How To Give A Woman Oral Sex – Advice From A Woman For Men

Have you mastered the sometimes mysterious art of oral sex? Or maybe you haven’t had the chance to try yet?

Most women love oral (myself included), so getting it right is one of the keys to a great sex life.

Oral sex is an essential part of great foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. It also takes the pressure off you to last forever during the main event.

So in this article, I’m going to teach you how to figure out exactly what she likes, and how to give a woman the best oral sex she’s ever had.

Everyone is different

image of a woman lying on a bed

One of the most important things to remember here is that all women are different. What works for one might not work for another, and what worked last night might not work tonight.

Where does that leave you? With a lot of experimenting to do (but at least it’ll be fun!).

Read tips, try different things, mix things up as much as you can until you’ve built up a few great techniques that you can switch between.

You’re looking for feedback here. Listen and pay attention, and if what you’re doing isn’t getting the right sighs and moans, move on to something else.

Don’t skip or rush oral sex

A lot of guys either skip over the oral altogether or do it only for a few minutes. This is a big mistake (and in my opinion quite selfish). A good lover shows his partner that her pleasure is important to him.

Giving oral also helps raise her arousal level to meet your own, and ensures that she enjoys your encounter as much as you do.

How long do you need to go for? That depends on the girl. Until she orgasms would be good, but she might ask you to stop before then. At least until she’s nice and lubricated and turned on though.

Start out slowly

image of a man seducing a woman slowly

A classic mistake with oral is that you just dive in with your tongue flicking away at lightning speed.

This isn’t going to get you anywhere (and can be uncomfortable for the girl involved).

You need to start out slowly. In fact, start out by steering clear of her vagina. Kiss her lips, neck, breasts, the inside of her thighs. Make her wait for the real action.

When you do finally get down there, avoid the clitoris for a while, licking around it rather than touching it.

Again, when you get to the clitoris, start slowly. Tickle it with your tongue and only slowly start to add more pressure to your movements.

You want to tease to please. This will do much more to turn her on than just getting straight down to business.

Get creative with your tongue

diagram showing the vagina anatomy

The flat surface on top of your tongue is soft and flexible, whilst the tip is harder and can exert more pressure. You want to use the full part of your tongue at first, maybe moving to the tip later.

Keep your tongue flat and soft, and lick up from the bottom of the labia to the clitoris at the beginning. If she likes that, you can move on.

Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm, slow at first then building up.

The clitoris is sensitive at the beginning, so going straight at it hard and fast with the tip of your tongue is likely to turn her off.

Vary your movements

It pays to be observant. Start your tongue action, and see what kind of movement elicits moans of pleasure, then stick to that one for a while.

The classic trick here is to try spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. When you find a letter, or part of a letter, that makes her moan, that’s the movement you should keep doing.

You need to keep that rhythm going, but start to gradually speed up and press harder as she moans louder. Remember, gradually means over the course of several minutes, not seconds.

And don’t neglect the rest of her genitals, it’s not all about the clitoris. Many women have a sensitive patch just to one side of the clitoris, for example. Lick there and see what reaction you get.

Get comfortable

If you’re doing this well, you’re likely to be doing it for quite a while, so it’s important to get comfortable.

There are two issues here. The first is neck ache, which can be handled by switching position.

Having her sit on a couch or the side of the bed with you between her legs can work. Alternatively, try putting a pillow under her butt to raise the area slightly.

Secondly, there’s tongue ache. If your tongue starts to get tired, gently suck her clitoris or kiss around the vaginal area instead. After a couple of seconds, you can go back to licking.

Use your hands

If you’re in the right position, you can simultaneously caress her body with your hands while your tongue is busy.

The breasts, inner thighs, and backs of the knees are all erogenous zones, so stroking them will make her feel great.

You can also use her hands to spread her labia, giving you better access. Try pushing up the hood of the clitoris to reach the more sensitive part with your tongue (this is a technique for later, not right at the beginning).

