The Start And Stop Method Step By Step

The start and stop method is a classic self-help technique that can help men who suffer from premature ejaculation.

It’s particularly helpful if you’re currently single and have time to work on your sexual stamina. And if you’re in a relationship, you can either practice it when you’re alone or ‘on the job’ with your partner.

start and stop technique

How does it work?

The method is all about learning where your point of no return is – the point where ejaculation is practically inevitable.

Then when you have sex, you stop yourself when you spot the signs that you’re getting close to that path of no return.

As you’ll see in the steps below, you can repeatedly get close to the point, then stop and rest for a while before continuing. Eventually, you should find that you can go for longer before hitting that point.

Understand your arousal levels

The second goal is to develop a better understanding of your arousal levels. This will help you stay aware of how much time you spend doing movements that stimulate you too much.

Then if you find yourself getting too aroused, you know you need to do something about it.

That’s when you can call upon other techniques like kegels or changing to one of the sex positions that are good for lasting longer.

Part 1: solo practice

It’s better to practice on your own initially because you can take the time to really focus on how your body reacts when stimulated.

  1. Set yourself a time goal. 20 minutes is a good time, but less is fine to start with.
  2. Masturbate normally using just your hand. Try to keep a slow and steady pace.
  3. When you feel yourself getting close to climax, stop masturbating. Don’t stop too early, but don’t push it to the last second either.
  4. Rest for 30 to 60 seconds before continuing. Relax your body and breathe slowly while you rest.
  5. Repeat steps 1 to 3 until you reach your time goal. Then you can ejaculate naturally.
  6. Eventually, you should notice that the period of time between getting an erection and hitting the point of no return gets longer.
  7. It can take a couple of weeks to see improvements, so don’t give up if you feel there’s no initial progress.
  8. After you feel that you’re making some small improvements, add lubricant to make it more intense.
  9. You may find at first that your time drops back down – don’t worry if it does. You should gradually improve again.

If you feel like climaxing as soon as you start again

When doing the start and stop method, you may find you feel like ejaculating as soon as you start again after a rest. This may be for one of two reasons:

  • You’re not resting for long enough. 30 seconds is ideal, but you may need a minute for your arousal to drop.
  • You may be pushing yourself too close to the point of no return. In future, stop a little earlier until you can rest for 30 seconds before continuing.

Practicing with a sex toy

If you’re single or practicing alone, you can add a sex toy/male masturbator as an extra challenge. It’s a great way to close the gap between the stimulation of masturbation and sex.

This will help ensure your hard work doesn’t fall apart when it comes to the real thing.

If you don’t have one already, you might find it helpful to check out my review of the aptly named fleshlight stamina training unit.

How long you should aim to last for

If you usually finish in a couple of minutes, aiming for 20 minutes is a tough goal. Especially if that means spending ages masturbating because you have to stop and rest every 30 seconds.

So breaking it down into smaller steps is more likely to motivate you to keep at it.

If you usually only last a minute or two, set yourself the goal of 5 minutes before ejaculation for the first few sessions. From there you can raise the goal to 10 minutes. And from 10 minutes to 20 minutes.

When you can hit each goal with only 2 or 3 rests, you’re doing well and can move to the next goal.

And on the topic of 20 minutes – that’s not a strict target to aim for. I personally think 20 minutes is a good time to aim for based on how long surveys suggest women take on average to reach orgasm during sex.

But for some people, 20 minutes is way more than necessary. So feel free to set your own goals.

Having to stop too many times?

If you find you need to stop too many times to reach your time goal, either alone or with a partner, you can change the way you approach it.

Instead of stopping 10 times in 10 minutes, only do the process 5 times. Even if that only means a few minutes in total, eventually it will get better.

Part 2: the start and stop method with a partner

Practicing with your partner presents a more realistic challenge. It also lets them know you’re working on the issue and they might like to feel involved.

There are basically 2 approaches to try:

  • Go straight into trying it during sex.
  • Practice with manual and oral sex, mixed in with normal sex on some days.

It’s up to you how you want to do it, but for those who want to start slowly, here’s a method to try:

  • If you’re very sensitive, start with just kissing for a few minutes.
  • Your partner can start to caress your body slowly and sensually.
  • Ask your partner to masturbate you with their hand. If that makes you ejaculate quickly, this is the level you need to practice at for a few sessions.
  • Tell them to stop before you reach the point of no return. Practice the start and stop method with them for the agreed time goal, before allowing yourself to finish.
  • When you’re able to cope with your partner masturbating you, you can move on to oral sex.
  • And when you can last longer with oral, you can again move to sex.
  • You might find that sex is too stimulating, even after developing control during manual and oral, so don’t rush. Spend time on foreplay and use lubricant to reduce the friction.
  • Start with slow and shallow thrusts. You can even remain motionless inside your partner for a minute to let the initial intensity pass.
  • Each time you rest, just kiss or caress your partner. You could also pull out and give them manual or oral for a minute or two.
  • Continue slowly, with shallow, teasing thrusts.
  • It might take many slow sessions before you can cope with more stimulating movements or positions. Just take things easy, build up and gradually increase the intensity.

