The Stop And Start Technique Step By Step

background image of a man and woman in bed, overlaid with the words "the stop and start technique"

The stop and start method, also known as edging, is a self-help technique that men who suffer from premature ejaculation might benefit from.

It’s a good technique to spend time on if you’re currently single and have time to work on your sexual stamina.

Even if you’re currently in a relationship, you can still practice it when you’re alone, or with your partner during foreplay or sex if they are up for it.

In this article, I’ll explain how it works, what goals to set, and how to do it both alone and with a partner.

How does it work?

The aim of practicing the stop and start technique is to slowly but surely increase the length of time you can have sex for before ejaculating.

When you regularly practice the technique, you’ll gain a better understanding of your arousal levels. Importantly, you’ll learn to recognise where your point of no return is, which is the point at which ejaculation is almost inevitable.

Eventually, you’ll be able to spot your body’s signs that it’s reaching the highest arousal levels during sex, and ideally stop yourself before you go too far down the path of no return.

As you’ll see in the steps below, you’ll repeatedly get quite close to the point of no return, but stop and rest for a while before continuing. Eventually, you should find that you can go for longer before hitting that point.

Understand your arousal levels

It’s useful to develop a better understanding of your arousal levels during masturbation and sex: which movements, rhythms, positions, etc. make you most aroused.

Once you have a clear idea of your arousal levels, you’ll know when the time comes that if you continue doing what you’re doing during sex, you’re likely to ejaculate, and so you need to make a change.

That’s when you can call upon other techniques, like kegels or change to one of the sex positions that you find less stimulating and easier to control yourself when doing.

So, while you practice the stop and start technique, pay attention to how your body and mind respond to sexual stimulation. Make a mental note of the signs that indicate you’re getting very aroused.

Perhaps you breathe faster or shallower, tense parts of your body, feel warm or flushed, get tingling sensations, feel excited, feel your heartrate increase. Everyone is different, so it’s up to you to learn what happens as you transition from resting to enjoying masturbation or sex to reaching orgasm.

The trick, and I’m not saying it’s easy, is to work out which signs mean you’re getting too close to the point at which you’re likely to ejaculate. Then try to do your stopping before you’re on that slippery slope (excuse the pun!)

Part 1: Solo practice

It’s better to practice on your own initially because you can take the time to really focus on how your body reacts when stimulated.

Set a goal

First of all, it’s good to have a goal. I think there are two approaches to this:

1. Have a set number of stops and restarts, like three or four.


2. Set a time limit, such as 5,10,15, or 20 minutes.

It’s your choice, and an easier goal might be better for the first week or two. You can always adjust the goal as you improve. Personally, I prefer a time limit to a number of restarts.


Once you have your goal in mind, here’s how to do the stop-start technique:

  1. Masturbate with just your hand. Try to keep a slow and steady pace.
  2. When you feel yourself getting close to climax, stop masturbating. Don’t stop too early, but don’t push it to the last second either.
  3. Rest for 30 to 60 seconds before continuing. Relax your body and breathe slowly while you rest.
  4. Repeat steps 1 to 3 until you reach your goal. Then you can ejaculate naturally.
  5. Over the weeks or months, you should notice that the period of time between getting an erection and hitting the point of no return gets longer.
  6. It can take a couple of weeks to see improvements, so don’t give up if you feel there’s no initial progress.
  7. After you feel that you’re making some small improvements, add lubricant to make it more intense.
  8. You may find at first that your time drops back down – don’t worry if it does. You should gradually improve again.

If you feel like climaxing as soon as you start again

When doing the stop and start method, you might feel like ejaculating as soon as you start again after a rest. This can be for one of two reasons:

  • You’re not resting for long enough. 30 seconds is ideal, but you may need a minute for your arousal to drop.
  • You may be pushing yourself too close to the point of no return. In future, stop a little earlier until you can rest for 30 seconds before continuing.

Practicing with a sex toy

If you’re single or practicing alone, you can eventually add a sex toy as an extra challenge once you’re happy with your improving time.

It’s a great way to close the gap between the stimulation of masturbation and the more intense physical stimulation of sex. It will also help ensure your hard work doesn’t fall apart when it comes to the real thing.

If you don’t have one already, check out my review of the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit, which is the one I used when I was practicing the technique.

How long you should aim to last for

If you usually finish in a couple of minutes, aiming for 20 minutes is a tough goal. It can be tedious and time consuming if you spend ages masturbating because you have to stop and rest every 30 seconds.

Breaking it down into smaller steps is more likely to motivate you to keep at it.

If you usually only last a minute or two, set yourself the goal of five minutes before ejaculation for the first few sessions. From there you can raise the goal to 10 minutes. Later, from 10 minutes to 20 minutes.

When you can hit each goal with only two or three rests, you’re doing well and can move to the next goal.