Alternatively, you can penetrate her with your fingers. If you’re going the penetration route, there are a couple of options. Insert one or two fingers and make a ‘come here’ motion to try and stimulate her G-spot.

Or let your fingers linger and stroke around her entrance to take advantage of the massive amount of nerves there. Both are good, and a combination is even better.

Don’t insert any fingers until she’s well lubricated and turned on though.

Experiment with different positions

number 69 written in sparks to suggest the oral sex position

There are loads of positions that work for oral. From lying down to sitting up, 69, or even sideways (resting your head on her inner thigh helps deal with neck ache).

Try lots of positions and find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Don’t get into a routine, or things will get boring.

Having said that, try not to switch positions if you’re already going down on her and she’s enjoying it.

If you do, you’ll ruin her concentration and make it more difficult for her to reach orgasm.

Find what works and don’t stop

I’m repeating myself here, but this is important: pay attention to her feedback. It’s tough to stop halfway to ask her if she’s having fun, so listen out for those moans and sighs.

When you get the signals that she’s turned on and getting close to orgasm, keep doing what you’re doing.

So look out for heavy breathing, moaning, an increase in her lubrication, grinding or pulsing, and possibly gripping your hair or the bedclothes tightly.

Don’t stop, don’t change anything, just keep going. When she says “yes” she means “keep doing that and don’t stop.” Trust me on this.

Leave your experimenting and playing around for the beginning. Once you reach the point where she’s seriously turned on, any kind of variation (position, movement) will only interrupt her concentration.

You might have neck ache, but just power on through it. Just like I do when I’m giving you oral sex and you’re close to orgasm. Consider it a small sacrifice.

The bottom line

The key to repeatedly giving a woman amazing oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next.

You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. And you need to pay attention to her oral feedback (even if she’s not using words).

Once you reach the point where she’s obviously seriously enjoying things, don’t stop and don’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’re doing until she reaches orgasm.

More ideas

If you’d like to find out about even more ways to give your partner amazing oral sex, I highly recommend reading ‘Lick by Lick’, written by the respected sex expert Michael Webb.

He explores the finer details of what really makes great oral sex, and gives you lots of great ideas and techniques to try.

Check out the Lick by Lick oral sex guide >>



+ Add Comment
  1. Hi Karen
    I loved this article – thank you for the tips. What do you think about humming or blowing air while giving oral sex? My partner kind of likes it, but I don’t know how to balance doing that with focusing on the actual licking bit. Any advice much appreciated!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Scott
      I’m glad you liked the tips. I think both of those techniques can be fun in their place. Perhaps more at the start and middle than the end of the oral session. I quite like alternating between blowing gentle warm air with the mouth wider open and then blowing cooler air with a faster jet with the mouth more closed. And humming can feel amazing, but best done if there’s music otherwise it can sound a bit silly and she might just laugh at it. Experiment away though, as some women will like these, and some won’t.

  2. I think my lady is going to be happy I read this article! I reckon I’m guilty of rushing it too much, but after this I guess some changes are in order. Thanks!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Kev
      I’m sure she will be if you do nothing else except slow your pace down. That’s probably one of the most important lessons to take away from the article.

  3. Hi Karen! Loved the article – thank you so much for the amazing advice. I think my general skill level in the bedroom is reasonably good – never had any complaints. But I don’t usually get my partner to orgasm with oral which is kind of disappointing for me. I guess for her too! I think I might know why now, or at least, what I might have been doing that I shouldn’t have. Thanks again!

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Tim
      I’m happy to hear it! Fingers crossed that the techniques help you go from reasonably good to amazing then! I’m sure with a little adjustment to what you do, you’ll be able to give her even more pleasure. Remember that not all women will orgasm from oral, but there’s certainly no harm in trying different ways to make it even hotter!

  4. Call me “Salt of the Earth” or “The BackBone”;

    For 14yrs I supported my wife & she supported me. We stood side-by-side through some bloody tough times. Yeah, you might’ve guessed, I’m an Aussie and bloody proud of it!