Research evidence that it works

When I was researching premature ejaculation treatments, I found many references to the start and stop technique.

Despite the fact that it’s often mentioned in scientific literature, however, there haven’t been many studies done to test its effectiveness.

And some of the studies that have been done either involved combined input from a therapist or combination therapy with drug treatment.

If you’re interested in reading more about this, you might find a 2015 British review of behavioral techniques useful to read.

Interestingly, they conclude the following:

There is limited evidence that physical behavioral techniques for PE improve IELT and other outcomes over waitlist and that behavioral therapies combined with drug treatments give better outcomes than drug treatments alone. Further RCTs are required to assess psychotherapeutic approaches to PE.

‘Limited evidence’ could suggest that there isn’t much evidence, or that there is some but not enough to draw firm conclusions.

It seemed to me when reading their report that some of the previous research they looked at did have positive results, but others not so much.

So like many premature ejaculation treatments, it works well for some (myself included), but not for others.

I definitely think it’s worth trying though – it’s free, easy to practice and in a couple of weeks you’ll know if it’s working or not.

You might also like

The start and stop technique is just one technique among many. So you might like to read one of my recommended premature ejaculation books for even more techniques.

You might also find it helpful to read my premature ejaculation story, where I talk about the process I went through to deal with it.

295 thoughts on “The Start And Stop Method Step By Step”

  1. Hi Ethan,

    How many times i have to do start and stop techinque in a week to cure PE. Could you please advice and not like more i do it will reduce. And if i do this technique more then in future whether it will effect to my sex life or health issue?.

    1. Hi Akhil
      It’s really a difficult question to answer because everyone will progress at a different speed. Personally, I think you can do it every day if you want to. But even if you only do it 2 or 3 days a week, you should still see progress over time. The only effect it should have on your sex life is to improve it hopefully! And no, your healthy won’t suffer because of this technique.

      1. Ethan,

        Really appreciate your response and thanks for the valuable suggestion. Just one point which i have not understood from there response is the effect on the sex life.

  2. So just to dumb it down the steps are to masturbate without porn and lotion until I’m about to cum than stop until my boner goes away and repeat? How many times should I do this in one session? When should I ejaculate or should I even ejaculate? How long do I have to do this to see improvement ?

    1. Hi there
      Yes, that’s right apart from the part about losing the erection. It’s not about erection loss, but more about lowering your arousal level. If you wait for the erection to go away, it could be too long a wait. Often, you’ll only lose 20-30% in that 30 second waiting time. You can do it up until a set time passes, which could mean twice or 10 times depending on your stamina at the moment. Or you can just decide on a number of times to stop and start. It’s up to you to decide which goal to work on. And maybe you can change them one day to the next. There’s no real rue. In terms of improvement, it’s impossible to say. But within a couple of weeks of regular practice you should start to see some improvement. It could take just a few weeks to see serious results, or it could be a couple of months. The key is to stick with it and not give up!

  3. Hi Ethan,

    First off, just wanted to thank you for helping us, guys.
    So, after reading your article, I experimented on how long I could last without any material or lotion. I easily managed to last 20 minutes, could have gone for longer I feel like. But when I masturbate to pictures or videos of naked/ dancing women or whatever (really dislike porn), I can only last a short amount of time at the beginning, prob. around 1-2 minutes without stopping, then I have to rest for some time time. I can go on like this for like 20 minutes but it’s not really enjoyable when later on you have to stop like every 10 or 15 seconds. I’ve been practising this method for quite some time now, but I still can’t last that long. What would you suggest? I’ve also started doing kegel exercises (not your routine though).

    1. Hi there
      You’re very welcome! I’m glad you found the website helpful!
      So, let’s have a look at your question. First of all, it’s great that you can last that long with just physical sensitivity. I guess that means your issue is one of mental stimulation rather than purely physical. So, I have two possible ideas to try:

      1. Try stopping a bit sooner. If you feel like ejaculating within 10-15 seconds, it might mean you’re pushing yourself too close to the point of no return. So perhaps try to keep yourself at a lower level of arousal.