And on the topic of 20 minutes – that’s not a strict target to aim for. I personally think 20 minutes is a good time to aim for based on how long surveys suggest women take on average to reach orgasm during sex.

For some people though, 20 minutes is way more than necessary. So feel free to set your own goals.

Having to stop too many times?

If you find you need to stop too many times to reach your time goal, either alone or with a partner, you can change the way you approach it.

Instead of stopping 10 times in 10 minutes, only do the process three to five times. Even if that only means a few minutes in total, eventually it will get better.

Part 2: The stop and start technique with a partner

Practicing with your partner presents a more realistic challenge. It also lets them know you’re working on the issue and they might like to feel involved.

There are two ways to do it:

  • Go straight into trying it during sex.
  • Practice with manual and oral sex, mixed in with normal sex on some days.

It’s up to you how you want to do it, but for those who want to start slowly, here’s a method to try:

  • If you’re very sensitive, start with just kissing for a few minutes.
  • Your partner can start to caress your body slowly and sensually.
  • Ask your partner to masturbate you with their hand. If that makes you ejaculate quickly, this is the level you need to practice at for a few sessions.
  • Tell them to stop before you reach the point of no return. Practice the stop and start method with them for the agreed time goal, before allowing yourself to finish.
  • When you’re able to cope with your partner masturbating you, you can move on to oral sex.
  • When you can last longer with oral, you can move on to sex.
  • You might find that sex is too stimulating, even after developing control during manual and oral, so don’t rush. Spend time on foreplay and use lubricant to reduce the friction.
  • Start with slow and shallow thrusts. You can even remain motionless inside your partner for a minute to let the initial intensity pass.
  • Each time you rest, just kiss or caress your partner. You could also pull out and give them manual or oral for a minute or two.
  • Continue slowly, with shallow, teasing thrusts.
  • It might take many slow sessions before you can cope with more stimulating movements or positions. Just take things easy, build up and gradually increase the intensity.

Research evidence that the stop and start technique works

When I was reading into the research evidence for premature ejaculation treatments, I found many references to the stop and start technique.

Despite the fact that it’s often mentioned in scientific literature, however, there haven’t been many studies done to test its effectiveness.

Some of the studies that have been done either involved combined input from a therapist or combination therapy with a drug treatment.

If you’re interested in reading more about this, you might find a review of behavioral techniques published in 2015 interesting.

In the study, the authors said:

There is limited evidence that physical behavioral techniques for PE improve IELT and other outcomes over waitlist and that behavioral therapies combined with drug treatments give better outcomes than drug treatments alone. Further RCTs are required to assess psychotherapeutic approaches to PE.

Cooper et al.

‘Limited evidence’ could suggest that there wasn’t much evidence, or that there is some evidence, just not enough to draw firm conclusions.

More recently in 2020, a study was published in which 50 participants were asked to practice the stop and start technique with a vibrating sex toy three times a week for six weeks. The results were quite positive, as the team reports:

We found that a 6-week intervention consisting of vibrator-assisted start–stop exercises significantly reduced self-reported PE symptoms.

Ventus et al.

So, like many premature ejaculation treatments, it might work well for some men (myself included), but not for others.

I definitely think it’s worth trying though – it’s free, easy to practice, and in just a few weeks you should know if it’s working or not.

You might also like

The stop and start technique is just one technique among many. So you might like to read one of my recommended premature ejaculation books for even more techniques.

You might also find it helpful to read my premature ejaculation story, where I talk about the process I went through to deal with it.


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  1. First of all I would like to thank you for this helpful guide. Personally, I have just got access to it and I have read some comments which does encourage me to call for some help. I would get directly to the bottom line – I am 21 years old I have been masturbating for years and I feel really low because I do ejaculate quickly which cause me to think that this prob will cause me issues when I will get married to give a concrete account of my case I do ejaculate in less than one minute and my aim is to last for 10 min without any tests . I am totally aware that this isn’t easy to reach but I would be extremely thankful if you could help.

    • Hi Salah
      The only extra help I can give right now is to encourage you to try this technique for a few weeks to see if it starts to help. If it does, do it more. I’d also suggest reading more articles on this site as there is lots of useful advice.

  2. Hey (: just wanted to thank you for your awesome guides, i’ve been following your kegel and reverse Kegels guides, I have done edging before but I was doing it wrong, now with your guide I now how to do it properly (: My question is, should I ejaculate after edging? Is it okay if I don’t do it?

    • Hi Antonio
      You’re very welcome! Always good to know the site is appreciated:-)
      To answer your question, I don’t think it matters really. I’d just do what you feel like in the moment. There are some that argue it’s good not to, kind of tantric philosophy. My personal opinion is you might as well have a reward for the frustrating work of holding out!

