What To Do If Your Boyfriend Always Comes Too Quickly

image of a disappointed woman and the phrase 'what to do if your man comes too quick'It’s a dreaded feeling that I know only too well: the frustration of my boyfriend coming too fast when we have sex.

The worst thing is knowing that your sex life is suffering because of this one problem, but not being sure what to do about it.

You wish you could talk to him about it honestly, but you’re worried that he’ll take it badly, be upset or angry even.

And if you care about him, you probably don’t want to shatter his self-confidence or make him feel inadequate.

If this sounds all too familiar, this article will set you on the path to dealing with the problem as effectively and compassionately as possible.

First things first – are you talking about it yet?

If you’re already talking about the problem together, great; you’ve already taken the most important step. If that’s the case, you’re probably looking for practical ideas that will make your boyfriend last longer during sex.

If you’re reading this because it’s a problem which you’ve never spoken about, it’s a different scenario altogether. So at the end of the article there’s a section which should help you work out how to talk to him about it.

1) Desensitizing sprays

Desensitizing sprays are especially useful for men with premature ejaculation due to physical sensitivity. If your partner agrees to try one, you might see an immediate difference.

They contain a numbing agent which reduces his sensitivity – usually benzocaine or lidocaine. He can apply it shortly before having sex, wipe the remainder off so it doesn’t transfer to you, and then hopefully last longer.

There are many different desensitizing options available, so you might find our reviews of the best delay sprays helpful. And the one we’ve personally had most success with is Promescent.

2) Develop ejaculation control naturally

There are a range of effective techniques you can practice when making love to help your partner learn to control his arousal levels and ejaculation.

It can take some time to see good results, but it’s definitely worth trying. If you work together to improve his sexual stamina, this way has the potential to actually cure it rather than rely permanently on desensitizing products.

One technique you can get started on straight away is the start and stop method, which he can practice alone and/or with you. There are other techniques, such as the squeeze technique and kegels, but the start and stop is probably the easiest.

3) Work through a self-help book together

If you’re interested in tackling premature ejaculation naturally through behavioral techniques, it can be useful to work through a self-help book.

Research into premature ejaculation has shown that men who used a self-help book improved their lasting time by several minutes, and that the effects continued months later.

You can either practice the techniques together during foreplay and sex, or leave it to him to read and learn what he needs to do to improve his stamina in bed.

Check out these premature ejaculation self-help books to find out more about this concept.

4) Benzocaine condoms

Benzocaine condoms, like the delay sprays, also contain a numbing agent. They sometimes cause problems with maintaining an erection, but can be very helpful for some guys.

If your partner doesn’t have a problem wearing condoms in general, they may help his level of control. You can find out more in our article looking at the pros and cons of benzocaine condoms.

5) Thicker than normal condoms

Most condoms can help reduce the physical sensitivity for guys, so even just wearing a normal condom could help him last longer than without one.

And if you want to go one step further, get him to wear an extra thick condom – especially if you’re not keen on the benzocaine idea.

The trade off is that it might reduce yours and his pleasure, so this is one you need to decide on together.

6) Pills

Doctors sometimes prescribe anti-depressants for premature ejaculation, and they have proven to be quite effective.

The problem is though that he would need to take them every day. Anti-depressants also come with side effects of their own, which is why even though they might work, I’m not a fan of the idea personally.

In many countries you can now get the faster acting pill, Dapoxetine. This is only taken each time before sex, but still carries the risk of some side effects.

7) Foreplay, and more of it

Many guys are guilty of rushing as quickly as possible into sex, with foreplay being forgotten as the months and years roll by. But if you can get him to agree to spend more time on this stage, it can make a big difference.

The idea is that you use foreplay to balance your arousal levels. Guys get turned on much quicker than women usually, so it’s great if you can have him spend more time focusing on you.

If he’s willing, get him to spend lots of time arousing you, so that when you finally have sex, he won’t need to last as long, since you’ll already be fully aroused from all that foreplay.

8) Use oral sex to your advantage

This can work in two ways: he could bring you to orgasm through oral and manual stimulation first; or bring you almost to the point and then have sex once you’re already very aroused. It’s up to you two to decide what will work best.

9) Choose your sex positions wisely

Some sex positions might make your boyfriend come too quickly, and others could help him last a little, or hopefully much, longer.

The best positions are those with you on top, or sideways positions like spoons. The worst positions are missionary and from behind on all fours or stood up.

The idea is that he needs to keep relaxed, so any position which involves him tensing his stomach, groin, thighs and lower back won’t help.

10) Get him to masturbate before, or have sex more than once

Your boyfriend is more likely to last longer the second time round. So think of ways you can make that work to your advantage.

It might be that all you need to do is tell him subtly, or not so subtly, to tend to himself some time in the day before you have sex.

And don’t allow your sex session to end the second he ejaculates. Keep on enjoying each other in other ways, and when he’s ready to go again, hopefully it will be for longer this time.

11) Use lubricant

If your guy feels too much pressure on the head of his penis during penetration, it can make him come quicker. So if you’re not naturally well lubricated, get a good water-based lubricant to have at the ready.

And if he’s overly keen, and trying to get inside before you know you’re completely ready, tell him to slow down and work on your arousal a bit longer.

12) Remember to breathe

Breathing can play an important role. Remind him to slow down and take longer, deeper breaths if you hear him panting. On a wider note, try to help him keep relaxed during sex. If you feel him tensing up, relax him with some massaging movements or calming words.

13) Have sex more often

If you only have sex once or twice a week then the excitement is going to make it more difficult for him to control his ejaculation – especially if he doesn’t masturbate regularly.

Practice makes perfect, so even if you’re not always in the mood, getting in the habit of regular sex can stop him coming so fast.

14) Set the right pace

If you go straight into 5th gear from the start, your boyfriend might struggle to contain his arousal and excitement. So try to slow down, relax and enjoy a change in pace.

He may also find it helpful to sometimes stop doing such deep strokes, and just do smaller ones at the entrance to your vagina.

And if even that’s too much, he can withdraw completely and give you some oral while he recovers.

15) Work on any sexual performance anxiety

If your man feels anxious and stressed about pleasing you, both the physical and mental tension can affect his lasting time. If he feels less pressure, and that you’re happy and enjoying your sex life together, then it could help him last longer.

So even if he does climax early every time, making him feel that you still enjoy the physicality will help in the long run. If you think he struggles with anxiety, have a read of this longer article about sexual performance anxiety, and see if he’ll look at it too.

What to do if you haven’t told your partner it’s an issue

How severe is his premature ejaculation?

