this topic, so if you spend some time reading, you’ll find many different techniques, tips and information about good products to try out if you’d like to.
      Ethan

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