  3. Hi just come back again to share the story. the last time i commented on this post is 8 june 2017. so now its been around 8-9 month after the last time i commented. i have stopped doing this method for about 6 month and i see only a little degradation. i still can do it for more than 20 minutes even more if i wanted too. but theres also a time i last for under 2 minutes too. its all depend on how much im aroused. if i aroused myself for too long, ofcourse it will be hard to last for more than 2 minutes and vice versa. very oftenly i cant last for more than 2 minutes if im aroused too much.

    before i always think of how to last longer, how not to came fast, etc. this thought is what makes me cant last that long. i tried to blur it by doing math but its only worked for a few times and greatly reduced my pleasure. since my goal is to do this with my partner in the future, im afraid im not feeling connected with her if i did math or etc during sexy time with her which is a bad things.

    after a long time of training, i gained a lot of confidence. instead of thinking about negative thought, now i always thinking about positive thought like how much pleasure i get, the joy of edging, etc.

    So the conclusion is, this method does works for me. it helped me how to last longer and gain confidence. and i can still maintained it even i have not been doing this for about 6 month.

    i think this is the last time i shared my story. theres nothing i can share anymore.

    Im not telling everyone to do this and i just shared my story here. If you ever do it, its because your own choice NOT because i told you to do so. So please do it at your own risk.

    Sorry for my bad english.

    Thank you very much Ethan.

    • Hi there
      Great to hear from you again! Even though you haven’t left your name, I recognise your style of writing, and it’s great to hear a progress report from you.
      I’m happy to hear you’ve managed to maintain the good results after a long time without doing the method. I’ve personally found it does drop down slowly over time, so it’s nice to know someone else had more continuity from it.
      Having said that, it also seems like you did some important thinking about the way to go about having sex, what to focus on and how to take pressure off yourself etc. And all that kind of stuff also plays an important role I think.
      Thanks again for keeping in touch and sharing your experience.
      All the best

  4. Hi Ethan, can you tell me? Does this start and stop technique & squeeze technique really work? is there any side effect of it? is it good to masturbate daily? I mean during stop and start technique, should our cum come out? should we apply this technique daily? Is there any side effect of masturbating daily like loss of blood or weight? Can you also tell me..after intercourse of start and stop type of how many days should i take to avoid blood and weight loss or to avoid any other of side effect?

    • Hi Anoop
      The techniques work for some men, but not all. It depends in part on the cause of your premature ejaculation. But I don’t know of any side effects, so I think the start and stop technique is a good one to try (I’m not a big fan of the squeeze technique).
      You don’t have to do it every day, but you can if you like. It’s fine to masturbate daily.

  5. I want to ask that if the person edging means stopping sperm several times for hours, does this not cause damage to organs like veins testicles prostate kidney and its fertility because its put more pressure in veins. Plzzz reply why doctors tell this technique. They dont know its side effects.?

  6. I’ve noticed say I’ve done the start stop method a couple days in a row it gets better, but as soon as I stop for a couple days I’m back at square one. Is there some sort of maintenance once you have the grip on it or is that just evident I need to do it for a longer amount of days till its phycologically programmed

    • Hi there
      Unfortunately, that does seem to be a bit of a problem with some of these behavioral techniques for many men – you need to keep practicing for some time. I also think if you stop altogether for a few days and don’t have sex either, just that gap without sexual activity makes it harder to control yourself.

  7. Hi, i have been edging with my bf for a few days now, i stop inter course midway when i get too excited but even after stopping, my rock hard penis shakes (bending up and resting) on it’s own a few times and semen comes out.
    But i dont go limp afterwards, kinda strange, is it normal?

    • Hi Sunny
      It’s not strange – it just means that you’re stopping too late. Try stopping sooner in the future, and experiment with the timing so you know exactly when you need to rest without actually ejaculating. If you’re able to ejaculate and carry on though, that’s great – enjoy it while your body stays that way!

  8. And is only my first week of stop and go metod but my 4 week of kegels. It realy work and I can keep going moré then 20 minutes . And I have sensitive penis well not circuncisión.Thanks for your help

  9. I getting results with your guide I can masturbate for 20 minutes without stop at all but The first timé was quick almost at 3 minutes then at 7 next day

  10. How often I have to do it ?
    How many days a week . thanks my wife for 15 years left me because of PE I need to get control of this for future relationship.

  11. It is possible to edge for a long time without cumming. I started edging on Thursday, and have edged each day for at least four hours, never letting my semen spill. My friend is doing similar. We will get together on Tuesday to suck each other off. We have done this previously, and we both have a massive load of cum after edging like this. We’ve talked on the phone several times to encourage each other, and make sure the other is hard.
    I’ve had today free, and have edged over six hours straight, nearly having a couple premature ejaculations from over stimulating myself. It takes a bit longer to relax when that happens. A plus of the extended edging is the amount of pre-cum produced. I really enjoy the taste of it, and never waste a drop.

    Ric Carter
    Somers, Montana

      • I’m retired, and have all the time in the world. Not having any responsibilities, I don’t find it a problem.