      2. Try watching the videos you like, but not engaging too much mentally. Try to keep calm, breathe slowly and deeply and not allow yourself to engage in a full fantasy of what might be with the women, if that makes sense? You could even perhaps try watching it, but instead of focusing on the sensations in your penis, focus on your body in general. So in a way, distract yourself from the fantasy and excitement, but don’t worry about thinking about anything negative or unpleasant. Just try to reduce the mental intensity.

      I hope that helps!

  4. Hi Ethan,
    I am harikesh, your website is amazing.i have started stop start technique from today but i have some questions please answer :
    Q.1 I want to know is it compulsory to ejaculate after each (solo)session?

    Q2 How many days in a week should i do stop – start technique?

    1. Hi Harikesh
      Thanks, that’s great to hear:-) To answer your questions:
      1. No it’s not compulsory at all. But it’s more enjoyable!
      2. There’s no rule to this. The more the better though, in my opinion.

  5. Dear Ethan

    Your website is fantastic and gives lots of hope.

    I am trying to start stop with some progress over a couple of months. I have been trying this with sex also, not cuming in 10 secs anymore but still not making it past 2-3 minutes for the most part. Ive lasted 5 minutes a couple times but work to go. I have two questions:

    1) How long did you need to start stop for to get to 10 minutes? What is the length of your solo session to get to 10 minutes during intercourse?

    2) Im finding missonary position impossible to last with my gf. Cowgirl isnt too bad but doggy is the best for me in terms of control and lasting. Any tips to improve missionary because she says she loves it?

    Thanks again


    1. Hi Kay
      Thanks for the compliment – I’m glad you find the website helpful! Its great that you’ve had some progress – keep at it as that time will definitely increase considering the results you’ve already had.
      To answer your questions:
      1. It was a couple of months. To last 10 in intercourse, probably at least 20 mins when alone. But it’s not a pure time thing, as there are lots of other techniques involved in coping with sex.
      2. Yes, missionary is really difficult to last longer. I guess the secret would be to try and find positions in which you’re not tensing your abs and thighs so much, as that’s what tenses your pelvic floor and makes you come quicker in this position. Also, try different strokes and see if that helps you cope better. Either just stay deep inside and don’t thrust much, or tease the entrance but don’t go deep. Maybe one of those will work for you. But you’ll have to experiment a bit!

      1. Thanks for the reply Ethan.

        Im going to build up my core strength and do some flexibility to help with missionary – have you heard anything about this and its benefits?

        Also with 20 minutes solo lasting was that with the the fleshlight?

        1. Hi Kay
          You’re very welcome – I’m glad I could help. I don’t know if that would help, but I guess if you strengthen generally, it might help. It will also have other possible benefits, such as stronger erections. 20 minutes was without the fleshlight, but if you can do it with it, then that’s great!

  6. Hey ethan, I have been masturbating frequently recently, and I tried the start and stop method (without porn), and I found it really hard to stay aroused. Im normally able to masturbate without porn easily, does this mean that I should dial back my maturation to once a day or less and take a break?

  7. Hi ethan,

    I am really worried and frustated due to my PE .. I am afraid of making love with my partner thinking ill leave her unsatisfied again..i hardly last for a minute my excitement level goes high and i boost out…this has even effected my erections.. I tried viagra (tadora) which was prescribed by docter but i think what after viagra is over will i still be able to do it.. Because of this worry i am unable to stop taking pills.

    Please help me i want to improve my sex life i love my partner and all i want to do is keep her happy nd satisfied by all means..

    1. Hi there
      I can totally understand your concern. It’s very stressful when you feel you’re going to leave them unsatisfied again. Viagra is a useful pill, helping both with erections and lasting time. But it’s better if you can learn control without needing the pills.
      My advice would be to try to learn to control your arousal, and also anxiety, naturally. You can hang onto the pills and use them once in a while as a confidence booster. Have a look at the premature ejaculation guides I recommend, as they will give you lots of advice about gaining control over your excitement levels. I’d also suggest reading my article about sexual performance anxiety. And finally, I also wrote about my own experience of premature ejaculation which I know many guys found helpful.

      1. Hey ethan,

        Thankyou for your reply..

        Ill certainly go through all your blogs and work on it.. Infact i started stop and start while masturbation.. But i can do it only twice or thrice as arousal starts falling..i hardly indulge with my girl once in a month..

        1. Hey Ethan,

          Its been 3 days i am trying the start and stop method while urinating and masturbating.. Even massaging it with oil for proper blood flow..I sense that i can control the ejaculation .. But while masturbation i try to get to climax asap so that i can try to control ejaculation.. Due to which i dont last for long i control my ejaculation but i lose my dosnt stay hard.. If this thing happens while making love with partner though ill control ejaculation i will lose my erection.. Can you tell me if i am doing anything wrong ..

          And i would like to appreciate and thank you again coz i am released a bit of frustation..hence i believe it can be controlled and i am sure i will be able to keep erection with your furthur advice..

