Can’t Get An Erection The First Time With A New Partner?

photo of a drooping flower to suggest a drooping erection

Do you have problems getting an erection when you’re with a new partner? And no matter how much you’re attracted to them, it just doesn’t spring to life?

This started happening to me a couple of years ago (when I first wrote this article), and it proved to be a very frustrating and embarrassing problem.

What happens

Every time I got with a new partner, I couldn’t get an erection the first time we tried to have sex.

Everything always seems to go fine at first. Usually, I take someone on a couple of dates at least before we end up back at my place or hers.

I feel mentally and physically aroused as the passion builds , but then I just can’t get a full erection. I can get a partial erection – sometimes even 75% – but not enough to have sex.

I don’t feel like I’m particularly stressed or anxious to start with. But then when this happens, I definitely do get stressed.

Fortunately, the saving grace is that if we spend the night together, I’m absolutely fine in the morning. And while that’s good to know, I’d prefer it if the first night was as passionate as we both hoped.

My first coping mechanism

I soon developed a coping mechanism to deal with the inevitable awkward moment when she realizes it’s not going on. I accepted that it might happen, and decided the best thing to do is to talk about it openly in advance.

By ‘in advance’ I don’t mean over cocktails though. I find a moment during foreplay to bring it up, rather than leave it as a mystery and pretend I’m as surprised as she is.

Taking responsibility for it

I realized it was important to take responsibility for the issue: if I don’t, then she might. And that’s unfair to her.

I spoke to two partners about it, who both admitted in virtually the same words that they assumed they just didn’t turn me on. And even when I told them it always happens, I could tell they were still doubtful.

It’s not exactly ideal to tell someone about all the times it’s happened though. No woman wants to hear about your previous partners on your first night.

But you still somehow need to convince her it’s just a ‘thing’ that happens, and it will pass. It’s a tricky one.

What caused it?

I used to have a serious problem with premature ejaculation. So I first wondered if by learning to last longer through relaxation, I’d gone the other way and become too relaxed.

But I think the real explanation lies in anxiety, and probably in relation to my body. I had testicular cancer several years ago (I’m 7 years all clear now!) and it’s ever since then that I’ve had these erection problems.

The treatment I had left me with some physical, and emotional, scars. And although women tell me that scars are sexy, I think they usually mean from motorbike accidents.

So I think deep down I’m still anxious about their reaction.

Add to that the fact that I’ve had to deal with premature ejaculation for years, I think it’s natural to have developed an anxiety problem.

Even though I don’t feel anxious on the surface, I do know I’m a born worrier, and that I’ve just learned to mask my anxiety with a well-trained sense of confidence.

First attempts at dealing with it

For me, a key step was to work on my anxiety. And that involved a combination of learning to accept my body now, worrying less about ‘performing’ on the night, and communicating better.

If you’re reading this and have similar issues, my advice to you is this: talk about it openly and with confidence. Take responsibility for it, but in a positive, upbeat ‘shit happens’ kind of way. And don’t let her get all self-doubting and think it’s her fault.

After that, a bit of internal self-work might be needed, either alone or with some professional help.

Anxiety may or may not be the root cause. But either way, I think it’s important to say the right things – both to yourself and your partner.

1 year later: a potential solution

I spent a lot of time thinking about this issue. It helped to read the many comments below from readers with a similar problem. I listened to their stories and theories and tried to come up with a solution.

And finally, a year later, I had some success. I managed to get an erection the first night with the last 2 women I slept with, and also pretty much when I wanted to.

The secret – I thought – was to boost my testosterone levels so much that it balanced out the anxiety, nerves or whatever else is going on psychologically.

Basically, I did a lot of research into erectile dysfunction and discovered a common suggestion is that it’s sometimes due to low testosterone levels. So I duly decided to do everything within my power to boost it.