"there is a big difference between severe PE and lasting 5 minutes"When you say your boyfriend comes too quickly, it’s important to realize that there are different grades to the issue. Here are a few different scenarios:

  • He comes during foreplay, before you even start having penetrative sex.
  • He ejaculates very soon during sex, for example within a minute or two.
  • He lasts for a good few minutes – let’s say the average time of 5 minutes for a guy, but it’s not long enough for you to have an orgasm.
  • It’s a mix of all of the above at different times.

A modern definition of premature ejaculation is that he comes before either you or he want him to, regardless of how long the exact time is.

But there’s a big difference between a partner who always comes within a minute, and a partner who lasts 5 minutes or longer, but it’s still not long enough for you to reach orgasm.

The first is possibly a bigger problem, and may or may not be harder to deal with. The second you may be able to work on together relatively easily using behavioral techniques.

How do you tell your boyfriend he comes too quickly?

Complaining or making fun of him the next time your boyfriend orgasms too soon isn’t going to inspire him to take action.

But then neither is silence.

Only you really know your own relationship, your partner and yourself. There are no magic words which will fit every situation.

But one thing is for sure – talking to him about the problem is the key to instigating change.

The reasons why communication is important

First of all, let’s look at the reasons why communication is essential if you want your partner to last longer:

  • Most options for fixing the problem involve his agreement. If he doesn’t accept the situation and take some responsibility, the problem probably won’t go away on its own.
  • He may need to do some solo work to understand how his body works. Many techniques for developing control need him to take some time to himself to practice them.
  • There are some effective products which can help him last longer. But you can’t secretly attack his penis with a numbing spray; he needs to agree to use it.
  • Finally, anxiety can play a big role. And one of the best ways to reduce that is if your man feels he can communicate with you about sex. And that you’re working together as a team on the issue.

Picking the moment and having some ideas at the ready

talk to him about coming too quickly in a sensitive but honest wayIf you already have a good level of communication, things should be easier. If you never actually talk about sex, or intimacy, then now is the time to start, even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first.

Whatever the case, there may be no easy way of saying it that doesn’t hurt his feelings. But there are things you can do to limit his embarrassment:

  • Pick the right moment. Not just after another session where he comes too quickly, nor when either of you are stressed or busy. Find a moment when you’re both relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.
  • Have some ideas of what you can do to manage the problem. If you do decide to tell him outright that you want to do something to help him last longer, have some ideas at the ready. Don’t immediately flood him with them though. Wait and see if he’s willing to talk about it first.
  • Try to be constructive and talk in terms of seeing what you can do together to last longer. Don’t just tell him he has a problem and leave it at that.
  • Be honest about how you feel, but also tell him how much you love, like, fancy, respect or care for him. He may feel bad or relieved when you bring it up, but be sure to make him feel wanted.

It’s really up to you to work out how to talk to him, just remember to be non-critical. Try not to make him feel like a failure, and that you really enjoy being intimate with him.

It’s about making him feel wanted, and at the same time that you’re a team who can work together to have the best possible sex.


The most important point to take away from this article is that good communication is key. Only when you talk about it openly will the best techniques to help your boyfriend last longer become available.

The more of these techniques you put together, the better chance you’ll have of helping him last long enough to satisfy you.

Just to summarize then, these are the three main ideas for you to think about:

  • See if he’s willing to try a self-help guide.
  • Try out a delay spray.
  • Remember to put into practice all the practical foreplay and sex tips.

Your views

Do you have problems with your partner not lasting long enough? How have you tried to deal with it so far? Feel free to share your story below, and if you need some advice, we’ll try and help out.

156 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I will comment from a guys perspective and apologize for not reading all the posts. I’m a guy who can usually hold off and rotate positions to not finish. I did date one girl who I could not control it and would finish fast and could go about 3 rounds in 1 sitting. The feeling was that good and my consousness was so ashamed I wanted to keep going. there are some girls that feel like heaven and other that are just a lay. yes this was a raw incident, my girl understood, and even in time it was still short, she was magical, usually I’m fine and can control it, but there is that one you can loose it.

  • Hi,
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for just under a year. We’re both in our early 30s, and neither of us is inexperienced.
    A few issues in the bedroom:
    1. He’s never lasted more than 5 minutes with me. He seems to want to ‘get it over with’ as quickly as possible – and has even expressed frustration at me trying to delay his orgasm via oral – he got cranky when I backed off and refused to let me continue, instead allowing his erection to just go away rather than pursuing sex. I haven’t told him yet that I want it to go for longer than 2-5 minutes yet, but I’m at the point of broaching the topic soon because it’s so damn frustrating. I love him, I’m incredibly attracted to him, but our sex life just feels like a chore and it’s getting me down. *Once* I told him (I was emotional, hormonal, and it was bad timing) that I felt like he hated sex with me. He panicked and at first got upset, ‘Of course I like sex!’, and then tried his best to reassure me that he likes it with me. But still, the insistence on making it as quick as possible continues. He’s otherwise very verbally and physically affectionate and loving, with non-sexual physical intimacy something that has been there from the beginning. His defensiveness and frustration about sex tell me he’s anxious about it, but I’m not sure exactly why.

    2. That brings me to the second point: I believe my drive is much higher than his – with previous partners, we would go at at least daily, maybe 2 or 3 times on good days. With my current man, it’s twice a week at best, sometimes none at all. He’s never complained about it, and when I express interest or try to initiate when he’s ‘not in the mood’ (‘too tired’ is usually the excuse), he gets upset and says he feels pressured. A previous girlfriend of his berated him for having a low sex drive – I’ve always tried to be gentle about it, but I don’t know how else to fix that. We’ll be moving in together later this month – which could go one of three ways: we have sex more often, meaning he’ll get more ‘practice’ with me and be less likely to finish so quickly; we’ll keep having sex once a week, increasing my frustration, which will increase his anxiety, which will improve nothing; or I’ll just get used to taking care of myself most of the time, which I’m afraid will make him complacent. Nervous.

    3. Finally, once he does orgasm, that’s it for the day at least. We’ve never done it twice in a row – the one and only time we tried (about 3 hours later, he was able to get fully hard and initiated it), he said it was taking him too long to come (>10 minutes), and he got frustrated, lost his erection, and insisted we just go to sleep. I was of course happy to continue, but he just wasn’t having any of it.

    I want to know when the best time is to start one or all of these conversations: during foreplay? The ‘let’s slow down’ approach hasn’t worked, but I’m not sure how else to phrase it.
    During sex? If I notice him getting close, should I ask him to hold back (at risk of ‘putting him off’ and upsetting him – I’m less concerned about his reaction as I am about future anxiety)
    After sex? I doubt that would go down well. ‘So, next time…’
    At a completely different time, clothes-on, away from the bedroom?
    I’ve thought of telling him that ‘I need more time’ with him, but I’m worried that’ll come across as condescending. I don’t want to exacerbate his anxiety, but I still want to be satisfied in bed with him.