  12. Thanks for sharing this technique with us with a lot of detail. I have tried it before and had a little progress. But I am going to try it again with the advice you have here.

  13. Hello Ethan
    I’m a 19 year old guy. As a teenager, I used to masturbate really fast to avoid getting caught and this led to me having PE. After searching through various sites, I concluded I have primary PE which is apparently very hard to treat. This honestly has made me very depressed and embarrassed. I barely last 30 seconds when I start masturbating. Do you think the start stop method and kegel exercises on a regular basis can help me last upto 10 minutes? Also, when I do this technique do I watch porn or just use my imagination??

    • Hi Robert
      I can understand why you feel that way, but try not to let it get you down. See it as one of life’s challenges to be overcome and you’ll hopefully find it easier to cope with, and a motivation to deal with it.
      The truth is that it’s impossible for me to say if these techniques will definitely help you. What I can confidently say is that they do help a lot of men, so it’s definitely worth trying. Practice regularly and give it a couple of months before deciding if it’s helping or not.
      In terms of porn or imagination, try changing between the two. I’d say it’s probably good to avoid porn to start with, and give yourself the best chance possible to make progress without being overstimulated. Then add it when you think you’re making some progress.
      Good luck with it!

  14. Hello Ethan
    I just want to share my experience again. The last time i commented on this post is on 16 March which is mean i have been doing this training for about 9 month i think. I hope my experience can help some people struggling with his PE.

    From 16 March, i tried to hold it more than 20 minutes. in a few days i can hold it for around 25-30 minutes which is good. but the bad side is my P*nis got chafed again. i think its because the lube dry out after around 20 minutes and im too lazy to add some lubricant again. a few days after i cant hold it for more than 2 minutes. well i think its because im stressed out from work. but after 2 month i still cant hold it for more than 2 minutes. i even have a hard time holding it just for 5 minutes. and to make things worse, my chafed p*nis isnt healed yet and worsen because i never let it heal and keep doing this training. after that, im thinking to let my p*nis healed for around 1 month
    after its almost healed i tried doing this training again. the feeling is so intense. well i think its because i didnt doing this for a month. but somehow this time i can hold it for 10 minutes. usually, i ejacul*te for under 2 minutes if i didnt ejacul*te for a few days. a few days after ( this day ) im still doing this training although i still can only hold it for around 10 minutes.

    My conclusion is :

    – Don’t give up
    – If you achieved your desired time, doesn’t mean you will last long forever. ( example : i can only hold it for around 2 minutes if im very stressed )
    – I think for me, chafed p*nis decrease my performance. so, if you ever have it, let it heal first. it wont take long. the reason it takes time for me to heal is because i never let it heal.

    and if someones ever curious..
    im doing this training using a realistical v*gina, p*rn, and lubricant
    not trying to advertise, im buying the toy from Japan. after i read the review on most website, its say that my toy ranked number 2 on the most intense toy ever. and just want to let you know, most people said that this toy isnt close to the real one. because, the real one isnt as intense as this toy.

    Note : Do it at your own risk. I only tell you my experience, not telling you to do this training.

    i think thats all from me for now.
    good luck.

    • Hi
      Thanks for sharing your story again. You really do need to let your penis heal if it has any kind of injury, chafing or soreness. I highly recommend not being lazy about using lube if you regularly get chafing, and when you do see signs of that, just rest until it’s better.

  15. I live with my partner and they are always home before me from work, so it’s not possible for me to practice alone. They don’t like doing the technique during sex, so what am I supposed to do??!!

    • Hi Niki
      That’s a tough one! Why don’t they like doing it during sex? Have you explained how it can help you last longer over time if you do practice it?

    • Hi Devin
      I wouldn’t intentionally set out to do it several times a day unless that’s what you naturally feel like doing. There’s no need to force it unless you feel you need the practice.

  16. Thanks for the great advice. I always come in under 2 min, so I hope the technique can help me. I appreciate the detailed description Ethan, and all your articles here. Keep up the good work

    • Hi Stephan
      You’re very welcome. Good luck with it – don’t give up too soon if you don’t have results. With some regular practice, you should find you make progress.

      • hello… if a boy stop masterbution for 465 day.. the pimple and acne scar that was caused by the evil habit of masterbution… they will get clear skin… plzzzz reply me

        • Hi Kasif
          Masturbation does not cause acne. Many people say it does because boys tend to start masturbating at the same time as acne first appears. But this is because the hormones of puberty cause both things. So stopping masturbating will not help the acne, because the hormones are still there.

  17. I have only been mastrubating for a few months and was wondering about the start/stop technique. If I should try to wait 15-20 minutes before letting myself climax, when does the clock start? Does it start when I start mastrubating or does it start when I first feel the urge to climax?

    Thanks for the help?