    I used to do all this stuff you talk about & not just in the sexual sense. Took my part in the home chores, cleaning, vacuuming, washing ironing ect.

    To me there’s a big difference between having sex & Making Love. The first is all about one person getting a need or desire met “scratching an itch” we call it down here, the second is both people are mutually respected & benefit from the connection plus the chemical release which is so enormously good for our bodies.

    But to my question; I’ve given all this to my beloved partner – I admit I made a fatal mistake very early on when I repeated something she said during orgasm, which I know is supposed to be a total “no-no” but that’s yrs ago.
    Now anything I do doesn’t make a difference. I could just be a 3second lover; Wham, BAM, thank-you Mam but that’s not my nature. I’m extremely good at oral sex & she (particularly from what she’s said from her GF coffee conversations) knows it.
    I’ve never been unfaithful to her or given her cause to go cold on me.

    I’ve always ensure she cums when we make love unless she says “We don’t have time, quick, blow your load & you owe me one next time”

    Plz tell me what the he’ll is going on with this woman that I love. I thought maybe I was screwing up the oral, that’s why I checked out your site but there’s more to it than that…..

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi there
      Sorry to hear things aren’t going well for you now. You don’t go into any detail about what’s happening though, so it’s impossible for me to help. You’d need to explain what has changed, what she’s doing or not doing etc.

  5. Karen,
    Great article! Like another poster, I’ve used all the techniques you’ve described, long before the internet came around. I have made an observation though in the last year.

    Myself being paralyzed and being limited to only certain positions, I have found that when it comes to oral sex, women do really love to be on top! As your article says though, the man must be fully and completely into the task at hand (or mouth).

    The reason I give for the the positions where the woman is on top is two fold. First and foremost, she is in control! Big trust involved on her part. Second is it is much easier for the man to observe if she is really relaxed. He can observe the sexual tension build and crescendo. If he just gave her one orgasm, chances are, she will enjoy a second, third or more.

    These are just my experiences over this past year spending time with a couple of amazing SWs, who enjoy what they do and were kind enough to share time with me and trust me enough to allow the session (as far as physical intimacy) be solely about them.

    Anyway, thanks for the great article.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Pat
      Thanks for your compliment – I’m always happy to hear readers like an article! You make a really interesting point about the woman being on top – perhaps that’s something I’ll add to the article in a future update! It can be a lot of fun sometimes, though there’s also a lot to be said for being able to just relax and not worry about moving etc. I guess different moods and situations will call for different techniques!

      1. Pat Graham

        Hi Karen,
        You are welcome for the compliment! After I read your article and your reply, I see your point about the woman just being able to relax and enjoy. Keeping that in mind I looked for other possible woman on top positions that may allow her to relax more than just the traditional “Cowgirl” style. This is what I found. Very interesting and I look forward to to trying some of these alternative techniques out. Admittedly though, whatever the technique, I have never found anything more satisfying than gifting a woman multiple orgasms orally!

  6. I never tried oral sex earlier because i think is it safe? I mean licking genitalia. i hope u are understanding what i am trying to say. Please help

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Raghav
      If you’re worried about STDs, then of course there is a risk – as there is with any sexual act. If you trust your partner though, and you’ve both been tested, there’s nothing to worry about.

  7. There is nothing in this world I enjoy more then pleasuring a woman orally. An act of love for my wife. I employed many of the tips you described long before the internet came around. It is a total turn on for me! After my wife thrusts and then orgasms, she would tap me on the head as a signal she had orgasm ( I can get a little carried away). I assume it is very sensitive for a while down there after a woman reached an orgasm. The best is that she is so relaxed afterwards, she falls asleep in my arms until next time♥

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Ed
      Great to hear! Sounds like you have just the right attitude towards oral sex.