    A few things that might provide background:
    – his previous long-term girlfriend had vaginismus, and sex was excruciating for her, so I have a feeling that that’s when he ‘learned’ to be as quick as possible. He makes a point of foreplay, which usually gets me off first, but not always. Might also explain his apparent lack of desire to initiate.
    – foreplay is regular and satisfying, but pretty mechanical. Recently I’ve been trying more persistently to guide him, but it’s usually: kiss for a few minutes; grope boobs for one minute; hands down my pants, furiously stimulate me til I finish; grab condom. I like to mix it up, but the few times I’ve tried to change it up, he’s gotten self conscious and lost the mood. I don’t typically have trouble finishing, thank god.
    – he takes a considerable amount of time finishing via oral – the first time I did it, he said he couldn’t normally come that way. Interesting, but not sure how to use that to my advantage.
    – he suffers from pretty serious GAD – he admits to being anxious about almost literally everything in life (work, money, housing prices, international politics, traffic, the price of milk, EVERYTHING), but refuses to treat it. I am a psychology graduate so every time I try to bring it up as an issue that needs to be dealt with, he says he feels like I’m just overzealously ‘diagnosing’ him or being irrational, rather than expressing a genuine and legitimate concern about his wellbeing.
    – twice now he’s had episodes of ‘sexsomnia’ – like sleepwalking, but with sex. He sits up in the middle of the night, wakes me up, ravages me (once lasting a relatively long time), and wakes up halfway through or afterwards with no memory whatsoever of initiating sex. The first time, he got so upset thinking I ‘took advantage’ of him while he slept, when it was him who woke me up at 2am by passionately kissing me and taking off my clothes.
    — pretty sure the sleep sex is a sign that he’s holding back – I’m sure Freud would have a lot to say about this!

    In short – I love being with him. I’m incredibly attracted to him, physically, emotionally, intellectually. I adore the man, and plan to spend my life with him. He turns me on *so much*: and that’s the problem!

    I hope you can help, because it’s such a delicate topic to begin with, let alone the fact that he’s dealing with so much anxiety and has such a weird history with women that he’s clearly still carrying with him.

    Thanks so much,

    • Hi D
      Sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time connecting sexually with your partner. It must be frustrating loving him to much and having all this going on.
      To be honest, most of what you said sounds probably right to me. I’m guessing the lack of experience, or at least positive experience, is playing a big role, along with the past bad experience with the Ex and the anxiety in general.
      The good news is that in terms of lasting time, it could be much, much worse. I think there’s a good foundation to build on there. He just needs to tackle the anxiety, as you say, and be willing to open up to a conversation about what makes good sex.
      And that’s the key for me – I don’t think he really understands the importance of sex, and the importance of communicating properly about it. Maybe he’s never done that, or never felt like it was a constructive, enjoyable thing. And that might be your challenge – to somehow get him to see that it’s a time for you both to connect at another level, but with the same intimacy and love that you do at other levels.
      I think the best time won’t be just before or after sex, but at another time when you’re both feeling cozy, close and relaxed. If you tackle it when he’s in heightened anxiety mode – i.e. sex – it’s probably not going to work well. I think you need to help him take a step back and look at your sex life together. And ultimately be honest with him, but in a gentle way. As I said many times in comments here, I think the key is to get the guy thinking about in terms of teamwork, rather than criticizing and leaving him to try and work out what to do alone.
      It sounds like you’re a bright person with your feet on the ground. I’m sure if you keep plugging away at this, you’ll get there!
      Hope that helps!

    • Hey sounds like the guys not attracted to you. He doesn’t have sex very often and tries to get it over with. He has sex with you in his sleep because he’s dreaming your someone else. I’m a man who has done this.

  • Hi me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and we have a 5 month old. Last night we had sex and we went at it for awhile and then he ejaculaged. I didnt! He told me he likes that position (reverse cowgirl) I told him I didn’t get off and he said oh well me coming early could be good or bad. Good I’m assuming is good position, fully turned on, all the “good” factors. What would make it bad that he still ejaculates tho. It’s not a problem of lasting longer because mostly we have that down pat.

    • Hi Marissa
      I guess if it’s only a problem in that one position, then there isn’t really a problem, not anything bad! Perhaps save that position until you’re both ready to finish.

  • Hello Ethan

    Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now with no kids or distractions and are super happy. He works 40 hours a week and is 23 years old. The only issue is his timing. He used to last 30 min last year now it’s 10-15 min. We have sex twice a week. We both are very active so I assume he just doesn’t have the energy but I would rather know. After he cums within small amount of time he can’t get it back up. He apologizes then falls asleep. I never get angry at him because I know it’s out of his control and I love him so I never want him to feel hurt in any way. I love the tips you gave but I don’t know where to start because I can’t find the source of the issue. If you can lead me that would be great. Thanks!

    • Hi Shantell
      It’s really impossible for me to say what could be happening. My first thought is that it could just be a mix of differences in libido, satisfaction and a little bit of effort.
      Guys in the beginning, like girls too, will try hard to really have the best sex possible. But over time, we develop a way of knowing exactly what gets us there quickest, and stop worrying so much about having extra-long sex sessions. Usually subconscious, it just kind of happens in time.
      The good news is that 10-15 mins is very good length of time, and not an indicator of a problem with premature ejaculation. I imagine if he put his mind to it, he could last longer but controlling the positions, speed, stroke etc. So I guess you need to talk openly about how you feel. If you need 30 mins to finish, not 10-15 then it’s a problem I guess. In which case if he knows that, maybe he can work with you to spend that time again. But if you both finish, and you just want more because you like it, you’ll have to discuss the libido difference. He might just think that if you both orgasm, it’s ok to relax and fall asleep – as most people would to be honest!
      So, in short – communication and honesty is the first step. Then work out together where the balance lies between you both being satisifed.

  • Hello Ethan,
    Ive been havin the same issue with my boyfriend. He cums in almost a minute a minute and a half if im lucky! Isnt that like too little amount of time? Ive already talked to him about it. He keeps tellin me “you’re too hot I cant help it” and also i feel like he’s overthinkin and always worried that he isnt pleasing me so thats affecting even more. Ive read the article and it sounds really helpful but if theres anything else u can tell me it would be great! Thank you
    – Sarah

    • Hi Sarah
      It is quite a short time – mainly because you’re not happy. To be honest, I think the article has a huge amount of tips to try out! If you work your way through them, there’s a really good chance you’ll be able to improve the situation. It’s a pretty complete look at the main ways to deal with it.