        2. Hi Rohan
          Thanks for your comment. First of all, there’s no need to practice it while urinating. That’s only something to do at the start to help understand which muscles are used when doing kegels.
          Secondly, I think the main mistake you’re making is rushing to climax to then try and control it. It’s better to take your time, and not allow yourself to get there at all. If you can maintain your arousal around the 70-80% mark, it’s better than rushing to climax and then trying to back down. So in the future, take your time and see if you can prolong it at a lower level of excitement.
          Hope that helps

  8. Hello, Ethan,

    Really glad I found your article, it was packed with several amazing tips. I am 20 and healthy. I would like to start the start-stop method; however, I have a few concerns and questions.
    1. During foreplay, I can get as hard as a rock; however, whenever my partner reaches for my penis, I lose the erection extremely fast. I read a few articles on performance anxiety. Any tips/ suggestions? Note: I don’t have sex frequently. I usually worry about PE a lot, which is why I assume my performance anxiety skyrockets; thus causing me to quickly lose the erection.

    2. I have been masturbating for many years and it makes sense that I have trained my body to ejaculate as fast as possible– I can only last less than a minute when masturbating. To begin this start-stop process, should I begin with simply imagination and shorter time goals? (Ex: start-stop for a total period of 10 minutes).
    3. Going along with #2, i seriously have been masturbating for 6 years, if not more. I have not masturbated in 18 days so far. I am ready to try this start-stop method, but my main concern is how much is ENOUGH. In other words, how many times a week should I be practicing this method? Given that I have trained my body to ejaculate etremely fast, should I practice this more days/week? (Ex: 5 days/week)
    4. I read a TON of articles on the relationship between acne and masturbation. Although my acne is severely mild, to the point where it does not bother me, I worry that masturbation can cause an increase in sebum production. Any tips on this?

    Thanks, in advanced,


    1. Hi there
      I’m glad you found the article useful! Let’s see if I can help with your questions:
      1. I guess the best thing is to try and put into action the tips you’ve read.
      2. Sure, a shorter time goal is a good thing to do for now. If you can go from 1 to 10 mins, it’s great.
      3. I’d say practice as many times as you feel comfortable. There’s no real rule, so if you can cope with the frustration every day, go for it.
      4. As far as I can tell, there’s no scientific evidence that this link exists.
      Hope that helps

  9. hi , am 18 yrs old . basically AM A CUMDRIBBLER ( means semen just ooze)) . can u give me a technique that i can SHOOT MY CUM.
    and I HAVE PRACTISED STOP AND GO BUT i lose my rock hard erection at 1st time but MY CUM DRIBBLES OUT . help me so that I CAN SHOOT

    1. Hi Rohan
      It sounds like you waited too long to stop if you still ejaculated when doing the start and stop method. Try stopping sooner, as the idea is that you don’t ejaculate at all before continuing after a short pause.
      In terms of ejaculating more forcefully, you might find kegels help a bit, though there’s no guarantee. Take a look at my article about the benefits of kegels to get started on this.

  10. Hi Ethan,

    I’m 23 and really want to improve my sex life with my partner and gain control over my ejaculation. I am planning to start training myself using the stop-start method. I have a few questions hope you don’t mind me going through it…

    My first question is:

    To begin the process of starting the stop-start method, what is the best way to begin arousal for masturbation? Obviously as mentioned, you start off with the absence off porn then gradually progress extending your time, adding one more element, backtracking then improving again.

    Next, while undergoing the ‘training’ (lets call it) of practicing the stop-start method via masturbation on my own and gradually progressing, should I temporarily cease sex with my girlfriend? Ie. will the two contradict each other and essentially cancel out the affects/improvements of the stop start method alone via masturbation because I will be coming early when I have sex with her. Or if not cease, should I limit the type of intercourse ie not have sex but still do other stuff.

    Next, should the stop-start method be done in conjunction with kegel exercises?

    Also, what can you do to improve how long you stay hard for after ejaculation and how long after ejaculation it takes you to become fully erect again?

    In the long run I really want to train myself to become a weapon in bed being able to have sex for a decent duration and even going again sometimes to give her multiple orgasms from penetration. The only thing stopping me is my premature ejaculation. I know there are other important things in relationships as well but this is something I’ve been missing my whole life to date.

    What’s weird and what I don’t really understand is that very occasionally if we go out and I have taken MDMA I can last much longer, with a far greater control over when I want to come. Not only this but my erection is harder and I can get fully erect very shortly after ejaculation again (about 5 or even less minutes). Would you know why this might be and what applications it may have, in this particular field of study?