Here’s what I did:

  • Stopped smoking.
  • Started doing lots of work on my legs in the gym, particularly dead-lifts and similar exercises for the thighs, which apparently help with testosterone production.
  • Stopped drinking protein shakes (apparently they can lower testosterone!)
  • Worked hard to improve my sleep pattern and get a regular 8 hours.
  • Started on a testosterone boosting diet.
  • Started taking L-Arginine supplements.

Within 2 weeks I noticed that even during self-pleasure I was getting harder erections, particularly on the days I really focused on my legs in the gym.

Other than the gym work, I thought I noticed an effect from the L-Arginine supplements.

I’d read some research that found L-Arginine can help with erectile dysfunction because it boosts blood circulation to the penis (more recent medical advice suggests it may not be so effective though).

I also think my serious health and fitness regime helped increase my blood circulation and on a psychological front my confidence. So it looks like I hit the problem from a few different angles.

Trying Viagra in 2016

Since the last update, I had the same problem again. I think perhaps it was because I totally fell for someone, and I really wanted to things to go well, resulting in the old anxiety resurfacing.

So I decided to give Viagra a go, and it was very effective. I won’t be using it on an ongoing basis, as I’d like to try to manage the problem naturally, and it gave me headaches. However, it was interesting to try and a good confidence boost.

If it’s something you’re also interested in, you might find my Viagra review helpful.

2017 update

Since the last time I wrote, I didn’t try Viagra again. However, I did a lot of research into the issue of erectile dysfunction.

Interestingly, I experimented this year with not watching any porn for a month. And I’m sure it had a positive effect on how easily I get turned on in the presence of women. So it might be worth a try if you have a similar issue.

I also put a lot of thought into the annoying issue of condoms making your erection soft.

2018 update

This continued to be an issue for me from time to time. I now think it’s a blood flow problem, combined with initial nerves sometimes.

I tested a range of different treatments in 2018, and all the ones that are supposed to work by increasing blood flow did the trick for me.

That includes both brand drugs like Viagra, generic sildenafil and herbal remedies that affect your circulation.

This might also explain why stopping smoking and losing some weight while getting much fitter helped – not just because it boosted testosterone.

A penis pump helps

I also tested a penis vacuum pump, and that worked very well. But it’s not my first choice when I’m with a new partner – I think it’s more acceptable with an established partner.

So for me, my current way of dealing with it is to work on the psychological points, continue being healthy in general, and have a backup pill at the ready.

2019 update

I’ve been with a stable partner for a while now. So I don’t know if this original problem would still exist for me – nor do I want to find out!

But I thought it would help to share that I don’t have a serious problem with erectile dysfunction currently. Sure, I have good days and bad days where hardness is concerned. But on the whole, it doesn’t affect my relationship enough to be a major issue.

So if you’re worried about the future because of a similar problem to me, stay positive!

Your views

If you also experience this issue, what do you find helps or makes it worse? Feel free to share your story below.

327 thoughts on “Can’t Get An Erection The First Time With A New Partner?”

  1. Johnson Tarok

    It has been helpfull, however its my first time of experiencing such a thing… Till date she kept telling me that i didn’t find her attractive that’s why… I simply told her, that i was over joyed and so suprize that she had love me the way she did….nothing is wrong with me physically, am a ladies guy…but that fatefull day…!
    It has never happen and now am even scared of trying it with another woman… I felt dissapointed that i couldn’t look her in the eyes again.

    1. Hi Johnson
      I totally understand, as I’m sure do many other guys. I think it’s important not to allow yourself to miss the opportunity to be with someone because of a bad start. Many people have a difficult beginning to their sexual relationship. The key is to be confident about it, telling her you know it will get better, and to satisfy each other in other ways until you do relax enough to have sex. Don’t be scared to be with someone else!
      Ethan

  2. Not sure if this thread is still going but I’ll give it a try. Every time I try to get with a woman my penis lets me down. I’m not sure if its performance anxiety or what but I’m never able to maintain erection if I’m able to achieve one at all. Stopped watching porn with no success and I’ve done pretty much everything people say you’re supposed to do online like the test boosters and hitting legs more at the gym. Help if you can!