  • I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years and I have NEVER climaxed during penetration and during oral it can take me 30mins. He ejaculates within 5 minutes (oral or otherwise) and sometimes can even have trouble getting hard so I’m not sure if using a delay spray would help. It has been this way since the beginning of our relationship and I love him so I didn’t care but I am left hanging often. And to add insult to injury he is not very well endowed. He can be average size hard on a good day but soft, his balls tend to be larger. Definitely a “show-er”. He has always struggled with weight and a really bad snoring problem and lately I think he realizes when I’m not satisfied after and constantly asks me if I came. I don’t lie. Should I ask him about seeing a doctor? And do you have any info on possible natural penis growth?

    • Hi Bblean
      So, let’s look at the two separate issues.

      1. I think if he has a small looking penis when soft, but it’s fine when erect, there’s no need to work on the growth. And to be honest, it’s not the easiest thing to achieve, and telling him it’s too small is going to be a serious psychological blow. Personally, I’d leave that emotional pandora’s box firmly closed.
      Having said that, if he has erection problems sometimes, he could try things that will improve the erection strength, and that in itself will increase the size naturally. Again though, you’d need to tackle that one very sensitively! You might be better off trying to encourage him to exercise and eat healthier, both things which can improve erection strength.

      2. In terms of lasting, well the good news is that 5 mins isn’t too bad. It’s average and so not an indicator of a serious problem. Even though you might not be happy still, my point is that it should be easier to extend that time. Easier than for a guy who comes in seconds for example. You might find that by working with him to put into action all the tips in the article, things improve easily. If not, then you could try the things that require some more effort, like a delay spray or techniques like the start and stop.

      So, to sum up, this is what would happen in the ideal world – as I see it:

      1. healthier lifestyle to improve erection issue.

      2. try the techniques in the article. Speak to him about this (sensitively) and work on them together.

      3. if they don’t help, try a spray if he gets on top of the erection issue. If not, work on the start and stop together during sex.

      Hope that helps

  • Hello. I am 30 years old today. Ever since becoming sexually active in my early teens I have been known to last a long time during sex and sometimes too long, ita been a burden and a blessing at times that I last too long to the point after my girl orgasm so many times soaking the bed sheets. it’s sometime right to just give up, she gets sore and dried out. and she and I lose interest . Sometimes due to maybe alcohol consumption is high, Masturbation that particular day, or just wanting the satisfaction on pleasing my partner over and over sometime s keeps me.going
    . I Never been able to orgasm using condoms ever and always went raw dog, and thats probably why I am having multiple children. love my kids and always take full responsibility for it as a good.father
    Children are never a.miatake, but maybe the partners I end up with it’s a mixed bag of good and bad that Now I have found for the first time in life. I can barely.last 5-10 minutes even with a condom on. so now I can work on not being the father of our country
    Ans Its Great for me, as it is not as much work for her or I to get me off. No more pouring sweat. but not as much for her as I used to had went to nearly a hour man to minutes man now. I’ve been practicing the ropes technique and prolonging orgasm for nearly a hour even with masturbations events to have a very powerful and sometimes multiple orgasms for years

    I have the same Masturbation schedule for the most part and watching porn, alcohol, the same. I have Been with the same girl for some time now. So increase in being turned on seems like not a possibility and I think she may losing a bit of faith in my abilities as of late
    . Is this permanent or something temporary
    I just became much for sensitive lately. I only thing different is I just started sythroid for hypothyroidism and recently got laid off my job. Could any of the reasons mentioned be the cause? Or Any idea why? Just Getting older? Any one with any feedback be appreciated.

    • Hi Ghammy
      Thanks for sharing your interesting story. To be honest, I don’t know why you suddenly had this total change in your lasting time. It’s not always easy to work out. It’s possible it’s connected to your medication, but only a doctor would be able to tell you that. I don’t know much about sythroid , but just looking at the list of possible side effects gives the impression that it can have various physiological effects.
      Sorry I can’t help more!

  • If your guy blows his load super fast, then you guys need to focus on your orgasm first. I’m a guy that shoots pretty quick, b/c I get worked up. When I get horny it’s like I’m the Hulk; I just get super-aggressive and can blow my load pretty fast (like 3-5 minutes of intercourse). However, I’m dominant, and I like submissive women that like to get worked over. What I do is use all of my sexual frustration to spank, pull hair, bark orders, and just man-handle my woman. The girls I’ve been with, spanking, dirty talk, and hair-pulling is our idea of foreplay. None of this slow kissing stuff. I make them bend over, spank them, put them into no-win situations that they struggle against… basically trigger all their “submissive victim” buttons that get them wet. When she’s worked up, I’ll work her pussy over. The trick is knowing how to work a pussy well w/o using your dick. Every guy thinks just shoving his dick in will magically make a girl have an O. Some get lucky. Others know what they’re doing. If you know what you’re doing, then you can make her O each and every time. Put your two middle fingers in her from the front and pull out from her to hit her g-spot. (eg: if she was laying on the bed, you’d insert your fingers and pull upwards, like you’re trying to lift her off the bed, not upwards like you’re trying to slide her up the bed). Then press back down, then up again… and build up a rhythm and pace. Eventually you’ll hit a pace that’s up-down about 4-5 times a second, and the immense pressure constantly hitting and releasing on her g-spot will make her blow in a bit. Then you work her clit over. The clit is like a penis; the sensitivity on it can change each time you have sex. Sometimes it’s the base that needs to be rubbed, other times the tip. Sometimes a circular motion works, other times a back-n-forth. You figure out what’s doing it for her and KEEP DOING THAT. Most guys will find some motion that’s working for the girl, then think “oh, yeah, she’s really into this… I’ll do THIS now and she’ll think I’m a sex god!” NO. Whatever you’re doing to get her squirming… keep doing that. Women tend to get off with steady, reliable movements they can grind against. The fastest way to frustrate a woman is to have a good motion going then just change it on her. If she’s grinding and getting close to a clitoral O, keep up the motion and let her get into the groove. If you’re with a woman that can multiple O, then you work her clit and g-spot over back-n-forth until she’s orgasmed out. THEN you bend her over or spread her and ride her to blow a huge load into her and seal the deal. If she’s had enough orgasms to leave her a mess on the bed, then she won’t care if you last 3 minutes. In fact, she’ll welcome it, b/c she’ll be too spent to have drawn-out sex. Now, if she’s the type that absolutely wants to have 30 minutes of sex using your penis to get her off… sorry. Either find another woman or go find an ED doctor that will give you drugs. What we term “ED” was an evolutionary development in some cultures where guys would get off quickly, and do so multiple times in one evening to try to ensure pregnancy. Guys that blow quickly usually get it up a bit quicker, and usually can blow 3-4 times a night. It’s just women feel that once a guy blows his load he’s done. Or she goes “omg, you blew so fast… party’s over”. No. Party’s not over. You switch to manual or oral, then come back to blow another load when you get up again. Sex is about pleasuring each other. If you blow your load in 5 minutes, and only focus on your own orgasm first, you’ll be seen as the worst lover ever. If you focus on her orgasm(s) first, then take 3 minutes to shoot a load in her after she’s spent, you’ll be seen as an amazing lover. It’s a matter of getting her off first.