    Finally would you recommend seeing some sort of professional (if so what kind) in addition to embarking on the stop-start ‘training’ journey, or begin with this and see how I go to save the $$$



    1. Hi Jay
      Thanks for your comment. And good for you for taking the bull by the horns and deciding to really go for it with the natural techniques.
      So, to answer your questions:

      1. I think you can start either by using purely physical stimulation or mental stimulation. If you can get an erection without the mental imagery, then great. If not, then use your imagination to get going.

      2.I don’t think the techniques will necessarily cancel each other out. It’s not the same as being on a diet but then eating pizza once a day! Having said that, it would be even better if you can get her to work with you so you can practice the techniques both during sex and masturbation. And if you don’t want to ask her, you can still do it yourself just by changing positions or stopping sex and giving her oral every time you feel you’re getting too aroused.

      3. You can do kegels along with the start-stop technique, yes. Though I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary. But certainly doing reverse kegels, or keeping the pelvic area relaxed can be very helpful.

      4. Normal kegels could help you keep your erection strength up. But to be honest, it’s not east fighting your hormones and natural responses!

      5. I’m not sure of the exact science behind it, but several drugs are known to help with both stamina and refraction period. I imagine there’s a connection with the same reason anti-depressants help with PE.

      I hope that helps!
      Best of luck with the training.

  11. Hello, I would like to find out if ejaculation at the end of 20 minutes is necessary for this method?

    1. Hi Gilbert
      It’s not necessary, as even 5, 10 or 15 minutes is fine if you’re setting yourself smaller goals to start with. But it’s a good time to aim for eventually, yes.

  12. Thanks for a great write up. It helped me out a great deal in practice and my time improved significantly. However, when I am with my wife I don’t last a minute. Nothing has changed. What more should I do? Thanks

    1. Hi Ash
      Thanks for your comment and compliment. Have you tried working with your wife to practice the technique together? It may be that you have to start from scratch with her to get used to the extra stimulation sex provides. And that’s fine – just stick with it and you should see improvements. And if you need to, you can learn more about arousal controls through the programs I recommend. It all depends on how much detail you want to go into when learning what’s going on in your body and mind during sex.
      Best of luck

  13. Hey Ethan ,
    because of a recent change in medication (went off ssri treatment) my stamina dropped to the level of an overly excited teenager. when musterbating alone I finish in a matter of half a minute or so sometimes without even going completely hard.
    I would like to start building up my stamina using the start stop technique but I think the severness of my pe makes this technique difficult to use.
    is there anything else I could try?
    oh, and another thing, should I let my penis go soft/try to avoid it during the stopping phase of the technique?

    1. Hi Monro
      Thanks for your comment. The start and stop method can be used no matter how long you currently last for. As I mentioned in the article, you can just start very slowly – you don’t even have to touch your penis at first. And if you find it difficult, set yourself smaller goals at first. Maybe spend a week trying to last 5 minutes in total, then the next week 10 and so on. In terms of going soft or not, there’s not much you can do to control that – just let whatever happens in your pause happen, and then resume. Before trying anything else, I would give this a go for a couple of weeks. If you like, you can get a book to learn more about the arousal levels and other techniques. This will certainly help. But if you don’t want to do that, there’s no harm in just trying this technique for a bit and seeing what happens.

  14. Hi Ethan, im Tom.
    I have two questions about this method.
    1. When I practice this method , Should I focus on sensation of the penis? Or keep distracting by thinking about another thing.? and What should i keep in my mind when doing this?
    2. I decide to do this 4 days / weeks. Should I let the ejaculation happen after the last stop everytime? Will many ejaculations effect my health?

    1. Hi Tom
      Thanks for your comment.
      1. Good question. There’s no set rule to be honest. Some say distraction techniques are good for stamina. But then again, how much fun is it to be having sex and thinking about something totally different? I think maybe you can experiment – sometimes focus on the penis, sometimes distract yourself. Then you can discover what helps you last longer and what makes you orgasm. Then when it comes to real sex, you can do what you feel you need to do in the moment to help your control.
      2. 4 times a week is fine, yes you can ejaculate at the end of each session and no it won’t effect your health negatively.

  15. Hi. Im audric, im just wondering if i am doing the stop-start method, is there any chance that i could pregnant my girlfriend though i withrawed? Since it was our first time and i read some articles that pre cum might cause to bring some sperm aftr the first round. Thinking that i almost ejaculated, my sperms were contained in my urethra? So im wondering if i use this method, is there any chance i could make my gf pregnant? Thank u for answering.

    1. Hi Audric
      Thanks for your comment. If you have sex without a condom, or other form of contraception, there’s always the chance you can get her pregnant. And I think that when doing this technique the risk is hard to manage because you’re naturally pushing yourself until quite a late moment. So yes, you need to be aware of the risk.