    1. Hi Bill
      Yes, the comments here are still open!
      Sorry to head you’ve had this problem too. Have you tried everything I listed in the article? Does the problem only happen at the beginning when you’re with some, or does it continue happening?
      Ethan

  3. Say you need a pee, go to the bathroom and have a pull. Back to bed and pump away! Once it’s hard your laughing. Worked for me.

    1. Hi there
      Not a bad suggestion! So I guess you go in soft, then suddenly re-appear with an erection? She’ll probably be wondering what you were doing in there to get so aroused, but hey, hopefully she’d soon forget about it…
      Ethan

  4. I can’t ejaculate when I masturbate. im 36 neither have I ever had sex, for moral and religious purpose. I’m worried. I do have good erection.

    1. Hi Sam
      You may, though not necessarily, have what’s called anejaculation. If you look it up online, you’ll find information about it on medical websites. But equally, it could be that you’ve never found anything which really turns you on enough.
      Ethan

  5. I had this problem a few days ago… Naturally she assumed she was in unattractive .. Note this a girl I’ve had feelings for . For more than 6 years we just never had the chance parent problems kept separating us and now we can finally enjoy personal time like no other but when it all came down easier said than done. This girl is beautiful not sexy straight gorgeous this a girl I would do anything in the world for not a one night stand but it just won’t work.. Doubt I’ve only had one shot but I’m feeling it’s bound to happen again is there a solution I’m extremely attracted to this woman but it’s more than likely my anxiety . Even though no anxiety is felt . I’m sure it has to do with the effect that I’m not just getting horny because of looks I’m attracted to this girl in every way possible any comments.?

    1. Hi Shane
      Sorry to hear that! I can completely understand. The good thing is that you think it won’t be your only shot. My advice would be to try and take all the pressure off the situation. Don’t set yourself up with sex as the goal and getting an erection the measure of success with this girl. Try and get into the frame of mind that you’re just going to take it real easy, enjoy each others company, spend loads of time on foreplay and other stuff you enjoy, and if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it’s no big deal. There’s always the next morning or the next day. Tell her she’s beautiful and sexy, and that you’re just nervous. Ask her to just relax and enjoy time together and that it will definitely happen once you’re gotten used to being with her and the anxiety and excitement reduce.
      Failing that, try out all the ideas in the article I recommend – you never know if it will work for you too!
      Best of luck
      Ethan

  6. Hey ethan im 18 and having this problem as well. It sucks. I keep getting these opportunities with girls and i go soft half way through.

    1. Hi Bob
      Thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear that! Have a go at some of the tips I talk about in the article and see if they help you. Do you find it gets better in time as well, or does it happen even if you see the girl again?
      Ethan

  7. Great article! I’ve got the same damn problem every time I get with a new girl. It sucks ass big time. I’m going to try your ideas though – more gym work sounds good to me;-)

  8. This is a really useful article, thanks for sharing your tips. Im going to try them out and see if they help me too because its embarrassing not getting it up!

    1. Hi Jay
      Thanks for your compliment – I’m glad you found it useful. I hope you have some success with the tips!
      Ethan

  9. I’m 27 years old. Recently a very strange thing happened to me. I was dating a girl for a couple of months. However, when we found ourselves in a bed for the first time , I couldn’t erect at all after 15 minutes hug and kiss. Since that was weird for both of us, she tried to surprise me after that to check and see if that’s a serious problem or not. However, it failed every time. That’s super weird for me because I’ve never had this issue before, and even at the meantime when I dated this girl I could have full erection whenever I played myself. I have no explanation about why this only happens when I need erection in front of her!!
    Tonight I broke up with her because of mentioned problem. I loved this girl for more than 3 years and never liked anyone else as much as her before. I’m still confused why All these happened?!?!