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your very entertaining, and in many ways accurate, advice. I think many women who read this article (remember it was written for women, not men!) might benefit from printing your comment and showing it to their fella – assuming they like the submissive stuff!

  • So my boyfriend comes within a minute or two, and to top it off he has bo sex drive, and I have never been able to orgasm by any guy at all, only by myself. Any advice is helpful but really want I want to ask, because i dont know what its called and i cant find it anywhere on google- after he cums initially, it can take him an hour or longer for other liquids to finish coming out of his penis, he has to wrap a paper towl around it and change it out two or a few times. Its never much after he actually cums, but enough that he cant just throw his boxers back on like any other guy. Any idea what this is called or any information on it at all? Ive scoured google and found nothing

    • Hi Sigh
      That can happen to some guys. It’s usually just fluid which wasn’t properly ejaculated. He can try “milking” his penis to get it all out after sex rather than waiting for nature to takes its course. It could also be that his body is continuing to produce fluids, even though he ejaculated. He could speak to a urologist if milking doesn’t seem to make it stop.
      I’m also wondering – if you say his sex drive is low, does that mean you don’t have sex often? If so, it could be that he just has a big build up from the lack of sex, so when he ejaculates it continues coming out for some time – especially if he naturally produces a large amount anyway, which some guys just do.

  • My husband and I have never had orgasm. We have been together for 7 years but not stimulated in sex. He mostly cums after 2 minutes and rarely makes less than 10mins. I had a boyfriend before him with whom I could last for over 30mins sex and orgasm so I feel wasted in my libido. I have tried to tell him to improve see a doc or drop some habits like drinking alcohol. I have reached a point where I don’t even want to have sex and am wondering if the marriage will last. We already have 3 kids and currently expecting a fourth. His case I term it as selfish coz when dating he could take his time. Am even wondering if he has been seeing someone else bcoz even after staying for a week without sex his ejaculate load is so little like someone who has sex daily. What next now I so much need good sex like the one I used to have while in college over 10 years ago. I still miss the game then.

    • Hi Macylina
      Sorry to hear you have an issue with your sex life. Unfortunately, I think as time goes by many guys do stop trying so hard to please their partner, and get used to a routine which is hard to step back from. I think maybe the best thing is to keep talking to him about how you feel. It’s not going to magically resolve without his consent to try different things, or willingness to explore other techniques. Do try the techniques in the article, as many of them can help a lot. And see if he’s willing to try out a delay spray for example. Some times they work wonders, others not. But it’s worth trying. At the end of the day though, you need to calmly and nicely let him know that it’s a serious issue for you and you want to work on it with him.

    • I’ve shot small loads after masturbation and large ones. I think it’s the whole work up to it. but short or not if you get it I’m happy and will finish you one way or another

  • I have an absolutely amazing sex life with my boyfriend, so to not ever let the lust and hot passion fade, what are some different and out of the ordinary sex techniques I can do with my boyfriend to keep things fresh, alive and steamy? I don’t want our passion to ever fade away with time by always doing the same thing. I have to admit him cumming in my anal is soooo HOT for both of us! But what else can we try?!!!

    • Hi Hules
      To be honest, this isn’t really the best place to ask that question! This article is more about problems with lasting time. However, there are loads of kinky things you can try – I’d suggest having an honest chat about your fantasies. You never know what you might come up as something you’d both be willing to try!

  • my boy friend comes really quickly, and once I was just hurting and I felt bad and I reacted a bit bad and told him he is selfish and these things, and hurt his confidence, but we talked about it and he felt better. but I know deep down I hurt him and i want to know how should I make it up to him or what should I do? do I have to say or do any thing special in words, or during the sex?
    I red the article and it was really good and I’m gonna use it and tell him too.
    but beside these thing .. can you help me plz

    • Hi Y
      Tricky question. Is it still a problem? If so, maybe the best thing you could do is just to have an honest, but calm and non-critical conversation with him – a fine balance to get right! He might appreciate it if you’re honest, but in a nice way. There are lots of things you can do together to make him last longer. But if he thinks it’s not really a massive problem, maybe he won’t do anything about it. And that then means you might say something harsh to him again in the future. So to me, the best thing would be honesty.

    • Hi Toni
      It could be for various different reasons. Have a go at the techniques in the article and see if they help.

  • I’m not necessarily that into sex, but my boyfriend and I have it everytime we see each other, sometimes multiple times. He finishes pretty quickly and he makes jokes about it, but it’s obvious that it bothers him quite a bit. And furthermore, he has never made me finish and it’s really hurting his self confidence. I don’t care if I finish or not and I don’t care how log he lasts because sex isn’t my main concern, but I don’t like how upset he gets about it. What should I say or do to make him understand that he’s doing a fine job and that the sex is perfect the way it is?

    • Hi CS
      That’s a very good question. To be honest, I’ve had exactly the same problem before, and as a guy it’s really hard to get the idea of our heads. Kind of impossible in fact, if you’re the kind of guy that cares about the partner’s pleasure. It’s like a symbol of sexual success that we make you orgasm, and something we just want to be able to give you and share with you. And perhaps a bit of worry that if we don’t do it, you’ll find someone who does.
      My opinion would be that you’ll have more luck making him feel better if you actively work with him to find ways to get you there rather than tell him it doesn’t matter. He probably just won’t ever believe it doesn’t matter.
      So you can keep telling him the sex is awesome – that will definitely help. But also agree to work together to try different things. Maybe manual or oral stimulation. Point him in the direction of things that push your buttons. Even if you’re not that into sex, I think it’s a good thing to try and get into it, both for his sake and the sake of your relationship. And who knows, with some experimentation, maybe you’ll find something that really does work and you’ll find you get into it more.

  • My girl friend has got to the point where she says she’s fed up of me coming too quickly and doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse again or even be kissed on the lips. I respect her but sometimes wish I cd correct my PE. I’m taking citalopram every day and have been over a period but with little success. Can you help?

    • Hi Frederick,

      I am shocked about your story! My honest first reaction as I read it was “go find yourself a girlfriend who will kiss you out of love, instead out of promise of performance. I mean come on, you should not have to deal with this kind of stress and rejection!