  16. first try without porn or lube i lasted 17 mins without any stops but then gradually i got bored so i stopped. then after 10 mins i tried the technique while watching porn and i lasted 4.5 mins with 1 stop. what should i do now.

    1. Hi Sahil
      Well, if porn makes it more difficult, try and push your time with porn. But also sometimes practice without the porn, just using your imagination.

  17. Hi Ethan,

    Great that you help us guys out with hints and tips about PE.

    My situation is the next, I’m 26, more than a year ago I’ve fapped with porn on a daily basis but that’s all over now. For me it was always to ejaculate ASAP while watching porn.

    Current situation, I never watch porn anymore until 2 weeks ago. Why is started again? To use my Fleshlight, watch porn and try not to ejaculate for at least 15-20 minutes. It’s very hard but I’d like to practice it. I’ve tried to not ejaculate for 30 days, I made it but as soon as a women sat on my lap, with my pants on I’d burst. I really love to get better. I go to the gym 3 times a week and I’m a very healthy person,

    Question: How many times is healthy a week to watch porn and practice the start-stop technique? Because all over the internet they tell that you will get numb (mentally) from watching (too much) Porn.

    Thank you in advance,

    1. Hi Romano,
      Thanks for your comment. First off, a month without ejaculating is a really long time! No wonder you burst when you had sexual contact! You need to allow yourself to ejaculte when you practice the technique. In my opinion, it’s good to ejaculte at the end of each session. Or at least every 2 or 3 if you really want to go tantra!
      In terms of porn, I think it’s good to do sometimes with and sometimes without.

  18. how many times i have to do stop and start method in a week to see the improvement. for larger improvements and also for smaller imrovements. please advice

    1. Hi Sukesh
      You can do it as many times as you can cope with and have time for. There’s no set rule for what works best. But at least a few times a week is good I’d say.

  19. i think i got PE problem. i used to have 5 minutes long with sex. but now only 30 seconds or less. i tried stop and go technique but don’t really understand. the first stop takes me about 30-35 sec. after that, no matter how long I stop, I just stimulate for 3 -5 sec then i come so close to the orgasm. do i do it right?

    1. Hi Justine
      You’re probably stopping too late, when the semen has already started its journey, making it very likely you’ll feel the need to ejaculate as soon as you start up again. Try stopping a bit earlier in your arousal. Then wait 30 secs and continue.

    1. Hi Satish
      I have no idea unfortunately. It depends on many different things, and unfortunately there’s no way to guess this. But 15-2 mins is a good amount of time to last for alone, so hopefully when you have sex it will be a reasonable amount of time.

  20. i’m 23 and i have never had sex before. i last less than a minute when i masturbate and it started bothering me now. i feel like i used to last longer (1-2 min) when i was younger and started masturbate and I’m getting more and more sensitive now to the point i last 10 seconds sometimes . I heard you don’t last long when masturbating and you may last longer in penetration when masturbating. when the right time comes and i started a sexual relationship, do you think it would bother my partner if i stop and start many times, assuming she is a virgin as well and she has no sexual relationship experience. thanks

    1. Hi Pato
      Thanks for your comment. I don’t think that’s right – people tend to last less time during sex than when masturbating. I think the ideal situation would be to develop your stamina now while you’re single by practicing this and other techniques. Ideally, you don’t want to be starting and stopping too many times during sex. Yes, it’s fine to change positions, change speed and sometimes switch to oral etc. But it’s good to get to the stage where you can maintain one movement for a longer period of time, because that’s usually what women need to eventually have an orgasm. So I’d say, try to focus on building your stamina and have the goal that you won’t need to start and stop many times in the future.

      1. thank you for the reply! appreciate it

        so what do you think i should start practicing from now to build my stamina? and is your eating habit has any effect on how you perform during sex? like lasting longer

        1. Hi Pato
          No problem. I’d do the start and stop method on your own. I’d also recommend getting a premature ejaculation book and learning all the other techniques and background info. which will help with the bigger picture. I haven’t found any food which helps really, to be honest.

  21. i am siddharth, sir i have some doubts on start and stop method that is if we do for this 15-20mins our penis would not get damaged?

  22. Hi ethan,
    I am very depressed right now, my situation is worse than before, i cant feel errection i have tried watching porn and other things, i have not stopped rubbing my penis with my bed and ejaculating after that in my pants, it feels so embarrasing and so guilty, i have no control over it, i feel horny evrytime, i ejaculate in 1-2 minutes without any errection, i am just 22, i dont know what to do even if i try very hard it gets little errected but not more than for 10 seconds, please help me out i am so depressed with this, tell me some natural cure for this, please help me

    1. Hi Sam
      Sorry to hear you’re feeling depressed about this. Try not to panic though – I’m sure you’ll find a solution. However, I’m not sure I completely follow your comment. You say you ejaculate in 1-2 minutes, but also that you don’t get more than a little erect for a few seconds. Do you mean you ejaculate sometimes without having an erection? Can you be more specific about what happens to you in different situations?