    • Hi Avery
      It starts when you settle down to start masturbating. But I wouldn’t worry too much about the precise timings. As long as you’re sticking to the general concept of trying to extend how long the whole process it takes, it doesn’t really matter whether it takes 10,20 or 30 minutes. I use exact numbers in the article to explain the technique, but really it’s the idea that’s important, not exact times as long as you’re heading in the right direction.

  18. Hi I mostly masturbate to porn sitting on a hard surface and cum within 30 seconds but when I lay down it’s take more longer maybe a minute or two and when I stand maybe a minute. I was wondering since I’m about to start the stop and go method is it better to sit, stand ,or lay down. Please reply.

    • Hi there
      I think it’s best to do it in the position where you can most relax. Relaxing your body can really help you stay in control, and that’s usually lying or sitting.

  19. Hello Ethan

    Thanks Ethan for posting this. I’ve been doing this method for about 6 month or more. Now i can hold it for 20++ minutes most of the time. Im glad i found this post. Thank you very much Ethan.

    • Hi there
      You’re welcome, and that’s fantastic! I often wish guys who’ve spent time practicing the technique would leave a comment to say if they had success with it – or not – so I appreciate your feedback!

  20. I have found this to be very interesting, Now I can understand what my husband is doing on the other side of the bed. My question is what makes him have to get up several times and go to the bathroom? And he also will cough during this time. Does those 2 things have anything to do with this techique? Thanks for the article. Denise

    • Hi Denise
      I’m glad you found the article interesting! To be totally honest, I have no idea why he might be doing that. Do you mean when you’re having sex, he repeatedly gets up to go to the bathroom, or during the night? Sorry if it’s a silly question, but it’s not clear from your comment what the exact situation is.

  21. Could you give me a penis exercise guide Even though I am no where near done with puberty I would like to increase the size of my penis as well as increase the hardness of my penis during an erection

    • Hi Gino
      I really don’t recommend doing anything like that until you reach adulthood – it’s potentially risky and kind of pointless because you just don’t know what your real final size is yet. There are some easy things you can do to make it appear bigger – shave or trim, keep your weight in check for example.

  22. Hi Ethan

    Great article – you really are helping lots of men out with what can be a depressing issue.

    I have been with my partner for a year, and have tried using your techniques, with some benefit, but still not lasting long enough to make her reach orgasm. However we have also used desensitising sprays which have really helped in the short term, allowing me to last long enough for her and improving my confidence.

    I have some time away from her now and I have bought a fleshlight training unit to try to improve my stamina without using sprays. I have read Ejaculation Trainer, and am trying to use the techniques relating to breathing, edging and arousal control. Can I ask the following questions:

    1) Did you find the meditation mentioned in the trainer useful? I find it very difficult to do and am not sure if it is beneficial

    2) Ejaculation Trainer says it is best to not ejaculate after each session, maybe only cumming once or twice a week – is there something you found worked for you during your training? Currently I am ejaculating at the end of the sessions but perhaps this is where I am going wrong?

    Once again thanks for this blog, it takes a lot of courage and helps a lot of people!


    • Hi Steve

      Thanks for the comment – I’m glad you’ve found the site helpful, and have had some success with your sexual stamina. It can take time to really master your arousal, so keep going with the techniques!

      To answer your questions:

      1. To be honest, I’m not a massive fan of that type of meditation. I think if it doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t worry about it.

      2. Tricky one! I can understand why it says to only ejaculate once or twice a week, but personally I don’t think it really matters. As long as you actually practise the techniques properly, then I don’t see anything wrong with rewarding yourself after you’ve put yourself through an at times punishing session of constantly fighting your arousal levels! I know in tantric sex, the idea of not ejaculating at the end of a session is seen as a powerful tool and could help. But personally, I don’t like the feeling of frustration that this generates, so prefer just to let it go, so to speak.
      So just to be clear, although I think the Ejaculation Trainer is an excellent guide, I don’t think it’s necessary to follow every single piece of advice to the word, especially if you feel uncomfortable with it. And the two points you raised are two which I think you can make your own mind up on.
      I hope that helps!

  23. Article is really helpfull and easy to understand but i have a doubt on that, Is the start and stop method first we have to do till start a real sex?
    1-like if i am doing oral sex with my girlfriend at that time i will do this technique till 20 minutes. Than start a real sex ok?

    2-how could i stop when it all coming out like mine it cant stop when its coming out.

    • Hi Sachin
      I’m glad you liked the article!
      No, you don’t have to only do the technique with oral sex until you can reach 20 mins. In some ways it’s good to take things one step at a time, but also you need to think of your girlfriend’s wishes. So you can mix things up as much as you like if she doesn’t want to spend that long on oral sex. The main thing is that you keep focussing on trying to reduce your arousal when it’s getting too much. Which leads me to point 2 – if you are already ejaculation, then you can’t stop it. It means you waited too long before stopping whatever you were doing. You need to recognise when you’re getting to that point and stop before you get there.