      My boyfriend also comes super quickly and of course it’s a pity for me. But for me it is not nearly as bad as for him! It is hurtful and shameful to him, although I know that he just can’t help it. To me it is nothing of those things. I always tell him that he has a fine mouth and very skilled hands and he always gets me to finish one way or the other. l

      Coming to soon should not be so big a drama that it should cost you all intimacy or your self esteem. Just take a (long) break from trying, don’t numb yourself with sprays or anything, your feelings are fine as they are, period.
      Take a break, take back your self worth and your self esteem and ask your girlfriend how you can get her up there in another way. And make sure that SHE takes responsibility for her own pleasure and tell you straight up how she likes it.
      A little last tip: buy her a shower with multiple massage settings. Practice TOGETHER in how to let her come with that. Let her come several times in a row and should she like the following: never take out your tongue out of her throat until you have her begging you not to make her come again. She will discover that there is more to you than just your orgasm… And so will you!!!

      I wish you pleasure and self confidence,
      Marian (Holland)

  • Hi there,

    I greatly enjoyed reading your article and reading all the comments and your constructive criticism.

    My problem is not only the early ejaculation but also the dissatisfaction. Don’t get me wrong, my bf and I are still very aroused by each other when we are together, but when we actually have sex the foreplay lasts as long as I want to, he’s nice about that, but it doesn’t really work me up to the level so I can orgasm then or when penetration happens. Then during penetration my bf lasts a bit over 5 mins, sometimes less… It’s just not satisfying for me… Also he seems to need time to recover (usually at least an hour), which is annoying cuz I’m ready to go again and again but he’s not, so I have to ‘turn myself off’… I try to touch him again so he’ll become aroused by I’m afraid he’ll just get mad or something, after he’s told me not to touch him right after… I know he wants to make me cum while we are having intercourse but he just can’t/doesn’t. I love him to bits but he just doesn’t make me orgasm in bed. What the heck. He’s my first serious bf and I haven’t been intimate with anyone else to know what I like/makes me cum, so I can’t really give him pointers. Please any advice. Thanks

    • Hi Carolay
      Thanks for your comment, and it’s good to hear you found the article and comments useful. It sounds to me then like perhaps you both need to go on a bit of an honest and open journey of mutual discovery – without trying to sound too esoteric! If he wants to please you, and presumably is up for trying new things, and you haven’t found what work best yet, then I think you need to have a talk about it and try new stuff – without getting annoyed or stressed if it doesn’t work out. Sometimes it can take ages for a new couple of really connect sexually and work out what works best. Without wanting to brag, and I say this to give an example, I’ve had many sexual partners and think I know what I’m doing. Yet sometimes someone comes along who just mystifies me in bed and it takes a while to work out what makes them tick. Sometimes they tell me they just need oral sex to come. But then it’s up to me to experiment over days, weeks or longer to find the exact ingredients for giving them an orgasm through oral. Some women just don’t orgasm so easily, so it could be that you need to be patient and give both of you time to work out what works best. I’d also say if he’s having trouble lasting longer than 5 mins, have a look at this article about dealing with a boyfriend who comes too quickly. And finally, there’s not a lot he can do about the rest period, and there’s no point getting annoyed about it. That’s just a fact of life and biology I’m afraid! An hour isn’t too bad really – some guys take hours or a whole day! But maybe that’s a time when you can encourage him to spend more time practicing manual or oral. It doesn’t have to be a linear foreplay-oral-sex-orgasm-stop and sleep. It’s good to change back and forth between each element.
      Hope that helps!

      • Hi Ethan,
        My partner and I have been together for 4 years now and we have encountered the issue of him ejaculating too quickly for the past year now. I am always understanding of the situation and recently expressed to him that sometimes it is upsetting for me when he cums too fast. Prior to saying it I ensured to tell him please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not trying to emasculate you and I’m happy with the sex we have most times. He proceeded to become very upset and withdrawn and I feel awful. I never wanted to make him feel that way but at the same time I need to communicate how I feel as a partner. He’ll hardly talk to me and it’s rather upsetting. What do I do here? Did I go about it in the wrong way?

        • Hi Amina
          Sorry to hear you’re having communication problems because of this. To be honest, it’s such a difficult topic to address, there’s not much point in worrying whether you did it the wrong way or not. He’s probably just very sensitive about it. It sounds like you’ve been understanding and non-critical, and that’s fine. I’d give him a bit of time to calm down if he’s feeling upset about it, then try and talk to him about it again. At the end of the day, there’s so much you can both do about it, it’s not fair that you’re suffering just because he’s not willing to face up to the problem. But I would say talk to him about the options you’d like to try to see if they work. It’s good to have constructive ideas. Maybe just pick one or two to start with, such as a delay spray, and plant the seed in his mind.

  • Hi Ethan,

    My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 months and we’re happy and all. Whenever we had sex during the previous months it was always exciting, passionate, and satisying. I would come and feel relaxed afterward and he would then please himself with me after he made me orgasm. But lately…I don’t know. This is the fourth time he hasn’t made me orgasm and it’s frustrating for both of us.

    He tries new tactics that excites me but once he enters me and does his thing for a few minutes, I’d feel that clenching, blissful feeling and then he’d come too early and I’d experience this emptiness and then I’d get frustrated and down. Believe me, I tried fantasizing while doing the deed and it used to work but now it doesn’t really happen.

    We talked about this and I am usually very honest, frank even, but nowhere near critisizing or insulting as to lower his self-esteem.

    I love him so much and I am willing to talk to him about it again and see what we can do about this situation. But if you have any more helpful advice, I am open to suggestions.

    I hope you reply soon!

    Thanks in advance,

    • Hi Liz
      Thanks for your comment. My initial thought is not to panic just yet – sometimes people do go through periods of not having orgasms so easily. However, it might also be that he’s more relaxed with you now, and so is subconsciously putting less effort into lasting longer. Either that or you’ve both just found a way to have sex that’s so good, he’s struggling to last!
      I think it’s great you’re talking about it – now all you need to do is try out all the ideas I’ve mentioned. If you work together, you should hopefully find they make a difference. And I’d also suggest trying to find a way to relax yourself and take the pressure off! If you both worry about orgasm being the must have final result, it puts a lot of pressure on you both. So perhaps change the goal, and just set out to enjoy your time together, through lots of foreplay, manual and oral sex as well as penetration.
      I hope that helps

  • Hi Ethan,

    When I was a university student in the 80’s, I was having sex very often,often twice daily or more. I could get an erection any time for as long as I wanted . Despite the regular exposure (pardon the pun ) I always tended to cum too quickly the first time .
    The missionary position was out of the question and girl on top worked well . The longer I lasted the longer I could last,however once that inevitable feeling came I would never last long.
    If I could keep going for at least 10 minutes I could then go for ages and take full control.
    It seemed that the longer you oud thrust without cumming, the less sensitive my penis became and the thicker it became. I could then change to any position and ejaculate when I felt like it.