      1. Yes ethan i ejaculate without errection sometimes when i just rub my penis with bed, cant make the penis errect for more than 15-20 seconds, its not even possible to put this in vagina, because when i till the time i wear condom it becomes loose. I am very afraid

  23. Hi Ethan,
    Jst wanna know that if i am going to gym daily and along with that i am doing this technique than is there any harm over my health or in my gym performance….
    is it ok to mastarburate and doing work out does it effects my stamina or performance… ???
    thank you

  24. Hi Ethan,

    I had a recent problem when having sex. In the mid of banging, my Strongman becomes weak and lose its hardness. Is this because of stress tht i lose focus or because of having cigar but im still young late 20s. I also cant come twice. Will your post help me? or you can suggest something ?

    Thank you!

    1. Hi jayv
      It could be due to several reasons. Smoking certainly doesn’t help erection strength, that’s for sure. But equally it could be due to stress, or perhaps other factors like a lower testosterone level at times, tiredness to name a few. This method is more about lasting longer, not erection strength. You’d be better off reading my article about not getting an erection as a starting point, or looking up erectile dysfunction online.
      All the best

  25. Hi, i am 22 years. I used to masturbate a lot. I always lay on my bed when i feel horny and starts rubbing my penis against the bed. Its been an year i am doing like this, and i do it everyday. I just had sex with my partner and i realized my penis was not hard enough to go in her vagina, first i felt its too tight because she is a virgin. But i tried my best but i was not able to go inside her. It was bending every time i was trying to insert it into her. Luckily we have good understanding and we did oral to satisfy each other. And i have also noticed the amount of semen that comes out of my penis is too less. I checked google for week erection, got to know about start and stop method. Should i do this everyday? Should i masturbate after 20 times ? Will it help in improving the erection hardness ? Please someone guide me.

    1. Hi Sam

      Having sex with a virgin takes a little knowledge and correct technique to make it work, and to work without pain or stress for her. It could be that the problem is one of relaxation, lubrication, angle etc rather than just your erection strength. Do some research online about losing your virginity and you’ll find plenty of good advice and help you understand what’s required. The key though is setting a relaxing atmosphere, loads of time on foreplay, using lubricant if needed, going slowly, and making sure she’s relaxed and happy.
      Regarding your second question, it’s the start and stop technique isn’t meant to improve erection strength. Although it might have that side effect as you build up the excitement by repeatedly denying yourself ejaculation. I’m not sure what you mean about masturbating after 20 times?

      1. Thanx for the advise ethan. Yes, that makes sense what you said, but these days I’m observing I’m not getting full erection, length of my penis is not that good as it was before, and its kinda soft smooth and flexible. Its not so hard as it used to be, how to overcome that, hope its not something serious.

        1. Hi Sam
          No problem. Well, it could be due to a range of things. It could be due to the kegels, theoretically. I would suggest not doing them for a couple of weeks and see if things return to normal. Also, perhaps do some research online into boosting your testosterone – for example eating certain foods, and doing the right kind of exercise in the gym. Those things might also help with erection quality.

  26. Hey Ethan,
    I’d like to tell you that I am doing kegels for last one month (almost 3-4 weeks), before doing kegel my ejaculating time was around 30 sec, and after one month of the exercise when i try to measure my cumming time than it’s the same as 30 sec no improvements with the exercise. So would this start and stop technique help me with my kegels and should i do these both exercises together??? And one more question, what if i lose my erection while relaxing in this method?

    1. Hi Adeeb
      Thanks for your comment. Have you been doing normal kegels, reverse kegels, or both? My personal opinion is that normal kegels aren’t very helpful. You can read my article about why kegels alone won’t cure premature ejaculation for an explanation as to why.

      Yes, I think the start and stop technique is more useful. I would then combine it with both normal and reverse kegels. But mainly focus on this technique. The key is learning to control your arousal levels, and kegels alone aren’t really enough to do that.

      You’re unlikely to lose your erection doing this technique during a 30 second rest. And even if you do a little, it will soon come back to life again.


    1. Hi Anand
      Congratulations on getting married first of all! The start and stop method should help you, yes. But as I said in the article, I do also recommend trying other techniques and learning as much as possible about premature ejaculation. But sure, this techneque a good place to start.