    1. Hi Arash
      Thanks for your comment. I’m very sorry to hear you had the problem to the point where you broke up. That’s a real shame. Did she end it because of this, or was it your decisions?
      To be honest, you may never really find out exactly why it happened with her. However, I suspect anxiety may have played a role if you loved her for so long and then finally got together. It also sounds like maybe she or both of you put some pressure on to perform, with the whole surprising thing.
      I’d recommend having a go at the things I mention, as this might help prevent it next time with some luck. But also, having read the article, hopefully you’ll be more likely to relax if it happens again and give yourself time to get used to the new partner.
      Maybe you can try and get back together with this girl, give it more time and allow the anxiety to disappear – however long that takes. If you both really like each other, it’s worth trying.
      Regards
      Ethan

  10. Norman H

    Hi Ethan,

    I have recently married my long-time girlfriend and we never had sex when were dating. So our first time was the night after we got married. We spent the night with foreplay and oral sex, but never penetration.
    The morning after (after breakfast), we had sex for the first time. I was able to please her with oral and penetration until I came. Skip a couple of hours and we did it again. All was well then.

    Later that night however, when we wanted to do it again, I was unable to keep my erection. She tried giving me oral but I was hard for a bit before going limp again while trying to penetrate.

    To sum it off, I was having no trouble for the first time, but problem arises during the second time. What could be the cause of that?

    1. Hi Norman
      Thanks for your comment. There could be various explanations for what happened to you really. Maybe you have a longer refractory period, so that night you just didn’t feel horny enough to have sex. Perhaps you were physically tired, or even emotionally after the wedding and all the emotion and stress that brings about. I think there’s no need to worry just yet – give it a few more days and I reckon things will improve. It may also be that your libido has a limit of a couple of times a day, which is totally normal. Sometimes even if we want to have sex, our bodies just don’t really feel the need!
      Regards
      Ethan

  11. Anonymous

    I’m 29 years young and pleasing a woman is not only something I enjoy but I am very talented in this area (even if I don’t ejaculate as long as the female was satisfied I’m satisfied). Just recently with my last two partners I could not perform on the first night, very disappointing and embarrassing. I have an anxiety problem and I think that may be a major role and that plus age is starting to take a toll maybe? I workout constantly and in shape.

    The first time this problem occurred was with a girl who I was extremely attracted to but no matter what I did I could not get hard. Sometimes when I needed a bit of a boost for an erection, going down on a girl was an immediate fix but not recently… Anyways I stayed the night with the female and in the morning I showered and mentally mind screwed myself in the shower. I got out and went straight to her and started the foreplay. Not long after I had a full erection and pleased this female, I was proud after and never had a problem since with the female. My next partner came along and once again I could not get an erection and felt very awkward. I just thought I’d share this and will try this article’s suggestions because this is something I pride myself on, without this I feel like just ordinary joe shmo…

    1. Hi there
      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your story. I think it sounds very similar to what I and many other readers have experienced. Just like me, you had trouble in the night but then were fine the next morning. This is why I advise guys to try and stay the night with someone if they have the same problem, as the nerves are often much less the next morning. And perhaps if tiredness or low testosterone was playing a role in the night, it may be better the next day.
      I hope the suggestions help – let me know in the future if you have a moment to come back. I’d love to know if you think I’m right about boosting the testosterone.
      Regards
      Ethan

  12. I am dating a guy for month and a half already. We are both 23 years old. We are very attracted by each other, and every time when we are kissing and hugging , we both are becoming very horny. So, tonight we’ve tried to have sex for first time, at the beginning was very nice, we got horny, and then when we got naked he just lost erection. We tried , we waited but nothing happen. He was saying that he doesn’t know what is the issue, and I just said not to worry and we will try again next time. But this is happening for first time to me, none of my ex boyfriends had an issue like that, so I don’t know how to react, or maybe he is not enough attracted by me?