    If foreplay went on too long or envolved too much petting or touching, I would often cum prior to insertion or as soon as I made contact with the vulva. If I had the right partner, this didn’t matter as she would just use my semen as a lubricant and rub me up to a new erection and then I could go for ages. We both found this highly erotic.
    On the other hand, if my partner became disappointed or angry or rolled over, then that was it..
    I was lucky enough to come across a girl in final year who just seemed to understand how men work.
    On our first sexual experience we drove to a remote beach in a small Subaru having completed a brief petting session outside a party.
    By the time we got to the beach we undressed I was ready to cum, then she said I,ll pull you off first so you dontcum too quickly and the we can get down to business.
    With all the worry about cumming to soon lifted Igot the best hand job of my life. When I came, I confidently blew a huge load all over my self knowing that this was OK and expected. We lay together for 10 minutes and the I became erect again. She worked me up into a full hard on with my own semen often stopping to taste it. And then we mad love for hours cumming several times each
    My partner now some 30 yrs later is difficult and awkward in the bedroom. Fore play is awkward and prolonged. After a while I begin to feel anxious or unwanted.she does not like any finger work or breast enrol meet no matter how gentle I am. She hates oral sex but is happy to receive it. Because we rarely have sex, I cum quickly when we do due to sheer lust and desperation.
    she then becomes annoyed and makes some sarcastic comment and goes to sleep. I have explained how it works but she’s not happy to do the hand job followed by the long session .

    My points here are

    Don’t spend too long on foreplay or hell cum too soon. Men find long foreplay frustrating as to put it bluntly or crudely they have a built in drive to empty their balls into your vagina. This is an extremely strong desire and it gets stronger every minute.
    Pull or blow him off first and then get into it, you’ll love the difference, he’ll be in full control
    If he goes to sleep after the hand job just rub him up with his semen and get it hapenning. He’ll love it.
    If you’re only having sex occasionally then don’t expect him to last very long as it’s all about regular penis in vagina experience. Just like tennis if you don’t practice a lot your game goes off.
    Men tend to last longer when masturbating because they are in control of the situation and all the parameters.
    The thing that makes me come too quickly seems to be the warmth of the vagina and the anxiety of underperforming.
    Often it’s just been too long since the last time and I,m simply desperate.
    When I think of the best sex I’ve ever had, I still only think of the girl in final year.


    • Hi Jon
      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your very personal story. I think you totally hit the nail on the head with your advice for women who read this article and have issues with their guy. Though not all men enjoy having their semen rubbed into their penis…
      But the rest of the comment I completely agree with. I think it’s a great tactic to let the guy blow off steam so to speak and then go again.
      In your case, knowing that’s what happens, can you not find a way to do it yourself before you have sex? Maybe a quick 5 mins in the bathroom before the usual time you would have sex?

  • Hi there
    I have been enjoying reading this page as I am in need of some advice. I have been dating this guy for almost two months and he has not yet made me climax. He gets aroused very easily to the point he won’t let me touch his penis in case he cums. Foreplay could use some work, his fingernails are long and have caused me to bleed a couple of times and he is very rough with fingering. I have had a few bruises on my breasts from him squeezing too tight. I have spoken to him about these problems and he is trying to be more gentle. When he cums he makes no sound or tells me when he’s done it so throughout the whole process I’m wondering if he’s enjoying it or if he’s cum and I’m holding him up. In past relationships I have been able to cum on one night stands and cum at the same time as the other person, it’s great…I’ve never had a problem with someone who’s been premature at ejaculating. I have done heaps of online research as to what we could do, I’m just a bit shy in talking to him about it in case I offend him. I’m really starting to like this guy and we are both already hoping that things will work out and we will end up a couple. Sex is really important to me and id hate to just go along with it if things didn’t improve. If you were in this situation, how would you tackle the problem?

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. It sounds to me like he’s a bit inexperienced to be honest. Most guys should know that fingernails need to be kept trim, fingering done in a way that pleasures, not hurts, and if bruises appear and you’re not expressively into rough sex, he should recognise and stop causing you damage. Perhaps also the silence is a sign of inexperience and lack of confidence in expression in the bedroom. And if the premature ejaculation is a problem too, it could be, though not necessarily another sign of inexperience.
      If you think I’m right, then I would take the lead more. Guide him, educate him and tell him what works or not – as you seem to have started doing with the pain issues. Help him relax and open up to you and things you suggest. Then little by little you can guide him towards doing things that will help his lasting time, such as the right choice of positions, keeping the sex slow and calm at least at first, giving you long amounts of foreplay to balance the arousal levels etc. Then perhaps if that doesn’t help, in the future you can talk to him about trying other techniques out that would require him to accept it as a problem.
      So that’s my advice – go subtle to start with. And if you think that won’t help, you’ll at some point just have to tell him you want to try some things to last longer – just tell him in the nicest possible “let’s work together on it kind of way.
      Hope that helps

  • Hi! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and we started having sex a little while ago. The problem is that he cums in under a min even though he might say otherwise. It’s really frustrating because I want to know how sex really feels when it goes on for a while and every time we talk about having sex over the weekend, I get so excited just to end up not getting anything out of it. I’m very confused because he lasts a good while when he or myself jerks him off, but when it’s penetration time, he cums super fast. I have talked to him about it and he seemed to just get upset. I really just want to know why he lasts a good while with masturbation and not with penetration. Thanks!

    • Hi Shannan
      Thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear you’ve been having this issue with your boyfriend. To answer your question, it’s because guys spend years masturbating and are used to the sensation. But the pleasure, both physical and emotional, from sex is a thousand times more intense! And then you can throw in all the evolutionary arguments too in that it makes sense to ejaculate faster!
      Guys do find this an embarrassing problem, and he probably gets upset because he feels bad about it and internally really wishes he could satisfy you. So that embarrassment, low self-esteem and fear of losing you will often come out as anger, resentment or a range of negative emotions.
      My advice, as always, is to talk again but in the nicest possible way, and present solutions that you can try together. I’d also suggest some things like not masturbating him before sex – have the foreplay centered on you, not him. Maybe use a condom if you don’t already. Keep the positions in the ones that keep him relaxed, like you on top and spoons.
      But really, the problem will only improve if he’s willing to work with you on it. Try to get him into a spirit of team work and exploration together of things you can do. Don’t make it out as a massive depressing problem, but a challenge to be enjoyed and overcome together!
      Best of luck

  • hi
    i been with my partner for 5 month now foreplay always been good with him but he still comes within minutes after penetration and he knows it bother him but he seem to make excuses up but he cant go again iv talking to him but than he get upset telling me i think his no good iv tried spicing thing up as i have a very high sex drive and very open but he wont try anything new please help bc i do love him but im not satisfied in bed
    thank u