  24. Thank you for this fantastic article and I have been making fantastic progress. But when I switch to porn or something graphical I cant last more than 1 or 2 minutes. Is this unusual?

    • Hi there
      You’re welcome – I’m glad you found it useful! Yes, it’s very common for guys to ejaculate quicker with those elements added. I think it’s a good challenge to sometimes watch it, but also it’s important to keep doing the technique without relying on porn.

    • Hi there
      It depends totally on the person. I’ve heard reports that even a week can help, mainly because you change the way you think about sex. But usually a few weeks is when you should start to see results.

  25. hi ethan,
    i am too depressed and tensed about my situation, i dont feel errection at all. Even if i force myself to the limits i can get the errection only for 2 seconds. It is really not getting hard at all, i dont know what to do. i am 23 and i dont know what to do what exercise or diet can help me, i have no idea, i dont want to go for any surgery or hard treatment, is there anything that i can do by myself, please suggest thank you.

    • Hi Sam
      Sorry to hear you’re having this issue. I think the best thing it so look at some medical websites for information about erectile dysfunction. There’s lots of good information available about it. I’d also recommend speaking to your doctor about it. They can advise you about treatment options, and then you can decide if you want it or not.

  26. Great website. I start using your start and stop technique and I started by needing to stop within three to four minutes even without lube. Now I am able to last 15 mins with lube. Over the last three weeks I have started using a flesh light. I can last close to 10 minutes without stopping but I need to be distracted by reading to last this long. If I try to use a flesh light without reading I last only 3 minutes or so and I read but stop reading I feel the urge to ejaculate within a few minutes after I stop reading. Based on this can you please give me your thoughts on why this is happening and also what issue may be causing premature ejaculation for me ? Is it anxiety that I need to work on? What should start doing to get passed the need to stay distracted to last longer?

    • Hi there
      I’m happy to hear you like the website. It’s great that you’ve managed to improve your stamina so much – well done! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with distracting yourself to further improve your time. However, maybe it would be good to find something you could also do during sex, as reading isn’t going to be an option! So you could try focusing your mind away from the penis and to other parts of the body and how they feel. A trick some guys use is to curl their toes while masturbating or having sex. That can take all your focus away from the sexual aspect.
      Then perhaps if you do that for a while, you can slowly work on not having any distraction at all. But for now, I wouldn’t worry too much – you’re heading in the right direction, so just keep practising.

  27. Hi Ethan

    While masturbating I ejaculate within 10-20 seconds. I am tensed about my situation. I tried stop-start technique, but though I stop masturbating the sperm comes out after a second or two.

    • Hi there
      If that happens, you need to stop even sooner. I think perhaps in your case then, it would be better to spend time just touching yourself lightly, and not even masturbating in an energetic way. Get used to the feeling of touch and stimulation, and then build up to masturbation.

  28. Hi Ethan. R here.
    So I tried the stop and go method because I had a really bad experience. (I eyaculated while masturbating my gf).
    I tried it the very same day that happened.
    In the process i had to stop 4 times in 20 minutes. The difference with your method is that i waited until my boner dissapeared.
    The next day i had sex, a quickly. I went 10 minutes with no urge to come. That night i tried the stop and go method and had to stop only once in 20 minutes.

    All I have to say is: thank you, really.


    • Hi R
      That’s fantastic! It’s pretty unusual for guys to have such instant results, though I have heard that it can happen in some cases. Perhaps just the knowledge that slowing things down is a good idea helped!

  29. Hi ethan..
    First of all thanks for being there to guide and help us all.
    I have a question below
    I am trying start and stop method from more then 3 weeks, when i try this method while standing i can only control for max 3 times( may be 2mins max) then ejaculate..but when i try this laying on my bed i can continue the process for even 35 mins…
    My question is why is this difference in standing and laying position.. ??what u think am i going good with practice??
    One thing to note isi never had sex till now 26 age……..
    And is it necessary to ejaculate after having start stop , because sometimes i slept while having this without ejaculating…
    Please reply to my mail id , i would be a great regard…

    • Hi omm
      It’s better to reply here, so other readers can benefit from any answers too.
      So, I think that perhaps it’s because you relax more when lying down. Standing makes you tighten more muscles, such as the stomach, legs and pelvic floor, which can lead to ejaculating sooner. It could also be more exciting for you, or perhaps because the increased blood flow to the penis from standing makes it more sensitive.
      You don’t have to ejaculate after practising the technique. It’s fine to keep it in if you want to.