    1. Hi Sandra
      I very much doubt it’s because he’s not attracted to you. It’s very likely he has the same problem as me and all the other guys that have left comments here – anxiety and stress at being with someone the first time.
      The best thing you can do is to be relaxed about it yourself. Even if it happens again the next time, don’t look disappointed or tell him you think he’s not attracted to you. That will just give him more pressure. The best thing is to not even worry about having sex – just enjoy being naked together, have fun in other ways and then sleep together if it’s possible. At some point he will probably relax and be able to have sex. So stick with him if you like him – this problem almost always goes away after a couple of days.
      Regards
      Ethan

  13. I have been dating this girl for almost 3 months, we are both virgins(both 18 years old), so we decided, why not, let’s take our relationship to the next level(we are both very much attracted to each other). The first time we tried, we did like half an hour of foreplay, and at one point i was feeling very horny, had a good erection. I thought that was the good moment to do it, but by the time i put the condom on, my penis just went numb. We tried the second time, same result. I talked to her, made it very clear that the problem is with me, don’t know why i have this problem. We decided to try again in like 1-2 weeks, time in which i plan to reduce the cigarettes i smoke, and work out more than just the usual training(I play waterpolo btw so workout is not a problem). What can i do to fix this?

    1. Hi Bob
      Sorry to hear you had the dreaded limp penis condom experience. Loads of guys have this problem when they put a condom on – in my experience it helps if I stand up or kneel on the bed and ask the woman to put it on. The increased blood flow downwards helps keep the penis erect, and her touching me keeps the excitement there.
      If you have a similar problem to me and the many guys here, you may find that the next time together you’re totally fine as the initial nerves are out of the way. If not, I’d suggest trying again as soon as possible. Maybe even sleep together that night and try in the middle of the night or the next morning.
      I’d also suggest taking away the pressure of sex. Try to remember that sex isn’t just about penetration. Spend time on foreplay, manual and give her some amazing oral sex (check out this great article about oral sex if need some ideas). That way you can keep her happy if there is an erection issue.
      Otherwise I think your plan is good – keep fit and healthy. And try not to stress about it – easier said than done, I know.
      Hope that helps
      Ethan.

  14. Hi everyone, i also have the same problem whereby i have to sleep one night with every new girl before i can have sex with her, how ever i sometimes cheat the problem by taking bang bang strongman pill,and it works within minutes, the suprise is that the problem doesn’t happen when i’m with my long term partner.so i guess its a matter of being confortable first.

    1. Hi Travis
      Yes, sometimes a pill can help if it’s one designed for erection problems or just a generic male enhancement pill. And that’s exactly the problem so many guys have said in these comments – it’s only a problem the first night!
      Ethan

  15. Okay i am 16 once i met a girl i was still virgin a spent a couple of time with her and when she were ready we had sex and i had the best erection ever many cz it was my first time. I did it with her again and it was even better.
    After 4 months without having sex a met a girl i kissed her twice and after 3 days she asked me for sex i said yes but we didnt make a long foreplay and my litte friend couldnt have an erection. I did have an erection after 20 min of trying but it was so embarresing but i didnt feel comfortable with this girl.
    I tried ti make sex again and this time was different i had a quicker erection but not a full one i was really scared
    We had a foreplay and i felt ready that day but we were in school so i lost the chance lol? I dont smoke and i wourkout a lot i dont use proteins too
    Any idea or its just that i need to know her better and try more foreplays

    1. Hi Brian
      It sounds to me like you answered the question perfectly at the end. For many guys the anxiety is a major issue, so getting to know her better will probably help a lot. And yes, it seems that more foreplay will be a good idea. All women love foreplay anyway, so that’s something you should get into the habit of doing.
      Ethan

    2. reason why u didn’t get it us because u were not in a relaxed enviroment, u were in school

