The start and stop method is one of the better techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation. The real beauty of the method is that it can be practiced alone, with your partner or even both.
It can be particularly useful if you’re single and want to work on your stamina before you next meet someone. And if you have a willing partner, it’s a great technique to practice together from time to time, as you’ll see later in the article.
Equally, if you’re not into the idea of practicing such clinical techniques with your partner, you can continue having a natural sex life, but practice the start and stop technique in your own time.
How does it work?
The method involves working out where your point of no return is (when ejaculation is almost inevitable) and stopping before you reach it. The idea being that you develop a better sense of your body’s arousal levels and learn to keep yourself from getting too close to orgasm.
As you’ll see in the steps below you can repeatedly get close to the point, then stop and rest for a while before continuing. Eventually you should find that it takes you longer to reach that point.
The second goal is to develop a better understanding of your arousal levels. So if you get too aroused during sex you can do something about it. That’s when you can call upon other techniques like kegels.
Part 1: solo practice
1. To start with don’t use any extras like lubricant or pornography. Take a minute to relax, then you can masturbate normally using just your hand.
2. When you feel that you’re getting close to climax, stop masturbating. There’s no need to panic and stop too soon before ejaculating, but there’s also no need to push it right to the last second.
3. Rest for about 30 seconds before continuing. You may need to rest for a minute if you pushed yourself too close to the point of no return. While resting try to relax your body. If your thighs or abdomen are tense, try to relax them. Take some slow and deep breaths.
4. Continue to masturbate as before. You should ideally repeat this several times before eventually allowing yourself to climax in a natural way. It’s important that you still get to enjoy the sensation of orgasm.
5. Eventually you should notice that the period of time between getting an erection and hitting the point of no return gets longer. Realistically, it can take a few weeks to start seeing large improvements – stick with it though!
6. After you feel that you’re making some small improvements, you can add one more element: either lubricant or pornography. Only add one to begin with though. You may find at first that you go backwards, and this is nothing to worry about. You will gradually improve again.
If you feel like climaxing as soon as you start up again
When doing the start and stop method, you may find you feel like ejaculating as soon as you start up again after a rest. This may be for one of two reasons:
- You’re not resting for long enough. 30 seconds is ideal, but you may need a minute for your arousal to drop.
- You may be pushing yourself too close to the point of no return. In which case your semen has already started its journey and you won’t be able to control it. In future learn to stop a little earlier until you can rest for 30 seconds before continuing.
Next you can add a realistic vagina to make the technique even more effective. Using one will really help close the large gap between masturbation and sex.
It’s particularly useful if you’ve been single for a while, as the first few times you have sex after a period of being single can be overwhelming. So being better prepared can help ensure your hard work doesn’t fall apart when it comes to the real thing.
If you don’t have one already, you might find it helpful to check out my fleshlight stamina training Unit review.
How long you should aim to last for
The goal is to keep practicing the technique until you can last 15-20 minutes before you first feel the need to ejaculate. This may seem like an unreasonable goal at the moment, but it is possible with practice.
Please note that the time of 15-20 minutes isn’t suggested because this is how long you need to be able to last for a woman to have an orgasm, or even enjoy sex with you. It’s suggested because the time you last for during masturbation and intercourse is likely to be significantly different.
So being able to last for 15-20 minutes on your own is a good length of time to ensure that you can last for at least the average time couples have intercourse for (which is around 5 to 6 minutes). You can eventually work towards an even longer time if you like; the choice is yours and there’s no hard and fast rule about this.
Part 2: the start and stop method with a partner
If you have a partner who’s willing to work with you, then practicing the start and stop method with them is a great way to learn self-control.
And of course this is what you’re ultimately aiming for – improving how long you last with your partner. You may find that practicing alone still slowly improves your actual sex life, but practicing ‘on the job’ is even better.
1. If you’re extremely sensitive, you can start by simply having your partner give you a massage. After that, you can ask them to gently touch parts of your body which are sensitive, but not your groin.
So they can stroke your stomach, your thighs, your side or anywhere that you find sensitive and erogenous. You can kiss or hug as well if you can tolerate the touching without getting too aroused.
2. Ask your partner to masturbate you using just their hand. If you’re not able to control your ejaculation doing this, then this is the level you need to practice at for now until you can tolerate it better.
In the same way as you can do this alone, ask them to stop before you reach the point of no return. Practice the start and stop method with them for 15-20 minutes before allowing yourself to enjoy an orgasm.
3. When you’re able to cope with the excitement of your partner masturbating you for long enough, you can move on to oral sex. If your partner is willing to do this regularly, then it bridges the gap well between using a hand and actual sex.
Unless they really love giving you oral, it may be more realistic to start with their hand, then move on to oral for just a few minutes.
4. When you’re able to stay calm enough to not ejaculate during 15-20 minutes of your partner manually stimulating you and giving you oral sex, then it’s time to move on to the real thing. You may still find the jump is too much, in which case you can build up slowly by just caressing their vagina with your penis before penetration.
5. Initially you can remain motionless once you enter the vagina, not moving for 2-3 minutes until you’re able to cope with the sensation. When you’re able to cope, then it’s time to start the whole process again while having sex. Continue with the start and stop technique until you can last for the length of time you want to during sex.
If you find you need to stop too many times to reach 15 to 20 minutes, either alone or with a partner, you can change the way you approach it. Instead of stopping 20 times in 20 minutes, only do the process 5 times.
Even if that only means 5 minutes training, eventually it will get better. This can prevent both boredom and frustration with the technique.
Once you’re actually having sex and practicing the start and stop method, it’s really up to you to decide how long you’d like to be able to last for. Some people may think 20 minutes is necessary because that’s how long on average it takes their partner to reach climax.
Some people may be happy with 5-7 minutes because they’re able, through foreplay and oral sex, to bring their partner to climax long before 20 minutes. There’s no universal rule about how long you need to last for when doing the start and stop method. It’s your joint decision as to the kind of time that leaves you both feeling satisfied.
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If you’re interested in trying more natural techniques you might find it helpful to check out my reviews of some popular premature ejaculation guides.
And many readers have said they found the article about how I dealt with premature ejaculation a helpful read.