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear you’re having issues with your partner and that he’s having trouble accepting the problem. It’s very normal for guys to be very defensive about this, and to react angrily. Normally the anger is just hiding their embarrassment, shame or feeling of helplessness to do make things better. It’s a really tough thing for a guy to accept and decide to change.
      Perhaps the way you talk to him could play a role. It needs to be done in a very tactful, loving and non-critical way. And if you have some ideas to make things better, then even better. Men are practical minded, so if you actually give him some ideas of solutions, it might be better as he will at least have the ideas in his head.
      Otherwise, there are some things you can do to help him out a bit. For example, try to avoid him being on top or from behind. If you spend more time on top, or in spoons position for example, it can help keep him calm. Also, go slower and even stop for a while with him inside and just hold each other. And change position more often. Things like this can all help to keep his arousal levels in control. But really, these are just secondary ideas – at the end of the day it’s not going to get better until he takes action. Try talking to him about real solutions, like trying a delay spray or condom for example. If he’s willing to do that, then perhaps he’ll also be willing to try the natural techniques – which is ultimately what will really make a serious difference.
      Above all, remember that you deserve a good sex life. Try talking to him again as nicely as possible. But eventually, you’ll have to tell him that you’re not happy with it and you want to try some of these solutions! Otherwise you’re just going to feel worse over time.
      Best of luck

  • My husband and I have been married five years and together for six. When we first started having sex I noticed he came very soon. Sometimes before he even really actually penetrates. At first this did not seem like a big deal to me. We do enjoy foreplay, we have used toys, oral (but that doesn’t really do it for me), and of course clitoral stimulation so that I orgasm before actual intercourse. However, this method is getting boring after years of the same thing. I have tried to spice things up to get myself more into the mood, but that leaves my husband in an even worse position and the problem is even worse, It has escalated to the point where I just no longer want to have sex. I feel it is always a disappointment. He refuses to go to a doctor and I have even begged him to masturbate in the shower hoping that relieves some of the issue, but he only does this a couple times a week, always citing an excuse. He cannot have sex more than one time in a night claiming he needs recovery time of at least 24 hours. I am at a loss of what to do. Do you have any suggestions that I haven’t tried? In reading your article, I have never heard of the delay sprays before, but I do not think I understand how that works? If it numbs his member and then we have intercourse won’t the numbing rub off on me leaving me numb as well?

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear things have gotten to is point for you. As with many previous readers, it’s a shame but understandable when it gets to the point where you no longer want to have sex. There probably are lots of things you haven’t tried, but the reality is that he needs to be willing to try them himself. As for delay sprays, he would need to apply it, then wash off any residue. Some of them are more absorbant for others which is why they say some can be worn without a condom, whereas others maybe using a condom as well is a good idea to make sure it doesn’t transfer. But the better ones, like promescent, shouldn’t transfer to you.
      The 24 hour thing could be true – some guys just don’t have such a high libido, which is obviously also a problem if you have a higher libido. So perhaps even more care needs to be taken to extend his arousal levels before its all over for him and he doesn’t want more sex.
      If he’s willing to try, then the natural techniques to understand his arousal levels and gain control alongside a desensitizing spray would be a good way forwards. But of he’s mot willing to learn about those techniques, then you could at least get a spray and present it to him with a simple choice to try it out.
      Finally, I would also suggest being honest about how you feel to him. You deserve a good sex life, or at the very least an attempt to make it better. So be upfront in the most non-critical but honest way as possible.
      All the best

  • Hi! My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now and just started regularly having sex about a year ago. I’ve told him before that I enjoy what he does, but honestly I’ve never orgasmed at all with him. It’s not that we don’t do foreplay- we do, but it just doesn’t feel like enough. I get close, but it’s never enough, and either I think he’s too tired so I fake it or he actually does get too tired and just stops. When it comes to actual penetrative sex, he doesn’t last very long at all. He tries to keep going for me- he usually ends up cumming multiple times until he’s too exhausted to do anything more, when I’m still turned on and ready to go. It’s very frustrating, and I don’t know how to tell him. I somewhat brought up the foreplay problem before we ever even tried penetrative sex, but that conversation didn’t accomplish much. As far as the intercourse problem goes, I’m wondering if it’s because I work out daily and he never does, so I have more “endurance” than him? These problems are driving me crazy, so please let me know if you have any advice.

    • Hi Emaline
      Thanks for your comment. Sorrry to hear you’re having these problems. I think you probably need to have another conversation with him about the foreplay, and perhaps show him the way by taking control of your sex life and not allowing penetrative sex until the foreplay has gone on long enough. But perhaps there are also things which you just aren’t doing together which will get you there? Do you kmow exactly what works for you based on previous partners? If so, then tell him and give him some pointers. Most guys, even if they won’t admit it, would like some directions to help satisfy their partner. Amd if you don’t know, then my opinion is that faking orgasms isn’t going to encourage him to try and improve things. He will just be thinking he’s doing great. So perhaps ease off on the frequency of those and see if it gets him thinking about what he can do better. In terms of endurance, well that could have some impact. But really, if you need lots of time to orgasm and he comes quickly, then there is a big difference of arousal levels going on. So he does need to spend more time on foreplay and get better at it. Maybe if you give him some fun suggestions, like some light tying and teasing or roleplay, if you’re into that, he might get into it more and spend more time on it.
      Hope that gives you some ideas.

  • Hi not sure if you still answer these but I am at lost with what to do, my boyfriend and I have been together nearly 8 years we used to be at it all the time, lately maybe once a month if that, I’ve got a high lilbido but he doesn’t, but when we do have sex he cums in about 2 minutes before I’ve even got started its stressed me out so much that I’ve ended up crying afterwards to him as sex is very important to me, I know it bothers him to but I don’t know what else to do, I always think I’m making him feel bad when I mention it but I’m at a lost end with it, I just feel Unsatisfied and wasted.

    • Hi there
      Thanks for your comment, and yes I never close the comments to any posts!
      Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you have two separate issues going on, though the second may be in part due to the first. Did he used to come quickly when you had sex regularly? For many guys, infrequent sex makes it virtually impossible to last longer. So my feeling is that it’s the libido that needs work, then later you can decide whether premature ejaculation is still also an issue.
      I guess thing to do is have a good conversation, but at a neutral time, not just after sex and while emotional. He needs to know it’s a serious issue, but also that things can be done. My advice would be to google libido and maybe testosterone boosting techniques and present him with some ideas if he’s receptive when you tell him you want to get things back on track. Amd maybe you both need to throw in some spice. 8 years is a long time, and sex lives can get stale. So maybe you both need to find ways to get him interested again.
      Hope that helps a bit!

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