    1. There are lot of different ways of doing it. But if you think about what action you would have when having sex, that’s what you can try to imitate through masturbation. So, basically grip the penis and move your hand up and down the shaft.

  27. Hello sir! Thanks so much for posting this. I’ve had a problem with PE since i was about 17 and I’m 21 now. When websites say under 2 minutes is considered PE I was astounded because I find it hard to even make it to 1! I’m trying kegal exercises without seeing many results and even the numbing lubricant with absolutely no progress. I figure what I have is all mental and a little bit to do with low confidence. My girlfriend says she doesn’t care when I finish but I really don’t feel great after, just kind of ashamed. The only real help I got was when i started taking an antidepressant for OCD. Man i could go forever and then when I got off it, back to feeling every sensation again. Anyway, my questions are:
    1. Does too much “normal” masturbation cause PE
    2. What does the books do better that this method does not do?
    3. Is the 5/5 rated book really worth the money (does it actually work?)
    4. Would a person like me progress from this technique?
    5. Should I be completely flaccid before starting again?
    6. Would doing kegal exercises along with this be beneficial?
    Again thank you for this and I really hope you can help.

    1. Hi Ty
      Thanks for your comment. Let’s see if I can answer your questions as best as possible:

      1) Only if you do it quickly each time. If you use it to practice techniques, then no.
      2) They contain other techniques, and helpful background information to help you understand the root cause, how your body works, how to recognize your arousal levels, different ways of getting aroused and coping with arousal amongst other things.
      3) It was what I used and it made a huge difference to my personal problem with PE. If you don’t like it, you can get a refund.
      4) Hopefully yes, but there’s no guarantee with any one technique and PE. But I would hope so, yes.
      5) No, that would take too long to happen from being very aroused.
      6) Yes. But my opinion is that kegels can be a bit problematic if you become fixated on them. So do them in moderation.


  28. Hi Ethan

    From my latest experience,
    I had my second sexual intercourses two hours after the first but still I had a PE.
    Then, I have serious problem with masturbation as I feel like harming myself (due to my hard hands surely) and I when just watch pornography, after a little moment, without touching myself, I almost always notice that I’ve ejaculated a very small quantity of semen, without even being aware of it coming.
    Any help for me?

    1. Hi Jun,

      Sometimes the second time round isn’t that much better, though often it is. Again, you need to work on your arousal levels and control generally.
      I don’t think hard hands are going to harm yourself. Just be careful how fast and hard you do it – it’s up to you to not injure yourself!
      The small amount of fluid might simply be pre-cum which is natural when you’re aroused.

  29. Hi Ethan

    I am one of the PE victims and your article caught my attention…So today i tried masturbating without porn but it was hard for me to get it started only with my imagination. Therefore i watched a little bit of porn just to get myself going. Afterwards i masturbated around 45 mins (without watching porn) but then i got bored and stopped. Is there a reason why i can last for so long that way but when watch porn i last a maximum of 2 mins and only if i am relaxed and not tired. Greets

    1. Hi Vik,

      It’s probably simply because the porn stimulates you way more than your imagination and raises your arousal level. There’s probably not much point masturbating for that long to be honest. I’d get bored too!

  30. If i do start stop practice daily myself (masturbation). Does it not harm?…. as this will be something like overmasturbation.

  31. Hi Ethan
    I have 2 questions:-

    1) When i go to pee, after peeing I start this technique and when I am about to ejaculate I stop and control my ejaculation. So there is a discontinuation in my method as I do it for 2-3 minutes i.e (2-3 min for 5-8 times a day). So will it benefit me in this way?

    2) How do I know I have PE. I don’t have any partner and I have never done sex. But when I start masturbating I ejaculate in a minute.

    3) And last I want to know and confirm from you that I think everybody faces this problem. Don’t they? I mean is there any guy who can control for 5 minutes in his first sex.


    1. Hi there slim

      ok to answer your questions, as best I can:

      1) I’m not sure why you start the start stop technique after peeing? Why do you choose to do it at that moment? I’m also not sure what you mean by the discontinuation? The best thing to do is wait until you feel like masturbating naturally, then take your time and do the technique while in bed or wherever you normally are.

      2) Good question, and really you won’t know until you start to have sex. But possibly if you last that time when masturbating, you won’t suddenly last 10 minutes during sex. So it’s probably worth putting the practice in to try and last longer than you are doing in your short sessions. And yes, many guys find their first sexual encounters are over before they start! The key is to not roll over and go to sleep if it happens. Spend time stimulating your partner in other ways until you’re ready to go again. Which will probably be pretty soon. Then you’ll likely last longer the second time.


    1. Hi ab

      I’m not sure I understand exactly what you mean by ‘cant get good feel in it’? Can you describe the problem you’re having more clearly please.

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