  16. So I’ve been seeing someone for a while now who I can only describe as perfect in every way, if our lives were different we would be very happy together, however we can only make the best of what time we can spend together and that’s not always in bed but that is where my problem lies. We have slept together numerous times and when we do it’s wonderful but increasingly common now is for me to get so worked up at the thought of being intimate that I struggle to perform. She is without a doubt the loveliest girl I’ve ever been with, we’re very close friends as well as very much attracted to each other and I want nothing more than to be intimate with her but it’s almost like my body and by association my manhood goes beserk and it all goes wrong. Things start out ok but it’s almost like the moment leading up to intercourse my heart starts racing to the point I can feel it over everything else and my mini-me gives up. It’s honestly devastating when it happens as I want her so much, I don’t know if it’s adrenaline spoiling things or me over thinking things (which I know can act as part of the ongoing problem) but I would love some advice on how to chill out, short of medicating myself up to the eyeballs. I’m convinced it’s a mental thing as I’m in my late 30s and in good shape, don’t smoke and rarely drink and for the most part don’t have problems achieving an erection, it’s just when it comes to the aforementioned intimate moments with her that I’m struggling, she is very good about the whole thing when it does go wrong but then we are really close so I would expect that. I’m sure there’s a solution, just don’t know where to start

    1. Hi Mark
      I think you’re probably on the right lines in terms of getting stressed and worked up and/or over-excited. I would suggest a few things:
      1. Focus on keeping calm – doing deep, slow breathing can be really helpful. It’s also easier to stay calm if you lie on your back, as your muscles will be less tense, which in turn can help lower your heart and breathing, which then helps you keep calm. So perhaps if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, lie on your back, relax and focus on your breathing while you continue being intimate with her.
      2. It might sound a bit un-medical, but perhaps having an alcoholic drink or two will help settle your nerves. This works for me!
      3. Take the pressure off performing. Set out to just spend loads of time on foreplay, and don’t even consider trying to have sex until the moment arrives when you’re totally turned on, which may just happen randomly in the foreplay. So if you focus all your energies on her – with massage, kissing, manual, oral, whatever kinky stuff you may like, it helps take the pressure off you. Then when you do feel calm, it will probably just happen at some point.
      Those are just some thoughts that spring to mind!
      Ethan

  17. Max Brand

    Hi. I’m in my mid-50’s and this happened to me quite a few times several years ago. What resolved the problem was taking a Levitra pill the first time we were going to have sex. After that, I didn’t need the medication and everything seemed to work fine. Now, I am having trouble the first few times because the medication didn’t work as well. I’ve found that I need a deeper emotional connection now for me to get an erection. That’s why I have recently only gotten romantically involved with women I’ve somehow know for awhile via social activities and clubs in which we share a common interest. While that has worked, I’m certainly limiting my pool of women. So how do I get physically comfortable with a woman to have sex when we haven’t know each other socially for at least a couple of months or more?

    1. Hi Max
      I can totally understand that! And I think it’s a really good question. I guess maybe you could craft that emotional connection before having sex. And that would mean more dates before getting intimate. And perhaps when you do get intimate, spend as much time on the build-up as possible, with things like massage, shared bath or shower, extended foreplay or whatever you like to do. Maybe that will help!
      Ethan

  18. Hey, I’m a very sexually open, highly sexed and kinky woman and I just started dating this older guy. I’m in my early 20’s and he’s 10 years older!

    I’ve fallen for this guy (despite having barriers up) very hard and he’s perfect to me in every way like you wouldn’t believe!
    Anyway, I went to go and screw him after the 3rd date (it felt like he didn’t want to in some ways he kept saying he needed to know someone better, I was thinking what the hell?! Every guy I’ve dated -who’s interested enough to date me-has been happy at the thought of sex!) so anyway we massage each other then went to hugging then he said I can’t resist the idea of wanting to screw you so we had lots of foreplay (his erection was up and down) I was surprised he had a small penis but wasn’t that bothered and didn’t say anything (never had a small penis but I can imagine it would be ok if he was hard and kinky) anyway … Went to have sex and it kept going flat … Went to have sex in the morning and he came right inside me after like 30 seconds … Is that normal for an older guy? He said he isn’t body confident and just got out of a big relationship and he said he’s intimidated because I seem sexually advanced, if I give him more chances and continue my encouraging no judgemental words will it improve with time? Or is this going to be my sex life with this man? I got so frustrated but held my thoughts in because he’s so gorgeous and I just wanted him so bad!!!!