  30. Hello Ethan its me again.
    I have a few question, but before that ill tell you my progress

    When the last time i comment on this post i keep continuing doing this method.
    i consistently last for 20++ minutes for 6 days. around that day i have a fever too for 3 days. but i feel relieved because fever did not influenced how long i last. although its a bit hard to concentrate because i always thinking to ejaculate soon so i can rest. then after that i stop doing this method for about a week to see if i can still maintain how long i last. after a week, i continue this method and i last for 20 minutes. but my p*nis got chaffed. i think the cause is because i use little lube because its the last drop of my lube. but its still hard to insert my p*nis to the realistic v*agina. so i add a little water so i can insert it easier.

    while i wait my p*nis to heal for around a week im buying another lube with different brand. after a week passed, i continue doing this method. but when i open the lube, the lube feels different. this lube is sticky, not too slippery as the one i have before but it is slippery enough to insert my p*nis to the realistic v*agina, and it dry fast after a few stroke. the good thing is i can feel more sensation. and the bad is because i feel more sensation i can only last 2 minutes, and my p*nis skin is chaffed again. my p*enis chaffed skin keep increasing up until now because its hard to stop doing this and wait for at least a week to heal. even when i can stop doing this for a week my skin still not fully healed yet. so when i doing this again, the skin will be chaffed again.
    because of this problem, i reduce the time i last to around 10 minutes to minimized the damage. but its a bad choice, because now i started to last under 20 minutes again.

    Here is my question

    1. how long does it takes for a chaffed penis to heal ?
    even after a week its still not fully healed yet

    2. do every lubricant different ?
    the one i use now is sticky and not slippery

    3. what does the pre-ejaculate fluid in the woman feels like ? how slippery and sticky it is ? does it is as slippery and sticky as a man pre-ejaculate fluid ?
    the lube i use now is very different compared to my pre-ejaculate fluid. but the lube i have before is almost the same as my pre-ejaculate fluid

    Sorry for my bad english
    Thank you very much

    • Hi there
      Ok, let’s see if I can answer your questions!

      1. I don’t know – it depends on different things. But what I do know is that it’s better to wait until it’s completely healed before continuing.

      2. Yes, all lubricants are different. I don’t like the stickier ones personally, for the same reason – they dry too quickly.

      3. It depends on the woman, and how turned on she is etc. But normally, once they are wet, they stay wet. I don’t know if it’s comparable to lubricant and a fake vagina. Not really, but obviously much closer than a dry hand. But yes, once women are turned on, their natural lubrication is quite slippy.

      My advice would be not to use the realistic vagina with water or dry. Only use it with good lubricant. And don’t worry about the time so much. If 10 mins is how long you last without causing yourself problems, just do that. Or sometimes use your hand and lubricant as that’s less likely to cause chafing.

      Hope that helps!

  31. Hi Ethan, thanks for the website. It is very helpful and easy to follow. The information is very relevant and addresses problems that most guys struggle to talk about with others.

    Can you please clarify…with the start and stop masterbation excercise in step 1, is the goal to go 15 – 20 mins without stopping or 15-20 mins with the stops included every 5 mins or so?

    • Hi
      Thanks for the compliment – I’m pleased to hear you found the website helpful. If you can go 15-20 mins without stopping, that’s amazing. But really, you will probably need to stop a few, or even many, times in the beginning. The goal is to one day be able to achieve that time with no stops.

      • When moving through each of the stages (no lube, with lube, with realistic vagina, to real partner) is it important to be able to last the 15mins before moving up to next stage

  32. My boyfriend does this but then he gets to the point where he can’t ejaculate at all. We have gone for 45 minutes to an hour and nothing. By that time I’m beginning to get sore and I’ve already had multiple orgasms so I just want him to wrap it up. We usually end up just calling a quits without him ever fully getting off…any ideas on how to fix this?

    • Hi Noelle
      I guess you just need to work out between you when is an acceptable time to go on for. If he’s controlling himself through the start and stop method, then tell him to let himself go sooner. There’s no need for him to keep pushing it if you’re feeling sore.

  33. Hello, Ethan,

    I messaged you a couple months back. I timed myself for 10 minutes and always took note of when I started and stopped so I can track my progress. I’ve definitely improved; however, I have one final question:
    If I completely stop masturbating, let’s say for X amount of months, will my endurance improve or remain the same?
    I find myself doing this and ejaculating before the 10 minute period bc I get too excited, then i get upset bc I’m not being consistent.
    Although I just stated the issue leading to my failure, I’m mainly concerned if no masturbation for a long period of time will improve endurance.

    Thanks in advanced,


    • Hi there
      It’s great to hear you’ve made progress! If you stop masturbating, it’s unlikely your endurance will stay high. I think masturbation itself helps guys remain used to stimulation. And I also think it’s good to keep practicing the technique, as it does seem that the endurance will slowly drop back down for many guys if they go back to fast masturbation.

  34. I’ve tried this method for a while and I feel like I’m not seeing the results I want. I got myself to around a minute of stimulation with no porn or lube and after that I just always feel the need to ejaculate. I feel like I’m always at an insanely high level of stimulation no matter what I do, the only way I can last longer is to barely stimulate it at all. I just don’t feel like I’m making any progress because of how sensitive I am, is there anything I can do?