  8. Hey. I have been wondering for a while now how I can offer a female partner sexually something that most men do not give. Something that has always been important to me is being able to offer something others can’t, especially when it comes to giving them pleasure. Any tips on something perhaps in oral sex that would really turn the tides? I’m certainly happy to put lots of effort in, I just don’t want it to be good for my partner, I want it to be incredible.

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hey Ark
      That’s an interesting question. The thing is, you’ll never truly know what your partner has or hasn’t experienced before. So it’s kind of a lost cause. Unless you’re both into something unusual and kinky, you’ll just have to settle with getting the basics right. And honestly, good foreplay, good oral, good sex, and good communication and connection done right is more than good enough for most people, because it’s not that common to get all those ducks in a line!

  9. Hi, thanks for this article, if found it very helpful. I’m a 19-year-old male, and I recently had my first (I’m still a Virgin in the truest sense, but just first time being with a woman at all in a sexual way), call me a late bloomer in that sense since I prefer to get to know a girl and am classy in the way that I like to go on dates with a girl before getting them in bed.
    Most dates only went to two or three and on prom night I got stood up by the girl I asked to go with me. I spent that night at home with my parents and watched Movies with them instead of losing my virginity.
    Now, I would also like to say I think the girl I was with saw that I was nervous to even go farther than touching her down there and told her I’m a Virgin still, but I’ve kissed several girls, I’ve just never been confident enough to get farther than that.
    So what we did was just took it slow, we both got in sync with each other and she wanted to guide me through it all. All we did was oral, she did oral for me first and I wanted to give it back to her since I read an article similar to this and they said girls will appreciate you if you go down there, but if you get them off (really get them off) they’ll love you.
    I think I did good, but even when she calmed me down and we got into a rhythm, I still felt like I didn’t really know what I was doing, even though she was on top and was smothering my mouth and nose I knew at the point of her “big O” she was really cumming because as you pointed out, there sometimes is an excess amount of juices that come out, well you should’ve stated correctly that some women flow like a river and squirt because I couldn’t even catch all of it in my mouth. I just wanted to ask: how can I get my confidence up and calm myself down enough to where I can focus on the deed, does it just come with practice?

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Zayne
      Ok, lots going on in your comment there! First of all, if she stood you up on prom night because you were nervous, is it the same girl you describe in the second part of your comment? Did that oral experience happen before or after she stood you up? Either way, I’d be questioning how much she’s worth it if she stood you up for prom.
      As for the actual moment, yeah some women do have more juice. And if you let her ride you like that, you’re going to feel it even more. Gravity and all that…
      Maybe try taking control and have her lie on her back so you can try the techniques in the article, and wherever else you’ve read. Sometimes the best way to feel confident is just to act or pretend you’re confident. It will come in time, and with practice, though, so the alternative is to just be yourself. So what if you’re a bit nervous? Most young people are, and it’s kind of cute. But yeah, try taking the lead – get her to lie down, tease her, spend time on her, and experiment with the oral techniques here. Unless you’re into it, don’t just let her sit on your face and use your mouth as a rubbing platform – unless you’re doing the 69. Be the dominant man, put her on her back and then pleasure her whole body bit by bit.

  10. Karen Martinez

    You’re welcome. If you follow the advice in the article, I’m sure she’ll be a happy lady!

  11. Thank you for the advice u give us. My question is – how can we ask a girl to shave and wash so that the smell isn’t that bad or is there no way to ask her. She doesn’t live with me so therefore I don’t get her after showers because she comes in daily

    1. Karen Martinez

      Hi Diego
      Well, at the end of the day you might just have to accept her for the way she is. Having said that, you could try:
      1. shaving and cleaning yourself regularly and always having a nice smell on you. Lead by example and see if she follows, or asks if it’s something you like, to which you can reply ‘yes!’
      2. Try inviting her to the bathroom for some sexy shower time when she arrives! You can’t do it all the time, but if you give her amazing oral afterwards, she’ll perhaps get the message that clean = you very happy to spend ages on her.
      3. Talk to her openly about your desire for shaving each other and see what she says.

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