    1. Hi Sally
      I just read your comment to my girlfriend who’s sat by the side of me helping out with advice for these comments, and she and I both agree what to say:-)
      Sex is very often not that great at the start, for so many reasons. It almost always gets better in time, so you need to be patient, don’t make him feel bad (definitely no judgmental words) and give him time to get used to you. It seems like he needs to feel relaxed in your company, which will help with both the erection strength and the time he lasts for.
      It’s a very common double problem you’ve experienced with him: if he can’t get an erection at first, so you spend ages on foreplay, when he eventually does get an erection he comes quickly because of all that stimulation, both physical and mental, leading up to it.
      So if you really like him that much, stick with him and give him time to adjust to being with someone as horny as you!
      Ethan

  19. Kürşat Çoruhlu

    I’m the same way, have always been. And it’s not just once with me. I need to spend 3-4 intimate nights with a woman until i can get a full erection. I just figured after a while, this is how i am. I need some time to get comfortable with a woman.
    I told all of them about this between the “heated kiss” and “should we go to the bedroom” moments, they seemed to understand and enjoyed being the only focus point of those 3-4 nights.
    And i always wondered if there were other people with penises that has the same problem. :)
    Now i read this and thought about it, maybe you’re right, maybe it doesn’t have to be that way.
    I’m 26, a heavy smoker, really out of shape and i never work out.
    And if there is one reason to stop smoking, this is definitly it.
    I know what i’m doing in bed and it’s kind of dissapointing to wait all that time before i can get an erection. Not very impressing.
    Thanks for sharing this, i’ll try to stop smoking and get moving. Let’s see if the getting comfortable time shortens.

    1. Hi Kürşat

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think it’s great that you’re accepted it as part of who you are and are able to deal with it honestly. It says a lot that you manage to get the woman to stick around and wait and see what happens when you really get going. I also think you raise an interesting point about how you can turn it round and make her the focus point until sex does happen. That’s a nice idea I haven’t really talked about in the article.
      It’s also great that you’ve taken the decision to see if you can improve it. What a fantastic reason to quit smoking no? I have to confess I sometimes still have the occasional cigarette with a beer or glass of wine, but nothing like I used to in the past. And I’m still having a better time getting erections that I used to. So I do recommend giving it a go.
      It would be really awesome if you could come back in the future and let me and other guys know if your plan helped or not. What an inspiration to others it would be to have both me as the writer and a reader say the same thing:-)
      Best of luck
      Ethan

  20. Anonymous

    Same thing happend to me last night beautiful woman turned me on all night but when I came time to go my little buddy was struggling to sTay awake lol but I was married for 8 years and this was the first woman I have tried to sleep with for a long time and I never had problems with my wife I think it’s a matter of getting comfortable with your new partner I told the girl I would make it up to her and she was fine with it I’m 27. Must be a pretty normal issue

    1. Hi there
      Thanks for your comment. Yes, it happens to a lot of guys. In fact, since having the problem myself, I’ve asked several women if they find it happens to many guys on their first night, and the answer is always yes, they’ve met several guys who it happened to. I think you seem to have a good attitude towards it – don’t stress and reassure your partner that it will be fine in time.
      Regards
      Ethan

    2. I had been with my girl for about the same amount of years with a short break up in between and the girl I slept with in between the break up I had issues getting it up like my body was numb but after the 3rd try it just hit me and I was like Ok let’s go lol. Well now im single again since April of this year and I just slept with a girl always wanted for a while now and her body is perfect in every way and I couldn’t get hard but I must mention I do have a uretal stent in my ureter due to kidney stones so I can only hope that that’s the true issue and not any other reason which I told her I couldn’t get hard due to that stent

      1. Hi Ryan
        Thanks for your comment. I’m not really sure if it’s a known cause of erection problems. But hopefully after a day or two more you’ll get back into the swing of things again as before.
        Ethan

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