    • Hi Thomas
      Some guys are just very physically sensitive, and will find methods like this more difficult. Have you ever tried a desensitizing product? You might find that it helps you. You could then try the technique using a delays spray or even just a normal condom for example. That way you can work out how much you need to reduce the physical sensitivity to last longer during sex.

  35. This is a very well described article, and I look forward to trying out, but I have a specific question.

    I don’t have a large penis, I’m maybe 6 inches and my current partner has pointed out that the best sensation for her is right before I climax, the “second last” thrust.

    Will prolonging my climax mean that this final sensation is longer? Or just later? IE: having more stamina/endurance might not be the best thing for me if it’s not enjoyable in the first place.

    • Hi Ross
      I’m glad you found the article useful. To be honest, I’m not sure what the effect might be if you prolong orgasm. I think some of the pleasure may be an emotional one, knowing you’re about to orgasm giving her pleasure. But also maybe because the penis swells before orgasm. Perhaps if you can prolong your orgasm and ride that pre-orgasm stage, it might be more intense for her. You’ll have to experiment!

  36. Hello Ethan
    First, thanks for sharing this method. Ive made so much improvement

    I have some question

    So ive been doing this for a month or more. when i first trying this method i only last around 2 minutes but after a few days or a week i can hold it for 20++ minutes

    Then i start adding lubricant
    well it goes back to around 2 minutes
    im a bit down but i keep doing it
    Then when i can hold it for 20++ minutes

    Then i add a realistic v*gina
    This time it goes back to around 5-10 minute. im happy that it doesnt goes back to 2 minutes.

    Then when i can already hold it for 20++ minutes i try adding a p*rn. well i only last for 2 minutes the first time. this is the hardest part. i keep failing to stop before climaxing because im to excited. then after a week or more. i force myself before climax, well i dit but i feel a bit angry but it pays. the next day i can hold for 3 minutes. then the next day i can last 5 minutes. then 8 minutes. then after a few days i can hold it for 15 minutes.

    then when i try switch to a new p*rn, it goes back to 2 minutes again. im very sad, how can this happen ?

    my question is :

    1. Why it goes back to 2 minutes when i switch to a new porn ? is it normal ?

    2. Since i came fast when switching to a new p*rn, is it normal to came fast when you sleep with a new partner ? ( i never had sex )

    3. if i already can hold it for 20 minutes, do i must keep doing this to keep my stamina ?

    sorry for my bad english

    • Hi there
      First of all, well done for such great progress! It’s nice to read about the exact progress a reader made from reading my article, so I really appreciate you taking the time to describe this.
      To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why you’d have such a dramatic fall in time when watching the new porn. I’m wondering if perhaps it’s because part of the reason you have trouble with your lasting time is psychological, like many men. Perhaps the mental excitement and novelty factor are having an effect. Maybe you could try watching it, but not allow yourself to fantasize too much about it. And to be honest, it might actually be better to not watch much porn if you’ve never had sex. It might be creating unrealistic expectations about what it will be like. I’d say you can probably keep practicing the technique, but just using your imagination most of the time. Perhaps occasionally watch porn just for some variety, but it’s not necessary.

      It’s impossible to say how you’ll do with a new partner. Hopefully your dedication will work out though – you just need to keep your mind in check as well as your body.

      In terms of keeping practicing, well that’s up to you. You might need to keep it up, or you might find you just have better control now. You need to keep an eye on things and see how you go.


      • Hello Ethan, Thanks for replying !
        Well i think youre right. the cause of the problem is im too excited. because i was thinking “oh i will do this with a new girl”, “oh im wonder what it will be like”, etc.
        Hmm i didnt know that i musnt watch p*rn too much while doing this method. i never watch hardcore p*rn like loud and excessive moan, extreme position, etc. because its a turn off and sounds unreal for me. i only like watching soft p*rn like, normal moan or etc, normal position, etc. is the soft p*rn i described counted too ?

        Yesterday im switching to another p*rn. but this time i last around 4-5 minutes ( i think i can last more, but since i must work so i become a bit anxious ). So i was in despair that time, then i just switch to another p*rn. then when im about to climax i was doing kegel. but this time is different. since i was in despair, i push so hard ( i didnt know how to explain it in english, but its like i clench so hard down there, maybe its like straining doing bowel movement but its not straining or maybe its like holding your pee, but i holding it so hard this time ). then the feels to ejaculate is lessen. i didnt know that i was doing it wrong all the time.

        Yes i hope my hard work will pays, thanks Ethan !

        Well i think ill try to stop for a week then a month to see if i can keep it after i can stabilize doing this method for around 20 minutes.
        I hope i can post it about my result.

        Thanks Ethan.

        • Hi there
          You’re very welcome. I’m glad you found my answer helpful.
          To be honest, there’s no rule about using porn or not. So it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. I just think maybe in your case it might be beneficial to have a break – from hardcore and softer stuff! Like you say, try for a week and see what happens.